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Solitaire

Thoughts Please

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Searching for something on the internet yesterday I came across this site

http://www.findagrave.com/index.html

and was confronted with a photo of my family grave where my parents, sister and brother are laid with the brother I lost late last year yet to be interred.

I was quite shocked to see it as it's a private monument of my immediate family and my sister and I are of course deeply saddened at losing our siblings at such young ages.

I know that all sorts of records are being uploaded these days but I think this maybe goes a step too far.

Perhaps there should be some sort of period of grace where recent burials shouldn't be added to the site for, I don't know, maybe 50 years or something?

I can see the usefulness of it if people are researching family history but do feel it's a violation of privacy and could cause uneccessary distress in terms of the recent past.

Looking into things a bit further I found another site http://www.gravestonephotos.com/index.php?from=/index.php?&r=1&width=1344&browser=1134 that will be uploading a photo as well.

Maybe there are photos of some HPCers family graves that they didn't know about so sorry if you find it upsetting but I was wondering what peoples thoughts are about this?

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Searching for something on the internet yesterday I came across this site

http://www.findagrave.com/index.html

and was confronted with a photo of my family grave where my parents, sister and brother are laid with the brother I lost late last year yet to be interred.

I was quite shocked to see it as it's a private monument of my immediate family and my sister and I are of course deeply saddened at losing our siblings at such young ages.

I know that all sorts of records are being uploaded these days but I think this maybe goes a step too far.

Perhaps there should be some sort of period of grace where recent burials shouldn't be added to the site for, I don't know, maybe 50 years or something?

I can see the usefulness of it if people are researching family history but do feel it's a violation of privacy and could cause uneccessary distress in terms of the recent past.

Looking into things a bit further I found another site http://www.gravestonephotos.com/index.php?from=/index.php?&r=1&width=1344&browser=1134 that will be uploading a photo as well.

Maybe there are photos of some HPCers family graves that they didn't know about so sorry if you find it upsetting but I was wondering what peoples thoughts are about this?

Cemeteries are public places. I regard Memorial inscriptions as celebrations of the people interred.

I have done a lot of family history research, and have on occasion found findagrave useful, and I am grateful to the volunteers who post the information and images online.

I have found out about long-forgotten ancestors, and in the case of the commonwealth graves commission website, been able to find the resting places of relatives who fell in war, in places I will never be able to visit in person.

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Cemeteries are public places. I regard Memorial inscriptions as celebrations of the people interred.

I have done a lot of family history research, and have on occasion found findagrave useful, and I am grateful to the volunteers who post the information and images online.

I have found out about long-forgotten ancestors, and in the case of the commonwealth graves commission website, been able to find the resting places of relatives who fell in war, in places I will never be able to visit in person.

Well yes, I appreciate all of that but I'm just thinking that for the recently bereaved it's a bit much particularly when people often go to great lengths to protect their privacy online. Of course it's ok that people would see it locally or for those who would bother to visit if they're researching stuff. It's just the thought of it being available globally and so immediately that bothers me.

In real life my family are/were very private people so I do find it very unsettling so would assume that others will too. That's why I was suggesting a period of grace before they're uploaded.

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Then why mark the grave for all to see? People often wait a while before putting up a headstone.

Personally, I regard funerals, inscriptions, memorials and the associated rituals cathartic.

Far better that people are remembered than forgotten.

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I think on balance the benefits probably out weigh the negatives in the long run (as you sort of acknowledge).

The grace period might be a nice touch and if you suggest it to them, you never know, they might implement it.. I'm sure they weren't trying to upset anyone.

You could argue that, from the point of view of your great grandchildren, it is better that the information is collected a little too efficiently, than is never made available at all.

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Searching for something on the internet yesterday I came across this site

http://www.findagrave.com/index.html

and was confronted with a photo of my family grave where my parents, sister and brother are laid with the brother I lost late last year yet to be interred.

"was confronted"?

The photo was there or you searched for it?

Maybe the name implies it's not a website for the recently bereaved.

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I can see both sides. It is understandably upsetting for you, Solitaire - I am so sorry about your brother. While grief is still raw I do see why it could be seen as crass and intrusive.

OTOH I have searched through old graveyards in Suffolk and Devon, looking for info about relatives - I might have looked online if I had known this was possible. However these people had died so long ago that any immediate relatives would also be dead, so I don't suppose their being photographed and put online would upset anybody.

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Then why mark the grave for all to see? People often wait a while before putting up a headstone.

Personally, I regard funerals, inscriptions, memorials and the associated rituals cathartic.

Far better that people are remembered than forgotten.

With certain exceptions. :(;)

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I can see why it may cause concern. However its public information in a public place.

The vast majority of people will be using it for good ends*. Try thinking about that instead ;) . My mum does geneology - she find stuff like this very useful - and uses it to produce amazing family tree type documents that really mean a huge deal to a lot of people out there.

*You may get others using it for identity purposes etc - but thats all available anyway so no big difference.

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Searching for something on the internet yesterday I came across this site

http://www.findagrave.com/index.html

and was confronted with a photo of my family grave where my parents, sister and brother are laid with the brother I lost late last year yet to be interred.

I was quite shocked to see it as it's a private monument of my immediate family and my sister and I are of course deeply saddened at losing our siblings at such young ages.

I know that all sorts of records are being uploaded these days but I think this maybe goes a step too far.

Perhaps there should be some sort of period of grace where recent burials shouldn't be added to the site for, I don't know, maybe 50 years or something?

I can see the usefulness of it if people are researching family history but do feel it's a violation of privacy and could cause uneccessary distress in terms of the recent past.

Looking into things a bit further I found another site http://www.gravestonephotos.com/index.php?from=/index.php?&r=1&width=1344&browser=1134 that will be uploading a photo as well.

Maybe there are photos of some HPCers family graves that they didn't know about so sorry if you find it upsetting but I was wondering what peoples thoughts are about this?

That's sounds sensible. None of mine are on there it, looks as though they haven't visited that town yet.

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"was confronted"?

The photo was there or you searched for it?

Maybe the name implies it's not a website for the recently bereaved.

Yes I did feel confronted by it. I was looking for info on my paternal grandfather (who died before I was born) but had previously searched some RN records of my Fathers. I googled G/F's name and it linked through to the site so I wasn't expecting what I saw.

Perhaps I didn't look carefully enough at the Google listings but there we are.

I really don't have any problem with family stuff that is a bit removed from the present day as I've been doing a little research myself and found the online records very helpful. Guess I'm still not entirely at ease with the idea that public these days means available worldwide rather than a smaller contained locality and that my perception of being a private person is rather tenuous :(

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Then why mark the grave for all to see? People often wait a while before putting up a headstone.

Personally, I regard funerals, inscriptions, memorials and the associated rituals cathartic.

Far better that people are remembered than forgotten.

Jewish practise is to wait a year before erecting any monument on a grave which seems quite a good idea for a number of reasons. I also like their practise of visitors to a grave always leaving a pebble on the headstone as it is at the same time simple and touching.

Not all cemeteries are publicly owned places so people don't necessarily have a right to go around photographing the graves and posting the details on the internet.

On edit - A quick search on the internet shows that quite a few cemeteries both public and private forbid photography except under certain circumstances

http://www.legalgenealogist.com/blog/2012/10/22/cemetery-photos-permission-required/

Brooklands Cemterey once the largest private necropolis in the world and now owned by Woking Council takes quite a tough line.

If the op feels their grief has been violated by the internet I would suggest reporting the matter to the owner of the graveyard. At the very least it might stop this occurring to other recently bereaved individuals.

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