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TheCountOfNowhere

A Place In The Sun 2014

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I've seen a couple of those awful "place in the sun" programs recently, they are all new for 2014, they seemed to be showing repeats from 2007-2008 for years but they are new ones now.



They are all along the lines of:



EAP ( Estate Agent Presenter ): Hey, prices collapsed here in Torrievieja since 2007 which is great news for you, you can pick up a bargain ( no mention of the over supply of property or the violence/fear/burglaries that many on the web talk about ). Prices in Britain haven't collapsed, which is great news for you. F**k the Spanish I say, they are good at football.


Idiot: Great.


EAP: Prices will surely go up now ( I roll my eyes ) and you will be mega rich. Now is the time to buy. Dont miss out. Prices only ever go up. It;s different this time only the savvy people are buying. I know what I am talking about, I am blonde and have great t*ts.


EAP: Now, this first property is a 1 bed flat and could be yours for £80K. Ignore the £5K a year ground rent, this is a bargain. The EA tells me the owner will take an offer on this.


Idiot: I want this one.


EAP: The 2nd property is currently a bank repo and is on for £100K, right on your budget, but the EA tells me they will take an offer. Do you mind doing work on the place while on your precious 2 weeks a year holiday to visit your recently vandalised holiday home ? Luckily the Spanish wont ask where 2 people with your social standing managed to get £100K from.


Idiot: What is the ground rent ?


EAP: The property is a bargain


Idiot: What is the ground rent ?


EAP: The property has a pool.


Idiot: What is the ground rent ?


EAP: Only £4K per year, cheaper than the first one. Dont worry, the buying fees are cheap too, only 15% of the purchase price and if there is any hint of the place being bulldozed I'll personally give you £100.


Idiot: I want this one.


EAP: Now, property 3, this property would have sold for £400K in 2007 but is yours now for the bargain price of £200K but the local EA tells me the owner will take an offer of only £50K as they are desperate to move, since the Russians bought next door the bullet holes in the wall are causing a draught.. The pool is communal and those brown things floating there are pretend.


Idiot. I want this one.


EAP: So, ur final property is way out of the league of some council estate scum bag with some newly gifted Q.E. money in their sky rocket, like you, but after promising the local E.A. you'd give them a blow job they will let you view.


Idiot: Slurp


EAP: This property is a 4 bed detached villa and it's a little over budget at £300K but you could get into much more debt to buy it. It would have been worth a million quid in 2007 if Gordon brown was the Spanish PM and with the London mega bubble pushing up British prices to the level where banks collapsed this place is easily affordable with a 2 year subprime government backed fixed low interest rate debt. The villa has some rooms, it has a pool and look, you cans see out the windows. Ground rent, well not that muche, but you can get credit card debt to pay that. ( Never a mention that to rent a villa for 2 weeks of the year will cost you £10K a year less in maintenance, ground rent, interest etc ).


Idiot: I want this one, make them an offer.


EAP: (Calls local EA) "We" want it and will pay £295K. Yes we know it's a lot under the asking but prices are down 50% so everyone will be looking for full asking no doubt as property is now a bargain.


....5 mins pass.


...Local EA Calls


EAP: No, they wont accept, okay "we" are prepared to offer £299K but not a collapsed euro more. They accept Brilliant. What a bargain. You've just bought a debt in the sun.




( Note: All characters in my play are fictitious and are resemblance to actual place in a sun presenters are coincidental ).



Over to you JOHNNY.





This as the same in 2000-2004.



Surely this bulll**** cannot be happening again ?.



These programs should be banned !!!!



The stuff they are selling is dross and I sit there thinking, "not sure why they think prices will go up, they could easily half again what with over supply, the possibility of a collapsing euro ( return to passeta ) and Britain having the 2nd stage of it's HPC ).


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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol:

I had a televised debate (...) with Amanda Lamb in I guess 2010 or so.

I berated her for selling a crap dream (not the language I used). Her reply...

For the last 3 weeks we have been cautious. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol:

I had a televised debate (...) with Amanda Lamb in I guess 2010 or so.

I berated her for selling a crap dream (not the language I used). Her reply...

For the last 3 weeks we have been cautious. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funny.

What makes me laugh is, as the presenters grew old, tired and ugly, so did the dream they were pushing.

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You should try submitting your scripts to the "unscripted drama" department. I forsee a prosperous future for you.

I have no idea who this amanda lamba everyone goes on about is, but imo it's worth watching just for jasmine harman.

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You should try submitting your scripts to the "unscripted drama" department. I forsee a prosperous future for you.

I have no idea who this amanda lamba everyone goes on about is, but imo it's worth watching just for jasmine harman.

How do I go about that. I wish to be a funny man, just like the Guv'nor of the BoE and they very funny Geroge Osborne

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I've seen a couple of those awful "place in the sun" programs recently, they are all new for 2014, they seemed to be showing repeats from 2007-2008 for years but they are new ones now.

They are all along the lines of:

EAP ( Estate Agent Presenter ): Hey, prices collapsed here in Torrievieja since 2007 which is great news for you, you can pick up a bargain ( no mention of the over supply of property or the violence/fear/burglaries that many on the web talk about ). Prices in Britain haven't collapsed, which is great news for you. F**k the Spanish I say, they are good at football.

Idiot: Great.

EAP: Prices will surely go up now ( I roll my eyes ) and you will be mega rich. Now is the time to buy. Dont miss out. Prices only ever go up. It;s different this time only the savvy people are buying. I know what I am talking about, I am blonde and have great t*ts.

EAP: Now, this first property is a 1 bed flat and could be yours for £80K. Ignore the £5K a year ground rent, this is a bargain. The EA tells me the owner will take an offer on this.

Idiot: I want this one.

EAP: The 2nd property is currently a bank repo and is on for £100K, right on your budget, but the EA tells me they will take an offer. Do you mind doing work on the place while on your precious 2 weeks a year holiday to visit your recently vandalised holiday home ? Luckily the Spanish wont ask where 2 people with your social standing managed to get £100K from.

Idiot: What is the ground rent ?

EAP: The property is a bargain

Idiot: What is the ground rent ?

EAP: The property has a pool.

Idiot: What is the ground rent ?

EAP: Only £4K per year, cheaper than the first one. Dont worry, the buying fees are cheap too, only 15% of the purchase price and if there is any hint of the place being bulldozed I'll personally give you £100.

Idiot: I want this one.

EAP: Now, property 3, this property would have sold for £400K in 2007 but is yours now for the bargain price of £200K but the local EA tells me the owner will take an offer of only £50K as they are desperate to move, since the Russians bought next door the bullet holes in the wall are causing a draught.. The pool is communal and those brown things floating there are pretend.

Idiot. I want this one.

EAP: So, ur final property is way out of the league of some council estate scum bag with some newly gifted Q.E. money in their sky rocket, like you, but after promising the local E.A. you'd give them a blow job they will let you view.

Idiot: Slurp

EAP: This property is a 4 bed detached villa and it's a little over budget at £300K but you could get into much more debt to buy it. It would have been worth a million quid in 2007 if Gordon brown was the Spanish PM and with the London mega bubble pushing up British prices to the level where banks collapsed this place is easily affordable with a 2 year subprime government backed fixed low interest rate debt. The villa has some rooms, it has a pool and look, you cans see out the windows. Ground rent, well not that muche, but you can get credit card debt to pay that. ( Never a mention that to rent a villa for 2 weeks of the year will cost you £10K a year less in maintenance, ground rent, interest etc ).

Idiot: I want this one, make them an offer.

EAP: (Calls local EA) "We" want it and will pay £295K. Yes we know it's a lot under the asking but prices are down 50% so everyone will be looking for full asking no doubt as property is now a bargain.

....5 mins pass.

...Local EA Calls

EAP: No, they wont accept, okay "we" are prepared to offer £299K but not a collapsed euro more. They accept Brilliant. What a bargain. You've just bought a debt in the sun.

( Note: All characters in my play are fictitious and are resemblance to actual place in a sun presenters are coincidental ).

Over to you JOHNNY.

This as the same in 2000-2004.

Surely this bulll**** cannot be happening again ?.

These programs should be banned !!!!

The stuff they are selling is dross and I sit there thinking, "not sure why they think prices will go up, they could easily half again what with over supply, the possibility of a collapsing euro ( return to passeta ) and Britain having the 2nd stage of it's HPC ).

can i buy you a spy camera and walk into foxtons and behave like this ? i think it will go viral very quickly and just push the insanity into the british psyche more :lol:

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They never seem to ask probing questions of the presenters like....why the **** did it crash 50%, or weren't you lot pushing people to buy months after it started to collapse. That sort of thing.

If you did that with shares, you'd be in prison.

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:lol:

yeah sure you would

It's illegal for the media to bump up the price of shares, I guess in case they profit from it.

Ohhhhhhhh, the irony.

Edited by TheCountOfNowhere

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It's illegal for the media to bump up the price of shares, I guess in case they profit from it.

Ohhhhhhhh, the irony.

lol do me a favour

in this country you can do what you like if your rich , you a sheep or something ??

off to log in my post office shares :lol:

Edited by longgone

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I tried to do a script for Location Location Location but all I could come up with was:

P1: I'm a c**t

P2: So am I.

:P

I'm Kirsty

I'm Phil

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lol do me a favour

in this country you can do what you like if your rich , you a sheep or something ??

off to log in my post office shares :lol:

Yeah, well, that is more than likely but the threat of it being illegal does seem to stop it happening to the extend the likes of A P I T S go to with property.

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I had the misfortune to see a tv show where kirsty was extolling the virtues of living frugally. In the show she suggested making soft toys to give as gifts to people. She then proceeded to use only 200 quids worth of fur and stuffing to make a bear.

and that is why we have a property calamity.

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She won't get a place in The Sun any more, not looking like that. They put some clothes on them now ...

Jasmine-Harman.jpg

I am eternally grateful. But I shall have to continue to watch the program, as a skimpy bit of cotton masquerading as a dress is just as attractive.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol:

I had a televised debate (...) with Amanda Lamb in I guess 2010 or so.

I berated her for selling a crap dream (not the language I used). Her reply...

For the last 3 weeks we have been cautious. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I was in the same room as Amanda Lamb I would not waste my time arguing with her.

The court order makes that impossible now.

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She won't get a place in The Sun any more, not looking like that. They put some clothes on them now ...

Jasmine-Harman.jpg

I don't think that's her.

I've google and seen all the nearly naked piccies going.

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I am eternally grateful. But I shall have to continue to watch the program, as a skimpy bit of cotton masquerading as a dress is just as attractive.

I've seen that episode - thin cotton dress, no bra.

Seriously, when will you learn to nod and get the pants off.

3 years spent hitting on girl's from the local art school trained me well.

What I wanted to say: 'Its sh1t. Get yer pants off'

What I said: 'Its interesting and challenging' Then wait for her to take pants off.

Arguing with Amanda Lamb (or Krusty, or <any properteeee> person is like racing a one-legged dwarf.

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I've seen that episode - thin cotton dress, no bra.

Seriously, when will you learn to nod and get the pants off.

3 years spent hitting on girl's from the local art school trained me well.

What I wanted to say: 'Its sh1t. Get yer pants off'

What I said: 'Its interesting and challenging' Then wait for her to take pants off.

Arguing with Amanda Lamb (or Krusty, or <any properteeee> person is like racing a one-legged dwarf.

...but less interesting and challenging.

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I don't think that's her. I've google and seen all the nearly naked piccies going.

So this isn't Christopher Biggins then? (now see what you have made me do!). It was part of Cancer UK's 'Give up clothes for good' in 2010.

article-1263766-0901B461000005DC-863_468

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