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Mrs Bear

Moment Of Death Question

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Apologies in advance, but just wondered whether anyone here might know. I have googled to no avail and asked a family member who qualified as a doctor but he hasn't practised for decades, and he said he didn't know.

I was with my mother when she died in the summer - she was 97 with very advanced dementia and had gone downhill extremely quickly.

She was apparently unconscious, completely unresponsive to speech or touch, and had been for over 24 hours. We knew the end was probably close, since her hands and feet had gone blue.

Suddenly she opened her eyes wide and seemed to be staring at something, and her mouth opened wide once or twice. But then her face contorted most horribly, as if she was in terrible pain. It lasted only a few seconds, and then her face relaxed and she was gone, but it was awful to see. I didn't tell any of my siblings at the time, since it was so upsetting. It's still haunting me and I've never heard of this from anyone else.

I can't help wondering what caused it - could it have been a heart attack? Could anything have been done to prevent it?

I suppose I could ask my GP but touch wood I am fortunate in hardly ever needing to go, and wouldn't like to make an appt. just to ask that.

Sorry again for raising anything so gruesome here.

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I imagine that is a bit scary. Death is only fascinating to 17 year old Goths! :huh: BTW I keep getting an email about vacancies in the "Funeral Director" business. I believe I have the face for it, and am used to driving large estate cars rather slowly.

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The same happened with my mum. She'd been unconscious for a couple of days. Organ failure sets in prior to death and the lungs fill with fluid. Eventually the heart stops and that's when some seem to wake up, eyes wide open.

It is disturbing, probably more so for the relatives.

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The same happened with my mum. She'd been unconscious for a couple of days. Organ failure sets in prior to death and the lungs fill with fluid. Eventually the heart stops and that's when some seem to wake up, eyes wide open.

It is disturbing, probably more so for the relatives.

I guess I have this joyful experience to come. I will probably see my mum at Christmas. I saw her last Xmas, and she wasn't looking good. A few months later, she was up and about and looking much better. Still she is getting old!

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Apologies in advance, but just wondered whether anyone here might know. I have googled to no avail and asked a family member who qualified as a doctor but he hasn't practised for decades, and he said he didn't know.

I was with my mother when she died in the summer - she was 97 with very advanced dementia and had gone downhill extremely quickly.

She was apparently unconscious, completely unresponsive to speech or touch, and had been for over 24 hours. We knew the end was probably close, since her hands and feet had gone blue.

Suddenly she opened her eyes wide and seemed to be staring at something, and her mouth opened wide once or twice. But then her face contorted most horribly, as if she was in terrible pain. It lasted only a few seconds, and then her face relaxed and she was gone, but it was awful to see. I didn't tell any of my siblings at the time, since it was so upsetting. It's still haunting me and I've never heard of this from anyone else.

I can't help wondering what caused it - could it have been a heart attack? Could anything have been done to prevent it?

I suppose I could ask my GP but touch wood I am fortunate in hardly ever needing to go, and wouldn't like to make an appt. just to ask that.

Sorry again for raising anything so gruesome here.

Well whatever it was, it seems thankfully quick.

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Not something to worry about IMO.

And mr Pin I`d be up for that.....though keeping a straight face may be difficult.

Not sure funerals are fun. They are funny though! I remember my aunt's smoke darkening the skies of Richmond! It's probably her first ride in a Daimler!

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Suddenly she opened her eyes wide and seemed to be staring at something, and her mouth opened wide once or twice. But then her face contorted most horribly, as if she was in terrible pain. It lasted only a few seconds, and then her face relaxed and she was gone, but it was awful to see. I didn't tell any of my siblings at the time, since it was so upsetting. It's still haunting me and I've never heard of this from anyone else.

There is talk of neurons firing rapidly in the brain, a kind of chemical induced brain storm, at the point of death. Maybe that has something to do with it? Hence the talk of lights at ends of tunnels from people who have come back.

I'm sure it was upsetting. Hopefully time heals all wounds.

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Apologies in advance, but just wondered whether anyone here might know. I have googled to no avail and asked a family member who qualified as a doctor but he hasn't practised for decades, and he said he didn't know.

I was with my mother when she died in the summer - she was 97 with very advanced dementia and had gone downhill extremely quickly.

She was apparently unconscious, completely unresponsive to speech or touch, and had been for over 24 hours. We knew the end was probably close, since her hands and feet had gone blue.

Suddenly she opened her eyes wide and seemed to be staring at something, and her mouth opened wide once or twice. But then her face contorted most horribly, as if she was in terrible pain. It lasted only a few seconds, and then her face relaxed and she was gone, but it was awful to see. I didn't tell any of my siblings at the time, since it was so upsetting. It's still haunting me and I've never heard of this from anyone else.

I can't help wondering what caused it - could it have been a heart attack? Could anything have been done to prevent it?

I suppose I could ask my GP but touch wood I am fortunate in hardly ever needing to go, and wouldn't like to make an appt. just to ask that.

Sorry again for raising anything so gruesome here.

I can't explain what happened, however, the memory of it will fade in time and be replaced by memories of your mother in happier times.

After my father died, I was haunted by a moment of clarity he had in the depths of Alzheimer's. He gripped my arm and said, through gritted teeth: "I hate this. Do something ". It obviously cost him great mental effort to get the words out; they were the first lucid words he'd said in over eight months. Although the memory of this incident is still with me seven years on, it is not now the first memory I have when thinking of Dad. It took around two years for this to happen. I still feel guilty that I wasn't able to help him end the suffering he so obviously went through.

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Not so much a moment of death but I always remember my Gran suddenly started telling everyone that 'she didn't have long left'... despite only being 70 and in perfectly good health, a couple of weeks later she died of a massive heart attack despite no previous heart problems.

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There is talk of neurons firing rapidly in the brain, a kind of chemical induced brain storm, at the point of death. Maybe that has something to do with it? Hence the talk of lights at ends of tunnels from people who have come back.

I'm sure it was upsetting. Hopefully time heals all wounds.

Lights at end of tunnels was said, after research (on themselves) by some docs and medical students at King's, to be caused by oxygen starvation.

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Well, The wife and I were there when my mum died. She was breathing faster the whole day before so I warned my brothers and sisters to be there. Cant really blame for missing what can be a horrific experience but they had excuses ....it often happens late at night.

Anyway I had to stop my wife from letting nature take its course but It went as well as could be expected.

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I don't have personal experience of this, but I remember reading an article describing the experiences of a palliative care nurse.

In a nutshell, she was saying that death is nothing like the version that gets shown in films and TV shows. There aren't any poignant last words and it's often not a peaceful "slipping away". The body's reaction to something trying to stop it living is to try harder to keep living. So the reality of death is often an undignified struggle between the body's own processes and whatever condition is taking the person's life from them.

That's not at all pleasant for anyone involved. Sorry you had to see it.

My own father passed away this summer in the early hours. I was sad that I wasn't able to be with him, but if I had been, I may well be wishing that I hadn't.

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My own father passed away this summer in the early hours. I was sad that I wasn't able to be with him, but if I had been, I may well be wishing that I hadn't.

I don't feel sad about not being there when my dad died. I had seen him a few days before looking uncomfortable with his legs shifting and sliding in bed. I assumed it was in pain - but apparently it's a sign death is on it's way. Which we knew anyway.

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Its not always like that, I was with my father when he died earlier this year, probably two hours before he got out of bed (had been bedridden), almost threw my brother across the hospital ward and announced he was going home, thats when I got called to go help calm him down, however when we explained he couldnt go home he got back into bed and calmed down.

And the only way i could describe things is he got calmer and calmer and his breathing got slower and slower until he just sort of .... stopped (If that makes sense)

So the actual event was quite peaceful i think (obviously im aware that could be my brain making me interpret it that way)

Still wasnt any sort of fun, but for maybe 5-10 mins before his breathing etc got so slow that the pauses between got so long we would be looking at each other going "has he gone?" as you really couldnt tell, then he would breathe in again

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As I understand our hearing is one of the last senses to go.... just because you saw her looking like she was in pain, doesn't mean she actually was, it could be her muscles relaxing then contracting, her nervous system winding down......she is at peace now and would not want you worrying about her last days and final hours......the reality is we all face death, death is something we all grow closer to each day.... ;)

yesterday-is-history-tomorrow-is-a-myste

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My mother died of cancer, she was deeply unconscious for about 2 days, then started the Cheyne Stokes breathing which gradually got longer between breaths and stopped. Nothing more.

My wife died of a heart attack, she was on the machines for 3 days, apparently breathing, heart beating and continual rapid eye movements although the lids were closed.

Her breathing and heart beats were driven by machine. After 3 days they took her off the machines. She lived for about 10 minutes, getting bluer and bluer, her breathing stopped, but I could see that the heart monitor showed that her heart was beating, but only for a minute, then the incredible dark blue that she had turned, faded quickly to white. Not only myself, but my son, daughter and son in law were present. We did not find it at all distressful, and the moment she died, I cannot describe it, but we agreed, it was as if a gale of calm and peace blew through the ward, although there was no wind.

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In my mother's last year, I would visit her every few weeks (she had advanced Alzheimer's) and was very old. She didn't really know who I was, and towards the end was hardly aware that anyone was there.

But I always made a point, when parting, of telling her 'I love you', as I knew, sooner or later, they would be my last words to her.

Probably more for my comfort than hers, but I am glad I did this.

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Some very moving stuff here. I admire the bravery involved in sharing such personal things, and it's nice that we can share it somewhere like this.

I've been fortunate enough not to lose a close loved one yet; but my mum told me years ago that seeing the bodies of her parents was comforting, as even though it was flesh and bone it was as if the person that they were had 'left' the looks on their faces weren't the same as they would have been alive but asleep.

My father was with his own father as he passed away, and said that experiencing the moment of death was the nearest he ever came to being religious; it was as if he could sense the 'soul' leaving his dad.

I saw my grandmother in the final days of terminal cancer, and it was as convincing an argument as I've ever seen for giving people a 'right to die'. It wasn't pretty, and wasn't fair to put her through it.

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Its not always like that, I was with my father when he died earlier this year, probably two hours before he got out of bed (had been bedridden), almost threw my brother across the hospital ward and announced he was going home, thats when I got called to go help calm him down, however when we explained he couldnt go home he got back into bed and calmed down.

And the only way i could describe things is he got calmer and calmer and his breathing got slower and slower until he just sort of .... stopped (If that makes sense)

So the actual event was quite peaceful i think (obviously im aware that could be my brain making me interpret it that way)

Still wasnt any sort of fun, but for maybe 5-10 mins before his breathing etc got so slow that the pauses between got so long we would be looking at each other going "has he gone?" as you really couldnt tell, then he would breathe in again

That's what I was expecting - for the breathing to get more spaced out, until it finally stopped.

I just wasn't prepared for the awful contorted face - it was honestly like something from a horror film.

Anyway, , I'm glad it was me there, and not a sibling who I think would have found it even more upsetting than I did. We had been taking turns for over 24 hours to sit with her.

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In my mother's last year, I would visit her every few weeks (she had advanced Alzheimer's) and was very old. She didn't really know who I was, and towards the end was hardly aware that anyone was there.

But I always made a point, when parting, of telling her 'I love you', as I knew, sooner or later, they would be my last words to her.

Probably more for my comfort than hers, but I am glad I did this.

I feel I have this to come! :rolleyes::o

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Lights at end of tunnels was said, after research (on themselves) by some docs and medical students at King's, to be caused by oxygen starvation.

kinky sex?

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This is a job for either Lewis Gordon Pugh or...the man who literally knows everything, we all know who he is. (but don't expect any sense from the Pin, he'll just end up talking about himself :rolleyes: )

Nonsense Jesus. :wacko:

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