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Rave

Alcoholism

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I've posted on here before about my drinking, possibly more than once. Received some good and kind advice as a result too, but I'm drunk again and CBA to go looking.

As I'm typing it's 7.20am and I'm still awake. Looking at the empty bottle evidence I've drunk a litre of 40% whisky and a litre of 13% wine since I got home from my holiday in Spain 32 hours ago, so that's 53 units. I can still type this fairly easily.

I can and have gone cold turkey for periods ranging from a couple of days to three months since I became a drinker. But it always sucks me back in. I wonder now if I'm ever truly sober, given that the liver can only process one unit of alcohol an hour...

The trouble is that I reckon I'd find it easy enough to stop if I was suffering any obvious health problems as a result, but I'm not (I'm 35, if that matters). I can still easily manage the 17 mile cycle round trip to Central London to get my holiday Euros, and a 500m open sea swim the day after 6 pints of San Miguel and a couple of Spanish size brandies.

I could of course go to my GP and ask for help but I'd be embarrassed to do so given that the obvious answer is not to have my first drink of the evening. It's just that my otherwise very rational, determined personality seems to vanish around the time that I feel I can justify my first drink of the day- which today was 11pm, having sat with my wife in A&E for the 6 hours previous (she's fine, just a nasty muscle strain apparently).

Any advice- including the obvious, which would just be to pull myself together- would be appreciated. If the general consensus is that I'm just being pathetic, then who knows, that might strengthen my resolve.

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I'm a teetotaller (and have been since my teens - alcohol tastes awful to and doesn't agree with me) so I don't really feel qualified to offer much help.

But in your situation, I would certainly get some outside help - even if only to confirm there's a problem/you aren't doing yourself any harm - because from where I'm sitting it sounds like a bit of a problem to me. That's a lot of alcohol to consume in a relatively short time with no apparent justification (i.e. a party where you lost control a bit).

Perhaps one step might be to simply cut down on the availability of alcohol at home? Also what does your wife think? Is she concerned at all?

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The problem with going to your GP is that ALCOHOLIC is going to be stamped on your medical records.

Which is not good if you ever want a job where they do vetting of your medical records.

Maybe some kind of support group?

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Do you acknowledge that you have a binge drinking problem?

Do you want to do something about it?

Yes, and yes. Not interested in AA though as one of the Twelve Steps is admitting there's a higher power! I'm not an asshole activist atheist like Dawkins et al, but I am a very committed one! I don't believe that any god is going to help me, it's a problem I sort out for myself.

SSC, it's kind of a moot point whether my wife is worried since I was drunk when I chatted her up and haven't changed much since.

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I'm no expert but I would expect a doctor to know better than to simply tell you not to have the first drink of the evening. That said, my faith in doctors has diminished considerably over the past couple of years.

One question - do you know why you drink? Being able to honestly answer that question (to yourself, at least) is a huge step toward understanding your specific addiction, and understanding it will help a huge amount in getting to a point where you genuinely want to stop, at which point it will become much easier.

I'm speaking as someone who drank way too much for over 20 years, and there are many things I could say to you that I wouldn't want to post on a public forum. But feel free to drop me a pm if I can help in any way.

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First of all - your are not being pathetic. You have a problem. You need help. Asking for help is the first step, and often the hardest step, to take. I think asking for help is a very brave thing for you to do.

But ''Pull yourself together'' is not it. I would tend to ignore anyone who ever tells you that. They won't have a clue how to help you.

You clearly have a problem and I wonder whether the drinking is in fact a symptom rather than the actual problem.

In other words, your problem - whatever it is - manifests in yourself drinking to such excess. For others the symptom would not be alcohol but, for example, it could be panic attacks or agoraphobia. Or it could be violence or many other things.

I think you need to talk to a professional about this. The GP is the obvious first step but I know that you actually need to talk to a trained counsellor who can help you work out what your real problem is. Your GP can start the process of putting you in touch with someone.

Your above post mentions your 'determined personality' - determined personalities are fine in certain cases.

They can mean the difference between life and death in survival circumstances and did us very well for tens of thousands of years when there were sabre-toothed tigers lurking behind rocks. But a determined personality can cause us all sorts of problems, which manifest in all sorts of ways, when we are living in a 2-up 2-down in the 21st. Century. The fight or flight response still exists in all of us and, for whatever reason, if we feel that we cannot fight or do flight then we often become ill.

I am a great believer in the concept of the 'inner child'.

The idea is that each of us have a part of ourselves inside that has suffered hurt or a wrong at some time in our past. As we grow up and travel through life that hurt or wrong is always with us. We put it to the back of our minds. We bury it deep within our subconcious. It is our constant companion even though most of us are not aware of it.

But the inner child in each of us needs to be healed. The wrongs and the hurt need to be confronted and dealt with. I believe that each and everyone of us has an inner child needing to be healed.

I don't know your circumstances but I am 99% sure that you have something in your past, or even in your life now, that is the real cause of why you need to drink. It might have been the slightest slight said or done against you when you were a child. Something that a parent, relative, adult or teacher did, or did not do, to you when you were young.

It could be being bullied or being a bully for some. For others it is not being hugged or given enough love. Or seeing love poured onto a silbing and not on yourself. It could be feelings of guilt about sexuality. It could be something that we might think is really trivial right now as an adult but, as a child, was hugely important and significant to us. It could even be the problems of a parent imprinted on to us so that we carry on the angst and problems from one generation to the next.

These things get imprinted on us and are with us throughout our lives. If something hurts us we bury it and try to forget it. But whatever it is it will be there in our subconcious minds until it is confronted, dealt with and put to rest.

It can be a very powerful and cathartic experience confronting the inner child and putting to rest our demons. For most people it is life-changing and hugely life-enhancing.

Your first step is to go and see your GP. You need to talk to a counsellor. Whether that is someone your GP recommends or whether it is via a service like AA I don't know. But you do need to talk to someone who is trained to help.

Ignore anyone who tells you to pull yourself together. You have taken a very brave first step by asking for help here. Now take the next one and please go and see your GP or ring up AA.

Remember, you are a beautiful person. You have a right to be here as much as anyone else. You have a right to be happy and to live a fulfilled and happy life. You just need some help now. Go get it.

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The problem with going to your GP is that ALCOHOLIC is going to be stamped on your medical records.

Which is not good if you ever want a job where they do vetting of your medical records.

Maybe some kind of support group?

Already on there, since I was obliged by my employer to see my GP after the one side effect heavy boozing seems to have on me- occasional Diarrhoea- meant I took two sick days in one year :rolleyes: .

I opted out of that data mining sillyness last year obviously.

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Your first step is to go and see your GP. You need to talk to a counsellor. Whether that is someone your GP recommends or whether it is via a service like AA I don't know. But you do need to talk to someone who is trained to help.

Ignore anyone who tells you to pull yourself together. You have taken a very brave first step by asking for help here. Now take the next one and please go and see your GP or ring up AA.

Remember, you are a beautiful person. You have a right to be here as much as anyone else. You have a right to be happy and to live a fulfilled and happy life. You just need some help now. Go get it.

+100 million.

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You work at a bus depot don't you? Why not ask to get back to some driving duties - enforced sobriety right there. Also you're into the weights aren't you? Why not set a new personal best target which you'd need to train for?

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I started to get concerned about the level of my drinking a couple of years ago - not so much the monster sessions anymore (I'm 47), more the odd pints and glasses of wine which had a nasty habit of creeping up on me.

I tried to cut down and had a nightmare so I read the Alan Carr book "the easy way to control your drinking " and I haven't had a drink since - that will be two years in November. What's more I haven't missed it in the slightest.

The book costs about a fiver and can be read easily in a couple of evenings. I personally would read this and consider AA or your GP if your still struggling after reading the book

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I started to get concerned about the level of my drinking a couple of years ago - not so much the monster sessions anymore (I'm 47), more the odd pints and glasses of wine which had a nasty habit of creeping up on me.

I tried to cut down and had a nightmare so I read the Alan Carr book "the easy way to control your drinking " and I haven't had a drink since - that will be two years in November. What's more I haven't missed it in the slightest.

The book costs about a fiver and can be read easily in a couple of evenings. I personally would read this and consider AA or your GP if your still struggling after reading the book

Fantastic words, Mr Hounslow! I sometimes have to go to places where drinking is not permitted. I feel twice the man when I come back. Think of that Mr Rave!

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Amazing post TMT, many thanks. The thing is that in general I was quite a miserable teenager and young adult, and since I started the boozing in my early 20s I've generally been pretty happy. Like I say I met my wife in the pub and we've been married 11 years.

I think what really terrifies me is that I might just be drinking for no other reason than that I really enjoy it, and stopping might leave a hole in my life that I'd struggle to fill. I've ended up hating my job, but I was a heavy drinker even when I enjoyed it. I'm pretty depressed about living with my mum at the age of 35 (in a large 4-bed house with my wife, so it's O.K.), and I'm constantly on Twitter abusing politicians who support the housing status quo, but I was probably sh!tfaced when I signed up to this forum in 2005, and certainly have been for most of the time since, so that's not a major reason either.

Like I say I'm not actually ill yet, but rationally I can't expect to get away with drinking 100+ units a week for that much longer. I guess chatting to a trained professional really wouldn't hurt!

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I tried to cut down and had a nightmare so I read the Alan Carr book "the easy way to control your drinking " and I haven't had a drink since - that will be two years in November. What's more I haven't missed it in the slightest.

The book costs about a fiver and can be read easily in a couple of evenings. I personally would read this and consider AA or your GP if your still struggling after reading the book

Got it and started reading it...and then got thoroughly annoyed when he suggested that being drunk isn't actually enjoyable, which it may not be for him, but has been many many times for me!

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Amazing post TMT, many thanks. The thing is that in general I was quite a miserable teenager and young adult, and since I started the boozing in my early 20s I've generally been pretty happy. Like I say I met my wife in the pub and we've been married 11 years.

I think what really terrifies me is that I might just be drinking for no other reason than that I really enjoy it, and stopping might leave a hole in my life that I'd struggle to fill. I've ended up hating my job, but I was a heavy drinker even when I enjoyed it. I'm pretty depressed about living with my mum at the age of 35 (in a large 4-bed house with my wife, so it's O.K.), and I'm constantly on Twitter abusing politicians who support the housing status quo, but I was probably sh!tfaced when I signed up to this forum in 2005, and certainly have been for most of the time since, so that's not a major reason either.

Like I say I'm not actually ill yet, but rationally I can't expect to get away with drinking 100+ units a week for that much longer. I guess chatting to a trained professional really wouldn't hurt!

Yes it will! You have to take control of your own life!

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You work at a bus depot don't you? Why not ask to get back to some driving duties - enforced sobriety right there. Also you're into the weights aren't you? Why not set a new personal best target which you'd need to train for?

You don't have to do a breath test to sign on for your driving duty, so that's a no. As for the lifting, haven't done any for over a year now. I definitely intend to get back into it but I got pretty butch on a post-workout regime of 400g of Basics beef mince washed down with a bottle of wine and change...

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Amazing post TMT, many thanks. The thing is that in general I was quite a miserable teenager and young adult, and since I started the boozing in my early 20s I've generally been pretty happy. Like I say I met my wife in the pub and we've been married 11 years.

I think what really terrifies me is that I might just be drinking for no other reason than that I really enjoy it, and stopping might leave a hole in my life that I'd struggle to fill. I've ended up hating my job, but I was a heavy drinker even when I enjoyed it. I'm pretty depressed about living with my mum at the age of 35 (in a large 4-bed house with my wife, so it's O.K.), and I'm constantly on Twitter abusing politicians who support the housing status quo, but I was probably sh!tfaced when I signed up to this forum in 2005, and certainly have been for most of the time since, so that's not a major reason either.

Like I say I'm not actually ill yet, but rationally I can't expect to get away with drinking 100+ units a week for that much longer. I guess chatting to a trained professional really wouldn't hurt!

You need to tell all of the above to a trained counsellor. First step is picking up the phone to your GP and making an appointment.

I am not sure how the process works in your part of the country as the NHS operates differently in different parts of the country when it comes to seeing a counsellor. As I said above, you might have to contact both your GP and your local AA support group. But your GP will know. He/She is the first point of call for you to get help.

Please go and get it.

FWIIW I suspect that there are a great many people in the UK right now who are suffering from anxiety & depression as a result of this housing bubble.

They have worked hard, saved and feel that, by now, they should be living in their own homes having a great life. Instead, more and more adults are finding themselves still living at home with their parents even into their 40s due to the UK house price madness. I personally think that this is going by unnoticed because it simply does not register on the radar of those who are doing nicely from HPI such as medics, media and politicians.

Call your GP and make an appointment please.

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Got it and started reading it...and then got thoroughly annoyed when he suggested that being drunk isn't actually enjoyable, which it may not be for him, but has been many many times for me!

That sounds good. Whether you agree with him or not he is actually challenging you. Challenging beliefs is an important part of working out what our problems are on the road to getting better :)

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Amazing post TMT, many thanks. The thing is that in general I was quite a miserable teenager and young adult, and since I started the boozing in my early 20s I've generally been pretty happy. Like I say I met my wife in the pub and we've been married 11 years.

I think what really terrifies me is that I might just be drinking for no other reason than that I really enjoy it, and stopping might leave a hole in my life that I'd struggle to fill. I've ended up hating my job, but I was a heavy drinker even when I enjoyed it. I'm pretty depressed about living with my mum at the age of 35 (in a large 4-bed house with my wife, so it's O.K.), and I'm constantly on Twitter abusing politicians who support the housing status quo, but I was probably sh!tfaced when I signed up to this forum in 2005, and certainly have been for most of the time since, so that's not a major reason either.

Like I say I'm not actually ill yet, but rationally I can't expect to get away with drinking 100+ units a week for that much longer. I guess chatting to a trained professional really wouldn't hurt!

Amazing? Really? You don't sound like the sort to take new age 'inner child' musings too seriously. On that path though, you could easily end up looking at something like this http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1849010684?pc_redir=1413036491&robot_redir=1 I believe the book is used clinically, don't recall any inner child references, although my memory is shot. It tries to get to the bottom of why we behave in these destructive/unhelpful ways and then leads you on a new path by improving self worth.

If you can throw yourself into addictions, drink, weights, engineering, p0rn no doubt, I expect you're a good candidate for CBT.

On the other hand, I continually get recommended to do this stuff and just don't get anywhere, thus my desire to change my life is constantly challenged. To which I say, they can go ****** themselves.

Something about anger management has also been mentioned...

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I feel pretty annoyed that we get so heavily taxed on alcohol when in moderation it is essential to good health. I have a propensity to high cholesterol..red wine keeps it under control, a reduction from the sixes to the fours. I only ever drink about 200ml...or about one and a half bottles a week.

It comes to something when Customs and Excise are taxing medicine.

I tried some Bulgarian Cabernet last night because it was only £3.49 a bottle...but to be honest like most European wine it tasted pretty shitty compared to the New World stuff.

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Got it and started reading it...and then got thoroughly annoyed when he suggested that being drunk isn't actually enjoyable, which it may not be for him, but has been many many times for me!

I would highly recommend that you try and push through and finish the book as it all "comes together" in the end and makes sense. It did to me anyway.

Alternatively the book "kick the drink" by Jason Vale is also worth a read. Same message as Carr, but with a younger focus eg fewer anecdotes about the golf club dinner and more about going out with your mates on the lash. But I would highly recommend finishing the Carr book first

I know exactly what you mean about " I think what really terrifies me is that I might just be drinking for no other reason than that I really enjoy it, and stopping might leave a hole in my life that I'd struggle to fill." I felt exactly the same but I can assure you it isn't like that. I still go to pubs regularly but just have coffee or a soft drink instead. I know how that must sound but I can assure you it isn't boring.

I am usually the first to leave work dos - when people start getting repetitive I slip away. Again that might sound boring, but what am I really missing. For me that was the stage of the night when my memory became patchy and there were weird £100 cashpoint withdrawals from my account.

I have now realised how much time money and energy booze soaked up I enjoyed drinking but am glad I've stopped off that makes sense.

Please give the book another go. It does make sense at the end. And is there are still questions I will do my best to help with them.

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Rave I stopped at the age of 30 when my usual routine was 3-4 pints, a couple of litres of cider and a bottle of red at least. Plus the odd night when I'd mysteriously polish off a bottle of gin between 4 and 8 in morning.

Not just that my head was messy. I spent a lot of time arguing with folk on the internet and was generally pretty miserable but just couldn't be arsed to do anything.

Very happy non drinker today...there are no holes in my life that need filling. Actually this was more true in my drinking days...no doubt part of the reason why I was slowly killing myself.

No stigma in it mate, and yes - f*ck anyone who says pull yourself together, get a hobby or do something that means you "can't" drink. ..with due respect to them they might be well meaning, but probably don't know what they're talking about.

GP, AA or counsellor would be my advice. And don't discount AA. It's free, confidential and the people you meet there will be talking from their own experience.

Good luck mate

P

I am still building your first Church. I have run out of Lego!

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Amazing post TMT, many thanks. The thing is that in general I was quite a miserable teenager and young adult, and since I started the boozing in my early 20s I've generally been pretty happy. Like I say I met my wife in the pub and we've been married 11 years.

I think what really terrifies me is that I might just be drinking for no other reason than that I really enjoy it, and stopping might leave a hole in my life that I'd struggle to fill. I've ended up hating my job, but I was a heavy drinker even when I enjoyed it. I'm pretty depressed about living with my mum at the age of 35 (in a large 4-bed house with my wife, so it's O.K.), and I'm constantly on Twitter abusing politicians who support the housing status quo, but I was probably sh!tfaced when I signed up to this forum in 2005, and certainly have been for most of the time since, so that's not a major reason either.

Like I say I'm not actually ill yet, but rationally I can't expect to get away with drinking 100+ units a week for that much longer. I guess chatting to a trained professional really wouldn't hurt!

That's why I do it. However 53 units would be an unusually heavy week for me. I allow myself a maximum of two really big drinks a year. The rest of the time two pints is my usual indulgence.

Very few people can hold down a job and drink like you do. It will get harder as you get older. Take the good advice offered now. In a few years time it might be too late.

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Amazing? Really? You don't sound like the sort to take new age 'inner child' musings too seriously. On that path though, you could easily end up looking at something like this http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1849010684?pc_redir=1413036491&robot_redir=1 I believe the book is used clinically, don't recall any inner child references, although my memory is shot. It tries to get to the bottom of why we behave in these destructive/unhelpful ways and then leads you on a new path by improving self worth.

If you can throw yourself into addictions, drink, weights, engineering, p0rn no doubt, I expect you're a good candidate for CBT.

On the other hand, I continually get recommended to do this stuff and just don't get anywhere, thus my desire to change my life is constantly challenged. To which I say, they can go ****** themselves.

Something about anger management has also been mentioned...

Actually I didn't read it as any kind of 'New Age' stuff- it resonated with me because, at the age of 35, I don't actually feel like I've ever 'grown up'. I've been married 11 years, worked 8 day stints getting up at 3.30am every day, replaced the dampers on a car with a jack and spring compressors because they needed doing, and been a kind, gentle and supportive friend to several people who needed my help. I've done pretty much a 180 degree turnaround in my politics over the last couple of years from bleeding heart statist liberal to a hardcore GeoLibertarian, 'cos I got on here and read further (H/T to Frizzers, Life After The State is a fantastic book). But I've never really woken up and felt like I'm in charge of my own destiny,

But your post is easily as perceptive as TMTs...while I was out having a fag I pretty much concluded that low self-esteem may well be my primary issue, and then came back and read your post which nailed it. My dad was a miserable ******* (I don't blame him, his dad was worse) and I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about what people think of me.

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