Bob Loblaw Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 http://www.guardian....-agents-stories Selling by feng shui "A vendor wanted to instruct us on the sale of her property, but she had one proviso: the marketing had to commence on a specific date and time, chosen by her feng shui master. The only time in the next three months deemed suitable was a Friday, between 9pm and 11pm. I suggested I go into the office that night to make the property 'live' on the website. We had four offers, so highest bids were invited. The highest was £900,000, but the vendor took £888,000, on the advice of her feng shui master, as eight is the Chinese number of good luck – and three eights are even luckier. Completion was set for 12 July, naturally, by her feng shui master." Christopher Firth Chesterton Humberts, Putney Short and curlies "I was showing some people around a house in Ilkley. I led the way, doing my spiel, and when we went into the bathroom, there was an old man lying in the bath. It was 30 years ago, but I remember it to this day." David Phillip Dacre, Son & Hartley, Yorkshire Dog day afternoon "I once had to let a surveyor into a house because the owners had gone to work. As I opened the front door, their dog ran out (no one had warned me) and I spent over an hour chasing it along the street and into the local park. I had to make friends with it by throwing sticks before I was able to catch it." John Shaw Dacre, Son & Hartley, West Yorkshire Charity begins at… "I was selling a good house in one of the Burnhams, a smart part of Norfolk. Both owner and buyer were alpha males. I had to renegotiate the price following the survey, in which a couple of minor problems were found. After heavy negotiation we were still £500 adrift on the price. Neither party needed the money or was concerned about paying/losing £500 – but both had to win. I suggested the £500 be donated to charity. Both agreed, the sale went ahead and the RNLI was delighted." Ben Marchbank Bedfords, Burnham Market Hair Gel "Once I ran out of hair gel on the day I had to show a client around an expensive house. Luckily I had a pack of lard in the fridge so smothered that in my hair. Luckily nobody noticed the difference, I got the sale and managed to screw over both the buyer and the seller. We still laugh about it to this day." Richard Cheese Grabbit & Scarper, London Off the cuff "I once valued a two-bedroom flat above a shop. The owner told me the second bedroom couldn't be viewed as it was 'in use' and 'very special'. I went over to take photographs and saw she had accidentally left the door to that room open. The walls were covered in every kind of bondage appliance, gold, fluffy handcuffs everywhere. The vendor told me off for being in there, and then said she'd decided not to sell after all." Daniella Aspland Kinleigh Folkard & Hayward, Bromley Surrogate mum "One time, the parents of a tenant called the office to say they were worried about their son and could I go round to the flat and check he was still alive. When he finally answered the door, I said, 'Can you call your parents?' He said he'd had diarrhoea for a week – I was just relieved he wasn't dead." Daniel Mast Morgans City Living, Leeds Cold comfort farm "One vendor, English, rich and a little eccentric, was selling his Tudor farmhouse, oast house, staff cottage and numerous acres to an eastern European buyer for a substantial sum. The buyer had negotiated long and hard on everything, but eventually all was agreed. However, just prior to exchange of contracts, the buyer decided to have a last look round and demanded that the ancient fridge (worth about £5) in the staff cottage be included. This was the last straw for the vendor who refused and threatened to withdraw from the sale immediately. Seeing a sale (and my large fee) disappearing, I removed my old office fridge, rushed it to the property and substituted it for the cottage fridge, giving the latter to the buyer. Both parties had an old fridge and the sale went through." Anthony Brooks Batcheller Thacker, Tunbridge Wells Fare game "I was selling a chain of five houses. The large house at the top was owned by a difficult woman, who was intending to move to Australia. On the day before contracts were due to exchange, I received a call from her to tell me she was pulling out as she had decided against moving. She wasn't making enough money from the sale and couldn't afford the air fare. 'Madam,' I said, 'I will pay your fare.' We duly exchanged the following day. I could have called her bluff and the sales may all have gone through, but it wasn't a risk worth taking. Our loss was Australia's gain." Nick Churton Mayfair Office, London That's spooky "I listed a property recently and the owner said, 'Do you know, in all the 16 years we've lived here, the lounge has never been dusted.' I asked why and he said it was because of the ghost. I dropped my tape measure. Apparently an old woman's sweetheart had gone off to war and she'd stayed in the house ever since, waiting for his return. So they leave the lounge alone. I wished he'd never told me – I hated doing viewings there after that." David Phillip Dacre, Son & Hartley, Yorkshire Ducking and diving "As exchange day approached on one sale, a last-minute hitch came up: ducks on a pond. Both liked the duck house (and, no, neither was a Tory MP), but the seller wanted to leave the ducks and the buyer wanted them removed. So I rewrote the contract to say that if the house was removed, the ducks had to go, too, but if the ducks stayed, their house was to stay. Eventually, the buyers filled in the pond and the ducks flew off." Edward Church Strutt & Parker, Canterbury Heavy petting "I was instructed on a moated Queen Anne house, complete with acres of land and a visitor attraction. The latter included a petting farm, wigwams and a fortune-teller, and was designed to help offset the running costs of the house. I found a buyer who loved the house and, importantly, was happy to take on the attraction. At 9.30pm on exchange day, the vendor's lawyer phoned the office: he wouldn't include his two kunekune pigs or the totem pole. I phoned the purchaser, who was in Hungary on business – he couldn't believe it. I had to promise that I would buy him two more pigs so the sale would go through." Mark Rimell Strutt & Parker, St Albans Chain reaction "I was selling a modern house on a development in Worcestershire, close to the mainline to Paddington. The buyer pulled out at the last minute, just before exchange of contracts, having heard local talk that the line was to be doubled in size, leading to more train noise. I had two dependent properties further up the chain, so I bought the house myself as an investment, to enable the other sales to go ahead and thus get my fees. I still own the house and it is worth less now than when I bought it." Tim OsborneAllan Morris & Osborne, Worcestershire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cybernoid Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Those are the career hi lights are they, yawn. What a way to spend a lifetime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuckyOne Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Those are the career hi lights are they, yawn. What a way to spend a lifetime. Hair Gel "Once I ran out of hair gel on the day I had to show a client around an expensive house. Luckily I had a pack of lard in the fridge so smothered that in my hair. Luckily nobody noticed the difference, I got the sale and managed to screw over both the buyer and the seller. We still laugh about it to this day." Richard Cheese Grabbit & Scarper, London Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juvenal Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Richard Cheese Grabbit & Scarper, London Ah! Dick Cheese, the aptly named EA.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hpc-craig Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Who is going to own up to the Hair Gel story then? Like the last one too: "I was selling a modern house on a development in Worcestershire, close to the mainline to Paddington. The buyer pulled out at the last minute, just before exchange of contracts, having heard local talk that the line was to be doubled in size, leading to more train noise. I had two dependent properties further up the chain, so I bought the house myself as an investment, to enable the other sales to go ahead and thus get my fees. I still own the house and it is worth less now than when I bought it." Tim OsborneAllan Morris & Osborne, Worcestershire Bought a house to grab a few grand in fees and it's now worth less than he paid for it. What an investment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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