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Filling Out Modern Job Application Forms

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Moderators - please leave this here at least a while for a wider audience, as i believe it is, at least indirectly, relevant to the state of the wider economy.....

I find myself, after a very long time, choosing to apply for a new job and thus having to re-learn all the old skills in carefully filling out company supplied job application forms - and eloquently answering questions asked, etc.

I have, seeing others go through the ordeal, watched over the recent times as more and more 'nonsense' has crept in to the process. I diligently fill out a form that, as expected, starts with all the usual questions - name, address, past employment history, give examples of experiece relating to such and such, etc.

After having trawled through all that I finally come to the last section.....asking me to give examples of experience to "demonstrate an understanding of equality and diversity, and its practical application."!!!!!????

Is it me? Am I the only person who, looking at this carefully, realises that this is completely misguided diarrhoeia - and that there is no sensible way to answer the question!?

This level of drivel infecting our society is actually insulting to decent, fair minded, honest people who cannot be treated as such unless thay can 'prove' they are such by means of showing examples of their compliance with politically correct thinking. I have worked all my adult life with men, women, of all races, religions, sexual orientations and treated all personally on an equal basis and professionally on their individual merits relevant to their work.

I find myself with complete writers block trying to answer this last section, so I thought maybe I should try and play their own game.

It follows that a silly answer is what they are after? I thought perhaps something based on this cut and paste from some NHS literature seen once:

"Equality is about creating a fairer society where everyone has the opportunity to fulfil their potential. Diversity is about recognising and valuing difference in its broadest sense......", yada, yada, yada.

Perhaps I could exemplify thus:

"Having worked in two large similar organisations, I have demonstrated an ability to communicate at all levels with co-workers regardless of ability. Many of my colleagues had no ability whatsoever."

I wonder if the relevant shorlisters will even get as far as this last garbage section and merely focus on the pertinent technical skills sections. That last 'diversity' bit will only probably be examined by the obligatory HR representative on the shortlisting panel? Alas he/she will probably have the deciding vote?

This silliness has got to a level where I am past caring and will write any old drivel that I think is what the particular organisation in question is looking to hear (based on whatever background research I find). Thus if any fellow and sympathetic HPC members in the spirit of internet altruism, and for a chuckle, fancy sharing their quick thoughts for a particularly good 'blurb' to use to answer this section of the application form I would be very grateful - as I am sure will thousands of others reading this and also struggling to survive in this mdoern world that is needlessly made harder every day in the manner described here.

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One of favourite hobbies is taking part in a competitive game of chess. In a moment of disruptive innovation*, I'd thought I go out of my comfort zone and bring the activity into the 21st century. I did this by spraying all the pieces a grey colour so it does not offend anyone of my 2000 Facebook friends, whom I invite round.

*

Edited by Money Spinner

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After having trawled through all that I finally come to the last section.....asking me to give examples of experience to "demonstrate an understanding of equality and diversity, and its practical application."!!!!!????

google & cut-n-paste is your friend ...

http://www.impactfactory.com/p/equality_diversity_skills_training/snacks_1622-2103-55026.html

e.g.

"True understanding of equality and diversity means that who a person is, is far more important than what they are"

Also google for jargon generator ...

http://www.btinternet.com/~jazzygm/rants/fubar/funny/jargon.shtml

"As a resultant implication the characterisation of specific criteria necessitates that urgent consideration be applied to the philosophy of commonality and standardisation" etc etc

B)

Edited by goldbug9999

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I can see two rational options here.

1) Answer the question with your own words. Its entirely accurate and fair. This does how imply compliance with PC ******** of the highest order.

I have worked all my adult life with men, women, of all races, religions, sexual orientations and treated all personally on an equal basis and professionally on their individual merits relevant to their work.

Alternatively leave the box blank and submit the form. If you get offered the job you will know it was offered because of merit, not some form of toadying nonsense spouting.

2) Refuse to work for any company who would insert such an idiotic question.

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google & cut-n-paste is your friend ...

http://www.impactfactory.com/p/equality_diversity_skills_training/snacks_1622-2103-55026.html

e.g.

"True understanding of equality and diversity means that who a person is, is far more important than what they are"

B)

Excellent site, may I invite you to our Management speak thread ---> http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=171655

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"I always reduce my performance to a level where all my colleagues are able to feel superior regardless of colour, gender, sexual orientation etc. I am proud to say that this has given rise to the impression that I am capable of wrecking everything I touch."

p-o-p

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One of favourite hobbies is taking part in a competitive game of chess. In a moment of disruptive innovation*, I'd thought I go out of my comfort zone and bring the activity into the 21st century. I did this by spraying all the pieces a grey colour so it does not offend anyone of my 2000 Facebook friends, whom I invite round.

*

It's a Monday morning and maybe I am bit slow off the mark but....that link is a spoof? Please tell me it is!

If not it's terrifying what the world is coming to.

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I have worked all my adult life with men, women, of all races, religions, sexual orientations and treated all personally on an equal basis and professionally on their individual merits relevant to their work.

I thought that the above quote from your posting answered their question quite well. Stick to your principles and avoid silly jargon.

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no, it's real. The site is by Jonathan BLaine who could not sell his £1m house.

The world is fubar, deliberate by the elite to keep the serfs scared and busy.

I call a spade a spade.

And a 1oz gold coin, a 1oz gold coin.... therein lies the answer to bullsh1t.

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Is this a public sector position? I would bite your tongue and tolerate this bilge if so, it goes with the territory.

If it's private sector, you might want to consider another company that does not propagate this drivel.

If it were me, I would fill the section with a nice bit of newspeak drivel of your own. Here's a suggestion:

"In my previous role myself and my valued female co-facilitators worked in a non-paternal non-heirarchal idea space to imagineer more blue sky thinking within a genderless framework that accommodated LGBT viewpoints. This included making non-phallic decorations to celebrate the winter festival, and helping valued co-workers follow the correct narrative to avoid careless humour or speech patterns which could cause what we regarded as offence to valued groups of co-workers.

We regularly addressed these issues in staff meetings and prevailed despite resistance from co-workers, many of whom were in oppressed groups and had a false conciousness regarding their diminished role in a typically paternal job space."

That should do it. Let me know if that gets you the job. No charge. B)

Edited by tahoma

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Douglas Adams had the right idea - send all the accountants and personnel managers to far off planet Golgafrincham.

Meantime... There is a huge industry and job creation scheme based on the bogus idea that recruitment can be made "scientific." It doesn't work but you can't prove it, and as time passes the process accumulates more and more of that stuff you find in fields of cows.

All you can do is play the game, since they have you at their mercy. Do a lot of saving, copying and pasting, and waste as little time as possible on each application, since you've only got a one in a hundred chance of getting an interview. In most cases, no-one will read the entire thing anyway, there just isn't the time. The only exception I found was in local government, where every application was read end to end by every member of a six-person panel, who took notes and then discussed the merits of every single applicant.

"How long does that take?" I asked, somewhat incredulously.

"Oh. Only a couple of days," came the reply.

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Is it me? Am I the only person who, looking at this carefully, realises that this is completely misguided diarrhoeia - and that there is no sensible way to answer the question!?

You have to humiliate yourself by answering the question in your own words.

Personnel departments (sorry, Uman Resources) in any large UK company are completely mad but they are not stupid.

If you cut & paste they will assume that you are being sarcastic, supercilious, facetious or all three and your application will be binned - for you, Sir, will have proved yourself to be a troublemaker!

If you answer in such a way as to go against political correctness your application will be binned - and you, Dear Chap, will be deemed to be a criminal. Guilty of thought crimes.

The only way to get that job application past HR is top humiliate yourself by googling the PC answer, as above, and putting it in the words of a remedial ten year old - preferably with a grammatical or spelling mistake.

Of course the best option by far is not to go near these lunatic asylums in the first place - it will only end in tears at some point and you will shorten your life expectancy by a decade or more. Like a bored, down-trodden and abused gorilla in a third world zoo.

Any one with any sense would go self employed or go on benefits/live of ebay.

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If you cut & paste they will assume that you are being sarcastic, supercilious, facetious or all three and your application will be binned - for you, Sir, will have proved yourself to be a troublemaker! put at the top of the pile as your obviously going to fit in perfectly

Corrected

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If you are looking for a job in the modern world you will have to be aware of what is know as 'competenecy' based assessments. You will come across them in most interviews these days and they are now being used to sift people at the application stage. Drivel it may be but don't bother trying to fight it as it's now a fact of life. I would suggest that you google for help and advice as to how to answer such questions.

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There was a box like that when I last filled in a Corporation Tax return online for a Ltd company. There was no way to get past

it without putting something in.

They had a link next to it for examples on what to put, so I clicked on that and did the CTRL-C + CTRL-V job.

Surely nobody reads what goes in... What is this sort of thing doing on a Tax Return in the first place?

Moooooooo

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One of favourite hobbies is taking part in a competitive game of chess. In a moment of disruptive innovation*, I'd thought I go out of my comfort zone and bring the activity into the 21st century. I did this by spraying all the pieces a grey colour so it does not offend anyone of my 2000 Facebook friends, whom I invite round.

*

And stick a few blue-hatted pawns in the middle to stop any violence breaking out.

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This silliness has got to a level where I am past caring and will write any old drivel that I think is what the particular organisation in question is looking to hear (based on whatever background research I find).

You may as well.

Most companies use pyscometric assessment valuations, [costing about £15 per assessment] for each candidate.

However, having had extensive experience, I can confirm that if you send one applicants answers to 5 different pyscometric assessment companies, you will get five completely different opinions, about his personality and hence suitability for the role in question.......

Edited by Milton

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I could show this by stating that I have paid prostitiues from all different creeds and colours. Equality A +

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Tell them it's not something that you ever even think about, perhaps pointing out that by even raising it they're encouraging you to look for all these differences that they pretend to want to accommodate, and if they don't accept that then they're too much of a bunch of ****s to be worth working for anyway.

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The Jonathan Blaine? Of the £2,000,000 house that was repo'd for £650K?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0kPFA1UPYE

I just cant make my mind up if HE is a stupid waste of space or the people who give their money to him.

But then again I suppoose I must think of the 'diversity' such stupid people bring to the world. I mean, think how boring this world would be if we were all 100% identical.......

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Tell them it's not something that you ever even think about, perhaps pointing out that by even raising it they're encouraging you to look for all these differences that they pretend to want to accommodate, and if they don't accept that then they're too much of a bunch of ****s to be worth working for anyway.

+1

I was thinking exactly the same. By having to give examples of how you treat people equally, infers that you have to put effort into treating people equally and therefore you are some sort of closet racist, xenophobe or homophobe. Answer the question by saying that you have always treated people equally and do not discriminate on race, religion, ethinicty, gender or sexual orientation. and therefore your whole life would be an example of treating people equally.

I'd probably drop the line about them being *****s though, even though they are. Stating the obvious rarely wins you the job.

I think companies are dropping the phsychometric tests. I just got a new job with a v large company and didn't have it. Always knew they were sloblocks. They are a starting point for a conversation and not a test to pigeon hole people.

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  • 295 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

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      • down 5% +
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