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Ten Mortgage 'health Warnings' They Won't Tell You


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We tried to imagine what warnings could be attached to home loans and came up with the following:

• Taking a mortgage can cause an obsession with house prices and tedious dinner party conversations.

• Failure to maintain monthly repayments can lead to bald men with necks thicker than their heads dropping by to kidnap your children.

• Paying off a mortgage is no guarantee of wealth: house prices may have fallen to zero and your home will be worth less than a studio flat in Gdansk.

• Cuddly Midlands building societies may sell your home loan to a FFF-rated bank in Iceland.

• Taking a mortgage may involve putting down a deposit equal to the national debt of an eastern European country.

• Your first home may be a "luxury apartment" consisting of a cupboard with a fold-down bed and a view of the council tip.

• Beware of flexi-capped, standard variable rate, near-prime tracker repayment loans with overhanging small print.

• Reading a 32-page soul-sapping application form and key facts illustration can lead to sore eyes and nausea and may leave you enslaved to a half-bust bank until you are 78 years old.

• Your mortgage adviser may be a spotty 19-year-old who failed GSCE maths.

• House prices can go down as well as up.

Link to the Guardian blog article here.

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Er, the studio flat in Gdansk price may shock - the prices of apartments in Poland's cities are far from cheap and they are building plenty of them, they're everywhere

Wages in Poland are rising to keep up, about 4 to 6 % p/a this past year

A 2 bed (would be termed as a 3 room apartment) in a Polish city will probably be on a multiple sole mortgage of 5x to 7x an average office job wage

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Er, the studio flat in Gdansk price may shock - the prices of apartments in Poland's cities are far from cheap and they are building plenty of them, they're everywhere

Wages in Poland are rising to keep up, about 4 to 6 % p/a this past year

A 2 bed (would be termed as a 3 room apartment) in a Polish city will probably be on a multiple sole mortgage of 5x to 7x an average office job wage

Indeed, a woman I know from Gdansk came here, first to London, then the South East, and finally up North. She likes the lifestyle (less strict), and the property prices, will probably buy soon and settle down.

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Agnieska, a bright, young and beautiful Pole.

Converted by me, to the dole.

Her husband works shifts.

And she's soon due child tax credits.

They'll have a deposit for a mortgage in the fall.

That was awful, no offence, try this:

There once was a girl called Basia,

Who thought life in Britain would be flasher,

She got a mortgage from Northern Rock,

And a boyfriend with a huge

career ahead of him,

And then had a baby named Asha.

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Er, the studio flat in Gdansk price may shock - the prices of apartments in Poland's cities are far from cheap and they are building plenty of them, they're everywhere

Wages in Poland are rising to keep up, about 4 to 6 % p/a this past year

A 2 bed (would be termed as a 3 room apartment) in a Polish city will probably be on a multiple sole mortgage of 5x to 7x an average office job wage

wtf does this have to do with the OP?

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Er, the studio flat in Gdansk price may shock - the prices of apartments in Poland's cities are far from cheap and they are building plenty of them, they're everywhere

Wages in Poland are rising to keep up, about 4 to 6 % p/a this past year

A 2 bed (would be termed as a 3 room apartment) in a Polish city will probably be on a multiple sole mortgage of 5x to 7x an average office job wage

Nearby Sopot, one bed flat is average of £180k

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