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NEWSFLASH.... Oil depot explosion hit in the early hours of Sunday morning

Buncefield oil depot, Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ..The blast decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa''s were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

3 Counties Radio (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Hemel apart from the local punch ups at Jarman Park at closing time!

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying "What the F*ck was that?" My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning...

Apparently though, looting, muggings, spraying graffiti and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

* Fila or Burberry baseball caps

* Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

* Shell suits (female)

* White sport socks

* Rockport boots

* Any Garments by Donnay

* Any other items usually sold in Primark.

* Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

* Required foodstuffs include:

* Microwave meals

* Tins of baked beans

* Ice cream

* Pork Scratchings

* Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppys for a family of 9

Breaking news Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - ''Where are you bleeding from?'' they asked - "HEMEL HEMPSTEAD" said the girl, "Woss that faaacken got to do wiv you?"

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Apparently the explosion was caused when, in a secret operation, it was decided to cremate Geroge Best in Hemel Hempstead instead of risking the flight to Northern Ireland. Scientists had underestimated the residual alchohol remaining in his body.

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The blast decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Surely the blast caused £30 million worth of improvements?

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Apparently the explosion was caused when, in a secret operation, it was decided to cremate Geroge Best in Hemel Hempstead instead of risking the flight to Northern Ireland. Scientists had underestimated the residual alchohol remaining in his body.

anybody heard about the beatles splitting up? :lol:

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NEWSFLASH.... Oil depot explosion hit in the early hours of Sunday morning

Buncefield oil depot, Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ..The blast decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

I remember first seeing this email during the Dudley earthquake a couple of years back.* Since then it's reappeared whenever there's been some kind of natural disaster in the UK e.g. the Birmingham tornado. It is pretty funny and I always enjoy reading the regional variations that get incorporated e.g. in the Welsh version stunned survivors went around saying "Can't fault it though but" or something like that.

*Possibly predates it though. Anyone got any earlier examples?

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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