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Therapy


JoeDavola

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HOLA441

You're not responsible for anyone else's behaviour, just your own reaction to it.

If you feel there are bad people doing bad things then report them to the authorities. If they're just monkeys throwing their own shit about then that's fine.

One of the idiots here spreads rumours about me up and down the street. I feel sorry for anyone stupid enough to believe him.

No, I'm speaking far more generally than that. Monkeys throwing sh1t describes it perfectly, and applies to the whole of society pretty much. It's hard to find anyone who's any better than said monkey.

Nothing personal invovled, nothing to report to the authorities, just the gradual increasing unpleasant change to the country I live in, all caused by deliberate and in most cases entirely legal and even encouraged actions. If they were just throwing crap at their own walls out of sight of everyone else that wouldn't be anywhere near as bad. Even the illegal bits no-one seems all that bothered about (take the appalling amount of litter in some places).

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HOLA442

Nothing personal invovled, nothing to report to the authorities, just the gradual increasing unpleasant change to the country I live in, all caused by deliberate and in most cases entirely legal and even encouraged actions. If they were just throwing crap at their own walls out of sight of everyone else that wouldn't be anywhere near as bad. Even the illegal bits no-one seems all that bothered about (take the appalling amount of litter in some places).

People are bothered. they are just quietly bothered about it.

If litter bothers you organise a litter pick.

If something else bothers you then go and talk to people. Find the nice people. They are out there.

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HOLA443

Litter is merely one example amongst millions, and often it's in places that you won't be allowed to get to to pick it (look at a railway cutting through any urban area for example). But at least that's not one that's officially sanctioned.

If people are bothered then why is society moving in that direction? Sticking with the railway example we've got hideous fencing along large stretches of line now. We've got the ever-increasing amount of building (sore subject on HPC). We've got more and more hectic, more and more ugly, more and more impersonal, and that's exactly what the pathetic idiots called the British population seem to want. Tackling any little bit of it is a drop in the ocean and only dealing with the symptoms.

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HOLA444

No, I'm speaking far more generally than that. Monkeys throwing sh1t describes it perfectly, and applies to the whole of society pretty much. It's hard to find anyone who's any better than said monkey.

Nothing personal invovled, nothing to report to the authorities, just the gradual increasing unpleasant change to the country I live in, all caused by deliberate and in most cases entirely legal and even encouraged actions. If they were just throwing crap at their own walls out of sight of everyone else that wouldn't be anywhere near as bad. Even the illegal bits no-one seems all that bothered about (take the appalling amount of litter in some places).

I don't live where you live or see what you do.

I do see litter in our village and wonder what scum threw it out of the car window, though I don't dwell on it particularly.

To what extent has the world around you changed, and to what extent has how you see it changed?

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HOLA445

Riedquat - I am no therapist - however if you are able to - and it would fit in with work/family etc.. Why not move to some rural wee place in jockland or similar ?

The stuff that annoys you will still be going on in the rest of the country - at least you won't be experiencing it every single day. I assume that may help you immensely.

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HOLA446

Riedquat - I am no therapist - however if you are able to - and it would fit in with work/family etc.. Why not move to some rural wee place in jockland or similar ?

The stuff that annoys you will still be going on in the rest of the country - at least you won't be experiencing it every single day. I assume that may help you immensely.

... and take in some sea air too!

0063996.jpg

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HOLA447

I live in the middle of the countryside, and when I see litter while out running I pick one piece up each time. It's a small thing, but it just helps make the place a little better. Now, for sure, I am not going to climb a tree to retrieve a plastic full of dog crap - but you do what you can.

My teen years were pretty bad - large spells of illness and abuse of one kind or another - together with grinding poverty and isolation. They weren't all bad though - but it still took much of my 20s to sort things out. The biggest problem was overthinking and getting yourself stuck in a mental rut. I would literally go for days with the same thoughts go around and around in my head - and usually they weren't very helpful ones.

Mediation really helped me - as did some of Steven Covey's work on audiotape. Not necessarily the go-getting stuff (although that was also useful) but the sphere of control stuff. In short, focus on the things you can personally sort out rather than waiting the mysterious "them" to do so.

More recently, I was doing some reading about how our brains work. At the very simplest level - one idea is that it seems significant parts of what we regard as human intelligence is nothing more than layers and layers of pattern recognition. It was a deeply humbling experience - and predictably enough I'm now seeing that everywhere. I was in a shop queue the other day, and a woman was trying to get her small child to recall the name of a relative - and the coaching and reinforcing questions went like this "Who likes wearing a red hat? And lives in a house with a green door?" - eventually the child got it as the questions eventually triggered her pattern recognisers. Add in common problematic patterns such as the bias observed in heuristics - and you start thinking there ain't that much too us when it comes down to it.

But it also gave me great hope that any of us (providing our brain biochemistry isn't fubar) can rewire ourselves if we've a mind to.

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HOLA448

Riedquat - I am no therapist - however if you are able to - and it would fit in with work/family etc.. Why not move to some rural wee place in jockland or similar ?

The stuff that annoys you will still be going on in the rest of the country - at least you won't be experiencing it every single day. I assume that may help you immensely.

Need to make a living, if I could think of something I could do there then I might. I am going to be moving out to somewhere a bit more rural shortly though. It may help (at least I'll be able to get home from work and have a pleasant stroll up a hill from the front door, and I reckon if I've got a full day Kinder Scout is quite reachable from the front door even with my current lack of fitness, which I think will improve).

Whether I'm experiencing it or not is to a degree beside the point. The fact that it's happening pisses me off, and should piss everyone else off (yet I seem to live in a country full of idiots cheering it on). I'm not an "out of sight, out of mind" person. People deliberately damaging anything worthwhile upsets me, and most of the UK is (or was) worthwhile.

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HOLA449

To what extent has the world around you changed, and to what extent has how you see it changed?

On the litter front it was very noticable when I went on the train last weekend, as I said. Don't remember it being that bad in the past. And the fencing, and an increasing amount of electrification. A spread of bland crappy housing estates - all you HPCers cheering more of that on don't appear to notice just how much has changed there in a mere century.

Then there's the increasing clamour to rush around like headless chickens with chronic impatience, idiots who seem to think you're weird if you don't want that (and don't give me the "then don't use it if you don't like it" crap). There's the unfriendly, unwelcome, belittling feeling caused by a massive increase in officiousness and regulation, nonsense like the ridiculous safety obsession that's developed into bedwetting paranoia standards.

Sure, it's been going on since long before I was born, and some of it is an improvement up to a point (faster is better when you're otherwise stuck with your legs as the only means of travel), but there's no effort to stop it, let alone reverse it and presumably some fools think they're making a better world with it, "faster, more efficient, safer" - and much less worth living in for anyone actually capable of appreciating it (but I suppose it's better if all you're interested in is meeting up with people and getting wasted, and see everything else as an inconvenience).

Forgot to mention the dull, lifeless, characterless, impersonal, oversized, nature of, well, just about everything new that happens and is made.

I've completely lost faith in society, people are mostly nothing more than a cancer.

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HOLA4410

Need to make a living, if I could think of something I could do there then I might. I am going to be moving out to somewhere a bit more rural shortly though. It may help (at least I'll be able to get home from work and have a pleasant stroll up a hill from the front door, and I reckon if I've got a full day Kinder Scout is quite reachable from the front door even with my current lack of fitness, which I think will improve).

Whether I'm experiencing it or not is to a degree beside the point. The fact that it's happening pisses me off, and should piss everyone else off (yet I seem to live in a country full of idiots cheering it on). I'm not an "out of sight, out of mind" person. People deliberately damaging anything worthwhile upsets me, and most of the UK is (or was) worthwhile.

I agree with you in general, and the amount of litter and mess that people leave really is a disgrace. Also the amount of hassle with things like neighbour disputes - just because a huge amount of people couldn't give a toss about anyone else - is disgusting.

However......you are only here for x amount of years. Worrying about this stuff and letting it get you down and bother you isnt going to help matters.

Anyway- I am sure you know this anyway and it is easier said than done.

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HOLA4411
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HOLA4412

Where's the line between managing to cope with it and getting on as well as you can, and effectively being responsible for all the crap by tolerating it?

One thing that helps is to understand that we can't change others and the things they do that are upsetting or disappoint us......all we can do is change what we do, and how we react to their failings......nobody including ourselves are perfect, so concentrate on trying to improve ourselves, how we treat ourselves ( by not beating ourselves up), and others.....one day at a time. ;)

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HOLA4413
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HOLA4414

Where's the line between managing to cope with it and getting on as well as you can, and effectively being responsible for all the crap by tolerating it?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer

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HOLA4415

Thus encouraging the crap by everyone tolerating it. Helps those with power do what they want. Those things you can't change yourself only remain unchanged if everyone else feels the same way. Tolerance for an issue is responsibility for it. Don't complain about them putting you in a cage, and don't complain about all the monkeys in the cage throwing their sh1t at each other, you're clearly the one with the problem.

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HOLA4416

It would be easier if people didn't seem to insist on buggering up the bits I like about it. I appreciate that this sounds incredibly arrogant but they're missing out themselves too in a lot of cases (I've had this argument before on HPC though).

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HOLA4417
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HOLA4418
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HOLA4419

I think HPC is a lovely little sandpit that replicates the rest of the world.

How easy is it, when we disagree with the rest of the world, to change everybody elses mind? Impossible...frustrating...heart attack inducing :)

God knows I tried when I was younger to change the world by being angry at it...as someone once said it's about as useful as trying to solve a maths problem by chewing bubble gum :)

Doesn't mean we have to join in with the rest of the world...just adjust the way we live so it's not so difficult...for us. If you're really lucky one or two people might see your example and decide to copy it :)

P

Yes, totally this.

I think this was probably already posted somewhere.

dutch guy clears up litter

And this too. Although you don't have post pictures of yourself grinning while doing it. Just have a go.
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HOLA4420
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HOLA4421

The really bad spots for litter are places like railway, motorway, and river embankments where they won't let anyone go for good old health and safety reasons.

Get yourself a mask and a latex suit, and do it at night when no one's looking.

Or join Network Rail and work your way up through the ranks to Embankment Litter Picker Upper

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HOLA4422
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HOLA4423
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HOLA4424
Guest eight

I turn my back for a few hours and the thread's turned into "Deluded Old Scrapper Birds ..."

Looks like it's been left to me to do Winkie's job for her.

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HOLA4425

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