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justthisbloke

Relationship Advice Sought - Becoming A Househusband

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I'm about to go through a significant life change, and of course, HPC Off Topic just has to be the go-to place for marital guidance!

So. I've quit work. Been bored for a couple of years now and a couple of aspects (people!) of a recent reorganisation were the last straw. So, I'm out. No more deadlines, meetings, or shit office coffee. And no more deadlines. Instead, I will buy a hammock, do some gardening and "I will deal in no unit of time shorter than a season". I may also do a bit of cycling (that weeks-long trans-Europe tour I've been idly planning for years). Or some sailing (anyone fancy joining me for a circumnavigation of the UK?).

But.

I'm married, you see. I have a lovely wife and we've been together over a quarter of a century. She may well be the polar opposite of a DOSB (Deluded Old Scrapper Bird) but I'm still a bit worried about how it's all going to pan out. I've always worked - and earned good money - and she's variously (and sometimes simultaneously) worked, done degrees, and raised children. Currently, she works and likes it. But this is going to be a major change and I'm a little bit nervous - as I like the way things are with us.

Oh yeah. Money. My FIRE-Power yields sufficient divis to match her earnings. But. If we're to stay living where we are and not downsize then we need her to stay working at least part time for the next 5 years.

She says she's happy with all this. But, "no battle plan survives first contact with the enemy" etc.

So, advice please. What do I need to do / not do? I realise I'm going to have to learn how the cooker and washing machine work!

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Can you pick and choose and do work now and then when you fancy it ?

Maybe a good compromise.

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Doing the housework is a doddle compared to having a job, and it all takes place in a warm dry place full of things you like. My wife, who still works, rapidly adapted to living in a self cleaning house where freshly laundered clothes just manifest themselves in the airing cupboard. She doesn't seem to miss cooking every day at all.

We were a bit uncertain when I retired, but it has been fine.

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C*ck-lock?

You need to do some googling on how women can lose respect for house-husbands. They start off enthusiastically about the idea but somewhere in the female subconcious they begin to think that their MAN has been neutered... and can often go off looking for a 'real' man.

Be warned. I am not saying that this is going to happen with you.... but it probably will... so best of luck.

:)

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Sounds ideal. You can watch videos all day and build a train set.

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"For better or for worse, but never for lunch" is the old saying.

I think the issue is going to be maintaining motivation. A while back I took 6 months off. The first month was a frenzy of doing absolutely everything that I had been unable to do before. I probably worked harder that I did at work. Then i calmed down. By the of the 6 months, I was fairly horizontal - couldn't be ar5ed, needed to go back to work, and snapped back into it almost instantly.

Housework is dull and pointless and if the missus is working then you have to do it all.

Do some occasional contracting stints, even if in a different business.

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Can you pick and choose and do work now and then when you fancy it ?

Maybe a good compromise.

i wholeheartedly agree.

depending on your line of work, going on freelance/consultancy basis will allow you to pick and choose your workload a bit, plus give you a bit of income when you need it.

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I want all the socks, and bed sheets Ironed.

(yeah, who's going to SEE IT?, Don't be tempted to be too house proud, it's a waste of electricity).

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See no problem at all, if you don't like housework employ a cleaner......but you will have to find something you like to do.....get out there and do something completely different, something you never before had the time to do.

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Maybe you need to sell it as taking time out now to work out your plan for the future will mean more happiness and probably more money if you are happier with what you are doing. Suggest she can do the same in future.

My brother matches you exactly, he started his "garden leave" in March but I think he has an end of the year deadline.

:lol:

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I get the thing about your wife seeing you differently when you're not working, and it is a potential problem, but it can be made to work.

A guy I used to work with gave up work to become a house husband when he had kids on the basis that he ran his own business and the income was insecure, and his wife earned a shed load in much more secure employment. I worked with him after the kids had grown up and he'd gone back to work. He was positive about the experience.

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I don`t talk to the wife if I can help it.....I envy you with your good relationship but silence is now my way. She`d like me to talk but I don`t need to.,,,It`s the senseless arguments I don`t want.

Haven`t worked for 2.5 years whereas the wife works 12.5 hours and is going quickly round the bend. Her long chats with friends will cure her of her angst...can`t see it happening myself though.

How do I feel ? Pretty damn good! For the first time in life I feel really free.

The washing machine? Turn a knob until it gets to six and then push a button .A man could do it.

I`ll be buying a new Suzuki in March (new model coming out....sv 650)

Going back to my roots.

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No advice here, at 25 years married you've probably got a lot more life experience than most here ... but I'd like to say good luck :)

I stumbled across this blog the other week, and it holds some relevance to your situation. http://livingafi.com/

This post especially: http://livingafi.com/2015/07/25/three-months-of-early-retirement/

He hated work and managed to retire early (through FIRE). His rambling style may not be for everyone, but it's addictive reading. His career history posts are mammoth, but I found myself reading one after the other, could easily have been me.

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C*ck-lock?

You need to do some googling on how women can lose respect for house-husbands. They start off enthusiastically about the idea but somewhere in the female subconcious they begin to think that their MAN has been neutered... and can often go off looking for a 'real' man.

Be warned. I am not saying that this is going to happen with you.... but it probably will... so best of luck.

:)

Happened to the bloke next door. He was put in charge of a company wide reorganisation and removed his own job. His wife then had an affair with a bloke from her work and left him. He looks very miserable these days, plus doesn't have a job so mopes around the garden all day. His wife told me she couldn't really explain it but finding her husband at home all day made her feel like she was living with a burd and she lost all attraction for him. Towards the end of her relationship she was actually having men stay at the family home to service her.

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I don`t talk to the wife if I can help it.....I envy you with your good relationship but silence is now my way. She`d like me to talk but I don`t need to.,,,It`s the senseless arguments I don`t want.

Haven`t worked for 2.5 years whereas the wife works 12.5 hours and is going quickly round the bend. Her long chats with friends will cure her of her angst...can`t see it happening myself though.

How do I feel ? Pretty damn good! For the first time in life I feel really free.

The washing machine? Turn a knob until it gets to six and then push a button .A man could do it.

I`ll be buying a new Suzuki in March (new model coming out....sv 650)

Going back to my roots.

SV650 is approved of, in PinWorld. :huh: Not seen the new model, but they are pretty solid mechanically.

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Hello Mr pin....

Yes it`s on Suzuki`s website (Suzuki motorcycles uk)

If has 2 plugs per cylinder (like an Alfa) plus it has café racer styling IMO.

According to MCN it should sell for 5,200!

BTW.....`love` is not what men do.....it`s a woman`s whole life.

Mope around the garden?" Bugger that...!

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C*ck-lock?

You need to do some googling on how women can lose respect for house-husbands. They start off enthusiastically about the idea but somewhere in the female subconcious they begin to think that their MAN has been neutered... and can often go off looking for a 'real' man.

Be warned. I am not saying that this is going to happen with you.... but it probably will... so best of luck.

:)

So he gets to stop working, lounge about all day AND doesn't even have to ****** his wife anymore ?

Home run.

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Get yourself something useful to do. If you have the financial security not to work for money, you can become one of those people who does useful things in society that also give you pleasure and satisfaction. Find yourself a niche you're going to enjoy while also making yourself really useful.

That is of course for the time you're not indulging in those dream holidays ... your cycling and sailing. You probably don't want to spend November on the high seas, and it's too dark for long-distance cycling to be much fun.

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I've been married for over 25 years. I've spent much of the last 15 years unemployed, under-employed, self-employed. Meanwhile my wife has carved out a career. On several occasions over the last 15 years, my wife has said we have the best relationship of anyone she knows.

I'm not sure how the washing machine works.

I try to keep the place tidy, but I do go along with the view, that you shouldn't turn into some sort of bird.

In my view, what women appreciate, (well my one anyway) Is a happy smiley face in the mornings and evenings, a good sense of humour, a willingness to listen to their troubles and a welcoming hug when they come in through the door after work.

Then you can leave them in front of the telly with a bottle of wine and get on with important stuff - like playing computer games or arguing on the internet.

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I've been married for over 25 years. I've spent much of the last 15 years unemployed, under-employed, self-employed. Meanwhile my wife has carved out a career. On several occasions over the last 15 years, my wife has said we have the best relationship of anyone she knows.

I'm not sure how the washing machine works.

I try to keep the place tidy, but I do go along with the view, that you shouldn't turn into some sort of bird.

In my view, what women appreciate, (well my one anyway) Is a happy smiley face in the mornings and evenings, a good sense of humour, a willingness to listen to their troubles and a welcoming hug when they come in through the door after work.

Then you can leave them in front of the telly with a bottle of wine and get on with important stuff - like playing computer games or arguing on the internet.

She sounds like a keeper - and if she also has huge cans - an 11 out of 10 !!

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You can look for work you enjoy, on a strictly p/t or occasional basis. If you have insight into financial planning, why not take some financial advisor quals?

Maybe I'm off the mark, but being in general fields I enjoy now, makes me wonder why on earth someone would totally quit work. Reduced hours, yeah, but completely quit?

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C*ck-lock?

You need to do some googling on how women can lose respect for house-husbands. They start off enthusiastically about the idea but somewhere in the female subconcious they begin to think that their MAN has been neutered... and can often go off looking for a 'real' man.

Be warned. I am not saying that this is going to happen with you.... but it probably will... so best of luck.

:)

Hmm.

One thing I'm fighting is my own thoughts that I'm neutering myself. A bloodless self-castration. Sad that I've subconsciously twinned masculinity with sitting in a beige office for 40 hours a week.

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Happened to the bloke next door. He was put in charge of a company wide reorganisation and removed his own job. His wife then had an affair with a bloke from her work and left him. He looks very miserable these days, plus doesn't have a job so mopes around the garden all day. His wife told me she couldn't really explain it but finding her husband at home all day made her feel like she was living with a burd and she lost all attraction for him. Towards the end of her relationship she was actually having men stay at the family home to service her.

Blinking flip!

This touches on the problem aspect that I can see: she has to work for the next five years.

She will resent this. Part of your attraction is your wealth and the freedom that this affords her to chop and change jobs and do degrees.

You are now taking that away and putting her back into the single woman / married man position of having to work.

And your view of work and how much you enjoy it is hugely shaped by whether you think that you are doing it because you have to or because you want to.

So she will now have to transition between the two and the contrast to your cheerily enthusing about how great your twenty mile bike ride in the sunshine was will be stark and unsettle her.

I would advise against packing in work entirely whilst she still has to work; however attractive that surely seems at the moment.

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