Jump to content
House Price Crash Forum
Sign in to follow this  
CrashConnoisseur

For The Zombie Economy....the Zombie-Proof House.

Recommended Posts

'The First Zombie-Proof House'

Not the first, just a modern version. The same properties can be observed in old castles and keeps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As much as I approve (and I really do), the house has some shortcomings that need addressing.

Firstly, and most importantly, it's grey. Too grey.

b/ I am wondering whether it's grey because the concrete is coated in lead, which would be great if zombies were radioactive, but I have seen no reports to that effect.

3/ There is a nice pointing point for a flamethrower on the garden wall, but it has not yet been installed.

iv/ If the concrete is indeed radioactive proof, why did they bother with the garden wall, too? Don't they know radiation contamination goes round corners?

e/, "The only entrance is on the second floor over a drawbridge"? Pish. I can count three ground floor patio doors. Even your common-garden brain-dead zombie will be bright enough to use the patio doors rather than climb the stairs, traverse the drawbridge, only to take a cross-bow bolt to the forehead. How many 'e's are in forhead?

6/ If the walls were slanted with a slight overhang rather than vertical, it could be made invisible to radar. Limited use against zombies, but could help against Predator, or stop Ripley locating you with one of those hand-held things from Alien, and knocking on the door to be let in, only to hatch an alien from her stomach a few hours later that you're then stuck with, sealed inside a lead-clad concrete death-trap with zombies on the outside and eggs hatching into face-huggers on the inside.

Finally, that tree pressed up against the building facilitates access to the roof. Forget zombies, even a simple mogwai could gain access to the vents and given a bit of rain (which given the British summer is coming should be readily available), could drop some egg pods down from above

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

b/ I am wondering whether it's grey because the concrete is coated in lead, which would be great if zombies were radioactive, but I have seen no reports to that effect.

Now if it was coated with silver, it would still be radioactive-proof, and would also help protect you against fiat currency meltdown. Would look prettier too. 'Course, you'd have to decide whether to keep polishing it, or whether to let it tone gracefully to make it more attractive to collectors.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

http://planetproperty.wordpress.com/2011/04/28/wonderwalls-4-the-zombie-proof-house/

safe03.jpg

At least the estate agent will have got his commission before the shutters go down ...

:o

OK it is very OTT, but.....I have to confess I actually rather like this. Very cleverly done and stylishly modern house within. A bit like the house version of a modern convertible car with one of those fancy electric roofs.....

Wonder what the price tag is?

Edited by anonguest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is not zombie proof - there are cctv black spots on the corners of the buildings. Everyone knows that zombies climb up corners of buildings.

I live in a terrace, so I'm ok then ?

:o

Here in rural Devon, it's hard to tell the zombies apart from the p!ssd-up cider drinkers in the market square. Their groans even sound the same.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Huge think concrete blocks swing into the windows and doors. Yet a thin looking metal shutter seems to cover one entire wall??

The invading neighbours will slam a 4x4 into that.

Well its a unique house. Looks fun.

Not much scope for an extension though ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Huge think concrete blocks swing into the windows and doors. Yet a thin looking metal shutter seems to cover one entire wall??

The invading neighbours will slam a 4x4 into that.

Well its a unique house. Looks fun.

Not much scope for an extension though ;)

Considering it's supposed to be zombie proof, thin metal should surfice against bare flesh. The thing with zombies is, they are decaying flesh, they are dangerous for what, the first couple of weeks of outbreak, after which time their muscles and tissue will be degraded such that they can't attack anymore realistically (if one can class zombie attacks as realistic). A more suitable plan might be to go somewhere freezing cold. A zombie - having no active circulatory system cannot keep it's body from freezing within literally hours of ??? infection. Basically the human body is pretty much useless without all organs functioning, so the house does what is necessary - keep the dead out for long enough for it all to turn to maggots. Of course a "zombie" could be simply a diseased person with some mutated form of ebola/ rabies - and so still physically strong. But in most cases of psychotic disease infection to date - the majority of those will be aggressive/ defensive - or even just curl up in a room somewhere, an infliction capable of making a person actively seek to bite another person would be manifestly ineffectual - very slow to transmit.

You would assume though that the ulterior reason to chose this house is for protection against the living - in which case the best protection is annonymity - so this building fails on that score quite notably. Whoever buys it will have the local press/ busybody neighbours identify them fairly quickly I would have thought. Bit of a folly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The best way to stay safe is to look poor and ordinary. That's as far away from poor and ordinary.as you can get. It's fugly, looks like a borg home. Could see Lady Gaga buying it though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The best way to stay safe is to look poor and ordinary.

Exactly, keep a burnt-out car on the drive and nobody will bother you, the zombies will assume your house has been plundered already... :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The date is 9/8/11. The UK is under attack from marauding zombies hungry for Ipods.

The zombie house wasn't such a silly idea afterall.

Help me arrggh!

za.jpg

Edited by Money Spinner

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • 312 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.