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the_dork

Friendship In The Modern World

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OK I know we’re a weird bunch on here but I was thinking about this a few weeks ago when I lost all my phone contacts so thought I’d ask the internet like the weird person I am.

I have about 4 really good friends, 2 from school, 2 from uni who I’m really close to, chat about everything, miss if I don’t see them within a few weeks. Then maybe another 5-6 people who I will meet on their own for a drink, to watch football etc but couldn’t say I’m really close to (ie. I waited for them to get in touch rather than chasing for their numbers)

Maybe another 15-20 people I see through this lot, would never meet them on my own, enjoy their company but honestly wouldn’t be sad if I never really saw them again. I’ve had the same situation with colleagues, really got on well and seen outside of work but when moved on not stayed in touch and not felt like I’ve lost anything. I haven’t made a ‘new’ friend since uni and don't feel the need to even when I meet people I really like and have a lot in common with

I was thinking about it as wondering if it’s changed since I got married and had a child but I’ve felt the same way for years. I don’t need to be around people all the time but am not some mega introvert and do need some human contact, both fun and serious.

In the age of facebook lots of people think they have loads of friends. Not intending this to be a boasting thing, just seeing if I’m weird. How many friends (either close or general) would you say you have?

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Close friends: one

Fairly close friends: two

Facebook friends (all people I know and want to keep in touch with): 93

Edit to add: I define a close friend as someone you can tell anything to. Mine has been my friend since we were 8 years old. That's 52 years!

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I had a close friend from school for forty years...but somehow he didn't hit it off with my partner (common law wife) and we barely see each other these days.

We have a friend who must be pretty close because she comes on holiday with us sometimes, indeed she is staying at our house this weekend.

I have three male friends who I see about once a fortnight.

When it comes to neighbours it's just on hello terms and the odd short conversation...well we are talking bloody Nottingham not the friendliest of places.

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I had 3 good friends from school. Since I moved 200 miles away I barely see them (the last time I saw them all together was at my stag do 4 years ago). I barely speak to them now and it makes you wonder whether you make friendships out of necessity / boredom rather than common interests and genuine fondness.

I don't really see anybody from my uni days and have not kept in contact with any former work colleagues (we used to play golf every summer).

I'm not the most needy person in the world but I am easily slighted (if any relationship feels like it requires more than 70/30 input from me, I'll let it go as obviously the other person doesn't care enough).

I have many acquaintances, and can be the life and soul of a party, but mostly people annoy me by not living up to my standards and instead being human.

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I have many acquaintances, and can be the life and soul of a party, but mostly people annoy me by not living up to my standards and instead being human.

Haha, nicely put. I suspect that's how I feel too. Maybe once you pass a certain age you are more calculating in how much you trust people. Similarly of my 5-6 good friends (ie not the 4 close ones), I wouldn't be friends with if I met now!

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I had 3 good friends from school. Since I moved 200 miles away I barely see them (the last time I saw them all together was at my stag do 4 years ago). I barely speak to them now and it makes you wonder whether you make friendships out of necessity / boredom rather than common interests and genuine fondness.

I don't really see anybody from my uni days and have not kept in contact with any former work colleagues (we used to play golf every summer).

I'm not the most needy person in the world but I am easily slighted (if any relationship feels like it requires more than 70/30 input from me, I'll let it go as obviously the other person doesn't care enough).

I have many acquaintances, and can be the life and soul of a party, but mostly people annoy me by not living up to my standards and instead being human.

I think you have things in common but when people get married there is a third person involved. I got on with my best friend and then his wife for the best part of forty years. Unfortunately my present 'wife' resented that......and I took the easy option by dropping them. I guess your partner has to come first. And tbf she was concerned I got on with my best friend's wife too well.

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Close friends: None

There's one person I've known from university who I keep in contact with quite regularly and have sometimes gone on holiday with but I wouldn't label him close in the way someup-thread are. Don't see him that often anyway (but do live quite a long way away).

There are two or three I see every now and then who I suppose I'd call friends.

And that's as much as I want. The idea of using all my time up in an active social life sounds like complete and utter hell. I need some human contact but it doesn't need to be a frequent thing, an evening in the pub every couple of weeks is enough. If I spend too much time around people I'm usually desperate to escape the noise, lack of privacy, and tedium of it.

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In the age of facebook lots of people think they have loads of friends.

'Think' they have loads of friends. There's your answer.

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Close friends: None

There's one person I've known from university who I keep in contact with quite regularly and have sometimes gone on holiday with but I wouldn't label him close in the way someup-thread are. Don't see him that often anyway (but do live quite a long way away).

There are two or three I see every now and then who I suppose I'd call friends.

And that's as much as I want. The idea of using all my time up in an active social life sounds like complete and utter hell. I need some human contact but it doesn't need to be a frequent thing, an evening in the pub every couple of weeks is enough. If I spend too much time around people I'm usually desperate to escape the noise, lack of privacy, and tedium of it.

Well said, I'm sure there is a lot of notch counting going on and ''friends'' are becoming social accessories and something you are supposed to be seen to have. Like you I think too many friends would be exhausting and even a bit depressing.

Meanwhile no'' friends'' on housepricecrash, no facebook account, and a few HPC members that don't like me very much ;) .

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OK I know we’re a weird bunch on here but I was thinking about this a few weeks ago when I lost all my phone contacts so thought I’d ask the internet like the weird person I am.

I have about 4 really good friends, 2 from school, 2 from uni who I’m really close to, chat about everything, miss if I don’t see them within a few weeks. Then maybe another 5-6 people who I will meet on their own for a drink, to watch football etc but couldn’t say I’m really close to (ie. I waited for them to get in touch rather than chasing for their numbers)

Maybe another 15-20 people I see through this lot, would never meet them on my own, enjoy their company but honestly wouldn’t be sad if I never really saw them again. I’ve had the same situation with colleagues, really got on well and seen outside of work but when moved on not stayed in touch and not felt like I’ve lost anything. I haven’t made a ‘new’ friend since uni and don't feel the need to even when I meet people I really like and have a lot in common with

I was thinking about it as wondering if it’s changed since I got married and had a child but I’ve felt the same way for years. I don’t need to be around people all the time but am not some mega introvert and do need some human contact, both fun and serious.

In the age of facebook lots of people think they have loads of friends. Not intending this to be a boasting thing, just seeing if I’m weird. How many friends (either close or general) would you say you have?

people think about friends and use the terms in different ways.

People who have lots of "friends" on things like facebook often tend to think that is good and anyone who doesn't is sad and they are superior.

Whereas people who don't have lots of "friends" on facebook often tend to think having lots of friends on facebook is sad and they are superior.

In fact neither is right. It is just different strokes for different folks.

Personally I don't have many people I consider to be friends. I also will not bother with people who bitch about me behind my back, or I think are nasty and unpleasant. Bottom line is I don't have enough time in my life for the people who I do like and behave well towards me, let alone people who don't.

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Close friends: None

Acquaintances: Lots

I live in a small town and walk a lot so know lots of people who I chat to when I bump into them.

I've mostly been single/divorced throughout my life and am used to doing everything on my own now. In fact as I've aged (56 now) I've become more and more comfortable with my own company and enjoy going out and about on my own.

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To me a close friend is someone who would put me up for a week, no questions asked, with a day's notice. I probably have 3 friends on that basis.

The idea of someone knowing everything about me sounds unlikely. I'm not sure that would define someone as a friend anyway, more a prop/support/comfort/psychiatrist?

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I think you have things in common but when people get married there is a third person involved. I got on with my best friend and then his wife for the best part of forty years. Unfortunately my present 'wife' resented that......and I took the easy option by dropping them. I guess your partner has to come first. And tbf she was concerned I got on with my best friend's wife too well.

I've realised that I did that and it's a big mistake because it's letting yourself be controlled.

Last year I split with a partner of 20+ years and thinking about it after I've realised how she systematically disapproved of my family and friends and contact was discouraged. It's only when I look back that I realise it was only her family we had round at Christmas etc. Now I've finished up in a part of the country that I wasn't brought up in because we moved here to be near her family before we split! There's no point in going back "home" because most of the family have now died and my friends have started dropping now. The last trip back was for a friend's funeral.

So the shackles are off and I'm free to go anywhere :lol:

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I have nobody that I regard as a close friend, and probably nobody that I class as a friend at all. I know a few people, like some of them, but in truth I prefer my own company to that of anyone else.

Only my wife, son and brother mean anything to me, and they mean everything.

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This makes me think of the line spoken by the Doctor to the Comic Store guy in The Simpsons:

"You should get some friends who aren't printed on paper."

.. and the line in Katy B's 5AM about a girl lacking self-esteem and making the wrong choices:

"I lost my friends. I checked my phone.."

Facebook friends aren't really *friends*, are they.. unless they're in your group of close friends anyway in which case you'd be more likely to gain more from seeing them in person.

I work from home so most of my contact with clients is via phone and email. Sometimes it's via Skype video calls, which is nicer. But all of this lacks a certain level of human interaction and contact that I think we all need. So I'll tend to visit them occasionally which is nice. But then they're not really in the "friends" category either.

Perhaps as we get older we'll concentrate more on a small, close circle of trustworthy friends rather than casual acquaintances, basically, whoever is up for going clubbing this weekend?

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I don't have anyone that I could phone up and go 'hey do you wanna go...<whatever>'. I spend most of my time alone.

I have some acquaintances from previous jobs, who I'd see in a group once every couple of months max, 3 friends from previous jobs, who I'd see individually once every couple of months at most.

I think once people shack up with someone the whole friends thing goes out the window.

I don't need or want loads of friends. I'd basically like a woman to have sex with and be nice to generally (who won't try to destroy me mentally in return), and maybe 3 reliable guy friends with similar interests and a bit of get up and go (i.e. not constantly 'under the thumb' as most guys in relationships seem to be).

As it is I'm very lonely at times, but this could be solved by a small number of quality relationships, not 100 'facebook' ones.

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I have no friends in Palestine.

I despise the people killing my non friends though.

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I don't have anyone that I could phone up and go 'hey do you wanna go...<whatever>'. I spend most of my time alone.

I have some acquaintances from previous jobs, who I'd see in a group once every couple of months max, 3 friends from previous jobs, who I'd see individually once every couple of months at most.

I think once people shack up with someone the whole friends thing goes out the window.

I don't need or want loads of friends. I'd basically like a woman to have sex with and be nice to generally (who won't try to destroy me mentally in return), and maybe 3 reliable guy friends with similar interests and a bit of get up and go (i.e. not constantly 'under the thumb' as most guys in relationships seem to be).

As it is I'm very lonely at times, but this could be solved by a small number of quality relationships, not 100 'facebook' ones.

I used to consider myself to be lonely until several years ago I changed to thinking that I was alone instead of lonely.

In addition I listed all the things I could do being alone which is endless really. I've never made any close friends going out and about alone but I've met lots of interesting people and had enjoyable experiences.

My view is that learning to enjoy and embrace being alone is a life skill which leads to more contentment.

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I'd basically like a woman to have sex with and be nice to generally (who won't try to destroy me mentally in return),

I've got a bit of a romantic streak in me and would like to be close to someone but certainly not all the time (i.e. most days not). Those are two rather contradictory things, probably why I've never had a long-term relationship. It would have to be someone completely perfect for me to make that tolerable which is just a fantasy.

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No friends on face book....enough acquaintances have known for many years and not so many years, many of who would not know each other....they come from all backgrounds and all walks of life.....certain ones would discuss certain things, other ones other things......my sisters can discuss all things. ;)

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