Austin Allegro Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Your thoughts please on the relative merits of being single and married (or living together as if married). I have spent the last couple of months in a trial shacking up period with my girlfriend, with a sort of dimly unspoken understanding that the question might be popped around September. To be honest I'm in two minds about the whole thing. It's a bit more difficult for me as I live abroad so have no support network here, plus English isn't my GF's first language and we quite often have misunderstandings due to this. Here's how I see it: Benefits of being single: Do what you want, when you want No silly arguments about washing up etc No endless conversations about that girl at work that she hates (all women have one) You can chase girls all you like; no regular sex but at least the prospect of it with someone new from time to time Downsides of being single: Can get a bit lonely; no one looking out for you; girls become less interested as you get older Can't have (legitimate) children Costs more in rent/mortage/food etc Benefits of being married: Someone to keep you company/mutual support Financial savings Regular (if not exactly exciting) sex Children/family life Downsides of being married: Silly arguments, debates over wallpaper, which Auntie to visit at Christmas etc Possibility of being stuck with someone you can't stand/can't speak to properly Possibility of disastrous divorce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnionTerror Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 A lot of "mature" blokes get more action than when they were younger...Apparently ladies like the silver fox look... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Melchett Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 It's always nice to see evidence that romance is not dead. Sadly, such evidence is rarely seen on this board. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkandrew Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Living in Thailand for the last 11 years, the answer is fairly simple... Anyone who gets married must be simple! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichB Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Your thoughts please on the relative merits of being single and married (or living together as if married). I have spent the last couple of months in a trial shacking up period with my girlfriend, with a sort of dimly unspoken understanding that the question might be popped around September. To be honest I'm in two minds about the whole thing. It's a bit more difficult for me as I live abroad so have no support network here, plus English isn't my GF's first language and we quite often have misunderstandings due to this. Here's how I see it: Benefits of being single: Do what you want, when you want No silly arguments about washing up etc No endless conversations about that girl at work that she hates (all women have one) You can chase girls all you like; no regular sex but at least the prospect of it with someone new from time to time Live where you want, when you want, how you want. Downsides of being single: Can get a bit lonely; no one looking out for you; girls become less interested as you get older - earn more money! Can't have (legitimate) children Costs more in rent/mortage/food etc Benefits of being married: Someone to keep you company/mutual demand support Financial savings Regular (if not exactly exciting) sex Children/family life Downsides of being married: Silly arguments, debates over wallpaper, which Auntie to visit at Christmas etc Possibility of being stuck with someone you can't stand/can't speak to properly Possibility Likelihood of disastrous divorce Constant Nagging to do pointless stuff Fixed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissy_fit Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Your thoughts please on the relative merits of being single and married (or living together as if married). I have spent the last couple of months in a trial shacking up period with my girlfriend, with a sort of dimly unspoken understanding that the question might be popped around September. To be honest I'm in two minds about the whole thing. It's a bit more difficult for me as I live abroad so have no support network here, plus English isn't my GF's first language and we quite often have misunderstandings due to this. Here's how I see it: Benefits of being single: Do what you want, when you want No silly arguments about washing up etc No endless conversations about that girl at work that she hates (all women have one) You can chase girls all you like; no regular sex but at least the prospect of it with someone new from time to time Downsides of being single: Can get a bit lonely; no one looking out for you; girls become less interested as you get older Can't have (legitimate) children Costs more in rent/mortage/food etc Benefits of being married: Someone to keep you company/mutual support Financial savings Regular (if not exactly exciting) sex Children/family life Downsides of being married: Silly arguments, debates over wallpaper, which Auntie to visit at Christmas etc Possibility of being stuck with someone you can't stand/can't speak to properly Possibility of disastrous divorce Look just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house, it'll be quicker and less painful. If you want children, Cristiano Ronaldo had it right, follow his example. You can probably find a magnificent intelligent Kenyan athlete who will have a baby for you for 50k, but check the legality. If you're in any doubt whatsoever about this marriage, it's NO and thrice NO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austin Allegro Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 It's always nice to see evidence that romance is not dead. Sadly, such evidence is rarely seen on this board. ;-) I thought everyone knew that 'romance' is an 18th/19th century sentimentalisation of medieval courtly love and an attempt to fill the vacuum created by the loss of the idea of a personal deity caused by scientific rationalism and Biblical criticism, conveniently used as a tool by the ruling class to enslave the workers with visions of happiness and personal fulfillment in a secular age? At least, that's what I told my girlfriend, but she didn't seem to understand what I was on about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmarks Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Don't go fixing something that ain't broke. Always have a plan B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahBell Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 You have misunderstandings now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 The OP's post set off so many alarm bells when I was reading it I don't know where to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austin Allegro Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 The OP's post set off so many alarm bells when I was reading it I don't know where to start. I would be grateful if you did, as I've had alarm bells myself, but an awful lot of good stuff as well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austin Allegro Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Besides do you want to put yourself through this? (Life changes at 1:26) Oh dear God. That man's brain must have been addled by a lifetime of Hollywood guff. Why would any man be so stupid as to make a public proposal? Even if she said yes it would still be disgustingly exhibitionist. 'Oh it was so romantic when Brad proposed!' 'Oh where was it honey? Sunset on Honolulu beach? On the top of the Eiffel tower? In the Serengeti at dawn? 'Er...no...in front of a burger bar in a shopping centre, with a beardy bloke playing the guitar'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissy_fit Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Look, I'm in a bad marriage to a foreigner. I'll go through your supposed benefits of marriage point by point then :- 1. Someone to keep you company/mutual support. This will be support from you to her, very little will come the other way. 2. Financial savings. I estimate the marriage has cost me 300k so far, plenty more to come as well. If she's richer and or better educated than you that might be better in your case. 3. Regular (if not exactly exciting) sex. That bit's good, in fact still quite exciting. 4. Children/family life. Yes, my daughter is a joy, but see earlier post about Cristiano Ronaldo, childcare is cheaper and better than a bad wife. Oh, and I'm far more lonely a lot of the time than when I was single. Your "misunderstandings" will slowly become silence on your part, after a while it's not worth it. I don't rule out the possibility of a good marriage, I do know one couple whose family life is worth the candle, but your circs as outlined in your OP are unlikely to make one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lagarde's Drift Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Oh dear God. That man's brain must have been addled by a lifetime of Hollywood guff. Why would any man be so stupid as to make a public proposal? Even if she said yes it would still be disgustingly exhibitionist. 'Oh it was so romantic when Brad proposed!' 'Oh where was it honey? Sunset on Honolulu beach? On the top of the Eiffel tower? In the Serengeti at dawn? 'Er...no...in front of a burger bar in a shopping centre, with a beardy bloke playing the guitar'. She's probably been banging his best mate or something. Or, understood that this bloke is an exhibitionist nutter and was just using him as an inbetweener. I know one or two men who proposed in such a manner, utter narcissists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinker Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Besides do you want to put yourself through this? (Life changes at 1:26) Wow! A year into the relationship and he didn't see that coming. Ouch! The poor schumk had it filmed by a bystander who put it on YouTube. Unlucky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riedquat Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I simply can't cope with the idea of near-constant company, it would drive me mad in a pretty short time. Being married for a couple of days a week sounds ideal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrFancyPants Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I simply can't cope with the idea of near-constant company, it would drive me mad in a pretty short time. Being married for a couple of days a week sounds ideal. Quite agree!! Another factor to consider is that you may opt out of marriage, kids, etc but your mates probably won't so you'll be left in the position where the boys holidays, nights out on the town, regular company with your mates in general dries up because they have chosen a path that is taking them in a different direction and they have other things to consider. Your family will most probably think you are slightly odd too because you're not following the 'script'!! I would say to stay single you need to be quite comfortable in your own skin, not be worried about spending time on your own and have a completely non-needy mindset. Most people are afraid of being alone imho, which drives them to make really bad relationship choices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Monk Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I'm probably moving in with my girlf next month, but I spend 4 days a week working away otherwise I probably wouldn't do it, we are both the type of people who need space. I am looking forward to having a bit more company than I have at the mo, and it will make a big financial difference to both of us. i'm sure the lustre will wear off a bit, but there are, as stated, positive and negative aspects to cohabitation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riedquat Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Quite agree!! Another factor to consider is that you may opt out of marriage, kids, etc but your mates probably won't so you'll be left in the position where the boys holidays, nights out on the town, regular company with your mates in general dries up because they have chosen a path that is taking them in a different direction and they have other things to consider. I don't do any of that either though :/ My desire for any social interaction is pretty minimal combined with the effort of maintaining it. Net result is about three people I'd call friends, and they live a long way from me (I don't really count people I see in the pub semi-regularly and have a drink with because that's as far as any social interaction with them goes). I would say to stay single you need to be quite comfortable in your own skin, not be worried about spending time on your own and have a completely non-needy mindset.Most people are afraid of being alone imho, which drives them to make really bad relationship choices. To enter even a bad relationship you've got to be in a position to meet someone to have that relationship with. I never get anywhere near that point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnionTerror Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I know us lot on HPC are moaning gits, but is anyone on here happily married? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikthe20 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Well OP, if you've got to ask then perhaps she isn't the one. I'd suggest a few months living together isn't enough time - more like a couple of years. Even then, people change over the years, sometimes quite dramatically. I'd strongly recommend a pre-nuptial agreement, which should help in avoiding being taken to the cleaners should things not work out - depends on what country you are in on whether it will stand up in court though. Romance? Dead? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I would be grateful if you did, as I've had alarm bells myself, but an awful lot of good stuff as well... We need more info - your age, partner's age, partner's mother's personality. How does your partner treat her mother and her father? Does she work? Personally, her lack of English seems an obvious issue to begin with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccc Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Quite agree!! Another factor to consider is that you may opt out of marriage, kids, etc but your mates probably won't so you'll be left in the position where the boys holidays, nights out on the town, regular company with your mates in general dries up because they have chosen a path that is taking them in a different direction and they have other things to consider. Your family will most probably think you are slightly odd too because you're not following the 'script'!! I would say to stay single you need to be quite comfortable in your own skin, not be worried about spending time on your own and have a completely non-needy mindset. Most people are afraid of being alone imho, which drives them to make really bad relationship choices. THIS ^ +4 million. END OF. FACT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Most people are afraid of being alone imho, which drives them to make really bad relationship choices. +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Well OP, if you've got to ask then perhaps she isn't the one. I'd suggest a few months living together isn't enough time - more like a couple of years. Even then, people change over the years, sometimes quite dramatically. I'd strongly recommend a pre-nuptial agreement, which should help in avoiding being taken to the cleaners should things not work out - depends on what country you are in on whether it will stand up in court though. Romance? Dead? +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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