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happily renting

Agent Tries Rhyme Scheme

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I like a bit of creativity,

but this is sick-making, as you shall soon see.


a selection:


Let me introduce you to a charming retiree,

£425,000 has she; her search area is open and free

But nothing gives her more glee,

Than a full blown shopping spree!

So we're sure you can foresee that the ideal property

Must at least guarantee Bus routes locally

Call now! Become an enlistee of Country Property

We'll find the perfect vendee and SELL your property!


Gemma has until April to find her onward move,

But a favourable location you will have to prove.

Cranbrook School Catchment she will need to remain,

If you aren't in, you'll be out of the frame.

With no other concerns, this search is not too hard,

Period or modern, she will not disregard.

Detached would appeal to the most,

And then to her friends she can boast.

A bit of a project, it could appeal,

But for a quiet spot, you would have a deal.


A quiet chap visited our office this weekend,

His look of shock he could not pretend.

"Wow! Open on a Sunday I am glad! searching is making me sad!"

So he did sit and I listen for an hour long,

To make sure his requirements I didn't get wrong.

"A Country Mansion with Grounds I do seek",

With a polite, soft voice he did speak.

"Rose Garden, Tennis Court and Pool, deeply in love I will fall.

Space for the Grandkids to stay, a Field for them to run and play!"

"But on quiet days, when it's just my wife and I,

Views of the countryside is what will make me buy."

This Country Gent the whole package he seeks,

And with cash in the Bank, can complete in weeks.


Having exchnaged on her Cottage on the Village green,

To get the Cranbrook School Catchment to fulfil a dream.

Because School fees have been draining disposable income,*

They now plan to live in the Country and have some fun.

Rural, with some land and 4 Bedrooms or more,

As to the style, old or new they are not sure.

For the right house they would park up in rented for the Vendor to find,

Could it be your home they have in mind.

[*£1.25 million budget]


Thrilled with our service, she says is second to none,

She now needs to find, so she feels under the gun.

Whilst open to area, character and charm must abound,

With her two darling Jack Russells she would still like some ground.

Room for an AGA, 2 Bedrooms and Fireplace with a grate,

She is willing to decorate, maybe even renovate.

Her beautful furniture coupled with her classical flair,

Will enable her to make a magical home anywhere.


A tile hung beautifully beamy Farmhouse is their dream because,

This man and his wife have just returned from Aus.

Out there they say most houses are functional and bland,

So they are refusing to view anything short of gorgeous, out of hand.

Back home in the UK, parked up in a comfy rental,

Searching for their final home is driving them mental.

Three treasured classic cars and their beloved retrievers have been shipped home too,

Their brief is simple; no neighbours, ample garaging and a drive that will woo.


A couple with a rural dream, A popular request it would seem.

Often sought, but seldom found, Even with a healthy pound.

A quiet Cottage they do seek, But searching every single week.

Period features must adorn, Modern, then I will forewarn.

2 Beds is plenty for these two, And happy to work if they must do.

A wide area they will not mind, If their perfect home we can find.


A dilemma has hit all couples fear, a marriage break after 15 year.

Dividing everything up into two, new beginnings and horizons new.

Their searches are nearly the same, but neighbours they'll not remain.

Identical homes, 1 in Sussex, 1 in Kent, so at each other no anger they will vent.

Quiet locations and space for family, a Garden for a new Apple Tree.

2 Beds is all each would need, for Detached, they both will plead.

Period Homes are what they are used to, nothing modern or new.

and let's not forget those who cannot buy

read the following with a tear in your eye:


His betrayal is a pain she will never forgive,

But now their house is sold, she needs somewhere to live.

With what little money she has salvaged, she can't afford to buy,

So with a sad heart she has decided to give renting a try.

Fortunately, working from home, she is not restricted by location,

Two Bedrooms would suffice and a small Garden give her motivation.

After a long battle she finally got custody of the dogs,

Who will want to lay in front of the fire, fuelled by logs.

Edited by happily renting

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Dennis has a shoebox house

Of flimsy build and meagre size

A starter home of no real merit

Built in the 90s down to price

He's underwater with his lender

Despite the lowest interest rates

He MEWed and was reckless spender

With flash cars to impress his mates

Please buy his box

It's very nice

Let's ignore the fact

It's overpriced.

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Dear, dear Country Property Group.......

With prices so high

You'll bleed everyone dry

Only mugs would care to inspect 'em

So, my kindly advice -

Take your ridiculous price

And shove it straight up your rectum.

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It f*cks you up, the bank of Mum and Dad

It may not mean to, but it does

It gives you all the debt they had

plus a shitpile extra, just for you, your contempories, your children and their children. You are f*cked.

R. E. Possessed.


very good

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