First (Christian) Names

[SarahBell]

[rant]

Probably accentuated by the fact that I do not use my first name (I use the middle one), I have a bee in my bonnet about companies and organisations insisting on addressing complete strangers by their first name. NHS is a prime offender, complete stranger, younger than your youngest child, looks at your notes and says "hello Bruce, what can I do for you today".

It used to be that one waited for someone, particularly someone much older, to say "call me John", or whatever, but these days companies and organisations seem to, by default, address their customers by their first name, which in my case is not a name I use.

[/rant]

"Please call me Mr Banner."

[GinAndPlatonic]

I like the saying: "If you're not a progressive at 20 you have no heart, but if you're not a conservative by 40 you have no brain."

has a better ring to it too.

[Riedquat]

Yep much less 'formal' situations these days. Whether thats good or bad I don't know.

I think that there's a sweet spot somewhere. Looking at the past there seem to be all sorts of situations where things look absurdly over-formal to me. Once you'd have only called relatives or very, very close friends by their first names, children expected to call their father "sir". That (to me) feels like going far too far in the other direction.

I think that what's important is that there is some means of distinction, to acknowledge that not all situations are personal. Precisely where those boundaries lie, and how they're exhibited, is rather more arbitrary.

[Riedquat]

I like the saying: "If you're not a progressive at 20 you have no heart, but if you're not a conservative by 40 you have no brain."

So at 20 you see the problems, and by 40 you see that the solutions make things even worse (just to put my cheery spin on it).

[Mrs Bear]

One I had yesterday was "Hello Geoff (all sweet & coy) I`m calling from ***** fuel cards" I just placed the phone down still on, and walked away. She was trying to sound like my very best friend and I didnt even know her...

What I really hate is when they don't just use your Christian name, they keep inserting it every half sentence, because some wretched psycho-babble-ologist has told them it's friendly and intimate, and will make you warm towards them and thus more receptive and likely to buy whatever it is they're trying to flog you.

Precisely the reverse in my case.

Mind you since registering with the TPS we get very few unsolicited sales calls any more.

My elderly mother didn't like her Christian name anyway, and particularly disliked anyone she didn't know using it. When taking her for any appointments I had to tell them to call her Mrs X. And not to refer to her as 'mum' when speaking about her to me, over her head. So many so-called professionals do it - they can't even say 'your mum' or 'your mother', let alone the person's name. I suppose again they've been told it's 'friendlier'.

To me it's just plain disrespectful.

[CunningPlan]

What I really hate is when they don't just use your Christian name, they keep inserting it every half sentence, because some wretched psycho-babble-ologist has told them it's friendly and intimate, and will make you warm towards them and thus more receptive and likely to buy whatever it is they're trying to flog you.

Precisely the reverse in my case.

Mind you since registering with the TPS we get very few unsolicited sales calls any more.

My elderly mother didn't like her Christian name anyway, and particularly disliked anyone she didn't know using it. When taking her for any appointments I had to tell them to call her Mrs X. And not to refer to her as 'mum' when speaking about her to me, over her head. So many so-called professionals do it - they can't even say 'your mum' or 'your mother', let alone the person's name. I suppose again they've been told it's 'friendlier'.

To me it's just plain disrespectful.

That sounds like my grandmother. I think her name was Wiliemena but it was never, ever spoken. Even her neighbour of 20 years called her Mrs XYZ In fact, I don't think it was even used at her funeral. Respect..

[Hail the Tripod]

I like the saying that students swap the Red Flag for the Blue carpet slippers.

"Blue carpet slippers" makes me think of Celsea FC rather than small c conservatism.

[MrPin]

If you happen to work with Indian IT support staff you can get the best of both Worlds. Mr AND your first name !! Fantastic.

And no before anyone says this is racist it certainly isn't - its very common. I find it amusing though - no point getting bothered by it.

It is the Indian way. I think it rather polite.

[winkie]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97aB71F-430

Dick Emery Show....those days are gone now.....

[Mrs Bear]

It is the Indian way. I think it rather polite.

Not just Indians. We lived for ages on construction camps with a lot of Greek Cypriots, and were regularly called Mrs Agnes and Mr Cuthbert.

(OK, not our real names)

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

Not just Indians. We lived for ages on construction camps with a lot of Greek Cypriots, and were regularly called Mrs Agnes and Mr Cuthbert.

(OK, not our real names)

That is their social convention, the language has formal and casual versions of things, unlike English.

For all you guys moaning, it is you who shaped the society you now detest.

So tough ******ing titties

[libspero]

Goodness. We actually have something in common.

Another here who "goes by" their middle name.

Though I've never really had any problem because of it. At work most people probably don't even know that it isn't my first name.

I'm very up front and employers are usually very accommodating.

In a way it's a good filter. Any mail/email/phone calls starting with "hello First-Name" can immediately be sorted into the category of formal documents or junk mail.

[Riedquat]

Another here who "goes by" their middle name.

I have an uncle who does (from birth apparently, I've never found out why it wasn't his first name). I was probably about 10 before I found out that the name everyone called my grandpa wasn't his real one but a nickname whose origins was lost in time but had stuck so firmly no-one ever thought about it. The only person I ever heard call him by his real name was his cousin, the only person still around that I met who knew him before that name stuck.

[porca misèria]

And you never see the term 'Mr' or 'Mrs' on that.

I blame the feminists for that one. There's no title you can call a female stranger without some risk of causing offence. Unless perhaps the context allows you to try something like "Dr" that is at least complimentary if it's not correct.

I like the saying: "If you're not a progressive at 20 you have no heart, but if you're not a conservative by 40 you have no brain."

ObQuibble: I don't think those were the actual words used.

Maybe that made sense back in the swinging 60s. It clearly didn't for my generation, who saw the socialists comprehensively run out of other people's money in our time but before hitting 20.

[Riedquat]

Maybe that made sense back in the swinging 60s. It clearly didn't for my generation, who saw the socialists comprehensively run out of other people's money in our time but before hitting 20.

You've got a choice of seeing a society being screwed over by the state spending other people's money or the rich diverting it to themselves and spending it. Same effect.

[Bruce Banner]

Another here who "goes by" their middle name.

Though I've never really had any problem because of it. At work most people probably don't even know that it isn't my first name.

I'm very up front and employers are usually very accommodating.

In a way it's a good filter. Any mail/email/phone calls starting with "hello First-Name" can immediately be sorted into the category of formal documents or junk mail.

No problem here either and you are correct that it is a good filter.

It does however make it a bit long-winded when people say "Can I call you Bruce" as I have to explain that if they do I won't know who they're talking to, as I've never been called by my first name. So I give them the option of Mr Banner, or if they really must, John (not my name either).

[porca misèria]

You've got a choice of seeing a society being screwed over by the state spending other people's money or the rich diverting it to themselves and spending it. Same effect.

Yeah, but anyone on minimum wage is "the rich" now, compared to the 1970s.

That era truly demonstrated the Laffer curve: they taxed incomes at up to 98%, and the tax take collapsed. Taxes had come down a long way by the time I reached the age to pay them, but the percentage of £6660 I paid in 1983 would require me to earn over £80k at today's rates.

[DTMark]

People like to sell you things. To sell you things they have to get closer to you and gain trust. The most logical way of doing that is to call you by your first name. I'd find it really odd to be called by my surname. Maybe at a hospital or in a courtroom perhaps.

[Bruce Banner]

People like to sell you things. To sell you things they have to get closer to you and gain trust. The most logical way of doing that is to call you by your first name. I'd find it really odd to be called by my surname. Maybe at a hospital or in a courtroom perhaps.

Yes, people like to sell you things and to sell you things it helps to get closer to you and gain trust. Therefore, it is logical that they should address you in the manner that you wish to be addressed and the art of being a good salesman is to know what that is.

[winkie]

If I don't know them, my name is Frances Duck.

[libspero]

Yes, people like to sell you things and to sell you things it helps to get closer to you and gain trust. Therefore, it is logical that they should address you in the manner that you wish to be addressed and the art of being a good salesman is to know what that is.

Being in a sales/support role I agree it is a bit of a nightmare.

I prefer to be casual but polite, though I ere on the side of caution because you are never quite sure what people expect and no two people are the same.

If I am contacting someone for the first time by phone I usually use the full name, it's safer than using just first or last.

First contact by email is usually more formal but I might use a first name if it was someone I knew through a third party.

After that I tend to use whatever they use. If they call me Mr Spero, I reply in kind. Likewise if they call me Libs.

For me in sales I want to be as vanilla and inoffensive as possible. That's not from a book, that's just trying to keep everyone happy.. Which is what a lot of the sales role seems to be

[Battenberg]

Like your title Mr BB. I got taken down in flames once on a forum for using the term christian name rather than first name. How dare I use such as a term as naturally not everyone was a christian.

It was in relation to the fact that I found it very difficult to call teachers, away from the ears of the children, by their first name. It was our local, christian school, that was small and personal and yet I still felt like a small child when speaking with my children's teachers.

Anyways, I'm not a fan of anyone using my full first name, only the shortened version. My full name is reserved for use by my parents when being told off for something.

My parents are of an era where they would still be referred to as Mr or Mrs and even at 40 odd, I couldn't imagine myself introducing them to friends using their first names.... how odd is that?

Also, I don't like Mr B being referred to as my partner. He's my husband.

[libspero]

I have an uncle who does (from birth apparently, I've never found out why it wasn't his first name). I was probably about 10 before I found out that the name everyone called my grandpa wasn't his real one but a nickname whose origins was lost in time but had stuck so firmly no-one ever thought about it. The only person I ever heard call him by his real name was his cousin, the only person still around that I met who knew him before that name stuck.

Sometimes it's a family name.

eg, fifteen generations have been called Bernard. You don't want to break tradition but don't like the name that much (or for differentiation between other family members) so you call them Bernard but use their middle name instead.

[porca misèria]

Sometimes it's a family name.

eg, fifteen generations have been called Bernard. You don't want to break tradition but don't like the name that much (or for differentiation between other family members) so you call them Bernard but use their middle name instead.

Jeffrey?

[Scunnered]

If your first name is the same as your surname then the problem goes away to some extent. I changed my name to Humbert Humbert for this very reason.