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The Jokes On You

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Anyone got or able to produce any good BTLer or FTBer jokes?

We could collate them here then start an email campaign with HPC.co.uk referenced at the bottom.

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Anyone got or able to produce any good BTLer or FTBer jokes?

We could collate them here then start an email campaign with HPC.co.uk referenced at the bottom.

I thought the 2005 BTL'r WAS the joke.

There should be plenty about, ill spend my 12 hour nightshift tonight thinking of some then fill it up tommorow - oh wait no i cant fill it in tommorow i finish 8am and im back in at 2 pm :angry:

Guess who woke up as Mr Angry :lol:

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Its proving harder than I thought to come up with jokes but here goes:

Heard about the new website... DEBTSREUNITED.COM

Wherever I lay my debt, thats my home.

You got a friend at Ocean Finance.

I'll get me coat. :(

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Guest tenant super

How did the BTL landlord get a £1M property portfolio in 2006?

By owning a £2M portfolio in 2005.

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Anyone got or able to produce any good BTLer or FTBer jokes?

We could collate them here then start an email campaign with HPC.co.uk referenced at the bottom.

Two BTLs walk into a bar and ask for two pints of lager, the barman says, sorry we don't serve food in here.

Boom boom, can ya hear me mother.

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How many BTL landlords does it change a lightbulb?

Two - one to change the bulb and another to take out a loan on the first bulb to put a deposit down on the new one to pay for it.

I'm not Ronnie Barker.

I thought that was quite good.

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Here's some real life complaints to landlords:

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. "

" My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? "

" I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall… "

" Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house. "

" I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. ...50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy. "

" I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. "

" The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. "

" Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. "

" Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. "

" Would you please send a man to repair my spout? I am an old age pensioner and need it badly. "

" The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. "

" Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it. "

" This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2. "

"... it is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. "

" My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. "

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Guest muttley

How many STRs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two-

One to make the cocktails and one to phone the landlord.

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How many STRs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two-

One to make the cocktails and one to phone the landlord.

inspired. :lol:

Okay here goes :

Whats the difference between a Buy-To-Letter and a Lemming?

Nothing according to this dictionary...

lem·ming

Any of various small, thickset rodents, especially of the genus Lemmus, inhabiting northern regions and known for periodic mass migrations that sometimes end in drowning.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=lemming

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What do you call a landlord who has bought their portfolio in the last couple of years?

A Buy too late! :blink:

Okay, I made it up all by myself!

NDL

....good one NDL!!

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Whats the difference between a cash machine and a house?

A cash machine gives out real physical money. A house is only paper profit until its sold at the market peak.

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I bought my first buy to let property three years ago and in two years time I will be retiring aged 39.

I have decided to help the uk economy by subsidising the cost of living for key workers. I am gonna let them pay me less money in rent than the cost of the mortgage on all of my properties, never mind the repair bills and insurance.

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How many STRs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two-

One to make the cocktails and one to phone the landlord.

muttley - see u r back on again - just had to say this was genius :):P

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how do you know a BTL has been in your fridge ?

theres footprints in the butter - and in all the upstairs bedrooms.

how do you get 5 BTLrs in a mini.?

2 in front 2 in back and 1 to renovate the boot.

whats black and white and red all over.?

a BTLs credit record.

how many BTLs to change a lightbulb.?

none - its up to the new tenant to change them.

how does an FTB change a lightbulb.?

they rent a candle

knock knock - whos there ?

BTL

BTL who?

Beattie L Maddison.

BTL went into a doctors and said. "doctor i feel like a pair of curtains".

relax - your just over drawn.

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Guest muttley

What's the difference between Gordon Brown and Fred West?

Gordon Brown has done nothing to bring down the price of a house.

How many FTBs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None,they can't get on the ladder.

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Why is a BTL like a Tour de France cyclist? Highly geared and going down hill fast.

and soon to enter a world of hurt trying to get over that debt mountain he can see ahead of him B) .

What do you call a landlord who has bought their portfolio in the last couple of years?

A Buy too late! :blink:

Okay, I made it up all by myself!

NDL

What do jealous bitter landlords (to turn a phrase) call STRs?

Smug T*ssers Renting

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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