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Charlie Don't Surf

How Much Money Should I Give To My Missus A Month?

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As no one I know seems to be able to / want to give me a straight answer about this I thought I 'd ask in this den of misogyny.

I run a company and pay myself £1700 a month from this, the rest stays in the (company more or less). I take £1k of this and pay all the bills (no mortgage), car, major purchases etc. The other £700 is direct debited to my missus.

Now, she has an additional £200 pcm income and also gets all the family tax credits, an additional £300. So this adds up to a grand total of £1200 pcm.

This year we won't be getting any tax credits so my missus is expecting me to stump up an extra £300 pcm. We do have 2 kids under 5, but I still have no idea WTF the money goes on. Admittedly I haven't been supermarket shopping for a few years but I still don't get it.

Could anyone a) enlighten me on how much it costs to feed a family of 4 and keep 2 kids in clothes and B) what their marital financial arrangements might be.

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As no one I know seems to be able to / want to give me a straight answer about this I thought I 'd ask in this den of misogyny.

I run a company and pay myself £1700 a month from this, the rest stays in the (company more or less). I take £1k of this and pay all the bills (no mortgage), car, major purchases etc. The other £700 is direct debited to my missus.

Now, she has an additional £200 pcm income and also gets all the family tax credits, an additional £300. So this adds up to a grand total of £1200 pcm.

This year we won't be getting any tax credits so my missus is expecting me to stump up an extra £300 pcm. We do have 2 kids under 5, but I still have no idea WTF the money goes on. Admittedly I haven't been supermarket shopping for a few years but I still don't get it.

Could anyone a) enlighten me on how much it costs to feed a family of 4 and keep 2 kids in clothes and B) what their marital financial arrangements might be.

Get a joint account, pay the DD into there, if she wants the extra £300 then expect to see payments for kid related stuff coming out of there each month. Cash withdrawals don't count.

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Loollll! I would be putting it together for a divorce! :D

You clearly have no idea how bleeding expensive kids are, feed them crap and you are condemning them from the start to obesity. They are supposed to outlive you! Sometimes I'm in the shops and look at the bill there and then, because I think I've been robbed. It all seems so extortionate!

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As no one I know seems to be able to / want to give me a straight answer about this I thought I 'd ask in this den of misogyny.

I run a company and pay myself £1700 a month from this, the rest stays in the (company more or less). I take £1k of this and pay all the bills (no mortgage), car, major purchases etc. The other £700 is direct debited to my missus.

Now, she has an additional £200 pcm income and also gets all the family tax credits, an additional £300. So this adds up to a grand total of £1200 pcm.

This year we won't be getting any tax credits so my missus is expecting me to stump up an extra £300 pcm. We do have 2 kids under 5, but I still have no idea WTF the money goes on. Admittedly I haven't been supermarket shopping for a few years but I still don't get it.

Could anyone a) enlighten me on how much it costs to feed a family of 4 and keep 2 kids in clothes and B) what their marital financial arrangements might be.

:)

The answer depends entirely on the character and upbringing of your missus. Little miss entitled will spend 5 times what little miss clever spends without anything useful to show for it, I have discovered this to my cost.

Check out the wardrobe for hidden stuff, the bathroom cabinet (some women think it's OK to spend hundreds of pounds a month on useless creams) and the kids clothes, maybe they're wearing Armani at 3 years old, it happens....

I'd have thought 5-600 quid easily enough for food, and kids clothes are cheap if you're not snobbish, they wreck anything decent anyway and grow out of it, most kids will let you get away with this until teens.

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Starbucks, red wine, cut flowers, John Lewis and ahem 'cash' withdrawals (just in case).

Why don't you ask her?

Better still go through 3 months cash receipts.

Oh, and start your own 'cash' fund too. One never knows what the future holds.

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As no one I know seems to be able to / want to give me a straight answer about this I thought I 'd ask in this den of misogyny.

I run a company and pay myself £1700 a month from this, the rest stays in the (company more or less). I take £1k of this and pay all the bills (no mortgage), car, major purchases etc. The other £700 is direct debited to my missus.

Now, she has an additional £200 pcm income and also gets all the family tax credits, an additional £300. So this adds up to a grand total of £1200 pcm.

This year we won't be getting any tax credits so my missus is expecting me to stump up an extra £300 pcm. We do have 2 kids under 5, but I still have no idea WTF the money goes on. Admittedly I haven't been supermarket shopping for a few years but I still don't get it.

Could anyone a) enlighten me on how much it costs to feed a family of 4 and keep 2 kids in clothes and B) what their marital financial arrangements might be.

.

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I'm sure she isn't spending it on clothes, going out, indulgences. Partly as where we live there isn't any opportunity for this and secondly there is no evidence and she doesn't have time.

I suppose the question I'm asking is :

Is £1200 pcm rather a lot for feeding 2 adults and 2 young kids. Clothing 2 kids. Buying a few odds and sods around the house, plus a little spending money?

Also, within the context that I pay all the bills and everything else on £1000pcm.

And, yes I've tried asking what it goes on and it always ends in a massive argument

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And, yes I've tried asking what it goes on and it always ends in a massive argument

Obvious guilt.... and distraction technique..... its all going on the gigaloes and numerous 'trades men' who come round for a 'service' every so often. Ever had sloppy seconds? Thirds? Forths? B)

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I would say that's rather a lot for food, clothes and sundries is all major bills are already taken care of.

Solution is to get a joint account.

I have one with my partner. Currently we both pay in equally (pretty identical salaries) and EVERYTHING joint comes out of it - car bills (we share a car), food, heating, insurance, house bills, etc. This way everything is transparent.

Personal expenses (clothes, work food, my motorbike, sundries) come out of personal accounts.

Twins on the way means we'll lose most of a salary for a year, so I need to support that obviously, but when she's back at work it'll be back to sharing things equally. (She will be going back to work, she's that sort).

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Sorry but having read that i'd assume she's squirrelling it away for a rainy day / the afterlife.

To speak of fairness - your household income is about to drop by £300, and she expects you to cover it out of your income so that hers remains the same. That's not fair. Ignoring the question of whether 1200 is enough to begin with, splitting it each way would be reasonable.

I'm from a family of 6, and used to help out mum with the weekly shop - used to end up between £100 and £120 a week for all 6 of us, and we ate pretty well.

Where i live at the moment, i spent ~150 a month on food. Honestly if you're covering rent, council tax, gas/elec/water, then i've got no bloody idea what all the money goes on.

Sounds a little like she regards the £700+tax credits as her 'pay' for taking care of the kids, rather than anything related to the costs she incurs..

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I'm sure she isn't spending it on clothes, going out, indulgences. Partly as where we live there isn't any opportunity for this and secondly there is no evidence and she doesn't have time.

I suppose the question I'm asking is :

Is £1200 pcm rather a lot for feeding 2 adults and 2 young kids. Clothing 2 kids. Buying a few odds and sods around the house, plus a little spending money?

Also, within the context that I pay all the bills and everything else on £1000pcm.

And, yes I've tried asking what it goes on and it always ends in a massive argument

Sorry but that is a really really bad sign.

Typically people caught in a lie react with aggression, it's a tactic to prevent you from addressing the problem. However it may not be a lie about anything very important.

Get a card that you have access to on the internet and give it to her for house stuff, then you'll know how much goes on food etc. Cash

withdrawals will be going on whatever she's hiding, which may be entirely innocent, it's not a huge sum after all.

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Possibly part of the problem is she knows there is spare money that I don't draw down from the company, plus the fact I'm sitting on a big stash of savings.

Am seriously looking forward to the day when I can blow the lot on a decent f***ing house and then genuinely plead poverty.

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Is £1200 pcm rather a lot for feeding 2 adults and 2 young kids. Clothing 2 kids. Buying a few odds and sods around the house, plus a little spending money?

A bit high, but not that out of line. Kids clothes (school stuff) especially costs a fortune, and it is all to easy to spend £150 a week on food. Running a car isn't cheap either - we get through £80 on juice for a week's school run....

My solution is simple. I have a bank account that swallows my salary. She has a bank account that takes her income (bloody landlords). We have a joint Amex - in my name. So she has her money, and while she has the capability to go beserk on my Amex, she doesn't. Clearly as I see the bill, I could go through the expenditure, but I usually can't be arsed.

Generally the conversations go about money:

Her: I've seen a really nice pair of thigh length leather boots, but they're pricey...

Me: not a problem.... ;)

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Sorry but that is a really really bad sign.

Typically people caught in a lie react with aggression, it's a tactic to prevent you from addressing the problem. However it may not be a lie about anything very important.

Get a card that you have access to on the internet and give it to her for house stuff, then you'll know how much goes on food etc. Cash

withdrawals will be going on whatever she's hiding, which may be entirely innocent, it's not a huge sum after all.

Yeah, I thought that too.

The card sounds like the way to go. She probably loses track herself, so seeing the history in print may temper expectations.

Apart from that, I have no idea how much it costs to run a family household.

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i think that she is poor at organising her finances. my guess is that she is spoilt and thinks that she is not extravagant and only spends on small treats etc. but hte thing is all these little things add up. 1200 is a lot of money. where does she shop. waitrose, m&s etc. does she prepare meals from scratch. how often does she buy new clothes for the kids. do the kids take a lunch box? how many after school clubs and activities do they do? she must show you things she buys. where does she get their clothes from?does she run a car. how much petrol do you think she uses each month. does she go to a gym? does she lunch with her friends regularly. does she get her hair done every month. even assuming that she spends say a 150 a week on food. that is 600 pounds. a gym membership can be anything between 30-80 pounds. lunch out 20 odd pounds here and there. getting her hair fixed 50 odd quid depending on where she goes. if she ferries the kids a lot and goes out regularly shopping, she can easily spend 100 quid on petrol a month. so that can add up to say 250 a month. that leaves another 350 odd here and there. is she putting money in the kids savings account. even general clothes shopping etc can eat up a couple of hundred a month. add to it a few knick knacks for the house, cosmetics etc, she can easily get through 1200 pounds a month. what about a mobile phone contract. does she have an iphone. what about pet food. i am just thinking of all the things she might spend money on without her feeling that she is overdoing it. what about alcohol? do you like you moderately expensive wines etc. with every meal. that can easily add up over a month. does she smoke?

i do most of my own cooking but do occasionally get ready meals. so it means i dont buy much processed food. i get organic milk and free range/organic eggs and chicken. but i have stopped buying crisps, cola etc. the prices and quality of these things are about the same in most supermarkets. but a bit of shopping around and taking advantage of offers, loyalty cards, vouchers, credit card cashback etc can make a significant difference.

you need to change your approach. tell her that things are tight at work and you want to work through it and need her help. so the first suggestion is to get a grasp of finances. if she feels that you are accusing her for being a spendthrift she wont be cooperative. so you have to be tactful here. i have a pre paid delivery voucher for ocado and pretty much order the same things each week and do some supplementary shopping in lidl. for 2 adults we never go more than 80 pounds a week and that is so high because of good quality meat etc.

go to mysupermarket.com and set up a weekly shopping list with her. it is a great site and it will tell about specific deals and compare prices between supermarkets. also getting things delivered means that you are unlikely to go many times to the supermarkets. then ask her about spending in other areas. write it all down. ask her what she can pare down. in the end leave her a hundred quid or so to do what she likes. maybe she does not know how to be thrifty or finds it boring to be so.

good luck

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No idea. However I would like to take this opportunity to say thank ****** I am never going to have to deal with this complete shit. :D

You are dealing with a burd and money. Good luck surfer. You will need it. :ph34r:

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As no one I know seems to be able to / want to give me a straight answer about this I thought I 'd ask in this den of misogyny.

I run a company and pay myself £1700 a month from this, the rest stays in the (company more or less). I take £1k of this and pay all the bills (no mortgage), car, major purchases etc. The other £700 is direct debited to my missus.

Now, she has an additional £200 pcm income and also gets all the family tax credits, an additional £300. So this adds up to a grand total of £1200 pcm.

This year we won't be getting any tax credits so my missus is expecting me to stump up an extra £300 pcm. We do have 2 kids under 5, but I still have no idea WTF the money goes on. Admittedly I haven't been supermarket shopping for a few years but I still don't get it.

Could anyone a) enlighten me on how much it costs to feed a family of 4 and keep 2 kids in clothes and B) what their marital financial arrangements might be.

Some women become so attached to money and will fight tooth and nail to keep the same income stream. They take it as a personal affront if it`s suggested they budget and spend less. I know. I was married to one such woman.

To ask how much it costs to feed and clothe children is like asking how long a piece of string is...it`s down to personal decisions and preferences. If you just quietly say I am not making up the deficit the lack of tax credit creates, she may shout or complain, but if you stick to your guns, she may well respect your decision and give you more respect to.

But then again, maybe she might want to see you in the divorce court... :unsure:

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Your getting fleeced mate.

I pay all the bills and give my other half 400 a month to cover her petrol running the kids to school, food and clothing.

Edit: similar situation, 2 kids, only one at school age, living in midlands.

Other half doesn't work, but we get no tax credits.

I'd seriously question where that money's going, sounds absurd to me.

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I don't know how much my wife spends. I know she doesn't go wasting money, and she tends to do most of my clothes shopping too. I have given her a couple of credit cards which she does most of her shopping on, and I top up her account periodically so that she can get cash from the cashpoint. She quite often asks me if she should by something, and my response is always the same, if she wants it she should buy it, I know she won't go crazy with the credit card. If we were hard up I am sure she would be more careful still, but we are very comfortable so there is no need at present.

As to advice for the OP, tell her times are tough at work and you are worried about future income, sp you need to go through all the household expenses. You will no doubt find some savings without cutting into her allowance. If you want to avoid an argument, don't phrase things as a question. It's like when you want to go on a night out, just tell her then it's not a subject for discussion, just relaying facts.

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No idea. However I would like to take this opportunity to say thank ****** I am never going to have to deal with this complete shit. :D

I still think you will, one day! ;)

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Missus used to overspend but she has brought in under control and turned into a saver... Your financially tied together so you should be able to be honest with each other. Giving someone hard cash can often lead to problems unless value is fully understood, its the same problem benefit claimants have. 1200 a month could be quite easily spent especially if she runs a car... However you could live you half without a car, its really down to preference on what and where you spend. My concern in your situation would be financial secrecy, there are lots of cases in relationships where one partner saves and the other has secret credit card and debts, you honestly don't know.

As for strategy its a difficult one, she clearly sees this as a matter of independence she doesn't work? and this give her the last bit of freedom. I guess the solution would to involve her in longer term planning talk about the entire situation and the money in the business. Formulate an overall savings/investment strategy that you can both work together, lead by example. I wrote my monthly savings on a piece of paper in the bedroom to track my savings and to get her interested in the plan of paying down the mortgage. You could setup an ISA so she saves some of the money for something in future. Once she gets into a savings mode rather than a spending mode she will be keener to move to a joint account. However if she has some hidden debt thats different. If you find hidden debt confront it head on as these things could spiral. Final advice is to only use cash when buying things, its MUCH easier to control spending.

The trick is to convert her Independence and secrecy into something positive, if she can independently save to achieve a goal she will have a more positive outlook. IMHO However you also need to be honest with her and yourself about why you keep any business finances secret

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Sorry but that is a really really bad sign.

Typically people caught in a lie react with aggression, it's a tactic to prevent you from addressing the problem. However it may not be a lie about anything very important...

A friend of mine has had to bail out his wife a couple of times when she secretly ran up credit card bills that she couldn't pay off. She was/is a chronic impulse buyer. It didn't stop her getting very resentful when he insisted on drawing up a family budget and trying to stick to it so that they lived within their means.

Re the OP - we spend about £500 pcm (inc wine) for the 4 of us and eat pretty well. We do like cooking though and veg is pretty cheap. Kids clothes arn't too much of a problem if bought from the likes of Tesco or Asda rather than Boden (though we get good quality shoes from Clarkes). Sporty stuff is good value from Decathlon if there's one nearby - no point buying a Berghaus fleece or goretex for a kid as they'll outgrow it way before it's worn out.

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  • 331 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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