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In my view fear is a pretty useful emotion provided it as allied to reason. It is why evolution equipped us with both faculties.In fact irrational love, trust and hope is just as dangeous as irrational fear. A little worry and forethought would often save a lot of people from later drowning in an ocean of grief. Those old fairy tales that warned children about the potentially nasty things waiting for them out in the world were not all wrong. Some people really are out to get you.

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How come the only fear I feel today is fear from people who are supposed to look after this country and it's laws?

Why is that, am I going mental? :blink:

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Every day for 37 years now I have woken up and usually worried about something, to a greater or lesser extent.

There are two conclusions I can draw from this:

1) Worrying is effective, and keeps you alive

OR

2) There is a pretty good chance I'll still be alive tomorrow, and things will still be alright

Footnote: The days when I haven't worried, or worried less, have generally been more fun :)

P

Doesn't that prove it's 37 years (mornings, for 5 mins) wasted? You are still here after all. Worry and fear won't change anything. Regret on actions not undertaken... worry about that.

Having said that. I wake up every morning with an ominous fear that I am late for work, It's real and I do think it has an effect on you. It's like living under a constant threat, I even do it on a Sunday, but then realise it's Sunday, phew!. It can't be good for you.

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Every day for 37 years now I have woken up and usually worried about something, to a greater or lesser extent.

There are two conclusions I can draw from this:

1) Worrying is effective, and keeps you alive

OR

2) There is a pretty good chance I'll still be alive tomorrow, and things will still be alright

Footnote: The days when I haven't worried, or worried less, have generally been more fun :)

P

About 25 years ago at an AA meeting a man uttered some words which I've discovered to be true. He said "Don't spend too much time worrying about a problem because in due course it will be replaced by another one"

This too shall pass. I find these 4 words extremely useful for living. Feelings of fear can be difficult to deal with but even fear will pass. I was fearful of death for many years until I realised I will only have to die once and that I was wasting time dwelling on it. When the time comes, if I'm aware of it or it's painful I know the fear and discomfort will lessen because I know it will pass.

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I am in the club EE ;)

I find it quite amusing to observe...when something good happens, I'm apt to worry it will end. When something bad happens, I'm apt to worry it will never stop ;)

There is only one variable in all of that that I can change :) Some days I am wise enough to know the difference :)

P

So you didn't mistake it for the Automobile Association :lol: Glad I went it set me on a long path to a more content and peaceful life.

After moving on from AA, I done a psychology degree with the OU and frequented the Samye Ling Tibetan Monastery near hear to learn about meditation. The psychology/philosophy are interesting to ponder about life and I've found mindfulness and buddhist philosophy very useful for accepting that everything changes regardless of whether it's good bad or indifferent. It's the only thing I'm 100% sure of in life.

Dealing with change is the challenge in life.

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Well.....what strikes me is that several generations ago we could hang on to the same fears for a life time and even pass them on to our children.

Now it seems that in 3 or 4 years we can develop entirely new ways of thinking.....and then change again in another 3 or 4 years.

Evolution can happen several times in one lifetime?

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I wake up every morning with a hard on.

Much preferable to fear.

I don't usually use am alarm for work either. Usually wake up early enough anyway.

I worry a little but not too much. Don't see the point. I would say I am annoyed by things rather than worried by them.

My heart rate doesn't appear to be impacted. Measured mine today at work funnily enough. Was 42. Maybe I need to worry a little more to raise it a little...

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Well.....what strikes me is that several generations ago we could hang on to the same fears for a life time and even pass them on to our children.

Now it seems that in 3 or 4 years we can develop entirely new ways of thinking.....and then change again in another 3 or 4 years.

Evolution can happen several times in one lifetime?

Fear must change during life ? I don't think many children have a fear of dying like someone older may. You feel invincible - dying isn't really relevant at that age. Is it ?

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Fear must change during life ? I don't think many children have a fear of dying like someone older may. You feel invincible - dying isn't really relevant at that age. Is it ?

And I don't worry about monsters under the bed much these days. Dying I don't fear it, think about it sometimes. Once I crashed my motorbike and woke up 20 mins later lying in the road looking up at a copper. Don't remember anything about it. I could have died and it wouldn't have even registered.

Saying that, I might have died. and all this is in a dream in my final seconds of life.... keep it interesting!

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I saw an advert for Disneyland designed to make you feel you are running out of time to take your kids before they're grown up. Even Disneyland is trying to use fear to motivate their potential customers? I found it rather depressing.

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Fear is a natural emotion that affects us all, its how we deal with it that matters.

I've stopped looking in the mirror first thing in the morning and reading the daily Mail.

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I've only felt real fear a couple of times in my life, and it's a very odd feeling. Atavistic.

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And I don't worry about monsters under the bed much these days. Dying I don't fear it, think about it sometimes. Once I crashed my motorbike and woke up 20 mins later lying in the road looking up at a copper. Don't remember anything about it. I could have died and it wouldn't have even registered.

Saying that, I might have died. and all this is in a dream in my final seconds of life.... keep it interesting!

That doesn't sound good! I too have fallen off motorcycles.

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Mrs E_F does that. Still a stupid waste of time. Relax, enjoy the ride, its much more pleasant.

Doesn't that prove it's 37 years (mornings, for 5 mins) wasted? You are still here after all. Worry and fear won't change anything. Regret on actions not undertaken... worry about that.

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That would be my take. The more I look, the more I realise it's pretty pointless and counterproductive at best . Bloody hard to completely eradicate though, without the aid of substances :) Best strategy I've learnt is to watch, acknowledge and pay as little mind as possible :)

Of course it helps to learn to differentiate between genuine, founded fear and pointless anxiety :)

P

worry wakes you up.

Without it, you would sleep all day.

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And I don't worry about monsters under the bed much these days. Dying I don't fear it, think about it sometimes. Once I crashed my motorbike and woke up 20 mins later lying in the road looking up at a copper. Don't remember anything about it. I could have died and it wouldn't have even registered.

Saying that, I might have died. and all this is in a dream in my final seconds of life.... keep it interesting!

I've been in a couple of near death situations - once through illness, and another when I was attacked. It was OK - just casual acceptance this might be it.

The only thing I really fear are heights. The fear response over takes anything my rational brain is telling it. Practically paralysing. Extremely annoying and also quite variable. I can climb a 40ft tree without any problems, but going up a ladder of 6 metres... Tried lots of things to temper it eg rock climbing, paragliding and mountain biking - and any cure is very temporary (lasting only a couple of hours).

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Guest eight

I've been in a couple of near death situations - once through illness, and another when I was attacked. It was OK - just casual acceptance this might be it.

Me too. Nearly died of meningitis when I was 17. I remember being aware on some level (despite being incoherent in reality) that I could either "go to sleep" (except that I was fully aware that it wouldn't just be going to sleep) and that would be OK, or that I could fight, and that would be OK too. So I decided to fight.

Strangely I later saw an almost identical quote from the racing driver Niki Lauda describing the terrible burns he suffered.

Since then I have had no fear of death whatsoever.

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A little bit of fear is probably healthy - but the kind of fear that makes you run faster when a woolie mammoth's attacking, not the kind of fear that house prices will never drop. That's just long term worry, and isn't good for anything. Almost every organisation with any desire for power or control uses this kind of worry-fear to get you to do what they want. The media does it particularly insidiously. It's best avoided.

I found Dale Carnegie's 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living' to be very useful. It's partly philosophical (mindfulness etc) but also practical with cognitive methods for overcoming worry.

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Me too. Nearly died of meningitis when I was 17. I remember being aware on some level (despite being incoherent in reality) that I could either "go to sleep" (except that I was fully aware that it wouldn't just be going to sleep) and that would be OK, or that I could fight, and that would be OK too. So I decided to fight.

Strangely I later saw an almost identical quote from the racing driver Niki Lauda describing the terrible burns he suffered.

Since then I have had no fear of death whatsoever.

Yes, I wouldn't go so far as recommend it - but it's very liberating. Frankly, I'm more bothered about any lead up. A long painful lead up is unappealing - but pain management is very good nowadays. I don't really worry about it though as why worry about something you likely have no control about, and having been wracked with pain without pain killers - it is manageable with tools like meditation.

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I've been in a couple of near death situations - once through illness, and another when I was attacked. It was OK - just casual acceptance this might be it.

The only thing I really fear are heights. The fear response over takes anything my rational brain is telling it. Practically paralysing. Extremely annoying and also quite variable. I can climb a 40ft tree without any problems, but going up a ladder of 6 metres... Tried lots of things to temper it eg rock climbing, paragliding and mountain biking - and any cure is very temporary (lasting only a couple of hours).

I think you might be like me, it's not a fear of heights, it's a fear of falling off, or maybe more specifically a fear of being out of control.

A place I'm really scared of is the natural history museum, if you go in to the main hall, up the stairs and along the side there is another set of stairs at the back (above the entrance). In reality it's not high at all (well relatively) but whats so terrifying is that the steps are steep and at the bottom end is a balcony where the ledge is not very high at all. barely comes up to my waist (I'm 6'3").

http://victorianweb.org/art/architecture/nhm/13.jpg

I've been up much higher stuff and it's not bothered me.

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Me too. Nearly died of meningitis when I was 17. I remember being aware on some level (despite being incoherent in reality) that I could either "go to sleep" (except that I was fully aware that it wouldn't just be going to sleep) and that would be OK, or that I could fight, and that would be OK too. So I decided to fight.

Strangely I later saw an almost identical quote from the racing driver Niki Lauda describing the terrible burns he suffered.

Since then I have had no fear of death whatsoever.

Interesting - seems to contrast with a lot of near death experiences in which people feel a strong urge to fight for their life.

I take it you didn't see a kindly figure in white robes at the end of a tunnel telling you 'go back it's not your time,' etc?

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I think you might be like me, it's not a fear of heights, it's a fear of falling off, or maybe more specifically a fear of being out of control.

A place I'm really scared of is the natural history museum, if you go in to the main hall, up the stairs and along the side there is another set of stairs at the back (above the entrance). In reality it's not high at all (well relatively) but whats so terrifying is that the steps are steep and at the bottom end is a balcony where the ledge is not very high at all. barely comes up to my waist (I'm 6'3").

http://victorianweb.org/art/architecture/nhm/13.jpg

I've been up much higher stuff and it's not bothered me.

Yep, you're right. I experienced something similar in the NHM. I was practically on my knees going up Warwick Castle once. One turret had somewhat crumbling battlements, and a loose single bar guard rail that others were basically ignoring. Went up Snowdon on the railway last year - again absolutely crippling. I'm sure I would have been fine had I walked up the blooming thing.

That's a really useful insight actually - especially with the relevant wikipedia page:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_of_falling

as I am always stumbling over things, and get bad car sickness. Perhaps it isn't so irrational after all.

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