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Frank Hovis

Programmes You Rush To Turn Off

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Try to avoid the obvious ones: soaps, Question Time / Any Questions, reality, celeb, x factor.

Two stand out for me:

The Archers - nothing against it and pleased that people enjoy it, I listened to it for ten years and think I must have overdosed, race to the off switch when it comes on.

Desert Island Discs - the whole concept of taking somebody famous and reasonably interesting and then skipping through most of their life whilst they spend the majority of their time talking about their record collection seems like a deliberate ploy to make a potentially interesting conversation incredibly dull.

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Hollyoaks. There is a punishment for leaving this on even for a second.

Strictly anything.

The voice.

big brother.

Anything with ordinary people singing.

Ice skating nonsense.

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Desert Island Discs - other peoples' pretentious choice of music is my idea of hell.

The X Factor - see above.

Just a Minute - Nickel@rse Parsins makes my skin crawl.

The Shipping Forecast - since the big storm of 1987 doesn't make me feel safe in my bed any more.

Dancing on Ice - I can't bear the thought of some amateur having her skull fractured in front of my eyes on live TV.

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Rugby League. seriously.

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Always challenge myself to switch off the 6.30pm regional news before the theme tune of 'The One Show' starts blaring out. Even the music ruins my day.

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Breakfast TV. All channels. Wall to wall drivel and non news items (ie the annual A level results etc)

Any Questions, Question Time and all other phoney Vox Pop programmes that purport to give the ordinary man a voice in the 'democratic process'. In reality they are just a mechanism for indoctrinating the masses about the 'issues' that the elites want them to focus on while ignoring everything else. In truth nothing more than a soapbox from which has been politicians, journalists and minor celebs can bore the hapless public with their trite 'opinions'.

Eastenders a fantasy depiction of London that bears no relation to the reality. The one programme that always fills me with an overwhelming unreasoning sympathy for Luftwaffe bomber crews.

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Any food related shows. I see that at 10am on Saturday Morning there's one presented by James Martin with some Michelin Star chefs. This used to be the children's TV slot - Swapshop in the 70s, Saturday Superstore and Going Live in the 80s and Live and Kicking in the 90s.

Eastenders a fantasy depiction of London that bears no relation to the reality. The one programme that always fills me with an overwhelming unreasoning sympathy for Luftwaffe bomber crews.

I stopped watching EastEnders circa 2000. I stopped feeling depressed as a result.

On the reality point - wouldn't those Victorian houses have been sold on and calved up into bedsits by now? ;) Probably includes the Queen Vic pub. Although one must assume that it's managed meticulously to still generate a profit over the past 29 years.

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Any BBC political show. Especially Marr, The Big Question, Any Questions, even This Week now. Pretty much any of their studio output, The One Show, and Middle Class Whinge Dog (mainly boomers whinging about cruises) etc..

Also 'Rentierfile' aka Countryfile, which is a corporate video for land owners.

All BBC news output if off limits as well.

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Try to avoid the obvious ones: soaps, Question Time / Any Questions, reality, celeb, x factor.

Two stand out for me:

The Archers - nothing against it and pleased that people enjoy it, I listened to it for ten years and think I must have overdosed, race to the off switch when it comes on.

Desert Island Discs - the whole concept of taking somebody famous and reasonably interesting and then skipping through most of their life whilst they spend the majority of their time talking about their record collection seems like a deliberate ploy to make a potentially interesting conversation incredibly dull.

Anything with Kirsty Allsop in it.

Anything with 'celebrity' in the title.

X factor, anything similar with dance or whatever.

Cookery programmes - sick of them, far too many now.

Spring/autumn/winter watch because of Chris Packham's unbelievably annoying accent and his apparent gloating relish at seeing any little creature getting devoured by another. :(

All soaps

Nearly all sport

Any Questions

I'm surprised I still find anything to watch, but I do.

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Eastenders,without fail.

Also currently that BetFred ad with the fat ******* in the supermarket.

Oh and the Prime Location "this is your reward for building up the bussnuss" advert.

******ing stroll on. The self congratulation drives me insane.

My neighbours must seriously wonder about me the amount of shouting that goes on if i don't get to the remote quick enough.

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Anything with Kirsty Allsop in it.

Anything with 'celebrity' in the title.

X factor, anything similar with dance or whatever.

Cookery programmes - sick of them, far too many now.

Spring/autumn/winter watch because of Chris Packham's unbelievably annoying accent and his apparent gloating relish at seeing any little creature getting devoured by another. :(

All soaps

Nearly all sport

Any Questions

I'm surprised I still find anything to watch, but I do.

Always livened up by Bill Oddie having a nasty pop at someone for no reason whatsoever.

Is he still allowed out? The massive loon.

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Only shows I found watchable on iPlayer this week were 'Top Gear' which is a special set in Burma (I like the specials still, but the studio shows are big yawn) and 'Mind the Gap' and I only watched the latter to be annoyed. Really find iPlayer a struggle to find anything watchable.

Pointless Celebrities was kind of entertaining, for the dimwit celebrities, but other than that...

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Anything with Professor Brian Cox in it.

I know the guy is a genius but he really grinds my gears with his breathless TV delivery and those trite moments of longueurs in his documentaries while he gazes at some wonder of nature

Can't forgive him for his role in that wretched D:Ream ditty used as the Nu Labour anthem either

I also hate the fact that he has the same name as Brian Cox the Scottish actor who I quite like. The disappointment of turning on the box expecting to see one but getting the other is enough to ruin my entire day.

Guaranteed to have me shouting obscenities at the TV within seconds of his appearance

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Anything with Professor Brain Cox in it.

I know the guy is a genius but he really grinds my gears with his breathless TV delivery and those trite moments of longueurs in his documentaries while he gazes at some wonder of nature

Can't forgive him for his role in that wretched D:Ream ditty used as the Nu Labour anthem either

Guaranteed to have me shouting obscenities at the TV within seconds of his appearance

I didn't want to admit to that on the grounds it feels like kicking a puppy but ditto.

37 days was excellent IMO, sure they do short cuts but if somebody asked me why WWI started I would now have a good idea. I don't think it particularly favoured the British side.

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I didn't want to admit to that on the grounds it feels like kicking a puppy but ditto.

37 days was excellent IMO, sure they do short cuts but if somebody asked me why WWI started I would now have a good idea. I don't think it particularly favoured the British side.

To be fair Cox is not helped by his specialist subject which does not translate well to TV

In fact I would add to my hate list almost any TV documentary about the Big Bang and the Origins of the Universe

I have been watching these for decades now and I am none the bloody wiser on the subject

All that waffling about Dark Matter and Dark Energy sounds suspiciously like Luminiferous Aether to me (ie they have simply made it up so that their equations work). There seems a notable reluctance to accept that the observed universe does not seem to match some of the theoretical explanations. Not only is this rarely or only obliquely admitted but people end up being taught about Dark Matter and Dark Energy as if it were a fact when in reality its existence is merely inferred from the data when applied to current theoretical models of the Universe. It is strange that so much TV time is devoted to scientific discussion of things like Dark Matter etc for which there is no observable evidence. Maybe we need more documentaries on Chemistry, Engineering etc to bring us back down to earth.

Anyway I am sure it is fascinating to the scientists involved but it often makes for piss poor TV particularly as it often relies on rather contrived graphics to illustrate the mind bending concepts the presenters are trying to describe.

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All sports, especially football, with the exception of the ones that Dietrich Mateschitz sponsors, motor racing and air racing.

All property ramping programs featuring smug property developers, estate agents and buy to let noddys, especially the bloke who takes a bath in banknotes.

All reality TV shows.

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East Enders.

Coronation Street.

Match of the Day.

One Show.

Talent shows of any kind.

Big Brother.

...any type of reality rubbish......I can't be the only one. ;)

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Virtually all cooking programs be it the Celebrity Master Chef, Hairy Bikers or the loathsome Come Dine With Me variety

All participants should be sentenced to eat nothing but Pot Noodle and Angel Delight for the rest of their lives.

There should be only one cooking program per week on British TV by law and it should be presented by someone like Zena Skinner telling the great unwashed how to make cheese on toast rather than spending £12 plus on a take away pizza

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On the reality point - wouldn't those EastEnders Victorian houses have been sold on and calved up into bedsits by now? ;) Probably includes the Queen Vic pub. Although one must assume that it's managed meticulously to still generate a profit over the past 29 years.

EastEnders production people are currently addressing the difficulty posed by terraced houses in Walford being about £700K. The days of Cockney serfs in donkey jackets moaning in the Queen Vic are numbered.

'Hoxton Hipsters' and various upmarket types are to infiltrate future storylines...seriously...

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Anything with Professor Brian Cox in it.

I know the guy is a genius but he really grinds my gears with his breathless TV delivery and those trite moments of longueurs in his documentaries while he gazes at some wonder of nature

Can't forgive him for his role in that wretched D:Ream ditty used as the Nu Labour anthem either

I also hate the fact that he has the same name as Brian Cox the Scottish actor who I quite like. The disappointment of turning on the box expecting to see one but getting the other is enough to ruin my entire day.

Guaranteed to have me shouting obscenities at the TV within seconds of his appearance

This is the antidote

or this

Y

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