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Mrs Bear

My Poor Old Mother Is Gone At Last

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She died yesterday, 97, and had had vile beastly dementia for 15 years.

It was all quite quick up in the end, from Sunfay morning to yesterday afternoon, and thank goodness one of us could be with her all the time. It had been such a worry since the whole family will be away soon in France for a family wedding, and I'd have hated it if nobody could have been there.

I had honestly started to think she'd go on for ever and see me out - she had such a strong constitution.

We found a lovely letter to us all among her papers - evidently to be read after her death, but she must have written it 20 years ago. It was like having her back again, as she was before not the poor, pathetic old shell she had become.

Her new little great granddaughter is just 3 months old. One in, one out, I suppose...

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Wow - 97 is quite an age to reach.

And, as you say, in the end she passed quickly and left you a lovely letter you'll always treasure.

Condolences for your loss, well done for being there at the time and for everything that you did, and enjoy all the good memories of her long life and the time you spent together.

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She died yesterday, 97, and had had vile beastly dementia for 15 years.

It was all quite quick up in the end, from Sunfay morning to yesterday afternoon, and thank goodness one of us could be with her all the time. It

Hugs! :(

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My father died of Alzheimer's. Even when the end is expected, and a release and the person has had a long, full life it doesn't make it any easier for you. So be kind and take care of yourself. My sincere condolences.

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My father died of Alzheimer's. Even when the end is expected, and a release and the person has had a long, full life it doesn't make it any easier for you. So be kind and take care of yourself. My sincere condolences.

My condolences. I am in a similar situation; my father died when he was only 69; my frail 92 year old mother has had dementia for years and is in a care home. She is quite deaf and blind too. I think of it as losing her in instalments.

I was doing some family history research recently, and against all odds found a photo of the shop she was born in on an online archive. I would so loved to have shown and discussed it with her.

Best wishes to your family.

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Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

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On a practical level, there's an excellent free booklet called What To Do When Someone Dies. You can download it from several sites, and most banks, Age UK etc used to hand it out free.

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On a practical level, there's an excellent free booklet called What To Do When Someone Dies. You can download it from several sites, and most banks, Age UK etc used to hand it out free.

Generally a shovel comes in handy, and in my family, stakes! :blink:

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Oh Mrs Bear, I'm am sorry for your loss. You have made me cry about the letter. That is absolutely lovely and reminder to you all of how she was when she was well.

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Condolences and best wishes for your unburdened future.

Im in the early stages of a similar pickle.

I went through a similar thing with mum and dad and sister! We are showing her old pictures! And she really enjoyed it. Seems to have "gone a bit". :blink:

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I understand your loss Mrs B.

For the last 5 years of her life, my 'nana' didn't recognise me and in the end - to my eternal shame - I couldn't even go and visit her as it hurt so much seeing this shell of what I'd known.

Hope you find some comfort remembering the person that was - rather than someone afflicted by one of the nastiest diseases possible.

It may sound trite, but the wake at her funeral was indeed a celebration of a life - and we all wept tears of joy that she had finally found peace.

Best wishes, and may you find strength and comfort in the coming days from the memory of all the good times you spent in her company.

XYY

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She died yesterday, 97, and had had vile beastly dementia for 15 years.

It was all quite quick up in the end, from Sunfay morning to yesterday afternoon, and thank goodness one of us could be with her all the time. It had been such a worry since the whole family will be away soon in France for a family wedding, and I'd have hated it if nobody could have been there.

I had honestly started to think she'd go on for ever and see me out - she had such a strong constitution.

We found a lovely letter to us all among her papers - evidently to be read after her death, but she must have written it 20 years ago. It was like having her back again, as she was before not the poor, pathetic old shell she had become.

Her new little great granddaughter is just 3 months old. One in, one out, I suppose...

She is at peace now......many worries and family anguish are no longer, the letter is something we could all consider doing, none of us know what our future holds, live every day as if it were your last......our body may well live longer and stronger than our mind ever will. ;)

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Sorry for your loss Mrs Bear. It's normal for someone to die at 97, but still very sad for you. Even though you probably 'lost' her more than a decade earlier.

I lost my mum at 83 just a few yrs ago ... and still miss her a lot! But I felt it was lucky that she didn't suffer for long, (only a few days), didn't lose her independence, (she was living alone in the family home and was fine/happy), and that she still had all her faculties. (Albeit slightly reduced from when she was in her prime!) I try to hang onto to all that.

She was a pack a day cig smoker for all her adult life, (including being pregnant with me), and determind to prove that smoking isn't always bad for you. And annoyingly, (for me), she sort of did prove that? (Apart from the heart attack which killed her?!) She also insisted that she didn't want to live forever/linger, and that she her cig taxes would be sorely missed by the treasury. ;)

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Tw@t

Let me me educate you, on how to be a man of wit and intelligence! That was not a nice comment! :blink:

I know I am a bit awkard, and sometimes say the wrong things. That's just me! Please live with it, as nobody is perfect!

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Sorry for your loss Mrs Bear. It's normal for someone to die at 97, but still very sad for you. Even though you probably 'lost' her more than a decade earlier.

I lost my mum at 83 just a few yrs ago ... and still miss her a lot! But I felt it was lucky that she didn't suffer for long, (only a few days), didn't lose her independence, (she was living alone in the family home and was fine/happy), and that she still had all her faculties. (Albeit slightly reduced from when she was in her prime!) I try to hang onto to all that.

She was a pack a day cig smoker for all her adult life, (including being pregnant with me), and determind to prove that smoking isn't always bad for you. And annoyingly, (for me), she sort of did prove that? (Apart from the heart attack which killed her?!) She also insisted that she didn't want to live forever/linger, and that she her cig taxes would be sorely missed by the treasury. ;)

My mother smoked too, though never heavily until the dementia became more advanced - she would forget she'd just had one and light one after the other. (Same with the sherry bottle!) To be honest if the fags had finished her off a bit earlier it would have been a blessing - she hadn't been happy or having any fun for ages.

Thank you all for so many kind words. It was a relief that it was over for her at last - dementia is so very cruel.

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My mother smoked too, though never heavily until the dementia became more advanced - she would forget she'd just had one and light one after the other. (Same with the sherry bottle!) To be honest if the fags had finished her off a bit earlier it would have been a blessing - she hadn't been happy or having any fun for ages.

Thank you all for so many kind words. It was a relief that it was over for her at last - dementia is so very cruel.

My mum is going that way. I've tried to get her to start smoking, but she doesn't like them!

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Let me me educate you, on how to be a man of wit and intelligence! That was not a nice comment! :blink:

I know I am a bit awkard, and sometimes say the wrong things. That's just me! Please live with it, as nobody is perfect!

I beg to differ. My ex husband was perfect, according to him!

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