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anonguest

Door-To-Door God Botherers

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In the last half hour.....

Front door bell rings. I open the door.

God Botherer (GB): "Good morning...." (says late 50-something short and plump hag extending arm with small leaflet in hand thrust towards my face) "....can I ask do you think about the future..."

Me: (unusually caught 'off guard' and with my thoughts still elsewhere) Errrrm..........Don't you people usually come at weekends?!

Me: Despite appearances, and being at home, I am actually working - it is a weekday!

GB: Well perhaps I could leave this leaflet with you for you to read at the weekend......

Me (having now recovered my 'attack' frame of mind and in the process of starting to close the door): NO!

GB: It will answer a lot of questions you may have but never stop to seek.......

Me (pausing briefly): There is one question I bet it won't answer....

GB: Oh. What would that be?

Me: Why do you lot never let the pretty girl standing in the background (which there was!) do the talking?! I'm sure I could spare a few minutes trying to make this nice looking young lady see the light and spend our lives together engaging in endless debauchery....

GB (Abruptly turning around to go): Good day to you sir.

At least said young lady departed with wide smile on her face.

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I find a camera over the front door and walk up area solves a lot of this.

You only have to open it if you want to you know.....

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1970's. Wife answers the door, she has her hair tied in bundles, a tee-shirt and shorts on, looking 14 and not 24. Couple of Mormon lads who take one look at her and ask if her mother was in.

I told her she missed a golden opportunity, she should have replied "No, come in...." and given them half an hour of good flirty teasing, before calling me in from the back garden to help understand one of the more difficult theological points :P

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As somebody who is usually fairly hard-nosed (a quick "no thanks" as the phone goes down mid-spiel) I struggle with these. They are thoroughly nice people who (in their eyes) genuinely want to help you.

They spend their time knocking on the doors of disinterested / rude strangers which must be incredibly depressing and disheartening.

I'd like to say "I'm not interested but you are welcome to stop for a cup of tea and rest your feet if you promise not to try to convert me".

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Guest eight

Friend of mine once invited in a Jehovah's Witness as they were a man short for a Medal of Combat (or whatever) marathon. The guy turned out to be an accomplished player.

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Friend of mine once invited in a Jehovah's Witness as they were a man short for a Medal of Combat (or whatever) marathon. The guy turned out to be an accomplished player.

Sounds like a Hindu life long vegetarian friend of mine who came along with me and a group of mutual friends on a fishing boat trip out into the Channel - and excelled at bludgeoning the thrashing fish hauled in and thrown onto the deck of the boat!

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Invite them in, sit them down, lock the door, and launch into a four hour lecture about how you are controlled by Venusians who communicate with you using spoons.

ROFLMAO

Don't tempt me!

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Sexual crime....expect Plod round next.

I have, in fact just now, been reminded that this is 2014 and (sarcastically) 'told off' and for my phallocentric and mysogenistic display of sexual aggression, religious intolerance, and a failure to accept the valid diversity of culture.

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Invite them in, sit them down, lock the door, and launch into a four hour lecture about how you are controlled by Venusians who communicate with you using spoons.

That is the last thing people want to be is to be locked into a lecture forcing ones ideals onto another....enough to put anyone off, search and you shall find for yourself all you need to know. ;)

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As somebody who is usually fairly hard-nosed (a quick "no thanks" as the phone goes down mid-spiel) I struggle with these. They are thoroughly nice people who (in their eyes) genuinely want to help you.

They spend their time knocking on the doors of disinterested / rude strangers which must be incredibly depressing and disheartening.

I'd like to say "I'm not interested but you are welcome to stop for a cup of tea and rest your feet if you promise not to try to convert me".

Most are essentially well meaning and I don't give them any s**t. They're certainly less insistent than other door to door sales people and usually take the second 'no, thank you' for an answer.

(As an aside, is there a proven way to say no to door to door sales people that doesn't involve basically telling them to f**k off and slamming the door in their faces?)

However, my understanding, based on a couple of conversations with believers, is that followers of some of the loopier evangelical sects believer that if they preach the Word of God to X number of people that earns them the equivalent of Eternal Salvation Nectar points. The Word of God doesn't have to be conveyed in a coherent form, and if a passer-by hears just a snatch of your preaching and walks on, that counts as a 'kill'. The downside is that if a passer-by hears the Word and doesn't accept Jesus they are damned. Which strikes as a positively selfish, borderline wicked, thing to be doing. Best put your fingers in your ears when passing any street preachers, just to be on the safe side.

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Invite them in, sit them down, lock the door, and launch into a four hour lecture about how you are controlled by Venusians who communicate with you using spoons.

We have them knock on fairly regularly. It's usually gangs of little old people. I am always very polite to them. Even to tell them it's the third visit in so many weeks and they should really bugger off for a while.

My friend has encouraged one to go back home to the US. And is now on the banned list as he's much better at converting them than they are.

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I have, in fact just now, been reminded that this is 2014 and (sarcastically) 'told off' and for my phallocentric and mysogenistic display of sexual aggression, religious intolerance, and a failure to accept the valid diversity of culture.

Add in a few more words like,reflective practice and Accountability, and you are nearly there.

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Most are essentially well meaning and I don't give them any s**t. They're certainly less insistent than other door to door sales people and usually take the second 'no, thank you' for an answer.

(As an aside, is there a proven way to say no to door to door sales people that doesn't involve basically telling them to f**k off and slamming the door in their faces?)

However, my understanding, based on a couple of conversations with believers, is that followers of some of the loopier evangelical sects believer that if they preach the Word of God to X number of people that earns them the equivalent of Eternal Salvation Nectar points. The Word of God doesn't have to be conveyed in a coherent form, and if a passer-by hears just a snatch of your preaching and walks on, that counts as a 'kill'. The downside is that if a passer-by hears the Word and doesn't accept Jesus they are damned. Which strikes as a positively selfish, borderline wicked, thing to be doing. Best put your fingers in your ears when passing any street preachers, just to be on the safe side.

Go on then?

Re the latter point I knew Christian Evangelists at college who did concede this point; that they are damning their friends by telling them about God. I was always in two minds about them as like a bloke being friendly to a pretty girl they always had an ulterior motive - they couldn't wait to steer any conversation back to religion. Now I'm not an aetheist, or even agnostic, but I didn't dare admit it to these types or I would have been immediately enlisted and made to go out being friendly to people with the same ulterior motive.

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I have, in fact just now, been reminded that this is 2014 and (sarcastically) 'told off' and for my phallocentric and mysogenistic display of sexual aggression, religious intolerance, and a failure to accept the valid diversity of culture.

tve4160-19940822-2285.jpg

Parklife!

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A visit from the JWs is about the limit of contact some lonely people have.

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A visit from the JWs is about the limit of contact some lonely people have.

Perhaps it's more the other way round? That knocking on random doors results in just about the only contact with normal people that JWs manage to get!?

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.....At least said young lady departed with wide smile on her face.

Alas......thinking about it now, I'm no longer even sure if the 'smile' on that pretty lady was a response to my comment OR just a permanently present dopey 'brainwashed' grin?

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Perhaps it's more the other way round? That knocking on random doors results in just about the only contact with normal people that JWs manage to get!?

JWs do tend to flock together.

My point is a serious one though, there are thousands of lonely people out there..Its a big problem.

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