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One For The Girlies Like Me

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So here I am chatting to a girl who values herself totally on her merits of her profession.

She says that she has got so far in her job that she would not give up her job if she had a kid tomorrow. I would like to think in that situation that I would go part time or work from home or best case, get my partner to finance all. Not because I am a lasy git but because I got the best start in life, being nurtured by my mum, so in turn I want that for my kids, not some chav on a YTS looking after my creation because I have 'a career'.

So girls, tell me blunt. How many of you would be prepared to pack up for a few years or would you 'keep it real; and keep plodding on paying £500 pm to have someone else teach your kid how to tie his/her shoe lases?

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So here I am chatting to a girl who values herself totally on her merits of her profession.

She says that she has got so far in her job that she would not give up her job if she had a kid tomorrow. I would like to think in that situation that I would go part time or work from home or best case, get my partner to finance all. Not because I am a lasy git but because I got the best start in life, being nurtured by my mum, so in turn I want that for my kids, not some chav on a YTS looking after my creation because I have 'a career'.

So girls, tell me blunt. How many of you would be prepared to pack up for a few years or would you 'keep it real; and keep plodding on paying £500 pm to have someone else teach your kid how to tie his/her shoe lases?

in other words a 2 bit millionaire.

:lol::lol::lol::P

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I appreciate whole heartedly what you say apocalypse, and I think my bloke would look after future kids but at the same time should I sweat the non existent and proverbial balls to earn said crust whilst the man watches the kid grow, all the while you know nothing about the acheivements of motherhood? Who wins? Is it important or am I being selfish?

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I appreciate whole heartedly what you say apocalypse, and I think my bloke would look after future kids but at the same time should I sweat the non existent and proverbial balls to earn said crust whilst the man watches the kid grow, all the while you know nothing about the acheivements of motherhood? Who wins? Is it important or am I being selfish?

It depends on what you think is of more value. Being in an office earning your daily bread just to pass the majority of it off to a stranger to bring up your children behind your back or being at home nuturing, educating, and appreciating your own for all their strengths _and_ weaknesses. One option will allow you to buy the latest fashion, the other for them to be sick over it.

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imo women who 'want it all' are just being plain selfish.

it does their children and society as a whole no good at all.

if a woman doesn't feel maternal enough to want to stay at home then she shouldn't be having kids.

surely if raising kids 9-5 is drudgery, then it's the parents fault for letting it be that way?

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Sorry to be pedantic......

lasy

lases

Do you mean lazy and laces..... women staying home obviously has a profound effect on spelling.

On a serious note though... my wife stays home with our 10 week old boy and I wouldn't have it any other way. She does plan on going back to work at some point in the future, but that will be after baby no.2 (the last one :-) and when they're both at pre-school or school.

I don't think that kids are looked after well enough by many nurseries. If you want it doing well do it yourself (except for DIY).

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I have quite strong veiws on this. I am a full time mum (children are 2 and 4), well i work 15 hours at the weekend - one night, one evening. In total it means i have five hours away from the children - this is good as their dad gets them up one morning - and puts them to bed one night. I fully enjoy bringing up my children. Having said that i didn't have some great career to go back to. I have a friend who works three days a week - after various costs car, pension etc she comes out with the princely sum of £2 a month in her hand. She does it purely to converse with adults. What a shame.

Although there is the drudgery of going back to a 9-5, there could have been other options. I have decided although there are plenty of things i could do to get a great career - go to college etc, i will not do this until the children are practically leaving home.

My mother was a teacher, and went back to work after a ten year break, we ended up at 14 coming home making burgers or some other junk for tea - not doing our homework, we stopped eating together as a family. A double edged sword later as my dad left - so she had to work).

There is a girl in my daughter's class whose dad looks after her full time - he wanted another child, so his wife said she would have a second child if he gave up his job to look after them (i quite aprove of this - although i couldn't do it personally)

I understand some people who have great careers feel the need to carry them on - but i think it is such a shame. I absolutely love being a full time mum, i know everthing about my children - they aren't strangers to me. With all respect to 18 year old carers (some of them are good i know), you cannot beat an experienced adult.

I really enjoy my life (ok the night is a bit of a strain), i feel i am doing the right thing. I do not need a second car etc.

In fact i'd go so much to say i resent this society we live in - it's all very well women trying to be equal, but in the strive to do this we have lost our maternal instincts. We're expected to be financially independant. We map out our lives - and the children come last in the chain. It is unfashionable to have children unless you are mid to late thirties (i have plenty of friends nearing 40 with their young families). We are behaving in a way that goes against our own body clock. I think it's quite ironic that women's bodies are designed to have babies, but not sit at a desk 9-5, miss breakfast/lunch or have it on the run and look at a computer screen. We're so bothered about being in control - we miss the whole point of life. I feel i am lucky - i fell pregnant accidently at 24 to my now husband. I have now had 2 children and i am thirty next month. I feel really lucky to have had a wake up call - a little life being born is truely amazing (sorry if i sound a bit gushy). I understand there are people who do not want children, and that's fair enough. But our whole attitude in society is just wrong. I don't mind being the lesser sex if it means i don't need to be away from my children, driving for miles and staying part of the week in hotels (one of my husbands moans). My job may well be anti-social hours, and lowish paid, but i think there is too much snobbery in how much you get paid i look after a man who is in the later stages of MS. I think i have done the best thing posssible and i feel very lucky.

Sorry to rant on but i really think we've got it messed up. I think it's lovely that there are some dad's who would be full time too.

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I've worked since my son was 10 weeks old (not through choice but neccessity I might add), however, I've always worked evenings and weekends - still do in fact- and we've never left our son with a childminder.

When he started school I gradually began to do more hours. More for my sanity than anything else as I'm not the type of Mother who likes to do the rounds of the playgroups and sit and b1tch about the men folk or spend all day doing housework.

At the end of the day, it's all down to personal choice for most women. As long as the child and the parents are happy with the situation, then thats all that really matters.

I do think that a parent shouls be paid by the state to stay ay home for the first 5 or so years though.

Edit: Oh and there needs to be more childcare facilities. My son is now 12, too old for most childminders, but not old enough to be left on his own for more than about an hour. :rolleyes:

Edited by libitina

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imo women who 'want it all' are just being plain selfish.

it does their children and society as a whole no good at all.

if a woman doesn't feel maternal enough to want to stay at home then she shouldn't be having kids.

surely if raising kids 9-5 is drudgery, then it's the parents fault for letting it be that way?

Oh, judgement, judgement, judgement. Not everyone gets that lucky. HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF HOUSES LATELY???

I would be quite happy at this stage in life to be a single mum (well I never got lucky with the two parent possiblities, and I'm seriously not holding my breath and artificial insemination is very cheap these days) but who would pay for it. The state? Have you seen the state of council housing stock or the schools that are fed by them lately (call me a snob, but not good enough for my would-be sprogs). And then what would you guys do? Moan and bitch about parasitic single mothers sucking money off the welfare state. So we're back to double-income house price inflation now. Not good for anyone!

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I am a stay at home mum to a 2 year old and I wouldn't have it any other way. I gave up a good career to look after my child as I couldn't stand the thought of handing him over to someone else. I personally don't agree with children being put into nursery when they are babies as I think they need the one to one attention they can only get at home with a parent. Although I am not judging anyone who does put their child into nursery as most people I know do it out of necessity and not because it is really what they want to do. I know I am extremely lucky in that I can afford not to work, although we do do without a lot of things because of this, but it is worth it, as a previous poster said, I know my child completely he is not a stranger to me and he is a very happy child because of this. I await some anger from working mothers now, but as I said I am not judging anyones choices, this is just my opinion.

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Guest magnoliawalls

Oh, judgement, judgement, judgement. Not everyone gets that lucky. HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF HOUSES LATELY???

I would be quite happy at this stage in life to be a single mum (well I never got lucky with the two parent possiblities, and I'm seriously not holding my breath and artificial insemination is very cheap these days) but who would pay for it. The state? Have you seen the state of council housing stock or the schools that are fed by them lately (call me a snob, but not good enough for my would-be sprogs). And then what would you guys do? Moan and bitch about parasitic single mothers sucking money off the welfare state. So we're back to double-income house price inflation now. Not good for anyone!

Well said. As far as I know the ideal of the full time homemaker was used to market Fordism in the 50s - before that it was considered fairly normal for both parents to work.

I would love to have children but on one income we could not afford much more than the tiny 1 bedroom flat we now rent. Also I have seen enough of the children around here, and heard enough from teacher friends to know that I would not feel my children were safe in local schools.

A friend was attacked recently by a group of female teenagers while she was walking home from a night out - fortunately the police turned up and rescued her. They said there was no point in pressing charges because the feral females were underage. Can you imagine what it must be like to have to sit in a classroom with those creatures? Keeping in mind that the teachers are powerless to intervene because those kids know their rights!

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Why just the girlies?

I'm all for one of the parents remaining at home and raising the kids. However, I would argue that a significant number of men could do it just as well as the woman-folk.

At least the kids raised by blokes would grow up knowing how to cook! :P

I am currently raising my 2 and 5 year old boys after recently returning to the UK.

I generally earn substantially more than my wife but we took a decision a while ago, that after selling my business she should go out to work (she has raised the kids for several years).

It has given me the opportunity to pursue my goal of becoming a writer, as well as putting some trading strategies into practice. The only thing that has been a drawback has been people's perception of me...that I am a failure for looking after children and staying at home...and writing isn't a job (although I get up at 4 every morning to do it).

In my view it is a fantastic experience, being part of their lives at a great age. Today's environment is too harsh for families trying to raise kids while both working 24x7. Kids and families are now really suffering and this will only get worse. Something will eventually have to give.

Edited by Lord Lucan

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I was chatting to a group of young ladies on Friday night about this (I know, my chat-up sucks!)

Anyway, one of them was amazed that a guy would want his partner to stay at home and look after the kids. She actually asked if I wouldn't be thinking what a lazy so and so etc. Of course I pointed out she would still be working in that she was looking after the kids.

All agreed it would be better for the kid to be brought up by a parent than farmed off each day to a yts ned (their words).

I even threw in the double income families and rising house prices theory and added that society could benefit from one parent staying at home. That was generally agreed with also.

NDL

PS. In retrospect I could've been "in there". Damn, another one gets away. :lol:

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Why just the girlies?

I'm all for one of the parents remaining at home and raising the kids. However, I would argue that a significant number of men could do it just as well as the woman-folk.

In my mind whether it's the mother or father that brings up the kids is not of importance. What really matters is that a child is bought up by it's parents and not as you rightly say, by some complete stranger who may or may not give a damn about your kid's well-being.

At least the kids raised by blokes would grow up knowing how to cook! :P

But you men can't do the first year because you can't breastfeed. (So yes, the baby would HAVE to learn how to cook pdq!)

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... the teachers are powerless to intervene because those kids know their rights!

Spot on MW. Such a shame their parents don't think they should bother to teach them their responsibilities (oops. responsibilities? Thats a bit word :blink: )

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Spot on MW. Such a shame their parents don't think they should bother to teach them their responsibilities (oops. responsibilities? Thats a bit word :blink: )

I know a senior school teacher. She worked in a rough school that had a bad reputation. Now this woman is no soft touch and can hold her own in any company, but one of her 15 year olds lads didn't like being told what to do and so decided to beat her senseless with a chair until the other pupils managed to pull him off. His punishment? Suspension!

She has now left that school and works in a private school in a different part of the country. Her life is a lot less stressful now.

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I know a senior school teacher. She worked in a rough school that had a bad reputation. Now this woman is no soft touch and can hold her own in any company, but one of her 15 year olds lads didn't like being told what to do and so decided to beat her senseless with a chair until the other pupils managed to pull him off. His punishment? Suspension!

She has now left that school and works in a private school in a different part of the country. Her life is a lot less stressful now.

Oh poor little Duck. He should have sued the Council as well. Worth 5 grand to him. He probably wasn't getting enough support. :(

I just want to know what the judges in this country do in their spare time. :angry:

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I'm always amazed at how angry people get about this issue. (And how judgemental they are, even when they insist they're not being judgemental.)

Look. If you (man or woman) want to stay home with your children, great. Do it. Be happy. If you want to work full-time and have others (relatives or professionals) help you raise your children, great. Do it. Be happy.

Do what works best for you and your family--and stop thinking that your solution is the best one and that others have got it wrong.

I known plenty of children who have grown up in both situations. Believe me, that was not the determining factor about how the children turned out.

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Dr. Laura Schesslinger in 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands' asks the question "What do women really want?" and then spends the next 90 minutes discussing in detail her belief, after years of counselling Couples, that modern women do not have a clue what they want... and even if they get it, whatever 'it' is, then they are still not happy.

IMPO Femminism has created several generations of very unhappy and deeply bitter women. It is a bankrupt concept that, thank Goodness, more and more younger women appear to be turning their backs on.

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I am currently raising my 2 and 5 year old boys after recently returning to the UK.

I generally earn substantially more than my wife but we took a decision a while ago, that after selling my business she should go out to work (she has raised the kids for several years).

It has given me the opportunity to pursue my goal of becoming a writer, as well as putting some trading strategies into practice. The only thing that has been a drawback has been people's perception of me...that I am a failure for looking after children and staying at home...and writing isn't a job (although I get up at 4 every morning to do it).

In my view it is a fantastic experience, being part of their lives at a great age. Today's environment is too harsh for families trying to raise kids while both working 24x7. Kids and families are now really suffering and this will only get worse. Something will eventually have to give.

I totally support what you've done and would do the same myself when the time comes.

Sorry I'm distracted now - they're just playing a Christmas song on the radio. Crikey.

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But you men can't do the first year because you can't breastfeed. (So yes, the baby would HAVE to learn how to cook pdq!)

Neither can some women and some who can don't.

Men can raise kids just as well as women, personally if ever i own some little monsters i would want one of us (me or the woman) otherwise its seems like as parents we are just producing drones for TB and GB to make into little working soliders.

I do not agree that the stay at home parent should be directly paid for staying at home it would get abused.

I do think though that there should be an incentive scheme that pays for the stay at home parent to be educated. I wouldn't mind a single bit if some of my tax money went towards a stay at home parent to do college courses even degrees.. just as long as they dont recieve the physical money else it would be abused.

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Dr. Laura Schesslinger in 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands' asks the question "What do women really want?" and then spends the next 90 minutes discussing in detail her belief, after years of counselling Couples, that modern women do not have a clue what they want... and even if they get it, whatever 'it' is, then they are still not happy.

IMPO Femminism has created several generations of very unhappy and deeply bitter women. It is a bankrupt concept that, thank Goodness, more and more younger women appear to be turning their backs on.

Schesslinger is not a credible source.

What do you mean that more and more younger women are turning their backs on feminism? Because they decide to stay home with their children? That's what feminism is about--giving women choices. I think you've bought into the rightwing's definition of feminism, which claims that the movement debased women who stayed at home. Believe me, as a long-time feminist, that is anything but true. My feminist (male and female) friends all celebrate the many lifestyle choices women make, including the choice to be a full-time homemaker.

I don't think today's young women want to turn their back on feminism. When I was in college (30 years ago), most medical and law schools in American had 10% quotas on the number of women applicants they accepted. Women were locked out of many other jobs as well. (The famed glass ceiling even existed in professional orchestras, where women were not permitted to hold first chairs in their sections.) Women had an extremely difficult time getting mortgages and even struggled in universities to be permitted to get PhDs. And let's not forget the horrific way that women who were raped were once treated--by the courts and society.

Feminists fought hard to overcome these kinds of obstacles. You think today's young women are going to turn their backs on these advances? I don't think so. Not my daughter, nor her friends.

And, by the way, I'm not unhappy nor deeply bitter. I love my life, with all its possibilities, and I give thanks to all those feminists whose names have long been forgotten (or maligned by people like Schlessinger) who helped make it possible for me to have so many choices.

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Schesslinger is not a credible source.

What do you mean that more and more younger women are turning their backs on feminism? Because they decide to stay home with their children? That's what feminism is about--giving women choices. I think you've bought into the rightwing's definition of feminism, which claims that the movement debased women who stayed at home. Believe me, as a long-time feminist, that is anything but true. My feminist (male and female) friends all celebrate the many lifestyle choices women make, including the choice to be a full-time homemaker.

I don't think today's young women want to turn their back on feminism. When I was in college (30 years ago), most medical and law schools in American had 10% quotas on the number of women applicants they accepted. Women were locked out of many other jobs as well. (The famed glass ceiling even existed in professional orchestras, where women were not permitted to hold first chairs in their sections.) Women had an extremely difficult time getting mortgages and even struggled in universities to be permitted to get PhDs. And let's not forget the horrific way that women who were raped were once treated--by the courts and society.

Feminists fought hard to overcome these kinds of obstacles. You think today's young women are going to turn their backs on these advances? I don't think so. Not my daughter, nor her friends.

And, by the way, I'm not unhappy nor deeply bitter. I love my life, with all its possibilities, and I give thanks to all those feminists whose names have long been forgotten (or maligned by people like Schlessinger) who helped make it possible for me to have so many choices.

No, they will take all the good stuff from equality with men and leave the bad stuff. Ill leave it as that or it will end up being a hijacked thread.

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No, they will take all the good stuff from equality with men and leave the bad stuff. Ill leave it as that or it will end up being a hijacked thread.

Two words Chuz. NOT FAIR!!! (I just can't even be bothered to go on mate :lol: )

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No, they will take all the good stuff from equality with men and leave the bad stuff. Ill leave it as that or it will end up being a hijacked thread.

leChuz has a point there.

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  • 302 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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