Wives Withholding Sex From Their Husbands.

[Turned Out Nice Again]

Prompted by the following brilliant blog post:

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/07/29/wives-withholding-sex-from-their-husbands/

"Last week many of you emailed and Facebooked me links to a sad yet educational event on Reddit.

If you don’t already know what I’m talking about, a husband created a spreadsheet tracking all the times he asked his wife for sex, notating when she said no along with the excuses she used. The wife found the spreadsheet and slapped it up on Reddit, in an attempt to shame her husband. She was shocked to discover that most Reddit readers were against her rather than defending her, though as you can imagine she did have some female defenders. [..]"

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/07/29/wives-withholding-sex-from-their-husbands/

In all cases, her real excuse was the following:

“Since I have been living-together monogamous with you for well past three years, I am now sexually bored with you and don’t enjoy sex with you any more. I still love you, but I don’t want to ****** you any more. It’s ew-icky now. So please stop asking me for sex. You’re annoying me.”

I seem to remember the last time frequency of long-term marital sex was raised in a thread here responses pretty much bore out the conclusions of the linked blog, ie. it seems pretty-much inevitable that at some point the sex will dry up, almost always at the instigation of the woman.

Is this one of those "Red Pills" that men contemplating marriage need to ingest?

And if in that situation, what do you do about it?

[ccc]

Prostitution. Everyone's a winner.

[porca misèria]

Damn, I thought this was going to be a Lysistrata post

[sPinwheel]

I thought weddding cakes kill womens sex drives.

[robo1968]

Having been happily single now for 2.5 years I can honestly say there are very few benefits to marriage for me

The thought of being in that position is the stuff of nightmares

[Northerner]

[porca misèria]

Having been happily single now for 2.5 years I can honestly say there are very few benefits to marriage for me

The thought of being in that position is the stuff of nightmares

Think of other positions. Or was I once particularly privileged in having a girlfriend who introduced me to the kama sutra?

[LiveinHope]

I seem to remember the last time frequency of long-term marital sex was raised in a thread here responses pretty much bore out the conclusions of the linked blog, ie. it seems pretty-much inevitable that at some point the sex will dry up, almost always at the instigation of the woman.

Is this one of the "Red Pills" that men contemplating marriage need to ingest?

And if in that situation, what do you do about it?

Marriage and monogamy is an artificial construct and few species undergo recreational sex.

The male's energetic investment in reproduction is minimal, whereas the female's is considerable.

So males naturally, are driven to have sex a lot and with a lot of partners irrespective of their quality, whereas female's want to reproduce with the best male, and ideally, to be continually pregnant.

So that explains the spreadsheet for me.

The situation is reversed where it is the males that brood the offspring and give parental care. So there maybe an alternative........

[bendy]

Row 18 is my usual debunking! Oh well

[robo1968]

Think of other positions. Or was I once particularly privileged in having a girlfriend who introduced me to the kama sutra?

I got a sybian, it attracts more female interest than a labrador puppy

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

Prompted by the following brilliant blog post:

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/07/29/wives-withholding-sex-from-their-husbands/

"Last week many of you emailed and Facebooked me links to a sad yet educational event on Reddit.

If you don’t already know what I’m talking about, a husband created a spreadsheet tracking all the times he asked his wife for sex, notating when she said no along with the excuses she used. The wife found the spreadsheet and slapped it up on Reddit, in an attempt to shame her husband. She was shocked to discover that most Reddit readers were against her rather than defending her, though as you can imagine she did have some female defenders. [..]"

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/07/29/wives-withholding-sex-from-their-husbands/

In all cases, her real excuse was the following:

“Since I have been living-together monogamous with you for well past three years, I am now sexually bored with you and don’t enjoy sex with you any more. I still love you, but I don’t want to ****** you any more. It’s ew-icky now. So please stop asking me for sex. You’re annoying me.”

I seem to remember the last time frequency of long-term marital sex was raised in a thread here responses pretty much bore out the conclusions of the linked blog, ie. it seems pretty-much inevitable that at some point the sex will dry up, almost always at the instigation of the woman.

Is this one of those "Red Pills" that men contemplating marriage need to ingest?

And if in that situation, what do you do about it?

Being in a relationship is about caring and fulfilling each others needs.

Problem is women often don't seem to think that their needs are as onerous as the ones men require. Examples :

"Listening to them drone on for hours and bitch about their mates".

"Moaning about the workplace".

"Having to tread on eggshells once per month".

"having to watch a load of nonsense on telly like X factor, strictly or eastenders".

"fashion, cosmetics, and all that rubbish".

So if I was refused, I would probably come out with something like "OK, that's fine, but next time you want to have a four hour discussion on why Annie is being unpleasant to you at work, how about you simply eat a big dish of STFU instead, because I'm not interested ?"

[LiveinHope]

I got a sybian, it attracts more female interest than a labrador puppy

Zero chance of getting pregnant by someone whose children you don't fancy bearing.

[thecrashingisles]

The husband really needs to learn some communication skills. This kind of message would have been better received by his wife if he'd made a Powerpoint presentation.

[Turned Out Nice Again]

Being in a relationship is about caring and fulfilling each others needs.

Problem is women often don't seem to think that their needs are as onerous as the ones men require. Examples :

"Listening to them drone on for hours and bitch about their mates".

"Moaning about the workplace".

"Having to tread on eggshells once per month".

"having to watch a load of nonsense on telly like X factor, strictly or eastenders".

"fashion, cosmetics, and all that rubbish".

So if I was refused, I would probably come out with something like "OK, that's fine, but next time you want to have a four hour discussion on why Annie is being unpleasant to you at work, how about you simply eat a big dish of STFU instead, because I'm not interested ?"

Good one.

How about CCC's suggestion of prostitution -- preferably in-house rather than out-sourced, ie. offering wifey money for sexual services?

possibly with refunds or discounts applying for such reciprocal services as you described, or maybe a barter system?

[Bloo Loo]

Wives never withhold...they just want it all done in the right order, whereas, occasionally, we just want to "hop on".

[OnionTerror]

...or go down Davecat's route...

[RichB]

"Having to tread on eggshells once per month".

Aye, for at least 28 days at a time.

[Turned Out Nice Again]

...or go down Davecat's route...

fair play to him. I do think the day of the fembot will soon be upon us, or at least immersive virtual sex partners, which will potentially be a game-changer.

I always thought it was funny that "Stepford WIves" was touted as a feminist movie. I saw it as the exact opposite of feminism, ie. an indictment of real women that they could be so satisfactorily replaced by sex androids.

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

Good one.

How about CCC's suggestion of prostitution -- preferably in-house rather than out-sourced, ie. offering wifey money for sexual services?

possibly with refunds or discounts applying for such reciprocal services as you described, or maybe a barter system?

No need. By the time you get to this point the relationship is probably doomed anyway. In the example above, the woman is signalling, I know your needs, but I don't want to accommodate them. Do you think this situation will get better or worse with time ?

Everybody I know who is in a successful relationship knows that relationships are about accomodating the other persons requirements so that together you can have a better life. This is not often formally stated, but is realised and accepted by both parties.

And the systems you describe do operate in many households. They are just not formalised or overt.

[robo1968]

Good one.

How about CCC's suggestion of prostitution -- preferably in-house rather than out-sourced, ie. offering wifey money for sexual services?

possibly with refunds or discounts applying for such reciprocal services as you described, or maybe a barter system?

She is probably receiving money already in the way of living expenses anyway, perhaps he should ask for it back

[robo1968]

Zero chance of getting pregnant by someone whose children you don't fancy bearing.

Just make sure you have sound proofing

[Turned Out Nice Again]

No need. By the time you get to this point the relationship is probably doomed anyway. In the example above, the woman is signalling, I know your needs, but I don't want to accommodate them. Do you think this situation will get better or worse with time ?

Everybody I know who is in a successful relationship knows that relationships are about accomodating the other persons requirements so that together you can have a better life. This is not often formally stated, but is realised and accepted by both parties.

And the systems you describe do operate in many households. They are just not formalised or overt.

Hmm .. how about when she is happily accommodating her husband's needs and desires everywhere *except* the bedroom?

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

Hmm .. how about when she is happily accommodating her husband's needs and desires everywhere *except* the bedroom?

Then he has to decide whether that is something he will settle for or not. But in signalling that he will settle for it ultimately that is the route to getting no sex whatsoever, for the rest of his marriage. That's miserable. Better off finding a partner you are more compatible with in that respect.

[Battenberg]

Then he has to decide whether that is something he will settle for or not. But in signalling that he will settle for it ultimately that is the route to getting no sex whatsoever, for the rest of his marriage. That's miserable. Better off finding a partner you are more compatible with in that respect.

Still, he's getting it approximately once a fortnight according to his list and I bet there's quite a few single blokes who don't even get that.

[Turned Out Nice Again]

Then he has to decide whether that is something he will settle for or not. But in signalling that he will settle for it ultimately that is the route to getting no sex whatsoever, for the rest of his marriage. That's miserable. Better off finding a partner you are more compatible with in that respect.

I think the message of the linked blog article, supported by other sources, is that "more compatible" (sexual) partners for men are in short supply, ie. this is how the vast majority of women just are after 3+ years of marriage.