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Onion Boy

The Mother Of My Kids Abuses Them Systematically

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They are being physically, psychologically and emotionally abused in ways I can't go into and nobody who can help actually cares.

Today it has transpired that Mum is nipping my two with her sharp nails, in a fist grab manner, and squeezing to inflict pain. I want too call social services but I understand there could be a case ongoing already, raised by a concerned member of her family and, having raised concerns in the past myself and suffered what felt like gender discrimination I'm unsure if I'm even credible enough and it looking even more like sour grapes.

I feel like I need to call, & I know that people might find it very difficult too advise on this, especially given I can't say to much on the issue, but it felt good just to write this.

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Sorry to hear about this situation. If contacting social services directly hasn't worked in the past you could call somebody like the NSPCC who should be able to advise you and even contact social services on your behalf.

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/the-nspcc-helpline/how-to-contact-us/how-to-contact-us_wda89787.html

Before starting it is worth writing down with a pen and paper what you already know and how and when you came to know it and adding to this over time if you come across new information. This should help the credibility of your story.

I would strongly advise not leaving it to others to put information forward to social services etc as you may know things they don't and you could be mistaken about the fact that others are pursuing this. As an adult you are in a position to take personal responsibility and to act independently to protect children who cannot protect themselves.

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Thank you for the replies. I am very reticent too divulge to much but I can say that I have contacted four different services personally in respect of ongoing matters as well as legal avenues and helplines. Also spoke with school staff on three occasions. Many authorities will point the finger at each other I have found without actually doing anything other than to inform the person of their visit in advance, turn up and be amazed by the show. Man = bad = liar. Kids are around 6.

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Surely nipping like this is leaving telltale bruises. Children's skin would show up marks like this which are not the normal knocks that a child gets. If the children are old enough to tell someone try to get them to tell a nursery teacher or school nurse. They will take the matter up.

This. Their teacher or any other professional (e.g. nurse or doctor) that works with kids is obliged to take it up and report it to children's services, police or NSPCC (as well as follow up to make sure the report has been properly logged/action is being taken). But obviously not every kid is up to talking about what their mum is doing to them - but if they can it may help speed things up.

Alternatively if you don't wish to call children's services, you can call the police or NSPCC on 0808 800 5000.

Good luck with it, mate - and keep persisting as well as taking any necessary notes etc. You will get there in the end.

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I wondered about the bruising myself, unless it is done in a short and sharp manner it would surely leave marks. I know that the individual is controlling enough to know the limit where it is still very painful.

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Is your GP the same GP that your children and your ex see? If so, go and see your GP and tell your GP of your concerns. Your GP can get social services involved.

Be warned - and I don't mean to put you off here by any means - that you will be opening a can of worms. You will likely be faced with various bodies that are, let us say, biased in favour of the Mother. Your ex will also be asked for her thoughts eventually and you could have the most awful allegations made against you by her.

However, the right organisations will go along and observe and experienced people will be able to tell what is going on. Whether you get the good people or not is a matter of pot luck though to be honest.

Do you know if your ex has any mental health issues - think long and hard about that. Has either her, or anyone close to her such as family, every mentioned something that, at the time, you either dismissed or did not understand what was being said?

Here is an excellent forum for people who are in a relationship with, and have children with, someone who is a borderline or narcisstic personality. If you read through a few pages of the forum you will find threads similar to those that you are experiencing:

http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0

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Document everything. Keep a dated journal of any incidents that you witness or that are reported to you by your kids (include the manner in which they are reported to you), photograph any injuries and record verbal abuse if you get the opportunity to do so. If you have the money probably the best thing to do would be to consult an experienced solicitor about how you should proceed (this should also help protect you from retaliatory accusations as they will be able to advise how to best deflect these). A good solicitor will be better placed to make the authorities actually do their jobs than you are. Also think about what the best resolution to the situation would be from your kids' perspective and from your perspective and whether these are realistic goals? This could easily end up being a custody battle.

Sorry to hear about your and your kids' situation and good luck.

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Thank you for the replies. I am very reticent too divulge to much but I can say that I have contacted four different services personally in respect of ongoing matters as well as legal avenues and helplines. Also spoke with school staff on three occasions. Many authorities will point the finger at each other I have found without actually doing anything other than to inform the person of their visit in advance, turn up and be amazed by the show. Man = bad = liar. Kids are around 6.

It's sometimes the father that is good one! I apologise for my other comment! It was rather facetious! :wacko:

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Unfortunately it seems the cops have to witness it happening or I need pretty darned good (impossible to get without bugging a house) evidence but even then such evidence would be thrown away.

It looks like it's going to take the children to turn on their mother, but only when they're old enough too be looked upon as having a voice

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I really wish I could say more about this to help you better understand. Some of the stuff that the authorities are already aware of would shock.

I often wonder in the midst of the mental carnage this situation is causing my whole family: Clearly people DO care about stuff like this, so why don't the people whose job it is?

Thank you very much for the supportive type messages and information alike

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Have your children complained to you?

Home is such an unhappy place that one of my children is asking to stay with me and telling me things of their own free will. The others are confused. I don't want to split up the children. They need each other

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Do the authorities have evidence for abuse that they are ignoring? If so a solicitor could really help as could complaining to your MP and maybe threatening to take the story to the press (without including your names of course). Sometimes it's just that the departments involved are too overworked and you need to do something to make your kids' case a priority with them.

How would your ex feel about the kids spending more time with you? Depending on the level of abuse it might be that stress is a factor and they might welcome sharing custody? Would it be worth discussing this with them?

Also re. evidence and again depending on the level of abuse perhaps you should consider a nanny cam: http://www.eyetek.co.uk/blog/nanny-cam/

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The last time the authorities were called was after my daughter was hit in the face and kept off school for a few days til the marks disappeared. It was fairly recently but no mention from the kids of any chats with anybody (thought I'd better try to rest their minds at ease that if someone asks them about stuff they know they can talk to them without fear) so that's what I mean... If I phone tomorrow with the nipping story plus a few new incidental notes of neglect it might backfire

I think I'd better phone with the new info anyway. I want this to end for them. Just wish I realised what she was doing when I left her as I would not have left the children with her

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I am surprised that no person of authority has taken action. I've done some training on detecting child abuse and we were told in no uncertain terms that if we ignored it then it would be misconduct on our part. It was made clear that it was our duty to report it to our line manager in writing and ensure that notice was taken of it.

Same for me. Report it, and make sure it's properly logged.

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The last time the authorities were called was after my daughter was hit in the face and kept off school for a few days til the marks disappeared. It was fairly recently but no mention from the kids of any chats with anybody (thought I'd better try to rest their minds at ease that if someone asks them about stuff they know they can talk to them without fear) so that's what I mean... If I phone tomorrow with the nipping story plus a few new incidental notes of neglect it might backfire

I think I'd better phone with the new info anyway. I want this to end for them. Just wish I realised what she was doing when I left her as I would not have left the children with her

That bit in bold is definitely the right thing to do. Hitting your daughter in the face is assault so the police should be involved with that incident, not just social services.

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Well, as awful as that is for you all at least there is a medical history of such problems.

Does she take medication and, if so, is it perhaps that she is not taking the medication currently? No need to answer that - just something for you to think about if you already haven't.

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That bit in bold is definitely the right thing to do. Hitting your daughter in the face is assault so the police should be involved with that incident, not just social services.

Police have seemed pretty powerless so far, even when I have witnessed then complained, but hopefully the evidence is something enough this time so I will call them again. I fear how bad things have to get before her mask is blown

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