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TheCountOfNowhere

I Nearly Wet Myself Laughing.....

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http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-31834212.html?premiumA=true

I kid you not...this is the description:

"THE LION KING!!! ROAAARRRR!!!! I feel like scooping up this fabulous home and holding it high for all to see, just as Rafiki did with young Simba!!! And if you are lucky enough to have your offer accepted on this fantastic, executive four bedroom detached residence... you'll feel like the King of the Jungle yourself!!!"

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I'm laughing at the downlights mounted on the underside of the stairs (Genius, can't imagine why people don't ask me to fit them there :rolleyes: ) and the obsession with chessboard effect type tiles.

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I'm laughing at the downlights mounted on the underside of the stairs (Genius, can't imagine why people don't ask me to fit them there :rolleyes: ) and the obsession with chessboard effect type tiles.

I didn't actually look at the house.

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I think we found another empty home, Rightmove is full of them. Most, if not all of the ones I see on Rightmove are empty.

Hmmm....sometimes I do wonder...weren't there reports 5 years ago of "companies" buying up houses and sitting on them.....maybe these banks companies have been cashing in.

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This is the adopted style of the agent.

Nikki we need to hit our sales target. What are you going to do about it?

Er, er I think I'll write a load of stuff from the top of my head.

EXCELLENT!

I shall quote;

TAKE A JOURNEY BACK THROUGH THE PAGES OF HISTORY AND LOSE YOURSELF IN THIS STUNNING 17th CENTURY GRADE TWO LISTED RESIDENCE...Boasting an extensive SEVEN BEDROOMS, SIX BATHROOMS and FIVE RECEPTION ROOMS!!!

---

NO MATTER WHAT HOME EXHIBITIONS YOU'VE VISITED, WHICH PROPERTIES YOU HAVE VIEWED OR WHO'S INTERIOR DESIGN MAGAZINES YOU'VE BEEN FLICKING THE PAGES OF...... YOU WILL NOT HAVE SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!!! Looking like it has just jumped off the front page of the Grand Designs brochure, th... blah blah blah

---

BIGGER ISN'T ALWAYS BETTER???... NONSENSE!!! I BET YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND AFTER LOOKING AT THIS VAST DETACHED PROPERTY!!!

---

DON'T BE DECEIVED BY THE APPEARANCE OF THIS CONTEMPORARY PROPERTY!!! It is less of a modern box and more of a Grand Designs executive home...even Kevin McCloud himself would be proud to call this exclusive detached residence his own!!!

---

WITH NO NEED TO LIFT A FINGER ON MOVING DAY, just pour yourself a glass of something lovely and relax. Don't bother brushing up on boring paint shade charts or researching expensive building quotes, you'll only be wasting precious time! Just pack up your life and move right in!

---

"COMPROMISE" IS A WORD WHICH SHOULDN'T ENTER YOUR VOCABULARY WHEN SEARCHING FOR A NEW HOME. FORTUNATELY, WITH THIS FABULOUS PROPERTY THE WORD "COMPROMISE" IS LEFT FIRMLY AT THE FRONT DOOR!!! Not only is this wonderful extended semi detached property located in a blah blah blah

---

ARE YOU SEEING DOUBLE??? DON'T WORRY... YOU'RE NOT IN NEED OF A VISIT TO SPECSAVERS!!! This property really is TWICE THE SIZE of the others on this superb road in Four Oaks. However you may need to borrow some spectacles just to take in the vast size of this fantastic family home. The pro...

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BUSY BEES BUY BUSINESS CLASS!!! I'm sure we'd all agree that our frantic lifestyles leave precious little time for DIY or similar pursuits and therefore in our homes we crave convenience and ease, essentially somewhere where we can just kick back and relax!

---

JUST LIKE USAIN BOLT, WE'RE SURE TO SEE THIS PROPERTY ON ITS WAY TO SETTING RECORDS... as people sprint to snap up this fabulous three bedroom semi-detached family home! It has been some time since I've had the pleasure of visiting a property with so much to boast about!!! From the fantas.

---

and so on for all of ********** eternity.

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find/Just-Move-Estate-Agents-and-Lettings/Erdington.html/svr/3114?locationIdentifier=BRANCH%5E107051&includeSSTC=true&_includeSSTC=on

I suggest any budding entrepreur who wants to open an estate agent save these and use a random phrase generator to pluck one of these literal marvels for their own use.

Edited by 200p

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As interest rates stay low, we're going to see more crazy bat s4it stuff in business to be honest to eek out that 0.0001% return on capital.

We laughed when we saw clips of crazy Japanese people on TV doing crazy things, I guess, just to be noticed to earn the crumbs from the fat mans table, I think we're not far behind!

Edited by 200p

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Guest eight

I'm laughing at the downlights mounted on the underside of the stairs (Genius, can't imagine why people don't ask me to fit them there :rolleyes: ) and the obsession with chessboard effect type tiles.

It's definitely in a certain style. Probably why it has so much hardstanding for caravans, transit vans and assorted four wheel drive vehicles.

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I suggest any budding entrepreur who wants to open an estate agent save these and use a random phrase generator to pluck one of these literal marvels for their own use.

Dull 3 bed semi. Beige. Decorated with little or no imagination. Located in a boring estate of similar looking property. Overlooks weed infested unkempt grass laughingly called a "lawn". Double glazed but still drafty. Gas central heating with badly placed radiators causing hot spots and cold just in from of the TV point in lounge. Rusty Sky dish. Garage a bit smaller than a Focus. OIRO £348,000

Reality sucks.

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I'm laughing at the downlights mounted on the underside of the stairs (Genius, can't imagine why people don't ask me to fit them there :rolleyes: ) and the obsession with chessboard effect type tiles.

You're right. I wonder why it doesn't also say "in need of modernisation"?

That said at £235k it's a bargain by South East standards. For that money you could get a crappy 3-bed semi situated next to a busy main road with unemployed neighbours who's many kids are strangely familiar with the inside of your property.

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How is this house a "MAGNIFICENT EXECUTIVE DETACHED RESIDENCE".

Where is the heated swimming pool?

Where is the home cinema?

Where is the fully equipped home gym?

Where is the second garage?

Where is the eye level oven?

Where is the his and hers wash basins?

I can go on, but I choose not to.

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How is this house a "MAGNIFICENT EXECUTIVE DETACHED RESIDENCE".

Where is the heated swimming pool?

Where is the home cinema?

Where is the fully equipped home gym?

Where is the second garage?

Where is the eye level oven?

Where is the his and hers wash basins?

I can go on, but I choose not to.

And no beds with 14 carefully placed shiny cushions. Most disappointing.

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How is this house a "MAGNIFICENT EXECUTIVE DETACHED RESIDENCE".

Where is the heated swimming pool?

Where is the home cinema?

Where is the fully equipped home gym?

Where is the second garage?

Where is the eye level oven?

Where is the his and hers wash basins?

I can go on, but I choose not to.

More to the point.....where are the TWIGS ?

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http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-31834212.html?premiumA=true

I kid you not...this is the description:

"THE LION KING!!! ROAAARRRR!!!! I feel like scooping up this fabulous home and holding it high for all to see, just as Rafiki did with young Simba!!! And if you are lucky enough to have your offer accepted on this fantastic, executive four bedroom detached residence... you'll feel like the King of the Jungle yourself!!!"

Why do Estate Agents degrade themselves to such moronic descriptions? I could have accepted it if there was a 'Lion King' themed mural in one of the bedrooms. How are buyers supposed to take them seriously? As if my opinion of EAs wasn't already low enough. :rolleyes:

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