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The Masked Tulip

Having An Extramarital Affair

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I am not longer shocked at the numbers of ladies on internet dating sites who claim to be single but who married and who are looking for an affair.

This is not a female only thing - only today a female friend went on a first date only to discover that the man she was meeting was actually married. Several female friends of mine have encountered married men claiming to be single on dating sites.

I post this not to point out the obvious - that internet dating sites are full of married types looking for flings and affairs. Rather, so I am told from various sources, that internet dating is not the way to meet someone for a fling or affair if you are married.

Social media - Facebook chat and Kik messenger... and other messengers... are apparently the tools of choice of those seeking what they seek.

For sad, lonely friendless types with no real life social circles, such as the good people of HPC Off-topic :D , apparently if you have a large group of 'friends' on Facebook - i.e. work colleagues - this is the true breeding ground for affair partners. You seek out the object of your desire in your Facebook contacts and engage them in conversation via Facebook chat, Kik messenger, etc.

All the above may be not a shock to most of you. It is a shock to me. Being a home worker IT guy with few contacts in the real world I also do not have a wide network of Facebook friends. In fact, I am not even on Facebook. But apparently if you work in any largish organisation it almost required now to be on the company FB page and that, in turn, gives oportunities to those looking to cheat. After all, most affairs apparently start in the work-place.

Discuss.

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Social media and mobile phones just make it easier for people to do it.

Many people today who would have done it before - but found it too much hassle - now find it easy to do.

At the same time though - these very same things also make it easier to get caught out. People are often caught and outed - in a manner that simply was not possible before. Unless you took out a full page advert in the national press.

Previously to meet someone who you had maybe had a wee flirt at work with ? Would have to be preorganised for a certain time or place. Both sides would have to be up for it and well aware what they were getting into.

Now ? Send a few messages at midnight on a Saturday when out on the pish, and see what comes up.

Not cheated myself for many a year - but i know many that do. And these people are pretty much on FB for this very reason. Many are not too bothered by the other very annoying aspects of it. Not on it myself anymore either. Its pish.

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Having an affair or cheating (if you're not married) is, from a moral point of view, wrong. But where did that moral code come from? I assume it's mainly from religous teachings. I, personally, believe that humans are not naturally monogamous and that it's our culture that keeps the vast majority in long term relationships rather than us necessarily wanting to. The difference is that some people are more willing to act on their natural instincts than others.

Myself, being someone that 99% of women seem to have no interest in, all I can surmise is "Chance would be a fine thing"!

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Myself, being someone that 99% of women seem to have no interest in, all I can surmise is "Chance would be a fine thing"!

You just haven't bumped into her yet - when you do it will be wonderful. :)

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Having an affair or cheating (if you're not married) is, from a moral point of view, wrong. But where did that moral code come from? I assume it's mainly from religous teachings. I, personally, believe that humans are not naturally monogamous and that it's our culture that keeps the vast majority in long term relationships rather than us necessarily wanting to. The difference is that some people are more willing to act on their natural instincts than others.

Myself, being someone that 99% of women seem to have no interest in, all I can surmise is "Chance would be a fine thing"!

So basically, around 70 million women want to shag you senseless?

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Having an affair or cheating (if you're not married) is, from a moral point of view, wrong. But where did that moral code come from? I assume it's mainly from religous teachings. I, personally, believe that humans are not naturally monogamous and that it's our culture that keeps the vast majority in long term relationships rather than us necessarily wanting to. The difference is that some people are more willing to act on their natural instincts than others.

Myself, being someone that 99% of women seem to have no interest in, all I can surmise is "Chance would be a fine thing"!

Co-habiting with male being the provider and the female being the child raiser - the provider wants to be as certain as possible that the children he is working to support at his genetic line and not another male's genetic line.

This is why so many ancient laws, which still exist in large parts of the world, result in the death of women who have affairs.

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I agree with the moral code stuff - it seems outdated nowadays. Providing both parties agree - and one side doesn't feel coerced into saying yes - I don't judge on people's relationships outside of a long term one.

If you are looking for the one - and struggling. Try going or becoming exotic. Even ugly white middle-aged chaps or ladies may find love when not searching through white middle aged people. A small language barrier can also work wonders as both parties make allowances and are often more direct. Obviously, be aware that if the other party is poorer, there might be other motives. But it might be fun for a while anyhow.

A rat-faced friend of mine with limited social skills and even less wealth has no problem attracting much younger and attractive women who are first generation immigrants after being shunned for most of his life by ladies of his own ethic group.

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I should assume it comes from the genetic interests of the partner in the final analysis.

I thought the science behind it was the woman would find an alpha male to be impregnated by whilst living with the caring partner who would bring up the child of the alpha?

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In my experience, for some women, a married man is more attractive than a single one. The married man has proved he is of interest; the single man raises the question 'why is he single - is something wrong with him?'

An extramarital affair also provides drama for some ('will he leave his wife or won't he'?) etc which heightens the sense of excitement and romance.

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Ps - if anyones other half is on FB - it is 99% likely they are in contact with ex's.

Now whether anything comes of it is another matter - however contact will have been made. Even if they receive a message and have not replied to it - the seed is still sown. You have a big fall out with your other half. They are checking through FB and see this message that they previously had ignored.. .

Again - whether something happens or not - depends. But it is FAR closer to happening than most people would want to think about.

Burds , and blokes - keep people on FB as 'back up'. Ask yourself - why would someone keep a person they once banged 5 years ago as a 'friend' on FB ? Just what exactly is the point. . .

Not really much point worrying about happening though. If it happens it happens. However its literally only a second away these days. And that temptation and ease is just too much for most people to fight against. Especially when arguments or booze are involved.

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In my experience, for some women, a married man is more attractive than a single one. The married man has proved he is of interest; the single man raises the question 'why is he single - is something wrong with him?'

An extramarital affair also provides drama for some ('will he leave his wife or won't he'?) etc which heightens the sense of excitement and romance.

This is true - for a certain kind of woman the attraction is actually "Can I get him away from her" which means "Aren't I wonderful and sexy and gorgeous if I can get a man to leave her for me!". It is about her ego and low self-esteem.

Edit:

It would be worth doing an experiment of being single and seeing if wearing a wedding band increases female attention.

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This is true - for a certain kind of woman the attraction is actually "Can I get him away from her" which means "Aren't I wonderful and sexy and gorgeous if I can get a man to leave her for me!". It is about her ego and low self-esteem.

Edit:

It would be worth doing an experiment of being single and seeing if wearing a wedding band increases female attention.

I am pretty sure i have met a bloke before that wears one for this very reason.

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Thinking about it, I did know a guy 20 odd years ago who did.

This is giving me ideas. If only Ratners was still around.

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I was introduced to an app called SnapChat yesterday when one of the lads at work was telling me his misses has been using it. Apparently it allows you to send photos to other peoples phone but you can set a time limit on how long they can view it. He was saying she's been using it to send pictures to his mates and he's not happy about it. I told him to use it to send pictures of himself to her mates. His answer "I couldn't do that to her". Idiot.

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I was introduced to an app called SnapChat yesterday when one of the lads at work was telling me his misses has been using it. Apprantely it allows you to send photos to other peoples phone but you can set a time limit on how long they can view it. He was saying she's been using it to send pictures to his mates and he's not happy about it. I told him to use it to send pictures of himself to her mates. His answer "I couldn't do that to her". Idiot.

Oh dear.

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I was introduced to an app called SnapChat yesterday when one of the lads at work was telling me his misses has been using it. Apparently it allows you to send photos to other peoples phone but you can set a time limit on how long they can view it. He was saying she's been using it to send pictures to his mates and he's not happy about it. I told him to use it to send pictures of himself to her mates. His answer "I couldn't do that to her". Idiot.

He should send dog rough pictures of her to his mates instead. The muffin top, the pasty flesh, no make-up, the smelly feet, the unflattering underwear, unwanted body hair etc etc.

Should keep them away.

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One of the things I noticed about a POF woman who I was friend-zoned by and spent months pining over (chump that I am), was that on her Facebook page, her friends list was hidden; i.e. you couldn't see who she was friends with. She was the type of woman that seemed to have lots of male 'friends' - I was probably the only one not getting any ;)

In terms of ex-es, I think Facebook makes it easier to arrange a quick shag with an ex; a mate of mine did this the other week when he had an argument with his current girlfriend, as a kind of secret 'revenge'.

Burds , and blokes - keep people on FB as 'back up'. Ask yourself - why would someone keep a person they once banged 5 years ago as a 'friend' on FB ? Just what exactly is the point. . .

Whereas guys have been stereotyped as typically the 'players', with several girls on the go at once, it has become apparent to me that alot of attractive women seem to have a long trail of men to cater for every need, be it the poor ******* who's been friend-zoned to listen to all her problems, or the f*ck buddy who pops over for a no-strings shag when she needs it.

Even ugly white middle-aged chaps or ladies may find love when not searching through white middle aged people. A small language barrier can also work wonders as both parties make allowances and are often more direct. Obviously, be aware that if the other party is poorer, there might be other motives.

I did check out a Russian bride site, and some of them were stunning.

And as for women who would shame a guy for doing such a thing because the women on the site are 'only after his money'; I'd ask if that's any different to what attracts alot of women to men anyway. Attraction, especially when it comes to marriage, seems to be largely status based (i.e. that the man has a good enough job/position in society).

Put it this way; I don't know any women who have married/are in relationships with men that earn less than them. I know a couple where the bloke pays for everything.

In my experience, for some women, a married man is more attractive than a single one.

The term is 'pre-selection', and if I remember correctly it's been shown to be true in some species of animals. Nobody wants what nobody else wants, it seems ;)

It would be worth doing an experiment of being single and seeing if wearing a wedding band increases female attention.

There was an episode of Seinfeld in the 90's where one of the main characters did just this! Check this out:

http://www.criticalcommons.org/Members/Ghent/clips/the%20apartment_wedding%20ring.mp4/view

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I was introduced to an app called SnapChat yesterday when one of the lads at work was telling me his misses has been using it. Apparently it allows you to send photos to other peoples phone but you can set a time limit on how long they can view it. He was saying she's been using it to send pictures to his mates and he's not happy about it. I told him to use it to send pictures of himself to her mates. His answer "I couldn't do that to her". Idiot.

I've been told about this.. Didn't bother looking into it as I assumed it was only used for sending rude pics.

"time limit"? 3 seconds, 2 days? And whats to stop you grabbing the photo?

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I tried the internet forum approach and tried to crack on to SarahBell hoping to raise the temperature in the potting shed at the allotment but she wasn't having any of it!

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I tried the internet forum approach and tried to crack on to SarahBell hoping to raise the temperature in the potting shed at the allotment but she wasn't having any of it!

Did you? Gosh I missed that! Sorry.

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