Della Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I won the lottery on Sunday I've been wanting to win the lottery for years, but I hit the jackpot! I don't have the ticket, I don't have a receipt, I have a photo of it but I'm not going to show you because you would be too shocked. The first thing I did after I won the lottery was drove straight to the sea, hired a boat, went out in it, and threw the ticket in the sea. When I won I was personally congratulated by David Cameron, he came round my house and we had beers together, I have photos, but I'm not going to show any of you lot because you wouldn't believe it anyway. Anyone who doesn't believe me is mentally ill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Errol Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Where was Seal team Six when all this was going on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Game_Over Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I won the lottery on Sunday I've been wanting to win the lottery for years, but I hit the jackpot! I don't have the ticket, I don't have a receipt, I have a photo of it but I'm not going to show you because you would be too shocked. The first thing I did after I won the lottery was drove straight to the sea, hired a boat, went out in it, and threw the ticket in the sea. When I won I was personally congratulated by David Cameron, he came round my house and we had beers together, I have photos, but I'm not going to show any of you lot because you wouldn't believe it anyway. Anyone who doesn't believe me is mentally ill. Bin Laden is dead - Get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britney's Piers Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Bin Laden is dead - Get over it. Been over it quite while, since it happened in 2001. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Della Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 Bin Laden is dead - Get over it. The woman who it is claimed is his wife was upgraded from dead to alive today. The man himself has been dead for quite some time. As the US goverment spokesman said, here's your narrative, we'll give you a different narrative tommorow. If you believe todays narrative today, you are informed, if you believe todays narrative tommorow, you are behind the times, if you believe anything else you are a conspiricy theorist, and thus mentally ill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinker Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Made me laugh Della. It's a farce. I'm in the Obama's been dead for years camp. Of course, I don't know for sure, but enough 'important' people have said so over the years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger Woods? Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 The woman who it is claimed is his wife was upgraded from dead to alive today. It's a miracle!...though not an original one. I remember something like that being reported in the middle east sometime around 34 AD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Game_Over Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 The woman who it is claimed is his wife was upgraded from dead to alive today. The man himself has been dead for quite some time. As the US goverment spokesman said, here's your narrative, we'll give you a different narrative tommorow. If you believe todays narrative today, you are informed, if you believe todays narrative tommorow, you are behind the times, if you believe anything else you are a conspiricy theorist, and thus mentally ill. The Moon landings were faked Mossad planned the attack on the twin towers There is a UFO in Area 51 blah, blah, blah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappycocco Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 The US gov is scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tboy Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm in the Obama's been dead for years camp. If that's true, what they've been doing is even better than Weekend at Bernie's ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Della Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 The Moon landings were faked Mossad planned the attack on the twin towers There is a UFO in Area 51 blah, blah, blah Tuesdays official narritive is that Osama went down in a hail of bullets, AK47 in hand, holding his wife as a human shield in front of him. A helicopter was shot down by an RPG and there was a 40 minute firefight. Wednesday early mornings narritive was that Osama shot himself in the head, and that he didn't have a gun? The helicopter was shot down by American fire. Wednesday days narritive was that he died resisting arrest, he was unarmed, his wife still alive, there were no guns or explosives anywhere in the house, the helicopter suffered a technical hitch, there was no shooting except by the Americans. What new exciting narrative will turn up after a week, who knows, but I know I will believe whatever it's going to be 100% because otherwise I'll be a conspiricy theorist, and thus nuts. So far today...you remember on the front page of every paper tuesday night "The moment Obama watched Osama die" with the papers going on and on about the dramatic moment, and Hillary Clinton going "oh my" with her hand on her mouth? Well you're going to have to forget all that, because it didn't happen. Live feed cut out 25 mins before the raid. They probably totally forgot that didn't happen or something like that. Consider Jean Charles De Menezes, he was gradually downgraded from mad Islamist suicide bomber reaching for his suicide belt to a case of mistaken identity. This guy here might be downgraded from Osama Bin Laden to someone who looked a little bit like Osama Bin Laden. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNACR Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I won the lottery on Sunday I've been wanting to win the lottery for years, but I hit the jackpot! I don't have the ticket, I don't have a receipt, I have a photo of it but I'm not going to show you because you would be too shocked. The first thing I did after I won the lottery was drove straight to the sea, hired a boat, went out in it, and threw the ticket in the sea. When I won I was personally congratulated by David Cameron, he came round my house and we had beers together, I have photos, but I'm not going to show any of you lot because you wouldn't believe it anyway. Anyone who doesn't believe me is mentally ill. OK, that's enough for me to spontaneously go out and celebrate in a public place near a TV news crew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Della Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 OK, that's enough for me to spontaneously go out and celebrate in a public place near a TV news crew. Congratulations! You are sane! The best way to show this is to write "Insane" on your forehead, and scribble out the "In" part. That way everyone will know you're sane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrMartinSanchez Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I won the lottery on Sunday I've been wanting to win the lottery for years, but I hit the jackpot! I don't have the ticket, I don't have a receipt, I have a photo of it but I'm not going to show you because you would be too shocked. The first thing I did after I won the lottery was drove straight to the sea, hired a boat, went out in it, and threw the ticket in the sea. When I won I was personally congratulated by David Cameron, he came round my house and we had beers together, I have photos, but I'm not going to show any of you lot because you wouldn't believe it anyway. Anyone who doesn't believe me is mentally ill. Early reports indicate that your ticket used its wife as a human paper-shield before the draw. Is that the case? Oh who cares? I don't believe you because you didn't write your post in bold or italics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eight Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Consider Jean Charles De Menezes, he was gradually downgraded from mad Islamist suicide bomber reaching for his suicide belt to a case of mistaken identity. This guy here might be downgraded from Osama Bin Laden to someone who looked a little bit like Osama Bin Laden. Weird one, that. Apparently he was sat on the train, minding his own business, reading the paper when he was shot. Yet all the witnesses interviewed at the time claimed he was chased along the platform, vaulted the barriers etc. Who to believe? eight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorkins Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Weird one, that. Apparently he was sat on the train, minding his own business, reading the paper when he was shot. Yet all the witnesses interviewed at the time claimed he was chased along the platform, vaulted the barriers etc. Who to believe? eight Eyewitnesses to traumatic events are notoriously unreliable. The human brain will exaggerate features and make up bits of memory to fill in the gaps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccc Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Eyewitnesses to traumatic events are notoriously unreliable. The human brain will exaggerate features and make up bits of memory to fill in the gaps. Like when you tell your pals you were banging some bird for 3 hours the night before ? When in reality you shot your load after 4 seconds - and you desperately tried to ignore as she attempted to stifle the giggles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copydude Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I have photos, but I'm not going to show any of you lot because you wouldn't believe it anyway. Anyone who doesn't believe me is mentally ill. No. We don't believe you because you didn't phrase it properly. You should have said, 'Sources suggest Della won the lottery. Photographs of tickets seen by the BBC are believed to be authentic, according to a lottery expert who spoke to us on condition of anonymity.' Then, no problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noddage Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 The Moon landings were faked Mossad planned the attack on the twin towers There is a UFO in Area 51 blah, blah, blah Is there a word for people who say things like this? If there is, you're not quite one yet, you forgot to mention Elvis and The Lizard People. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Della Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 No. We don't believe you because you didn't phrase it properly. You should have said, 'Sources suggest Della won the lottery. Photographs of tickets seen by the BBC are believed to be authentic, according to a lottery expert who spoke to us on condition of anonymity.' Then, no problem. Why should I allow excessive media oversight in this way, the US government doesn't. Scientists in the photgraphic analysis department of my company have confirmed to sources that the photographs are indeed accurate. Conspiricy theorists have accused me of linking this result to the payment of the Christmas bonus, these accusations are unfounded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athom Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Much better thread for my post, della you should write for daily mash if you don't already Mission update: a week after the mission took place it has become clear that the fierce gun battle was little more than one man who looked at them kinda funny. This should be believed as truth until more new information comes into the mission HQ as the elite special forces make their way back to Washington on an assortment of slow boats and hitch hiked rides from Bangkok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spot Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Obama sin laden? Obama bin there dun that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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