JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 I had 6 months of weekly sessions with someone trained in Transactional Analysis once (a form of Psychotherapy). I found it very, very useful as the issues I had at the time were all about relationships of one form or another with other people. Sorry to hear things are tough for you at the moment Paul. Hope you can find the appropriate help. Yes a lot of my 'issues' are relationship based (as I'm sure others can tell from the tone of my posts on here regarding Deluded Old Scrapper Birds!); a large part of this is due to previous experience, but having a negative/paranoid mindset about these things going forward isn't going to help. Did you find the Transactional Analysis therapist on the NHS or did you have to go private? I imagine it was private, especially since you had therapy for such a long time. I read 'Games People Play' which is kind of the original Transactional Analysis book and it was fascinating I have to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 What was going on in your life when the doctor referred you some time ago? What has stressed you since? And what has created that same feeling in the past? What is the pattern? There probably is one. ..... My generic advice: find the pattern. The things which "press your buttons". Then you can choose to confront how you see things by understanding why they affect you in the way that they do, or alternatively, to consciously avoid those situations. Bloody hell, that's quite simple but very useful. I had actually considered posting up the answers here but then lost my nerve. These are probably the questions that the councilor should have been asking me from the moment I started talking to them. Ever considered a career in counseling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I have about six good friends. Don't want to sound braggy. I'm not on Arsebook, otherwise I would have thousands. No I am not on farce book either......my friends are real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 My personal coping method has been goal setting. These goals range from finding ways to expand my home business to kinda strange things such as holding on for a movie to come out at the cinema. These goals help me from "going over the edge" so to speak. You may want to try something similar, just be careful not to set yourself any unrealistic targets though. Yeah I see where you're coming from - I read in a book about 'successful' people that those who are the most successful plan their days/weeks ahead so that they make the most of them. I've always found it a little too easy to just stare into space and just get nothing done, which leads to vicious cycle of feeling even worse - the last couple of days have been a perfect example of that although to be fair I'm recovering from the jet lag after traveling 5 thousand miles! What I'm saying though is that I think I do better when I plan things out in advance and know what I'm going to do with my time, as the depression can easily lead to me doing sweet f*ck all for extended periods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R K Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I'm definitely leaning towards the position that if there's a real external stressor in your life that's making you miserable then just talking is never going to make you feel better, only the removal of the stressor will achieve that. I guess talking might help if you are struggling to correctly identify the stressor or the methods available to you to remove it. If the stressor is not something you can change like a bad global economy then what is therapy going to achieve? Acceptance. Om. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 save money, shrink yourself: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Erroneous-Zones-negative-thinking/dp/0749939850 http://www.amazon.com/Reason-And-Emotion-In-Psychotherapy/dp/1559722487 I'll pick these up, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Always thinking and concentrating on self instead of looking outward and projecting energies and effort onto others means own problems, rejections and disappointments are hi-lighted..... when thinking outside of self,own problems are minimalised and so side stepped to focus on the people with real problems, helping solving others problems helps very much in solving own problems......easier said than done, but does happen and is possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 I have a long history of depression, triggered in part by traumatic early years. Once I realised I needed help I saw the GP, who gave me anti depressants (wonderful! will take a few weeks to bed in, and you may not react well to the first one they try you on). ........... So, I am going back to private counselling again. ........... Sorry, slight ramble ... but good counselling is very good as long as you can open up to them. Hope that the anti-depressants do the job as they did before - I've tried a number of them but the side effects were extreme and I didn't stick with 'em. I think the issue with this councilor is that I don't feel I could open up to her at all (just don't think we've 'clicked' and she doesn't seem very genuine), which kind of makes things a bit pointless doesn't it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en P Loved this video! Agreed with pretty much everything she said; I'm also not my best in extremely 'rowdy' as she puts it, environments - like crowded pubs or nightclubs, where it seems like you have to be the loudest one in the room to engage with anyone. Maybe I'm just not drunk enough in these places Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 FWIW: Spend a little less time beating yourself up, and a little more time nurturing the things that you enjoy. And you have. You have some interesting stories to tell about your holidays. To *that* person. You are, er, you. That might seem meaningless, but I'd suggest that believing that statement, is the key. We can only ever "be ourselves". Trying to "be somebody else" will kill you in the end because it is unsustainable. This might be a little over-forward, but somewhere, there's someone looking for someone like you. Thank you. I particularly appreciated the last sentence, as difficult as it can be to believe it at times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limpet Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I`ve witnessed ( lived with ) another person`s serious depression that went on for many years. It involved anti-depressants on a trial and error basis and years of psychotherapy. Pretty much all sorted now but it can flare up on occasion. Before you start talking yourself into anything I would recommend the following actions. Buy, or borrow, a half decent bicycle ( preferably road bike ) Eat a lot of salad and veg, one piece of fruit per day. Minimise the sugar intake. Minimise the drink. If you smoke, stop. Work the cycling gradually up to about 25 miles on an evening ( BST ) twice a week, and maybe 35 to 40 miles on a Sunday morning. Don`t over analyse yourself, if you`re looking for problems then you`ll probably find them. The problems you do have probably revolve around other people who are more than likely idiots. Ditch them. After a couple of months you wont recognise yourself. I`m not being flippant, I genuinely believe most modern day stress can be alleviated this way. And I have honestly seen the real thing. I hope you feel better soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 Buy, or borrow, a half decent bicycle ( preferably road bike ) Eat a lot of salad and veg, one piece of fruit per day. Minimise the sugar intake. Minimise the drink. If you smoke, stop. Work the cycling gradually up to about 25 miles on an evening ( BST ) twice a week, and maybe 35 to 40 miles on a Sunday morning. Don`t over analyse yourself, if you`re looking for problems then you`ll probably find them. The problems you do have probably revolve around other people who are more than likely idiots. Ditch them. After a couple of months you wont recognise yourself. Brilliant advice, I had been trying to do some of these things but had slipped up a bit before my holiday; was taking less exercise and the junk food was creeping in. Thankfully the holiday has helped get me back in fighting form since I was walking all day every day (did 12 miles one day in the blistering heat, which is a lot for me), and have lost a bit of body fat as a result (reckon I must be close to single digit body fat again). With regards to your advice: Buy, or borrow, a half decent bicycle: bought a hybrid last year and was going out for 3 hours every Sunday morning with my dad. Bike was packed away over the winter, but we've already agreed to resume the Sunday rides this coming Sunday. Eat a lot of salad and veg, one piece of fruit per day: my diet's pretty good as I'm a bit of a diet/nutrition obsessive, but I'll continue to improve it (I need to put on a bit of lean mass). Minimise the sugar intake: agree totally, I stay away from all processed junk. Minimise the drink: I stay away from the booze cause the hangovers I get are awful, and I can see how easy it would be to end up drinking every time you feel bad. If you smoke, stop: thankfully not a smoker, never have been, Work the cycling gradually up: I'm gonna get back to the gym for a couple of cardio sessions a week. The absolute best that I feel is the hour or two after a good 45 minute cardio session. Don`t over analyse yourself: that could take some work, but I'll try The problems you do have probably revolve around other people who are more than likely idiots. Ditch them: yeah there's one mate in particular that I'm not going to make an effort to contact as to be fair he's a bit of a sh*t most of the time and I only hang around with him due to loneliness. Actually reading over that list I wonder if the reason why my mood was generally good on holiday, and then dipped when I came home, was because on holiday I was getting at least 5 hours of moderate exercise a day? Could it be that simple I wonder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahBell Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 When I say relationships, not necessarily romantic entanglements...all sorts of people relationships. Have you ever had one of those 'what the fvck just happened?' moments and wondered how you go in to them? I don't deal well with being shouted at, or conflict. I don't know how to deal with people like that, so I don't. And after having read some CTB stuff it seems that's probably why I am feeling worse about things now - cos I need to deal with people and not be frightened of their twattiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turned Out Nice Again Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 save money, shrink yourself: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Erroneous-Zones-negative-thinking/dp/0749939850 http://www.amazon.com/Reason-And-Emotion-In-Psychotherapy/dp/1559722487 I'll pick these up, thanks. The first one: "Erroneous Zones" really helped me as a young man to deal with various neuroses. Like CBT, it's Classical Stoicism, updated for the modern world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riedquat Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I've pretty much given up on the doctors. They flung me a leaflet about some councilling thing but when I phoned up the number they just said go to the website, which wasn't terribly clear and just had fixed times and places and neither time or place were convenient. So I'll just remain sick inside a lot of the time I guess. I can still take pleasure from the world, unfortunately the things that make me depressed are all those that degrade it in any way and idiots that we are we're constantly adding to that rather than removing it. I'd almost find it amusing to end myself by getting hold of a ladder to climb over the godawful fencing the railways are sticking everywhere to jump in front of a train... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccc Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Not much point getting annoyed at other peoples idioticness really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eight Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 That doesn't really help at all.. Perhaps instead of therapy just loop this for an hour and bill the NHS £45 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etzMjoH0rJw That movie is seriously subversive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahBell Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Not much point getting annoyed at other peoples idioticness really. It's very hard not to when they shout at you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccc Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It's very hard not to when they shout at you Well yes of course. Was just meaning generallly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northerner Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I'll pick these up, thanks. If you are not from round here, then find a copy of this and you will not need any more therapy ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 That's the answer then. I am becoming a Yorkshireman! I've built a Mosque shaped pigeon house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DTMark Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Bloody hell, that's quite simple but very useful. I had actually considered posting up the answers here but then lost my nerve. These are probably the questions that the councilor should have been asking me from the moment I started talking to them. Ever considered a career in counseling? If I didn't do what I do now, I'd like to be a psychologist. But then there's the saying "The people most in need of psychologists, are psychologists".. make of that what you will Maybe going away on holiday presents you with the whole world to interact with. It brings out the child's eye in us, because everything is new and fascinating in a way that the 9 to 5 is not. Coming back to your house or flat makes the proverbial and literal walls close in somewhat and brings back 'routine', You don't have that when on holiday. This does not make you unusual. Where NLP is right is the assertion that 'What went before is not necessarily what is to come'. Although we do tend to have ingrained patterns of behaviour which we will tend to repeat without even realising it. I do wonder if having a wider circle of good friends would help, and may well be where you meet a partner in a natural and 'unforced' way - 'blind dates' come with all sorts of expectations and for some character types, the sense of a mountain to climb - and a sense of rejection if it doesn't go well - might be overwhelming. That said, I met my partner on the internet and we've been together for 16 years. After a couple of previous complete disasters with other people. Maybe relax your expectations a bit and keep yourself busy with the stuff you enjoy in the meantime. Which sounds like what you've been doing. So you gave yourself the right advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahBell Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 People are often tw@ts Sarah, the killer question is why I get myself into situations where I allow them to behave like tw@ts, to me First session of a block of counselling for me today. No miracles, no magic wands but it was useful. An opportunity to talk through all that nonsense in my head that you think you're never going to voice to anyone P Yes I have been asking myself why I put myself in the firing line. And it's because I love being involved on the allotment committee. Yes sometimes being able to repeat some of the nonsense they've come out with is helpful. But then I wonder if people think I've lost it for even repeating their madness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riedquat Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 People are often tw@ts Sarah, the killer question is why I get myself into situations where I allow them to behave like tw@ts, to me Hah, if only it was only about the direct, personal conflicts with them, instead of their effect on the world in general, which is impossible to miss or ignore (the fact that most people seem to do that speaks volumes about the contemptible nature of the human race). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahBell Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Hah, if only it was only about the direct, personal conflicts with them, instead of their effect on the world in general, which is impossible to miss or ignore (the fact that most people seem to do that speaks volumes about the contemptible nature of the human race). You're not responsible for anyone else's behaviour, just your own reaction to it. If you feel there are bad people doing bad things then report them to the authorities. If they're just monkeys throwing their own shit about then that's fine. One of the idiots here spreads rumours about me up and down the street. I feel sorry for anyone stupid enough to believe him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.