ccc Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Let me ask you about a scenario - if you got married and your wife became unable to do anything for herself, would you stay with her, become her full-time carer? This is a very different scenario. I assume we are talking abuot a situation that has occured through nobodys fault and just bad luck ? Well yes - in that case I think keeping your promise would be a great thing to do. Very different from just gradually realising you don't get on very well. IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipbuilder Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Oh well, I hope you do not have to learn about all this the hard way. With all respect, you appear to have a very naive, rose-coloured view of relationships. I think you've misinterpreted what i've been saying. All i'm calling for is a bit more integrity than the usual 'this doesn't suit me, i'm off' scenario. Nothing more. There's a reason why marriages don't last as long as they used to. I've tried to illustrate that I take promises that I make seriously, but I'm certainly not naive. I could say that you actually seem a bit paranoid and over-cautious, but then we don't know each other's backgrounds. There's clearly a balance between never having a relationship through fear of what might happen and thinking every relationship will be perfect. Actually I'm arguing that people be a bit more realistic and try and persevere through the hard times, rather than taking the naive and romantic view that anything less than perfection should be discarded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipbuilder Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Fair enough. Not bothered about winning anything. Just the opinions raised. I just thought you may be saying you would still stay with a bird you later on found out was a complete lunatic. Which I think we all agree would not be the best plan. Goes for the other way around too. Actually I should apologise, I typed that post in haste this morning. I used 'no matter what' as an expression rather than to be taken literally. All i'm calling for is that people take their commitments a bit more seriously than they seem to - this is something important to me personally. In marriage people stand up and make a public commitment in front of their future partner, family and friends, they make specific marriage vows (everyone knows what they are). It seems to me to be a lack of respect for everyone involved and the marriage itself if the people involved don't really mean what they say or don't do their best to live up to their commitments. Why bother in the first place if that's the case? Of course there are circumstances where marriages become irrecoverable, but I think that divorce rates are conclusive proof that many don't really try very hard - particularly when children are involved, it seems extremely selfish to give the marriage anything less than your best shot - hence the example involving my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipbuilder Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 This is a very different scenario. I assume we are talking abuot a situation that has occured through nobodys fault and just bad luck ? Well yes - in that case I think keeping your promise would be a great thing to do. Very different from just gradually realising you don't get on very well. IMO. This was more what I was getting at when talking about integrity and keeping one's promises and much, much harder to deal with than a situation where people simply don't get on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipbuilder Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 ccc - OMG I'm in complete agreement with you ...takes long cold shower. shipbuilder - I hope to God my daughter doesn't end up with someone like you. She'd be in more sh*t that if she'd married a serial adulterer. Nah, go back to my original post and have a look at what I was saying. To be honest I'm more than a bit surprised that the idea that one should actually attempt to live up to one's marriage vows, or keep one's word, was so radical. I didn't realise I was so old fashioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipbuilder Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Apologies shipbuilder, that was a bit too personal from me, written in haste. It's just that you took what on the face of it is a very noble and commendable ideal and stretched it beyond its limits of endurance. I got into a typical internet forum scenario where having to defend a position against increasingly extreme counter-examples (from everyone) has lead to my own position seeming extreme (actually I think ccc himself has been in this position a few times before). It really wasn't - partly my own fault, really - too eager too make a point, maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipbuilder Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurt Barlow Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Single life every time Spent 4 years living with a bitch woman who was simply horrible. Her demands could never be met. She came from a previously relationship where later on I learnt she almost broke the guy in two. When we got together I learnt she had huge debts. We bought a 4 bed house with my money however thank god (and my mothers advice we took out a deed of trust). Holidays, clothes, all my time was not enough. A major row occured from my refusal to take out a 40K unsecured loan to piss up the wall. thankfully she had an affair with her Bro in Laws best mate. I caught them out. She moved in with him only for him to dump her 3 weeks later on the same day she learnt (justly) she was only entitled to 17% equity in the house not the 50% she was counting on! Have had several relationships of varying degrees since - all of them had similar traits so must be me. Stay clear now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarman001 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 You guys attract complete nutters!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 You guys attract complete nutters!! Perhaps because there are an awful lot out there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
izzy Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 You guys attract complete nutters!! I agree. I'm beginning to think they select mates purely on breast size or the shape of her bottom and ignore the incidental point of personality. Well if you will go cruising for love in a strip joint... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeddyBear Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Single life every time Have had several relationships of varying degrees since - all of them had similar traits so must be me. Stay clear now. Yup, probably is you sorry to say. Just like some women attract abusive blokes one after the other. All fixable though if you want it to be, will cost you some time in therapy but that's cheaper than a divorce.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Yup, probably is you sorry to say. Just like some women attract abusive blokes one after the other. All fixable though if you want it to be, will cost you some time in therapy but that's cheaper than a divorce.. People go round and round in a loop or in a circle - same thing. People often do not confront the weaknesses, faults or mistakes within themselves that attract them to, or make them attractive to, the wrong kind of person. Someone who, for example, is repeatedly attracted to partners who cheat seriously has to look at themselves to identify why this is - it could be many reasons to do with insecurity, control, lack of control, parental relationships, sexual kink, etc, etc. Often people who end up in relationships with narcisists have had narcissists in their lives previously - perhaps a parent, sibling, other close relative or early role model such as a teacher. Break the circle folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saving For a Space Ship Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 A lot of "mature" blokes get more action than when they were younger...Apparently ladies like the silver fox look... That's because you have to be 43 to afford to buy a mortgage on a fookin' house and the ladies want half Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Perhaps because there are an awful lot out there? ....some nutters are nice nutters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarman001 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I got into a typical internet forum scenario where having to defend a position against increasingly extreme counter-examples (from everyone) has lead to my own position seeming extreme (actually I think ccc himself has been in this position a few times before). It really wasn't - partly my own fault, really - too eager too make a point, maybe. I know all too well what that's like. Take it easy man, have a good weekend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarman001 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I agree. I'm beginning to think they select mates purely on breast size or the shape of her bottom and ignore the incidental point of personality. Well if you will go cruising for love in a strip joint... Sounds like it - gluttons for punishment it what it sounds like! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipbuilder Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I know all too well what that's like. Take it easy man, have a good weekend! Cheers, and yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccc Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 This was more what I was getting at when talking about integrity and keeping one's promises and much, much harder to deal with than a situation where people simply don't get on. Nah, go back to my original post and have a look at what I was saying. To be honest I'm more than a bit surprised that the idea that one should actually attempt to live up to one's marriage vows, or keep one's word, was so radical. I didn't realise I was so old fashioned. I perhaps seemed a little harsh in what I was saying. Honesty, integrity, trust,promises and all are right up there in my list of human traits. I was just meaning, perhaps I didn't make it clear, that after you put lots of effort into trying to make things right - sometimes enough is enough and you just have to give in and get on with it. That is all. Life is too short. Even Mr Cynical me finds the sight of 2 old people holding hands rather lovely. But please don't tell anyone. It will destroy my illusion of cockness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wherebee Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Even Mr Cynical me finds the sight of 2 old people holding hands rather lovely. But please don't tell anyone. It will destroy my illusion of cockness. trouble is, he thinks it's a sausage roll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccc Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 trouble is, he thinks it's a sausage roll And I just noticed he has massive hands. He's an OAP giant ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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