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Sledgehead

Death By Matrimony

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Why do all my friends want to murder their husbands? (Telegraph, Celia Walden, Aug 12, 2013)

When did we move from chick-lit, sorcery, Gothic horror and 50 shades of heavy breathing to mariticide fantasy?

“It’s about men’s consistent failure to live up to our expectations,” insists Amanda later that afternoon, as we watch the subjugated LA husbands playing with the kids in the shallow end of the pool. Fictional husbands, she goes on, don’t get murdered for decrepitude or infidelity any more – even if those things are factors. “They get murdered because they’ve become so ineffectual. And that’s something we can all relate to.”

....Once you’ve got your husband as well-trained and “handbagged” as your miniature Schnauzer, you move on to more ambitious plans – like taking men out of the picture completely.

It’s not as though they’re needed these days, is it? Financial stability, status, sexual satisfaction and children: all of these things can be accomplished without the man who you’ll describe as “a disappointment in a sweater vest” come his retirement years.

It might be taking it a little far to say that the Amazons - who killed the men they partnered with once they had conceived – got it right.

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I'd like to see the reaction to the reverse of this.

The woman you married has turned into an overweight frump, all she does is moans, the sex has dried up, the sexy young thing next door looks far more appealing and is clearly up for it.

Should you bump off the wife and upgrade to something better. All the benefits of Financial stability, status, sexual satisfaction and children: all of these things can be accomplished without the woman who you’ll describe as “a disappointment in a sweater vest with breasts to her knees” come her retirement years.

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I'd like to see the reaction to the reverse of this.

The woman you married has turned into an overweight frump, all she does is moans, the sex has dried up, the sexy young thing next door looks far more appealing and is clearly up for it.

Should you bump off the wife and upgrade to something better. All the benefits of Financial stability, status, sexual satisfaction and children: all of these things can be accomplished without the woman who you’ll describe as “a disappointment in a sweater vest with breasts to her knees” come her retirement years.

...or the man you married develops a large beer gut, loses his hair, drinks too much, doesnt want sex and leers after anything female between the age of 16 and 26. The window cleaner and the plumber are offering much better sex and have no expectations of you doing their washing and ironing.

Perhaps it's time to change to a younger model. No need to kill the old man. He's doing a good job of that hammering his liver, diabetic and overweight. :)

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Why can't we all learn to be satisfied with what we have got...warts and all....anyone looking for perfection in another will never find it, simply because nobody is perfect, nobody has ever been perfect and nobody will ever be perfect. ;)

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Why can't we all learn to be satisfied with what we have got...warts and all....anyone looking for perfection in another will never find it, simply because nobody is perfect, nobody has ever been perfect and nobody will ever be perfect. ;)

Given that is unlikely I suggest we should adapt our social models.

If you don't live with the person they don't have to be so perfect.

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Given that is unlikely I suggest we should adapt our social models.

If you don't live with the person they don't have to be so perfect.

Explain.....how can an imperfect person expect perfection in another? ;)

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I believe William Burroughs once suggested that women should be eliminated after childbirth. Imagine that, an entire society of fresh faced young boys being preyed upon by ageing sodomites. Or public school, as some prefer to call it.

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Explain.....how can an imperfect person expect perfection in another? ;)

They shouldn't, but they do, it's human nature.

It would be easier for most couples just not to live together, if there are children then live nearby.

All we need now is for governments to recognise the massive need for more, cheaper and more adaptable accommodation to allow this to happen. Oh, wait...........

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They shouldn't, but they do, it's human nature.

It would be easier for most couples just not to live together, if there are children then live nearby.

All we need now is for governments to recognise the massive need for more, cheaper and more adaptable accommodation to allow this to happen. Oh, wait...........

.....so you say more single accommodation required, but single people often have to share accommodation with others, so people single or not are pushed together and live together whether they like it or not. ;)

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Presumably Walden doesn't want to murder her own husband- unlike every other living human being.

"Countryside - the act of killing Piers Morgan", Stephen Fry, ISIHAC, 2002

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Hmmm, my missus can't go five minutes without asking me to do something. Reach something in a cupboard, open a jar, just now it was open the gate so she could get out of the house because the lock had jammed (she was leaning on the gate so the lock wouldn't move freely). I tell you, fish and bicycles, it is all nonsense. If men were not around everywhere would be like some post apocalyptic wasteland within a couple of months.

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I believe William Burroughs once suggested that women should be eliminated after childbirth. Imagine that, an entire society of fresh faced young boys being preyed upon by ageing sodomites. Or public school, as some prefer to call it.

Is he about to be dug up, arrested and charged? :blink:

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Hmmm, my missus can't go five minutes without asking me to do something. Reach something in a cupboard, open a jar, just now it was open the gate so she could get out of the house because the lock had jammed (she was leaning on the gate so the lock wouldn't move freely). I tell you, fish and bicycles, it is all nonsense. If men were not around everywhere would be like some post apocalyptic wasteland within a couple of months.

There's a great episode of Family Guy where some of the men wake up in a deserted hospital in a deserted town with no memory of who they are or how they got there. They make friends with each and work as a team to figure out what is going on.

The women simply start fighting one another.

Edit:

Ah, someone has stuck up a bad copy of the scene on-line

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Hmmm, my missus can't go five minutes without asking me to do something. Reach something in a cupboard, open a jar, just now it was open the gate so she could get out of the house because the lock had jammed (she was leaning on the gate so the lock wouldn't move freely). I tell you, fish and bicycles, it is all nonsense. If men were not around everywhere would be like some post apocalyptic wasteland within a couple of months.

Amen to that

Men are useless until comes to dealing with that big (but utterly harmless) spider on the bedroom wall that is freaking out the wife or when someone is needed to dispose of the dead birds and mice that the cat occasionally bring home.

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Amen to that

Men are useless until comes to dealing with that big (but utterly harmless) spider on the bedroom wall that is freaking out the wife or when someone is needed to dispose of the dead birds and mice that the cat occasionally bring home.

Or do they just pretend so that you will do it? Ditto the gate and all the other stuff mentioned above?

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There's a great episode of Family Guy where some of the men wake up in a deserted hospital in a deserted town with no memory of who they are or how they got there. They make friends with each and work as a team to figure out what is going on.

The women simply start fighting one another.

I don't remember the hospital, but I'm pretty sure you are actually describing The Apprentice, Series 1. That and / or Series 2. And Series 3 come to think of it. And 4. Probably 5 too. Are we up to 6? 7? 14? Not 14? Well it will be that too when they run it.

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I don't remember the hospital, but I'm pretty sure you are actually describing The Apprentice, Series 1. That and / or Series 2. And Series 3 come to think of it. And 4. Probably 5 too. Are we up to 6? 7? 14? Not 14? Well it will be that too when they run it.

:lol:

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I'd take one for the team if I were her.

In the 'Six Degrees Of Separation' game that inspired an early social networking site (of which I was a non-participating member) I'm only three degrees from Walden, and by extension only four degrees from Morgan. Thankfully for me (albeit that it's a bloody shame for them) degrees one and two have a love/hate relationship that I doubt will ever be properly reconciled.

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It’s not as though they’re needed these days, is it? Financial stability, status, sexual satisfaction and children: all of these things can be accomplished without the man who you’ll describe as “a disappointment in a sweater vest” come his retirement years.

It might be taking it a little far to say that the Amazons - who killed the men they partnered with once they had conceived – got it right.

May I suggest divorce might be the less risky and more logical option?

Oh I forgot, Celia is a young female journalist. With so little experience of real life, they don't do logic. Over-educated and overpaid :)

Someone needs to tell born-rich trash writers such as Celia Walden that man-bashing is "so yesterday darling". It's been done to death in the 90's already. How about some genuinely intelligent & thought provoking journalism, instead of non-subtle references to an LA lifestyle Celia apparently enjoys. Isn't The Telegraph supposed to be a British rag? For the record I don't think American women indugle in the same negativity quite so much, at least I've not seen it. Seems to be a British woman thing.....

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Presumably Walden doesn't want to murder her own husband- unlike every other living human being.

"Countryside - the act of killing Piers Morgan", Stephen Fry, ISIHAC, 2002

She's married to Piers Morgan??

Well that clarifies a lot actually :lol:

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She's married to Piers Morgan??

Well that clarifies a lot actually :lol:

Do a vanilla google search for 'Celia Walden' (do it, really).

The image results on the first page would get on my nerves if I were her! :lol:

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Hmmm, my missus can't go five minutes without asking me to do something. Reach something in a cupboard, open a jar, just now it was open the gate so she could get out of the house because the lock had jammed (she was leaning on the gate so the lock wouldn't move freely). I tell you, fish and bicycles, it is all nonsense. If men were not around everywhere would be like some post apocalyptic wasteland within a couple of months.

You don't have a dog and bark yourself.

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