TheNoSnowMan Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 I recently came to a conclusion that I don't have any friends. I have mates. Let me explain my theory. A friend is someone who does just as much for you and you do for them. They randomly ring/text you just to see how you are/what you're up to. They often pop round your house just to chat. You have a fair amount in common and are never bored in each other’s company. A mate is someone who you tend to do more for than they do for you. They never ring/text unless they want something. They never come round to see you; you have to go see them. You do have some things in common but find you make more of an effort to be interested in what they like than vice versa. I've always found forming friendships difficult anyway as I'm quite self contained and I don't trust easily. But it was my other half who pointed out to me a while ago that I was always doing stuff for these people and they never do anything in return. I normally see these people on a Wednesday night and she used to come with me. To prove a point, she stopped coming along and now hasn't seen any of them since last summer. So I tried it myself after Xmas. Didn't go round for the whole of January. Didn't hear anything. Nothing. When I did just show up in February all I got was, "The daughters laptop is playing up. Can you have a look at it?" Does anyone else find this? Are people now so wrapped up in their own self importance that friendships doesn't exist anymore? Or am I just expecting too much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si1 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 if you were a homeowner it would all be better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNoSnowMan Posted April 13, 2013 Author Share Posted April 13, 2013 I know. I'm a mortgagee. Not an owner. Some people don't realise there is a difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuggets Mahoney Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 In the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness 'one to three friends is sufficient' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNoSnowMan Posted April 13, 2013 Author Share Posted April 13, 2013 In the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness 'one to three friends is sufficient' Surely that should be the Swanson's Ponzi of Greatness. This is HPC after all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pent Up Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Girls have friends. Men have mates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiveinHope Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 People vastly over estimate the number of friends they have.. In my book a friend is someone you may not talk to for months, but you know they will be thinking of you or you will be thinking of them and when you do meet up it's as if you spoke yesterday and you speak the same cr4p you spoke last time. You also know that if you need help they'll shift a mountain, and vice versa. I reckon I have 3 When I did just show up in February all I got was, "The daughters laptop is playing up. Can you have a look at it? That resonates, most of my other 'friends' only get in touch when they need something, usually a computer issue (I'm not in IT just fairly literate). i just see how long I can stall them until they finally get around to the real reason they are contacting me. I wouldn't shift a mountain for them, nor they for me i suspect. I'll tell them what they need to do or where they can find the advice online to fix it themselves, such as ifixit, but I won't do it for them. I'd also say that friends 'happen'. I certainly don't look for friends, or aquaintances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuggets Mahoney Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Surely that should be the Swanson's Ponzi of Greatness. This is HPC after all... Quite I don't have any mates, a lot of acquaintances, and a fair few friends, most of whom are currently dormant on account of them being geographically far away and/or snowed under. A friend is someone I can meet after not seeing for five years and pick up straight away, completely naturally. They are not people who have me finding myself running up a mental balance sheet of our relationship. Some have done more for me than I have done for them and vice versa. It all evens out in the wash. Yes, there are lots of self-absorbed air heads out there but there are plenty of decent folk also. It's got to be down to each of us individually to nurture positive relationships and toss the cr@p ones, doesn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freeholder Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Friends are people you trust in matters that are of deep importance to you. I had some once. Mates are people you like and whose company you enjoy. I have lots of those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl1 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Get yourself on Facebook, you'll have loads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
200p Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Alright, buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorkins Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Alright, buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahBell Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 We have a lot more 'mates' when one of their laptops/DS etc is broken. Actually since one woman went fruit-cakey we've had no repairs from her so I assume she bins it all the minute it stops working like she used to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riedquat Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 None of either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Ah yes! I have few friends! The minute you are up shit creek and need help, "mates" are too busy, and bugger off!! Sometimes YOU will have to be a friend too, and help someone out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renewed Investor Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 I agree with this theory entirely. I have 2 friends. One I've known for 21 years, the other guy I've known 12 years. I have about 15 mates, who I only see if I am out clubbing or going round the pubs. Sometimes I will see them at birthday meals etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_duke_of_hazzard Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 People tend to overestimate what they give to their friends, and underestimate what they get in return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNoSnowMan Posted April 14, 2013 Author Share Posted April 14, 2013 Get yourself on Facebook, you'll have loads. People who have hundreds (if not thousands) of friends on FB don't see these people as friends. They see them as fans. The t'internet has allowed everybody to be a mini celebrity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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