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What Estate Agents Say Vs. What They Really Mean

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'Compact' = Open the front door to clean your teeth...

'Vibrant area' = Stab vest essential.,

'Unusual period property' = Raze to the ground and rebuild.

'Well-presented' = All the vendor's shite is packed in the loft.

'Character property'= Recently used as a Hell's Angels clubhouse.

Edited by juvenal

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Don't mind the standard BS euphemisms, it's the downright abuses of the English language that I can't stand.

The most recent personal example being the rented house I'm in currently that promised a 'family bathroom'. The only thing accurate about that description is that it does indeed have a small bath in it... And from within that bath you can lean over, flush the toilet, turn on the sink taps and open/close the bloody door. It's only a 'family bathroom' in the sense that you could probably fit your family in it, for a laugh. Just. If there's only 2 of you. And if you both exhaled deeply beforehand :rolleyes:

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'Stunning' - halfway reasonable, at least compared to some we've seen.

'Newly refurbished with stunning open plan living area' - laminate floors and cheapie new kitchen crammed into one end of the living room to make room for a second bedroom.

'Two double bedrooms' - in fact if you actually put a double bed in the 2nd bedroom there wouldn't be room for a wardrobe and chest of drawers, but let's not worry about minor details...

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