Got One Of Those 'your Computer Has A Virus' Hoax Telephone Calls

[fluffy666]

Got one of those telephone calls 'We are from microsoft, your computer has a virus, we can help you fix it...'

Decided to play along, not asking which computer in the house it was..

Kept them going for 15 minutes. Using speakphone to minimise clarity any make it hard for them to work out what I was saying. Several times pretended to have closed windows by accident and got them to repeat steps all over again. Eventually had to tell them that they were scammers when they were trying to get me to type a web address and I was getting bored.

They got surprisingly annoyed about that.

Note if you want to try this:

- Their first step is to get you to run the 'event viewer' (Start->Run->eventvwr) This gives the system event logs, which will normally have various warnings and errors (which can be ignored). This is designed to make you think there's a problem. It took about 10 minutes for this.

- After which they want you to enter a web address. Don't do this. If I get it again I might use by vanilla-Ubuntu machine to go to the address to keep them going..

Keeping them on a call is a publick service..

[happy_renting]

I get lots of these. They ask you to type in URLs and so on, I deliberately read them back incorrectly, over and over again.

After messing them around for many minutes, you usually reach a point where they ask you to tell them what it says on your screen.

I tell them a message has popped up saying that they "are a c**** ". This is usually met with a stunned silence, before they carry on, unable to believe they heard what I said.

After doing it a few times, they get the message.

[nmarks]

There is a simple way for the country to earn some money putting a stop to these calls from organised criminals from abroad:

Anyone making a call to your phone, who has not previously been authorised to call you, should be told in a pre-recorded message that if they continue with the call they will be charged at £1.50 per minute (with a minimum charge of £5).

[nmarks]

My Dad received a call like this a few days ago.

Quite spontaneously, he burst into an impression of Joe Pasquale followed by a rendition of Cliff Richard's hit 'Summer Holiday'. Despite being an excellent singer, they hung up after second bar.

[DEATH]

I just say "Go f*ck yourself" to all unwanted calls these days, straight off.

Mr Dirty Mouth I know but it works.

[corevalue]

I did everything the nice young lady asked me to, but why didn't she ask me if I was using Windows first? I had to go through the same step time and time again, because my Kubuntu computer just didn't seem to have the correct response

In the end I got a very testy "YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME!", to which I answered, "Yes, I intended to".

[The Masked Tulip]

I tell cold-callers that my girlfriend is naked, tied to a bed, covered in chocolate chip ice cream and cream... and I have a glace cherry in one hand and a riding crop in the other... and ask them if they were in my position would they keep talking to them or put the cherry somewhere...

Naturally, they always say that they would keep talking... so I ask them what they would do if they were in my position... There is a distinct lack of imagination out there in the cold-calling universe is all I can say.

[corevalue]

I tell cold-callers that my girlfriend is naked, tied to a bed, covered in chocolate chip ice cream and cream... and I have a glace cherry in one hand and a riding crop in the other... and ask them if they were in my position would they keep talking to them or put the cherry somewhere...

Naturally, they always say that they would keep talking... so I ask them what they would do if they were in my position... There is a distinct lack of imagination out there in the cold-calling universe is all I can say.

Ooh you've given me an idea. Next time, I'll say "Can you just hold while I finish what I'm doing" and then play a recording of hard passionate, climatical lovemaking. After a minute of this, I'll get back to the phone and tell them I'm sorry to keep them waiting while I was talking to another customer, now, are they phoning to make an appointment?

[The Masked Tulip]

Ooh you've given me an idea. Next time, I'll say "Can you just hold while I finish what I'm doing" and then play a recording of hard passionate, climatical lovemaking. After a minute of this, I'll get back to the phone and tell them I'm sorry to keep them waiting while I was talking to another customer, now, are they phoning to make an appointment?

Or just talk hot and dirty to them for several minutes and then finish by saying "Thank you for calling my premium rate number."

[The Masked Tulip]

This is the best one.

[MrPin]

I tell cold-callers that my girlfriend is naked, tied to a bed, covered in chocolate chip ice cream and cream... and I have a glace cherry in one hand and a riding crop in the other... and ask them if they were in my position would they keep talking to them or put the cherry somewhere...

Naturally, they always say that they would keep talking... so I ask them what they would do if they were in my position... There is a distinct lack of imagination out there in the cold-calling universe is all I can say.

That's probably true though, isn't it?

[Freeholder]

Kept one talking for twelve minutes before telling the this was my personal record for wasting a scammers time.

[tonytramcar]

A method I have tried is to say "Hold the line, please, I'll get Mr Tramcar for you" - then leave the phone in front of a speaker and play them some irritating music ( In my case a practice disc I use for singing).

Mr Tramcar never appears, of course.

[debtlessmanc]

I have a mate who tries to turn it round and sell them something - "Now you mention it I need a new kitchen -I just need to shift my old transit van to help pay for it. Can you just ask around the call centre to see if anyone needs one - 05 reg 80000 on the clock?" When they say no he gets agressive with "how dare you waste my time I am trying to give someone an absolute steal here"

Heard him keep it up for more than 10mins once

[The Masked Tulip]

That's probably true though, isn't it?

Um...

[Leslie Morris]

Keep those ideas coming guys. I honestly don’t know of any other way except for hanging up immediately. But after reading your creative scenarios I can’t wait to prank the next one that calls lol

[Frank Hovis]

I have a mate who tries to turn it round and sell them something - "Now you mention it I need a new kitchen -I just need to shift my old transit van to help pay for it. Can you just ask around the call centre to see if anyone needs one - 05 reg 80000 on the clock?" When they say no he gets agressive with "how dare you waste my time I am trying to give someone an absolute steal here"

Heard him keep it up for more than 10mins once

Now that is genuinely excellent thinking outside the box <applause>

[Shasta]

If only I had the patience... I have to quickly decline and hang up because I know the longer I stay of the phone the more frustrated and angry I would get. Perhaps it is time for me to lighten my mood and play along in winding up these idiots who keep calling!!

[Bloo Loo]

Beware this firm

They pop up if you get a window saying your hotmail is blocked...click here to fix:

http://www.itechacharya.co.uk/

Client of mine stupidly spent £385 for the "fix", and a very long overnight scan...which was a looping batch file of tree.exe. the money was £199 for one year of service, but they did 2 years for the £385.

They installed several remote control programs, and told him his machine was not protected by anti virus....they installed nothing useful and disabled AVG.

they took his credit card details, the security number, passwords for his emails, and other bank details.

clients wife was really annoyed with him, and I was called to explain his folly, how to fix hotmail lockout, and then explain chargebacks and other bank things he had to do....

I think If people will spend this on a phishing attack, I should put my rates up.

[The Ayatollah Buggeri]

Crikey, didn't think anyone actually fell for this rubbish...

A significant proportion of those targeted clearly do, or else presumably the scammers would give up. At £385 per successsful hit, even if they only net three or four a day they're still making a very decent living.

[Thunderbird 900]

Don't bother talking to the scamming scumbags.

Just play them one one of these...

http://www.zedge.net/ringtone/189403/?cep=3

http://www.zedge.net/ringtone/1221764/?cep=10

[JPJPJP]

As soon as you know its a scammer

"Thanks for calling the erectile dysfunction hotline, we are very sympathetic to the fact that you can't get it up tonight and we are here to help. Now, is it Viagra or Cialis that you wish to purchase to help you deal with your erection problem mister?"

and always keep up the facade that they have indeed called the sales hotline for geezers with floppy todgers and that you are there to help him

"would you prefer to discuss your flaccid member problems with a female operative mister" is always well received I find