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Mrs Bear

So Sad...

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Went to the Christmas party at my mother's (dementia) care home last night. She's way past being able to enjoy it, so Mr B and I take turns to sit with her upstairs.

There is a poor old thing who is always wandering about with her coat on, asking if anyone can take her home. This has been going on for over a year - I always say, sorry, I haven't got the car today. But last night while I was upstairs she was very upset, saying she had to get home, her mother would be wondering where she was. The staff were very good and kind, saying it was too late now and very cold out, why didn't she go to bed, come on, she was very tired.

But she started crying, very upset, saying she had to speak to her mother first, she must speak to her mother...

So terribly sad. Should explain to anyone unfamiliar, it's no use telling anyone like this, however gently, that parents are long dead, they will only get very upset and forget within minutes or even seconds anyway, and ask again. No matter how often you say it they cannot retain anything.

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Shes very lonely and misses her mum.

The sad state of many people these days...dementia or not.

Some things just cant be cured with a pill..only a higher power can fix these people.

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I had similar experiences when my Mother was going through this. It is very sad but unavoidable. The main thing is that the care home is 'caring', not all are. There is a lot of money to be made in this sector and it seems to often rely on staff who are barely on minimum wages.

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I had similar experiences when my Mother was going through this. It is very sad but unavoidable. The main thing is that the care home is 'caring', not all are. There is a lot of money to be made in this sector and it seems to often rely on staff who are barely on minimum wages.

+1

Personally, I think that we need a Nye Bevan with the foresight to realise that the care for elderly people now needs a grand new plan and a separate organisation to the NHS. An organisation that can challenge the NHS to actually care for elderly people - we all will be there one day.

Alas, there are no Nye Bevans in Parliament and the economics of the UK means there is no money.

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+1

Personally, I think that we need a Nye Bevan with the foresight to realise that the care for elderly people now needs a grand new plan and a separate organisation to the NHS. An organisation that can challenge the NHS to actually care for elderly people - we all will be there one day.

Alas, there are no Nye Bevans in Parliament and the economics of the UK means there is no money.

The NHS is incapable of caring...it is a construct.

Only people can GIVE the care needed.

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It is sad to see but it is all part of life's journey, different for us all...it is as if some revert back to a child like state where they are totally dependent on others.....why look even Mrs Thatcher became a shadow of her former self, nobody is immune.... Give thanks to every independent healthy day.....nobody can guarantee tomorrow.

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The NHS is incapable of caring...it is a construct.

Only people can GIVE the care needed.

True, and must say hospital staff were very good with my mother when she was in with a broken hip. She was v stroppy on and off, telling them she was going to tell her father of them and he'd have them all put in prison - she was over 90 at the time.

At one point one of the nurses replied 'Well, I've just spoken to your father, and he says you've got to eat your lunch!' lol

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I shall write the tale of "MrPin's'" Sh1t Christmas when I have done it! I am now in the same boat!

Might not be too bad, Mr P - I have heard of many people doing very well and happily in CHs, and physical health often improves. Everything crossed for you.

My mother went through a long phase of wanting to go and see her parents. I would just say, yes, maybe we'll go tomorrow, when the roads aren't so busy/icy/whatever. It always satisfied her, thank heavens.

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Might not be too bad, Mr P - I have heard of many people doing very well and happily in CHs, and physical health often improves. Everything crossed for you.

My mother went through a long phase of wanting to go and see her parents. I would just say, yes, maybe we'll go tomorrow, when the roads aren't so busy/icy/whatever. It always satisfied her, thank heavens.

Well I will go there on Christmas day! I don't think she will want to see her parents. Let's see if she knows who I am!

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The NHS is incapable of caring...it is a construct.

Only people can GIVE the care needed.

If only we could make a society that cared for other people, but then humans are so greedy and self centred

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I shall be spending Christmas Day at a care home with my mother, who has advanced dementia.

I know, from experience, that the conversation will be:

"What day is it?"

"It's Christmas Day, mum. Merry Christmas".

Over the course of several hours, that conversation will be repeated about 100 times.

I still wouldn't miss Christmas Day with her.

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Might not be too bad, Mr P - I have heard of many people doing very well and happily in CHs, and physical health often improves. Everything crossed for you.

My mother went through a long phase of wanting to go and see her parents. I would just say, yes, maybe we'll go tomorrow, when the roads aren't so busy/icy/whatever. It always satisfied her, thank heavens.

You gave her the gift of Hope.

It is the biggest gift to humanity by the man in the sky.

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I shall be spending Christmas Day at a care home with my mother, who has advanced dementia.

I know, from experience, that the conversation will be:

"What day is it?"

"It's Christmas Day, mum. Merry Christmas".

Over the course of several hours, that conversation will be repeated about 100 times.

I still wouldn't miss Christmas Day with her.

Being with loved ones is more important than the gadget the media get us to waste all our hard earned money on.

You are a Good Son, God Loves you.

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Being with loved ones is more important than the gadget the media get us to waste all our hard earned money on.

You are a Good Son, God Loves you.

Oh, I remember the fuss when we first tried to put her in a home.

"But you like dogs", we said.

But Battersea refused her anyway.

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This sort of behaviour in dementia patients can indicate some sort of wish that they are unable to express. Sometimes it is simply that they want to go to the toilet and they can remember where it is at home but can't renen where it is in the present home. Staff have to delve deeper in order to find out what the patient is trying to express. It may not be prompted by loneliness.

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This sort of behaviour in dementia patients can indicate some sort of wish that they are unable to express. Sometimes it is simply that they want to go to the toilet and they can remember where it is at home but can't renen where it is in the present home. Staff have to delve deeper in order to find out what the patient is trying to express. It may not be prompted by loneliness.

What I dread is that, before she passes into a state where she is not aware of anything, she will become like one of the other residents (who has recently 'disappeared').

He sat in his chair, alone, saying "go away go away go away go away go away go away go away go away go away..." throughout his waking hours.

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This sort of behaviour in dementia patients can indicate some sort of wish that they are unable to express. Sometimes it is simply that they want to go to the toilet and they can remember where it is at home but can't renen where it is in the present home. Staff have to delve deeper in order to find out what the patient is trying to express. It may not be prompted by loneliness.

It can often also be because someone has lost more recent memories, and is living back in the past - hence people no longer recognise their own homes or spouses etc.

Some dementia expert described the memory as being like a set of bookshelves, newest memories at the top. With dementia, they gradually get swept away, from the top down. My mother has not known who any of her 4 kids are for ages, and no longer even seems to remember the childhood home and parents she used to talk about, thinking I was her sister - the one she never really got on with -eeek! - mind you she never really got on with any of them...

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It can often also be because someone has lost more recent memories, and is living back in the past - hence people no longer recognise their own homes or spouses etc.

Some dementia expert described the memory as being like a set of bookshelves, newest memories at the top. With dementia, they gradually get swept away, from the top down. My mother has not known who any of her 4 kids are for ages, and no longer even seems to remember the childhood home and parents she used to talk about, thinking I was her sister - the one she never really got on with -eeek! - mind you she never really got on with any of them...

My father didn't recognise any of us for around a year. Then his cousin visited. They spent a whole afternoon talking about true time as Boy Scout messengers for the fire brigade during WW2. You wouldn't have known he had Alzheimer's.

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My father didn't recognise any of us for around a year. Then his cousin visited. They spent a whole afternoon talking about true time as Boy Scout messengers for the fire brigade during WW2. You wouldn't have known he had Alzheimer's.

I shall talk about the Luftwaffe.

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Oh, I remember the fuss when we first tried to put her in a home.

"But you like dogs", we said.

But Battersea refused her anyway.

Lol, but IMO it's a shame care homes can't be combined with dogs' homes! Dogs don't care how old and batty you are, or whether you think you know everyone on the telly, or whether you've just had an 'accident'. Such good therapy - there should be a lot more 'pat' dogs visiting.

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