Fewer Couples Think An Affair Is A Reason To Divorce

[interestrateripoff]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8731520/Fewer-couples-think-an-affair-is-a-reason-to-divorce.html

A study of leading family lawyers found that the most common reason for a marriage to end was couples claiming that they no longer felt in love and had “grown apart”.

The research, compiled by consultancy firm Grant Thornton, disclosed a sharp rise in pre-nuptial agreements, and evidence that many couples had merely delayed divorce in the recession, hoping for larger settlements once the economy had recovered.

According to official records, the number of divorces in England and Wales has fallen to its lowest level since 1974, as fewer couples choose to marry.

The Grant Thornton research, which questioned 101 leading family lawyers, said that extramarital affairs had been the top reason behind marital breakdown every year since the survey was first conducted in 2003.

This year, however, infidelity was replaced as the most common cause of divorce by couples stating that they had simply fallen out of love with each other.

A larger settlement, if I was a cynic I'd be suspecting people aren't getting divorced because they can't afford it and the house is either in negative equity or close too it and people are hoping if they just stay together house prices will recover allowing them to split up.

It would be interesting to see what would happen if house prices recovered would the divorce rate go up?

Falling out of love? Sounds like people can't be arsed to put the effort in of trying to get along with each other.

[MrFlibble]

Falling out of love? Sounds like people can't be arsed to put the effort in of trying to get along with each other.

Another unintended consequence of all this economic success we've had over the last decade or so? Couples working their fingers to the bone so they can afford to get on the housing ladder? Maybe if people didn't have to work like a dog to afford the basics in life they'd have a little more time for each other, and the rest of the people that live in their community/country. Just a thought

[ccc]

and evidence that many couples had merely delayed divorce in the recession, hoping for larger settlements once the economy had recovered

How exactly does this work ? It gets split* - you get half. It is worth what it is now and in 2 years it is worth what it is then.

* Just using a standard scenrio.

[Redcellar]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8731520/Fewer-couples-think-an-affair-is-a-reason-to-divorce.html

A larger settlement, if I was a cynic I'd be suspecting people aren't getting divorced because they can't afford it and the house is either in negative equity or close too it and people are hoping if they just stay together house prices will recover allowing them to split up.

It would be interesting to see what would happen if house prices recovered would the divorce rate go up?

Falling out of love? Sounds like people can't be arsed to put the effort in of trying to get along with each other.

I would have thought if you were caught sh*ging the wifes friend then she might 'fall out of love' with you? Wild thought I know.

[crouch]

In a world of iPhones, Internet, television and unlimited opportunity to follow your own interests (from sex to cricket to fashion to HPC), family life and bringing up children are falling further and further behind.

Ultimately you'll be able to live in an ego-pandering virtual world. You can live like Caligula, Spiderman or Gandhi (depending on your tastes). You could even live a life of thoughtless eternal bliss that would make a jolt of heroin seem like sucking a polo mint. People will be effectively immortal so children will be defunct.

The road between here and there is a dwindling interest in all things human - all things family - all things mammalian. ("Till Death Us Do Part" marriages and good child-rearing are already dying.)

It's a bit sad. (EDIT: At the same time, I'm looking forward to living like Spiderman. )

Sadly I think you have something here.

[Qetesuesi]

I once wrote a post similar to that (more persuasively written even) on the Daily Mail website under an article about the decline of family life, back in the days before strong moderation. After a few hours it had been pulled by the moderators because of complaints. It's a bit close to the bone, I think.

So it was only back in the HOURS before strong moderation!

[OnionTerror]

In a world of iPhones, Internet, television and unlimited opportunity to follow your own interests (from sex to cricket to fashion to HPC), family life and bringing up children are falling further and further behind.

Ultimately you'll be able to live in an ego-pandering virtual world. You can live like Caligula, Spiderman or Gandhi (depending on your tastes). You could even live a life of thoughtless eternal bliss that would make a jolt of heroin seem like sucking a polo mint. People will be effectively immortal so children will be defunct.

The road between here and there is a dwindling interest in all things human - all things family - all things mammalian. ("Till Death Us Do Part" marriages and good child-rearing are already dying.)

It's a bit sad. (EDIT: At the same time, I'm looking forward to living like Spiderman. )

I'd rather be on me tod than be in some horrific marriage, and have a family you don't really want...I look at my parents generation, and it was almost taboo not to be married by the age of 25...

Edited August 31, 2011 by Dave Beans

[The Masked Tulip]

If you google 'facebook cheating' or 'facebook affair' or 'facebook divorce' it is fascinating reading the numerous articles by shrinks,divorce lawyers, etc on the subject.

Apparently it is epidemic.

[General Melchett]

I'd rather be on me tod than be in some horrific marriage, and have a family you don't really want...I look at my parents generation, and it was almost taboo not to be married by the age of 25...

OTOH.... I find having kids the most fulfilling and meaningful thing I have ever done. Ranks way above achievements (and I have had a few), career, friendships (which IMHO are all transitory) and hobbies and interests.

The marriage has had ups and downs, as all do, but on balance, that would also rank above all the other shit.

What's your 'one thing' if not family, and does it really mean anything in the long run?

[The Masked Tulip]

One of the more reliable Swansea EAs told me about a month back that most of the houses he now values are divorcing couples.

He told me it is usually one half wanting to sell, the other half wanting to stay. He told me that on numerous occasions couples have had rows in front of him whilst he was making a valuation survey.

[OnionTerror]

OTOH.... I find having kids the most fulfilling and meaningful thing I have ever done. Ranks way above achievements (and I have had a few), career, friendships (which IMHO are all transitory) and hobbies and interests.

The marriage has had ups and downs, as all do, but on balance, that would also rank above all the other shit.

What's your 'one thing' if not family, and does it really mean anything in the long run?

I'm personally not bothered whether I have kids or not...people should be left to decide whether they want them; why are those who decide not to have them always questioned?....it aint for everyone...its a personal choice...does life have to have a meaning?

[winkie]

The very rich have always had open affairs an unwritten rule.....but for the not so fortunate...'when money flies out the door love flies out the window'..... however little or much there is left to divide, the secret is to do it within if at all possible without expensive outside help/hinder....otherwise others will get richer off of the back of others misfortune.... the ones that can least afford to pay.

[ccc]

I'm personally not bothered whether I have kids or not...people should be left to decide whether they want them; why are those who decide not to have them always questioned?....it aint for everyone...its a personal choice...does life have to have a meaning?

Totally agree. Along with being happy and single - one of the very few taboos left in this country. I honestly think to many people saying you are single and happy or don't want children is akin to saying you like buggering young boys.

I do accept that we are supposed to pro-create. That is what we are here for afterall. However there are so many of us it really is not necessary anymore. So if people want to just live their life, have fun, and then die without a worry that their life has no meaning or they have not left 'anything behind' ? Good on them.

Personally I think many have kids to give themselves a reason to live as they hate their lives so much. I also think many do it to give their life a reason. Personally I think I will simply live and then die - and the more fun I can have in the intervening period - the better.

I seem to be less stressed, angry, jealous, bitter and have more fun than most other people I know. Perhaps this is co-incidence. I don't think so though.

NB - Not poking at you in particular Melchett. Just talking generally.

[Tiger Woods?]

I once wrote a post similar to that (more persuasively written even) on the Daily Mail website under an article about the decline of family life, back in the days before strong moderation. After a few hours it had been pulled by the moderators because of complaints. It's a bit close to the bone, I think.

!!!!

I suppose, people have always wanted to stone heretics and others who upset their comfortable little delusions.

[OnionTerror]

Personally I think many have kids to give themselves a reason to live as they hate their lives so much. I also think many do it to give their life a reason. Personally I think I will simply live and then die - and the more fun I can have in the intervening period - the better.

I think there is something in that...you often see parents trying to live their kids lives for them...perhaps forcing them to do things that they failed when they were younger. These kids often resent their parents later in life...

[Wahoo]

Marriage is just a ridiculous contract between two young people (who have no idea what they are getting pushed into) and the State. The relatives get off on the occasion, then get drunk and start snipping at each other. The bride dresses up in white to look like a virgin, even though she's been banging away like a shi1te house door, and the whole ridiculous charade is ultimately to put money into the church coffers.

And, adultery is the best way to get out of a sh1ite situation. It's quick, clean and involves a third un-named person. The alternative is to plant unreasonable behaviour - not a nice thing to do - or separate for 2 years and hang around in limbo.

My advice to anyone out there who is thinking about it....run for the hills !! Don't do it...it will cost you heaps to get out.

[payback period]

Marriage is just a ridiculous contract between two young people (who have no idea what they are getting pushed into) and the State. The relatives get off on the occasion, then get drunk and start snipping at each other. The bride dresses up in white to look like a virgin, even though she's been banging away like a shi1te house door, and the whole ridiculous charade is ultimately to put money into the church coffers.

And, adultery is the best way to get out of a sh1ite situation. It's quick, clean and involves a third un-named person.

Oh Davetolbooth, you old romantic you. Sounds like love has never warmed your frozen heart.

Adultery is anything but quick and clean.

Ever met someone who's been left heartbroken as a result?

Or someone who opened Pandora's box and is now racked with guilt?

Ever spoken to the therapists and doctors who help to pick up the pieces?

Ever seen the distress caused to friends and family?

Ever met a third party who has been used in a rebound relationship by an emotionally unstable person during a period of high stress as they divorce? What they do with you, they'll do to you.

Noticed the resulting loss of trust throughout society?

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[payback period]

duplicate deleted

Edited August 31, 2011 by payback period

[miko]

Marriage is just a ridiculous contract between two young people (who have no idea what they are getting pushed into) and the State. The relatives get off on the occasion, then get drunk and start snipping at each other. The bride dresses up in white to look like a virgin, even though she's been banging away like a shi1te house door, and the whole ridiculous charade is ultimately to put money into the church coffers.

And, adultery is the best way to get out of a sh1ite situation. It's quick, clean and involves a third un-named person. The alternative is to plant unreasonable behaviour - not a nice thing to do - or separate for 2 years and hang around in limbo.

My advice to anyone out there who is thinking about it....run for the hills !! Don't do it...it will cost you heaps to get out.

I have never been married and never will. Maybe I had an insight ahead of my age when very very young . As i do remember being taken to a good few family weddings as a kid and im talking about being 5 or 6. The woman would be saying how great the bride looked and how it was her day and nodding at the speaches about the couple being happy for the rest of their lives ect and then slagging off their husbands and it suddenly occured to me these woman were mad if they thought that the couple would be any different from them in a few years . I had realised that the love thing was brief. Then I noticed women in my family slagging off others who had walked out on shit marriages ( my mother included ) and realised that these woman were jealous that the other women had had the guts to walk away from sh-t marriages ( not that easy 40 + years ago ) . I noticed that the others did not have the guts to go.

A few years ago if asked I would have said there were 5 couples I knew including all family and friends that were reallly happy the rest were not , then two couples out of that 5 split up so im now down to 3 and doughting 1 of them . A happy marriage is very rare and those in them are very lucky and very few.

[Tiger Woods?]

I think it was misconstrued that I was suggesting that, in the future, family life would be given up in favour of heroin. The 'H' word as a suggested substitute for decent, civilised society doesn't go down too well with DM readers it seems.

double face-palm

Edited to add "double"

Edited August 31, 2011 by Tiger Woods?

[OnionTerror]

I have never been married and never will. Maybe I had an insight ahead of my age when very very young . As i do remember being taken to a good few family weddings as a kid and im talking about being 5 or 6. The woman would be saying how great the bride looked and how it was her day and nodding at the speaches about the couple being happy for the rest of their lives ect and then slagging off their husbands and it suddenly occured to me these woman were mad if they thought that the couple would be any different from them in a few years . I had realised that the love thing was brief. Then I noticed women in my family slagging off others who had walked out on shit marriages ( my mother included ) and realised that these woman were jealous that the other women had had the guts to walk away from sh-t marriages ( not that easy 40 + years ago ) . I noticed that the others did not have the guts to go.

A few years ago if asked I would have said there were 5 couples I knew including all family and friends that were reallly happy the rest were not , then two couples out of that 5 split up so im now down to 3 and doughting 1 of them . A happy marriage is very rare and those in them are very lucky and very few.

What's the probability of a marriage lasting the distance? 50/50? I'm sure its shorter than that now...People say "spoilsport" to this attitude - mainly by women, but they then grab the kids and half the assets anyway and screw the blokes over

[interestrateripoff]

A few years ago if asked I would have said there were 5 couples I knew including all family and friends that were reallly happy the rest were not , then two couples out of that 5 split up so im now down to 3 and doughting 1 of them . A happy marriage is very rare and those in them are very lucky and very few.

You mean you knew 5 couples who could appear really happy to others?

I sometimes wonder if people have too high of an expectation of marriage, that somehow getting married will lead to nirvana. Marriage doesn't change or add anything to the relationship. If you are arguing before getting married the arguments won't stop, it doesn't bring you any closer together. It's like people who decide to have kids to save the relationship.

[General Melchett]

You mean you knew 5 couples who could appear really happy to others?

I sometimes wonder if people have too high of an expectation of marriage, that somehow getting married will lead to nirvana. Marriage doesn't change or add anything to the relationship. If you are arguing before getting married the arguments won't stop, it doesn't bring you any closer together. It's like people who decide to have kids to save the relationship.

Quite. People put on all sorts of fronts to others. And some people actually enjoy having the odd public row. For all anyone else knows they could be at it like rabbits when they get somewhere private.

As to kids, in my experience, they can only drive a couple apart. The stress and the demands of having them make this inevitable. People should ask themselves whether they think their relationship is strong enough to survive having kids, rather than expect some miraculous strengthening of it.

Of course, once you have kids, another thing comes in to play if you are a. a bloke and b. have any shred of decency or care for your kids, and that is what will happen to your kids and your relationship with them if you split with their mother? I'm sure there's plenty of guys weigh that choice and grit their teeth and stay in a relationship with a woman for a mix of those reasons.

[swissy_fit]

Quite. People put on all sorts of fronts to others. And some people actually enjoy having the odd public row. For all anyone else knows they could be at it like rabbits when they get somewhere private.

As to kids, in my experience, they can only drive a couple apart. The stress and the demands of having them make this inevitable. People should ask themselves whether they think their relationship is strong enough to survive having kids, rather than expect some miraculous strengthening of it.

Of course, once you have kids, another thing comes in to play if you are a. a bloke and b. have any shred of decency or care for your kids, and that is what will happen to your kids and your relationship with them if you split with their mother? I'm sure there's plenty of guys weigh that choice and grit their teeth and stay in a relationship with a woman for a mix of those reasons.

I'd definitely have left my wife already if it weren't for the wee lass - she brings us together more than anything else.

[winkie]

Not married but may as well be, some non marrieds are more stable and faithful than some marrieds....we are all individuals free to live our lives how we see fit and proper, nobody owns another person, they only share each others lives in partnership....if it works why fix it for it then to break?