Cinderella Syndrome - New One On Me

[OnionTerror]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2023555/Were-independent--STILL-rely-men-sort-finances-.html

There's an episode of Sex And The City that I find painful to watch. It's the one in which Carrie Bradshaw tries to buy the apartment she rents, only to be turned down for a mortgage by every bank because she is a financial liability.

Despite earning stacks of cash as a newspaper columnist and author, the successful singleton is practically penniless - with a grand total of $200 in the bank. To ease her pain, she goes shopping (naturally) and moans to her friend, Miranda, that she simply does not know where all her money has gone. To which Miranda responds by picking up a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes and asks Carrie how many pairs of similar $400 shoes she owns.

Carrie replies '100' and then gasps as she calculates she has spent $4,000 on shoes. No, corrects Miranda, she has spent $40,000. I have not spent $40,000 on shoes - my shoddy, falling-apart M&S boots are testament to that - but, like Carrie, I have a propensity to spend money. I, too, will say 'I don't know where it all goes!' while buying a £150 pair of jeans or a £100 top (it was on sale! Down from £300, I'll wear it for ever, and it's silk!). I will avoid thinking about my bank balance by getting tipsy at dinner - 'Another bottle of prosecco? Let's celebrate... it's Tuesday after all' - and hope the over-priced bubbles will stop me waking at 3am in a blind panic about money. They never do.

As a result of this irresponsible behaviour, after nearly 15 years of working I have little savings to speak of, I do not own a property and I lurch from overdraft to overdraft each month. As for a pension? Ha! No need to worry about that now, it's decades away, and besides, Prince Charming with his American Express platinum card is just around the corner... 

Last week I discovered there's a name for people like me: Cinderella Singletons. The term describes women who are on the road to becoming modern-day Cinderellas because they opt out of financial planning, in the hope that some man, some day, will arrive and bail them out.

The problem is that new research shows Prince Charming is not on his way - and it's time to grow up. According to statistics, 70 per cent of women will end up being solely responsible for their financial security when they are older, due to staying single, getting divorced or being bereaved, and yet according to research, from Scottish Widows, only 47 per cent of women are saving enough for retirement, compared with 59 per cent of men, while fewer than a third of women aged 20 to 40 have a pension.

Forty per cent of women admit they leave pension provision to their husbands husbands to sort out. 'The outlook for women's finances in the future is dire. It's really worrying,' says Professor Karen Pine, of the University of Hertfordshire, the co-author of Sheconomics. While she points out that not all women fall into this group - indeed, I have friends who own their own houses, have savings and took out pensions when they were 25 - there can be a specific mindset when it comes to women and their money.

'A lot of women think that somebody else is going take care of things, yet women have a 70 per cent chance of becoming responsible for their own financial wellbeing when they get older - either because they remain single, live longer than their husbands, or get divorced,' says Professor Pine. 'Women marrying a man on his second marriage might find themselves with nothing if assets get passed down to step-children, just as women who take long career breaks to look after their family might not have enough National Insurance contributions to get a full state pension.'

These same women might then find themselves stripped of financial security when their partner dies if he unwittingly signed up for a 'single-life annuity', a pension that stops payment on the death of the holder. The message is clear for women like me and those who let their husbands take care of their savings - women have to start taking responsibility for their own finances. But why do some of us find it so excruciatingly hard?

There are several reasons that mean women find it hard to save, says Sarah Pennells of savvywoman.co.uk: 'Even though the gap is closing, women still earn less than men on average, which makes it harder for them to put money away,' she says. There is also the fact fewer women in the private sector have access to decent pension schemes because the kinds of industries they work in are less likely to offer them.

Also, says Sarah Pennells, women need to save a much bigger pension pot than men to get the equivalent annual incomes because they live a lot longer, and annuity rates currently pay men more than women. But there are other non-practical reasons why women are not putting money away. 'Women get bewildered by the array of choices,' says Professor Pine. 'Many of us find money issues boring. Financial literature is written by men for men, it's full of jargon and women are put off by it.

'They look at all the choices and perhaps think "I don't understand these, I don't know what is the right thing to do, I'm so scared of doing the wrong thing", so they end up doing nothing.'

Sarah Pennells agrees: 'Research has found that more women are put off by the jargon and complexity of pensions than men are. And on a practical note, when you are single you have nobody to have that conversation with, it's just up to you, which makes it harder. We don't tend to talk to our friends about our pensions.'

But there is a deeper psychological force at play. Women's attitudes to money are more complex than the relationship most men have with their finances, which makes money a huge source of fear and stress.

'A lot of women think that somebody else is going to take care of things because perhaps they've been raised in that mindset, in a household where mum didn't have to worry about money because dad took care of it,' says Professor Pine.

'They have been raised in the belief that money and pensions are not their domain. In my research I found that seven out of ten women worry about money and I don't mean women who haven't got any money - these are women in high-earning jobs.

'It's a real source of anxiety, which I think comes back to having being socialised to feel that money is not our domain. To be thought of as frugal or financially ruthless are the kinds of traits that are valued in males, not women.'

But being reckless and broke aren't attractive traits in a woman, either. So what should I be doing right now to get my finances in order?

'There are two issues,' says the director-general of Saga, Ros Altmann.

'Do you save at all? Do you save in a pension? Some people may already be saving in an ISA - that's still tax-incentivised savings, but not in the form of a pension.

'If you know what the future holds and you want to make sure there's money for when you are in your 60s, the pension is more likely to deliver that. If you think you might need the money to buy a house, then a pension might not be the answer. In this country there's an attitude that when it comes to long-term savings, it's pensions or nothing. But there is probably a cohort of women who it doesn't suit.'

As a first port of call we should all find out if our company offers a pension scheme, says Sarah Pennells. 'Some people don't join their workplace scheme and they don't realise they are missing out on their employer's contributions - that has to be your starting point,' she says.

'The biggest question to ask yourself is if you don't start saving in a pension or an ISA now, what will happen when you retire? It's the question that we don't really want to think about, but for most of us the state pension is £102 a week.

'There is talk of this going up to £150 a week, but £20 a day is not what I want to live on when I retire.'

And whether you opt for savings or a pension, the most important thing is that you start now, says Professor Pine. 'The earlier you do something the better it is in the long term.'

And we need to think about it not just for our financial health but our mental health, too. 'Our financial well-being is tied to our overall sense of well-being so we shouldn't be frightened of dealing with it,' says Professor Pine.

'If we don't we are neglecting an important part of life, almost as important as our health.'

And deep down I know that while I have conquered many fears, I've been neglecting this big part of life for too long, which is why I wake up with a feeling of dread and panic in the middle of the night. It's finally time that I wake up not just at three in the morning, but to reality. My friend has recommended her financial adviser and I'm seeing him next week. I'm told he is 60-something, married with four adult children - but he could be as close to Prince Charming as I'm going to get. With his help, perhaps I can rescue myself.

[Starla]

90% of my girl-mates (outside work) have made zero pension provision or given any thought to what they are going to do if they aren't with their partner at retirement age, or before. The one's that don't have partners say "oh it's ok I'll meet a rich bloke".

Chances are they will be working til 70, but will have a nice collection of Louboutins.

[_w_]

90% of my girl-mates (outside work) have made zero pension provision or given any thought to what they are going to do if they aren't with their partner at retirement age, or before. The one's that don't have partners say "oh it's ok I'll meet a rich bloke".

Chances are they will be working til 70, but will have a nice collection of Louboutins.

I had to look it up, £635 will get you the things below. Sometimes I feel sorry for women: they can't seem to be able to help themselves, they just have to spend £££s and all to look quaintly ridiculous.

[Pauly_Boy]

Women eh!

I think it'd be cheaper renting one when ever you pleased than marry one. Can someone do a cost anaylsis of that?

[aa3]

After a brief flirtation with women's liberation, most women are back to the time tested plan.. meet a man they can depend on.

In countries like Norway women are even starting to drop out of the workforce. The pay in female jobs is so low there is no real point for many women to work. Besides some social interaction, chance to get out of the house, etc..

[libspero]

I had to look it up, £635 will get you the things below. Sometimes I feel sorry for women: they can't seem to be able to help themselves, they just have to spend £££s and all to look quaintly ridiculous.

I've never understood why some ladies buy this stuff. Do they think men find it attractive? do they think people will notice them more? Is it just that they have no concept of value (or so much money that spending £650 is not even a consideration).

Guys can waste money just as well on "boys toys".. but some how with boys toys they usually have some sort of semi-practical use. Perhaps I'm just biased by my gender..

[StainlessSteelCat]

Shoes are a real blind spot for women. Even they know it is ridiculous but they have to have them. I think the mentality is closer to collecting than anything else - basically hoarding near useless stuff which conveys status amongst others in the group and gives a feeling of security.

I also think women are far more heavily targeted by TV and other forms of advertising. Hence so many adverts where the bloke in them plays the fool or is made to look daft. For the few adverts targeted at men - they are even less sophisticated. Basically the ad promises more women will fall at your feet if you use the product (sometimes literally).

[Unexpected]

At least boys toys are fairly liquid and have a value of approximately 50% of their new purchase price.

['Bart']

Some sort of torture device?

I think it'd be cheaper renting one when ever you pleased than marry one. Can someone do a cost anaylsis of that?

You old romantic you.

[Snugglybear]

At least boys toys are fairly liquid and have a value of approximately 50% of their new purchase price.

That's not true of all boys' toys. Take any kind of boat - if you buy new, depreciation is considerable, never mind maintenance costs. Or model train layouts - once you get bored and sell your layout, you'd be lucky to get a fraction of the total purchase price of the individual components.

It should also be pointed out that designer shoes cost little in insurance, maintenance and don't need fuel. Once you've shelled out hundreds of pounds on the new shoes, soling and heeling costs are marginal.

And you can get some money back selling designer shoes - if you have average sized feet, that is. I doubt whether it's 50%, probably more like 33%.

Designer shoes are not my thing, though. I've never had the money or the inclination. I'm the same with cars.

[rxe]

Take any kind of boat - if you buy new, depreciation is considerable, never mind maintenance costs.

If it ******s, flies or floats, rent it by the hour.

It should also be pointed out that designer shoes cost little in insurance, maintenance and don't need fuel.

The problem with most designer shoes is that you can't actually walk more than 100 yards in them.

[MrPin]

The problem with most designer shoes is that you can't actually walk more than 100 yards in them.

Have you tried?

[rxe]

Have you tried?

No, but the missus has a few. While they often make excellent "bedroom shoes", they are pretty impractical for driving, walking, or anything else that a same person does. To be fair to Mrs rxe, she is tighter than a gnat's chuff when it comes to buying things, doesn't have many of them, and buys them in sales.

[Shrink Proof]

Financial literature is written by men for men, it's full of jargon and women are put off by it.

Er...so are men. It's like reading cement.

[OnionTerror]

Shoes are a real blind spot for women. Even they know it is ridiculous but they have to have them. I think the mentality is closer to collecting than anything else - basically hoarding near useless stuff which conveys status amongst others in the group and gives a feeling of security.

I also think women are far more heavily targeted by TV and other forms of advertising. Hence so many adverts where the bloke in them plays the fool or is made to look daft. For the few adverts targeted at men - they are even less sophisticated. Basically the ad promises more women will fall at your feet if you use the product (sometimes literally).

Don't women make something like 80% of the final decisions in major purchases?...I suppose making blokes look stupid makes them look "empowered" or some other guff...

[Oliver Sutton]

Don't women make something like 80% of the final decisions in major purchases?...I suppose making blokes look stupid makes them look "empowered" or some other guff...

Men decide on all the major, important, issues.

Like should we have nuclear weapons, should the BOE print more money.

Women decide on the minor ones like what car they will buy or what house they will live in.

[Vagabond]

Women eh!

I think it'd be cheaper renting one when ever you pleased than marry one. Can someone do a cost anaylsis of that?

[blue peter]Here's one I received earlier[/blue peter]. Based on Paul Mccartney/Heather Mills.

Purchasing:

The Math’s on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows: After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he had sex every night during their 5 year relationship it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

Leasing:

On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner charges $4,000 per night. Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid $7.3 million in total, for sex every night for 5 years (a $41.7 million savings). Value-added benefits are:

- A 22 year old

- No begging

- No coaxing

- Never a headache

- Happily agrees to all requests

- No complaining

- Has great legs

- Best of all, she leaves, and comes back when asked.

All at 1/7th the cost and no legal fees. Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.

I can't add the image of said hooker as I'm at work, I'm sure Google is your friend though.

[Freeholder]

Reading this thread has made me love my clever, thrifty, hard working wife even more than I did already.

[Pezerinno]

If it ******s, flies or floats, rent it by the hour.

This has always put me off; surely there is enough demand for 10 minute appointments.

[libspero]

Reading this thread has made me love my clever, thrifty, hard working wife even more than I did already.

+1

[Goat]

Reading this thread has made me love my clever, thrifty, hard working wife even more than I did already.

Crude joke alert:

Making sure you're getting value for money?

[ccc]

Women in slightly more delusional than men shocker.

Is this supposed to be news to us ?

[happy_renting]

Purchasing:

The Math’s on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows: After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he had sex every night during their 5 year relationship it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

Leasing:

On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner charges $4,000 per night. Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid $7.3 million in total, for sex every night for 5 years (a $41.7 million savings). Value-added benefits are:

- A 22 year old

- No begging

- No coaxing

- Never a headache

- Happily agrees to all requests

- No complaining

- Has great two legs

- Best of all, she leaves, and comes back when asked.

All at 1/7th the cost and no legal fees. Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.

Corrected for you.

[ken_ichikawa]

The irony is most rich blokes are savvy enough not to marry such women, and instead are chasing after 18-25 year olds instead.

[Vagabond]

Corrected for you.

Thats going out on a limb a bit.