What Is Wrong With My Friend's Wife?

[the gardener]

A friend of mine has a wife who hits herself if he disagrees with her. She then leaves the room and goes to bed and cries. Mostly these disagreements centre on parenting situations. The most recent one ocurred when he was trying to implement the 7:30 bedtime rule (which his wife decided on) and so he was telling his child to go to bed and sorry there would be no story tonight as they had been doing lots together all day and that she (the child) had chosen to play with her pet guinea pigs instead of having a story). The child was not unduly upset but the wife wanted to read a story (mostly likely several - 30 minutes worth) even though it was clear the child was very tired, having been up since 6am. Anyway, my friend insisted on the bedtime and then shortly afterwards the wife told him that he had to read the girl a story while she was reading to the other child and made out he was failing his child by not doing so. He protested that he had been preparing milk, administering medicine to another child, putting cream on ecsema etc, tidying kitchen, polishing school shoes etc during that time as the child was playing with her pets and was happy doing so. He told the wife that he couldn't be in two places at once and sometimes when they've all been busy reading etc has to be dropped in favour of getting the children off to bed at a sensible hour etc.

Whereupon his wife starts shaking her head saying no, no, no and then proceeded to hit herself repeatedly in the head before storming off to bed.

What to make of this behaviour? Is this normal for women? What can he do?

Resident HPC head doctors give your diagnosis.

[Frank Hovis]

I have never seen nor heard of such behaviour.

Next please.

[ARIMA]

A friend of mine has a wife who hits herself if he disagrees with her. She then leaves the room and goes to bed and cries. Mostly these disagreements centre on parenting situations. The most recent one ocurred when he was trying to implement the 7:30 bedtime rule (which his wife decided on) and so he was telling his child to go to bed and sorry there would be no story tonight as they had been doing lots together all day and that she (the child) had chosen to play with her pet guinea pigs instead of having a story). The child was not unduly upset but the wife wanted to read a story (mostly likely several - 30 minutes worth) even though it was clear the child was very tired, having been up since 6am. Anyway, my friend insisted on the bedtime and then shortly afterwards the wife told him that he had to read the girl a story while she was reading to the other child and made out he was failing his child by not doing so. He protested that he had been preparing milk, administering medicine to another child, putting cream on ecsema etc, tidying kitchen, polishing school shoes etc during that time as the child was playing with her pets and was happy doing so. He told the wife that he couldn't be in two places at once and sometimes when they've all been busy reading etc has to be dropped in favour of getting the children off to bed at a sensible hour etc.

Whereupon his wife starts shaking her head saying no, no, no and then proceeded to hit herself repeatedly in the head before storming off to bed.

What to make of this behaviour? Is this normal for women? What can he do?

Resident HPC head doctors give your diagnosis.

That sounds a bit worrying - think he needs to encourage her to speak to a GP.

[thecrashingisles]

.

[The Knimbies who say No]

How odd, and unhealthy.

Does she leave herself with injuries?

She needs help.

[blobloblob]

Your friend should secretly film it in case he ever gets accused of battering her.

[JoeDavola]

"burds are mental"

- ccc

[SarahBell]

Depression due t hormones.

[Si1]

Your friend should secretly film it in case he ever gets accused of battering her.

Indeed

Also, how old is she out of interest?

http://self-injury.net/information-recovery/frequently-asked-questions

[Si1]

Hitting - Hitting themselves with their fists is another way that people hurt themselves that is most commonly done on the head or thighs. Although it may not seem as serious as cutting or burning it is done for the same reasons and results.

[StainlessSteelCat]

Sounds like a form of self-injury:

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/self-injury

It sounds like she's finding the situation rather overwhelming and this is her coping strategy.

[Si1]

Sounds like a form of self-injury:

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/self-injury

It sounds like she's finding the situation rather overwhelming and this is her coping strategy.

We can't judge from the limited evidence here and our lack of professional qualification

But I can say that this chap needs

1) to protect himself and the children

2) to seek professional help for his wife

[mikthe20]

I'd bet she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Proper mental.

TMT will no doubt be along and provide his wisdom.

Has she only got the mental once the kids came along?

Worth checking for post-natal depression first, which is treatable. BDP pretty much isn't and will only get worse. If it is BDP then he's seriously ******ed and needs to get his head round it and how to deal with it.Your friend has my sincere sympathies.

[Si1]

I'd bet she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Proper mental.

TMT will no doubt be along and provide his wisdom.

Has she only got the mental once the kids came along?

Worth checking for post-natal depression first, which is treatable. BDP pretty much isn't and will only get worse. If it is BDP then he's seriously ******ed and needs to get his head round it and how to deal with it.Your friend has my sincere sympathies.

Wtf

You are in no position to say given the slight evidence we have, that's a serious condition to accuse someone of having with massive ramifications if your amateur diagnosis is believed

[Guest_FaFa!_*]

Depression due t hormones.

+1

Is she usually at home with the kids all day?

Is this a one off?

How did she behave in the morning?

If this is a one off and she is at home with the kids all the time then tiredness and hormones could lead to a situation where a minor thing gets blown out of all proportion, particularly if her self-image now revolves around being a "great mother". Frankly it sounds mainly like two frazzled parents having a go at each other and we are only hearing one side of the story here.

[Si1]

+1

Is she usually at home with the kid all day? If she is then tiredness and hormones could lead to a situation where a minor thing gets blown out of all proportion, particularly if her self-image now revolves around being a "great mother"

Well put

[Guest_FaFa!_*]

I'd bet she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Proper mental.

TMT will no doubt be along and provide his wisdom.

Has she only got the mental once the kids came along?

Worth checking for post-natal depression first, which is treatable. BDP pretty much isn't and will only get worse. If it is BDP then he's seriously ******ed and needs to get his head round it and how to deal with it.Your friend has my sincere sympathies.

Don't be absurd.

[the gardener]

She is very controlling - 'my way or the highway' type though she doesn't recognise that. She regularly pleads with him saying things like 'we have to agree on such and such' but ignores his opinion and basically says they have to agree on her way. Her idea of communication is her telling him what to do and him agreeing.

She will constantly break her own rules whenever she likes - eg the 7:30 bedtime - though woe bedtide him if he breaks a rule.

She will also constantly undermine him in front of the kids even when he is applying one of her imposed rules. He never does the same to her.

She is also very critical of him and often compares him to other husbands. Two of the most frequent subjects of comparison now have failed marriages though when he points out the affairs etc these 'perfect' husbands were having there is no acknowledgement that those comparisons weren't exactly well founded.

What is the way forward for him?

Is this just normal burd behaviour.

Oh she once took a kitchen knife out whilst having one of these episodes and held it to her stomach making sort of threats to stab herself. She did this in front if the two young children (3 and 5 at the time).

Please tell my friend that this isn't unusual behaviour in a female. I don't think he wants to believe he's married a nutter.

[Tankus]

Wrong place, wrong thread, wrong people, tell your " friend " to seek professional advice .

[The Masked Tulip]

She is very controlling - 'my way or the highway' type though she doesn't recognise that. She regularly pleads with him saying things like 'we have to agree on such and such' but ignores his opinion and basically says they have to agree on her way. Her idea of communication is her telling him what to do and him agreeing.

She will constantly break her own rules whenever she likes - eg the 7:30 bedtime - though woe bedtide him if he breaks a rule.

She will also constantly undermine him in front of the kids even when he is applying one of her imposed rules. He never does the same to her.

She is also very critical of him and often compares him to other husbands. Two of the most frequent subjects of comparison now have failed marriages though when he points out the affairs etc these 'perfect' husbands were having there is no acknowledgement that those comparisons weren't exactly well founded.

What is the way forward for him?

Is this just normal burd behaviour.

Oh she once took a kitchen knife out whilst having one of these episodes and held it to her stomach making sort of threats to stab herself. She did this in front if the two young children (3 and 5 at the time).

Please tell my friend that this isn't unusual behaviour in a female. I don't think he wants to believe he's married a nutter.

Your friend needs to get his wife to go visit her GP. If she will not go then he must go and tell his GP the things that have been going on - he needs to write it down so he can give succinct points to his GP.

There could be physical illnesses that are causing her to act in this way but blood tests and possibly scans would need to be done as part of a full examination to determine what is the cause. She has to go to the GP. The behaviour, quite simply, could be a sign of a minor physical illness or, to be blunt, a sign of something more serious.

On the mental health side it could be anything from stress, anxiety & depression through to something like one of the Cluster B Personality Disorders such as The Histrionic or Borderline Personality Disorder. The controlling things you mention might be indicative of these. Munchausens or worse might also be possible but I am talking out loud now as, frankly, this is only something a trained mental health professional can determine as part of a detailed examination and diagnosis.

Bottom line - she needs help and your friend must make the first move to get her help. He has to get her to visit her GP or he has to go and seek help.

I can't emphasis enough that these mental episodes might be indicative of a physical illness so the sooner she gets examined the better.

[the gardener]

Your friend needs to get his wife to go visit her GP. If she will not go then he must go and tell his GP the things that have been going on - he needs to write it down so he can give succinct points to his GP.

There could be physical illnesses that are causing her to act in this way but blood tests and possibly scans would need to be done as part of a full examination to determine what is the cause. She has to go to the GP. The behaviour, quite simply, could be a sign of a minor physical illness or, to be blunt, a sign of something more serious.

On the mental health side it could be anything from stress, anxiety & depression through to something like one of the Cluster B Personality Disorders such as The Histrionic or Borderline Personality Disorder. The controlling things you mention might be indicative of these. Munchausens or worse might also be possible but I am talking out loud now as, frankly, this is only something a trained mental health professional can determine as part of a detailed examination and diagnosis.

Bottom line - she needs help and your friend must make the first move to get her help. He has to get her to visit her GP or he has to go and seek help.

I can't emphasis enough that these mental episodes might be indicative of a physical illness so the sooner she gets examined the better.

Very helpful post. Thanks.

What kind of physical illness could cause this behaviour? Are you thinking some kind of vitamin deficiency or thyroid problems? Apparently the mother-in-law has thyroid problems and is on medication for it.

[dances with sheeple]

A friend of mine has a wife who hits herself if he disagrees with her. She then leaves the room and goes to bed and cries. Mostly these disagreements centre on parenting situations. The most recent one ocurred when he was trying to implement the 7:30 bedtime rule (which his wife decided on) and so he was telling his child to go to bed and sorry there would be no story tonight as they had been doing lots together all day and that she (the child) had chosen to play with her pet guinea pigs instead of having a story). The child was not unduly upset but the wife wanted to read a story (mostly likely several - 30 minutes worth) even though it was clear the child was very tired, having been up since 6am. Anyway, my friend insisted on the bedtime and then shortly afterwards the wife told him that he had to read the girl a story while she was reading to the other child and made out he was failing his child by not doing so. He protested that he had been preparing milk, administering medicine to another child, putting cream on ecsema etc, tidying kitchen, polishing school shoes etc during that time as the child was playing with her pets and was happy doing so. He told the wife that he couldn't be in two places at once and sometimes when they've all been busy reading etc has to be dropped in favour of getting the children off to bed at a sensible hour etc.

Whereupon his wife starts shaking her head saying no, no, no and then proceeded to hit herself repeatedly in the head before storming off to bed.

What to make of this behaviour? Is this normal for women? What can he do?

Resident HPC head doctors give your diagnosis.

She has not had a F*uck from me yet, that is all that is wrong.

[The Masked Tulip]

She is very controlling - 'my way or the highway' type though she doesn't recognise that. She regularly pleads with him saying things like 'we have to agree on such and such' but ignores his opinion and basically says they have to agree on her way. Her idea of communication is her telling him what to do and him agreeing.

She will constantly break her own rules whenever she likes - eg the 7:30 bedtime - though woe bedtide him if he breaks a rule.

She will also constantly undermine him in front of the kids even when he is applying one of her imposed rules. He never does the same to her.

She is also very critical of him and often compares him to other husbands. Two of the most frequent subjects of comparison now have failed marriages though when he points out the affairs etc these 'perfect' husbands were having there is no acknowledgement that those comparisons weren't exactly well founded.

What is the way forward for him?

Is this just normal burd behaviour.

Oh she once took a kitchen knife out whilst having one of these episodes and held it to her stomach making sort of threats to stab herself. She did this in front if the two young children (3 and 5 at the time).

Please tell my friend that this isn't unusual behaviour in a female. I don't think he wants to believe he's married a nutter.

All these things above point to a controlling personality who is testing and underming her partner with petty rules just to see how far she can push him - and how much she can control him.

Constantly comparing him to previous men in her life is all part of the techniques used by Cluster B's to make the man doubt himself and become subservient to her. Quite quickly he ends up feeling like he is walking on eggshells.

How many other husbands did she have? Has your friend met them? Did they experience the same thing? Cluster B's are notorious for putting on a mask of the perfect woman, sex partner and wife right up until they believe they have the man hooked - at which point the mask comes off and they reveal their true nature. Is this why she has ex husbands?

Tell your friend to read the articles at Shrink4Men

But he still needs his wife to visit her GP as it would be awful if these mental behaviours were in fact the result of a physical problem.

[Guest_FaFa!_*]

She is very controlling - 'my way or the highway' type though she doesn't recognise that. She regularly pleads with him saying things like 'we have to agree on such and such' but ignores his opinion and basically says they have to agree on her way. Her idea of communication is her telling him what to do and him agreeing.

She will constantly break her own rules whenever she likes - eg the 7:30 bedtime - though woe bedtide him if he breaks a rule.

She will also constantly undermine him in front of the kids even when he is applying one of her imposed rules. He never does the same to her.

She is also very critical of him and often compares him to other husbands. Two of the most frequent subjects of comparison now have failed marriages though when he points out the affairs etc these 'perfect' husbands were having there is no acknowledgement that those comparisons weren't exactly well founded.

What is the way forward for him?

Is this just normal burd behaviour.

Oh she once took a kitchen knife out whilst having one of these episodes and held it to her stomach making sort of threats to stab herself. She did this in front if the two young children (3 and 5 at the time).

Please tell my friend that this isn't unusual behaviour in a female. I don't think he wants to believe he's married a nutter.

Oh I see - this isn't a one off.

Your friend's wife needs professional help - as others say, get her to the GP.

Best of luck to him

[The Masked Tulip]

Very helpful post. Thanks.

What kind of physical illness could cause this behaviour? Are you thinking some kind of vitamin deficency or thyroid problems? Apparently the mother-in-law has thyroid problems and is on medication for it.

A long list of possible causes flashed through my mind from vitamin deficiencies to thyroid to hormonal to 101 other things. Remember King George, he started acting mad and went through hell almost losing his crown.Today, a simple blood or urine test would diagnosed his illness and the correct medication would have him sorted in no time.

So you have minor illnesses and you have things far more worrying - hence why it is vital that she gets to the GP and gets some tests and help.

There are several common thyroid illnesses that mimic mental health issues with the patients acting just like your friend's wife is. Anxiety, depression, irritability, mood swings, anger rages and even schizophrenic-like behaviour.

Thyroid problems can run in families so your friend must mention the Mother's thyroid problems when he goes to the GP.