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The XYY Man

Xyy Man Gobbles Pensioner's Chicken...!

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Mr and Mrs XYY senior have lived in sheltered accommodation for the past few years, and in this time, I have ended up as a kind of IT and consumer electronics odd-job man for them and all their neighbours.

I get all the wireless router set-up jobs, and sort out stuff like SCART & HDMI wires and such like when the old dears buy new tellies.

Now I cannot take cash from pensioners, but that generation are proud and will insist you do - and indeed will often be offended when you refuse to take the spondooliks.

A compromise that keeps both sides happy is taking something other than cash, so I often leave with a few cans of beer, or maybe some home-made pies, jam or chutney, and this allows both parties to stay within their principles.

Yesterday, after getting a lap-top talking to the router and fitting a set of wireless headphones to a new telly, I received what is probably my most unusual gift to-date - a frozen chicken...!

So come on fellow hpcers - what's the most bizarre renumiration that you've received over the years for services rendered...?

And knowing you lot, I'm expecting my chicken to be nowhere near the most weird...! ;)

XYY

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I used to work at McCains chip factory near Schiphol sucking up the bad chips off a conveyor belt using a massive overhead vacuum cleaner.

On a Friday you would get several big bags of frozen McCain chips. My mate who I shared a house with used to work at the docks at Ijmuiden unloading crates of frozen mackerel.

We used to eat mackerel and chips virtually every night.

Mackerel works for me Mr Airmail - 'specially the smoked stuff with peppercorns.

Only downside can be the number of bones - especially if you enjoy them pickled in gin like the queen-mother...!

Are you the queen-mother airmail...?

;)

XYY

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Back in 2002 I showed my dentist how to get a web site up and running for his practice on Geocities (remember them?) and he gave me a filling in exchange.

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As a student I shared a flat above a butchers shop. In return for not complaining about the 7am onward thumping of cleavers on carcasses from below, we got a heavy bag of freebie mixed meats every Saturday evening.

Sunday was massive roast dinner day.

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When I first left university I worked as a s/w engineer for a company that had started life as a shipbuilder - and still built ships. The work I was doing was nothing whatsoever to do with ships. However, whenever a ship was launched everyone in the company got a can of beer to celebrate.

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I helped an elderly lady clean out her garage once, and got a big black clock!

It's what every bloke needs! :wacko:

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I helped an elderly lady clean out her garage once, and got a big black clock!

It's what every bloke needs! :wacko:

You should've insisted on cash and got yourself some pin-money...

;)

Fairly lame quip I know - but it's Sunday and I'm still hungover...

XYY

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I give people jam as a thank you. Earlier in the year it would have been rhubarb.

The blokes who drop bark off on our allotment don't ask for anything but it's a bit rude not to offer them anything. One took a load of courgettes last year and thought I was being uber generous. :)

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A few interesting ones so far, Sarah's courgettes and nicey's dental work are heading in the right direction - unlike Pinny's 'big black clock', which was just an excuse for smutty innuendo...! ;)

Still waiting for some totally bizarre items though.

Howay folks - where's the false-limbs or sun-dried buffalo testicles...?

:)

XYY

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A few interesting ones so far, Sarah's courgettes and nicey's dental work are heading in the right direction - unlike Pinny's 'big black clock', which was just an excuse for smutty innuendo...! ;)

:)

XYY

My "innuendo" is perfectly clean, and the filth is in your head! :blink:

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My "innuendo" is perfectly clean, and the filth is in your head! :blink:

Damn you Pin and your witty retorts...!

Mind you - if the things I read on this forum are true - then the filth is also most abundant in renty's letterbox and mucky-Joe's eiderdown...

;)

XYY

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Damn you Pin and your witty retorts...!

Mind you - if the things I read on this forum are true - then the filth is also most abundant in renty's letterbox and mucky-Joe's eiderdown...

;)

XYY

I don't really post my excrement! I think Mr Renty made it up! And as for Joe, well he's younger than me, so the whole World of Mistakes, is his for the taking! :blink:

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I worked as a taxi driver in a Canadian ski resort. On more than one occasion I got a line of gear as a tip. It kept me awake on my nightshift :)

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I worked as a taxi driver in a Canadian ski resort. On more than one occasion I got a line of gear as a tip. It kept me awake on my nightshift :)

Surely, it's seen as a "good thing" not to fall asleep at the wheel, even in Canada!

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I worked as a taxi driver in a Canadian ski resort. On more than one occasion I got a line of gear as a tip. It kept me awake on my nightshift :)

A Scotsman in Canada...?

Hope you were a bit more diplomatic over there than that very naughty Scottish fellow Mr Jerry Sadowitz was in 1991... ;)

http://www.idreamofhaggis.com/2010/03/youre-cnt-by-way-it-was-recently.html

...Jerry Sadowitz is infamous for opening his appearance at the 1991 Just For Laughs Montreal Comedy Festival, with "Hello Moosefookers! I tell you why I hate Canada: half of you speak French, and the other half let them!" He was promptly knocked unconscious by an angry - and most likely French Canadian - member of the audience.

XYY

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Not in payment, just a kind offer ... of a baby monkey. (A gift I felt I had to politely decline.Tho the kids wanted it of course!)

By the way SarahBell, I really hate jam and have no use for it! (Am I the only one who hates jam?) I don't know what to do when given some homemade stuff, usually by a kindly old person! So I have some in the fridge going off ... very slowly. I guess most ppl like jam and can't imagine that other ppl would have no use for it? (Ditto chutney etc. Tho I wouldn't mind some of the courgettes!)

Sweet cherries are my favourite to get for free as I LOVE them but am too mean to buy them in large quantities. (I can probably eat 1kg on my own, in a few mins, as a treat!)

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Not in payment, just a kind offer ... of a baby monkey. (A gift I felt I had to politely decline.Tho the kids wanted it of course!)

Now we're getting toward the bizarre - well done Mr Cares.

And you were right to reject that filthy ape - they spy for the French and should all be hung as far as I'm concerned...

XYY

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Now we're getting toward the bizarre - well done Mr Cares.

And you were right to reject that filthy ape - they spy for the French and should all be hung as far as I'm concerned...

XYY

Hanged, mon, hanged! For there is no use for the French! :blink:

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I don't really post my excrement! I think Mr Renty made it up! And as for Joe, well he's younger than me, so the whole World of Mistakes, is his for the taking! :blink:

Lies! You even sent me a 10 shilling 'poo-stool' order for my birthday!

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I once took a girl to Paris and in return she treated me like absolute s*hit.

I once took one to Whitley Bay, and she treated me the same. Though compared to Paris, that sort of makes sense.

To be fair though she did have sex with me a lot. So it was all worth it.

I got it once. On the beach. Lots of sand and chip-vinegar down the crack of me ärse - aye, well worth it that was...!

;)

XYY

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Not in payment, just a kind offer ... of a baby monkey. (A gift I felt I had to politely decline.Tho the kids wanted it of course!)

By the way SarahBell, I really hate jam and have no use for it! (Am I the only one who hates jam?) I don't know what to do when given some homemade stuff, usually by a kindly old person! So I have some in the fridge going off ... very slowly. I guess most ppl like jam and can't imagine that other ppl would have no use for it? (Ditto chutney etc. Tho I wouldn't mind some of the courgettes!)

Sweet cherries are my favourite to get for free as I LOVE them but am too mean to buy them in large quantities. (I can probably eat 1kg on my own, in a few mins, as a treat!)

Ive never had anyone who didn't like it yet.. Many people try their arm for a second jar .. One woman reckoned her kids wolfed it down on a loaf of bread the aftnoon it arrived.

Last years strawberries gave such a glut we still hAve jam left frm them. It is the best strawberry jam I've ever had. Biased? Mm dunno, my gran used to make it and that was pretty dam good stuff. Four varieties of strawberries, don't know if that makes a difference.

I've had people say they don't like honey... Some have changed their minds when they've had some of the local harvest though.

Not all.

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