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Divorce Question


Harry Sacks

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A delay in the decree nisi could be - if there is any money angle - because the delaying party still thinks that they are being hard done by, and wants more time to research/niggle/moan in a hope they may get their way before the legal gears really start to grind.

Even the fact that the delay will cost the other side another couple of lawyer letters and talk time might be a motive - screwing their costs up. Is the delaying side on legal aid? In that case, no reason not to extend everything as much as possible to make the other party hurt.

never underestimate how batshYYte people can be when the divorce courts come along.

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1. Yes. However, although I was armed with that knowledge I still couldn't resist the futility of asking.

2. She has asked me to take her back, but seeing as she's just had another man's child and we only split one year ago, it's a ridiculous notion.

3. I am happier than ever before in my life.

Oh, still around. They're both shacked-up together in his parents house with two of my kids. My eldest daughter is living with me because she was "too much trouble". She's seven!

Anyway, social services are encouraging me to apply for permanent residency. I think that alone speaks volumes about her character and parenting "skills".

Tell her to get counselling before she makes any rash decisions.

You owe it to your kids to ensure their mum is as fit as possible to look after them.

Tell her you'll give her a break from the older kids and let her bond with the baby.

Have all your kids with you.

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Oh, still around. They're both shacked-up together in his parents house with two of my kids. My eldest daughter is living with me because she was "too much trouble". She's seven!

Anyway, social services are encouraging me to apply for permanent residency. I think that alone speaks volumes about her character and parenting "skills".

Best of luck dom - only you can do what you think is best for you and your children. I wish you all the best.

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Thanks guys :-)

What a bloody mess. :(

Do you think you'll road test your next potential partner's character a bit more thoroughly next to ensure more lives aren't damaged?

Not meant to be a harsh question, btw, just it's a fair point so that in the future you find lasting happiness. :)

We were together for ten years before we had kids, Seventeen years in total.

She, on the other hand, would spend more time checking out a secondhand car than a potential father.

I have learnt the following lessons -

You never really know someone.

Children aside, you are not responsible for anyone's happiness, only your own.

Happiness is here and now, not a purchase or new partner away.

Make adversity build your character and confidence. Don't let it damage you. There is a gift in there somewhere.

Everything in life can be taken away from you in an instant. You only have your health. Invest in yourself and your self-reliance. Build self discipline, restraint and self control.

Money, possessions or material success do not make you a success and will not help you find the good people in this life.

Yes, i have met someone else, about six weeks after my wife left!

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Thanks guys :-)

We were together for ten years before we had kids, Seventeen years in total.

She, on the other hand, would spend more time checking out a secondhand car than a potential father.

I have learnt the following lessons -

You never really know someone.

Children aside, you are not responsible for anyone's happiness, only your own.

Happiness is here and now, not a purchase or new partner away.

Make adversity build your character and confidence. Don't let it damage you. There is a gift in there somewhere.

Everything in life can be taken away from you in an instant. You only have your health. Invest in yourself and your self-reliance. Build self discipline, restraint and self control.

Money, possessions or material success do not make you a success and will not help you find the good people in this life.

Yes, i have met someone else, about six weeks after my wife left!

+1! Great attitude that we can all learn from!

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In my experience of these matters a really convincing death threat can help in keeping the process moving along.

yeah, that's the "fast food" method. You start eating then after a few mouthfuls you realise what a bad choice you've made.

A better position is to be on the receiving end of threats. I had to report my mother-in-law to the police when she burst into my home and tried to take my youngest daughter away.

I believe that if you give fools enough rope they will hang themselves. I never want to look back and feel embarrassed or ashamed of my actions.

No one can take your self-belief and inner strength if you have invested enough time knowing yourself.

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Tell her to get counselling before she makes any rash decisions.

You owe it to your kids to ensure their mum is as fit as possible to look after them.

Tell her you'll give her a break from the older kids and let her bond with the baby.

Have all your kids with you.

Hi Sarah, the problem with the "counseling " approach, in my experience, is only those who realise they have issues will except that form of help. They are already half way to wellness by admitting they have a problem.

Birds of a feather folk together and will instead surround themselves with allies and build their own reality.

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Hi Sarah, the problem with the "counseling " approach, in my experience, is only those who realise they have issues will except that form of help. They are already half way to wellness by admitting they have a problem.

Birds of a feather folk together and will instead surround themselves with allies and build their own reality.

Yes, this is true. Often people with serious problems will try to get the counsellor on their side during couples counselling or, worse, try to convince the counsellor that she/he has the actual problem.

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yeah, that's the "fast food" method. You start eating then after a few mouthfuls you realise what a bad choice you've made.

A better position is to be on the receiving end of threats. I had to report my mother-in-law to the police when she burst into my home and tried to take my youngest daughter away.

I believe that if you give fools enough rope they will hang themselves. I never want to look back and feel embarrassed or ashamed of my actions.

No one can take your self-belief and inner strength if you have invested enough time knowing yourself.

Joking aside that is all very true. The part I particularly empathise with in bold.

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Yes, I believe that method of psychological abuse is know as "gas-lighting". It's a way of life for some people i've known.

Sorta, the actual issue is known as 'Projection' where an abuser projects their own feelings/faults/inadequacies onto someone else - usually the partner, sometimes a child, occasionally their counsellor.

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Sorta, the actual issue is known as 'Projection' where an abuser projects their own feelings/faults/inadequacies onto someone else - usually the partner, sometimes a child, occasionally their counsellor.

Right, Ok. Gas-lighting is where you manipulate events to make the victim believe they're the one with the personality disorder.

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Right, Ok. Gas-lighting is where you manipulate events to make the victim believe they're the one with the personality disorder.

Yes.

I advise all men to read ALL the article at the below link.

In fact, I think they should be read by all 15 year boys in school. Nah, hang on a moment - that might be too late. Make it all 14 year old boys.

Shrink4Men Index

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Even the fact that the delay will cost the other side another couple of lawyer letters and talk time might be a motive - screwing their costs up. Is the delaying side on legal aid? In that case, no reason not to extend everything as much as possible to make the other party hurt.

Actually if she's on legal aid, her solicitor will want things resolved as quickly as possible because they won't get paid (the pittance of a fixed fee) until the divorce is done and dusted and the file closed. I did part of my training contract in a legal aid family law practice, so trust me on this one. Obviously they couldn't force her, but they'd probably be putting pressure on her not to play silly buggers. Having said that, it sounds like she might be delaying either in hope of a reconciliation or just because she wants to be awkward. That's not uncommon during divorce.

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Actually if she's on legal aid, her solicitor will want things resolved as quickly as possible because they won't get paid (the pittance of a fixed fee) until the divorce is done and dusted and the file closed. I did part of my training contract in a legal aid family law practice, so trust me on this one. Obviously they couldn't force her, but they'd probably be putting pressure on her not to play silly buggers. Having said that, it sounds like she might be delaying either in hope of a reconciliation or just because she wants to be awkward. That's not uncommon during divorce.

sure, the lawyer might want it done, but i know from personal experience that if one party wants to slow things down, and it costs them nothing, they will even if their solicitor is complaining about them..!

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