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Daz

Guurdian - How To Make Money In 2011

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I noticed this on the Gurdian's website. How to make money in 2011 (probably to keep the housing ponzi scheme going) yes one suggestion is sperm donation.

The list is here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/jan/01/consumer-affairs-new-year

1 – make things 2 – get a better paid job, 3 – buy and sell shares, 4 – open your own coal mine, 5 – invest in a high risk fund, 6 – rent a room, 7 – speculate on property, 8 – trade in your clutter, 9 – antique furniture, 10 – clinical trials and 11 – sperm and opinions.

Ok, number 7 is speculate on property... but the same list is repeated in other "money" news.. both on the same money page:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/jan/01/best-worst-investments-2011

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/jan/01/how-not-to-make-money-2011

And here are the rest of our 11 money-making tips for 2011:

1 – make things, 2 – get a better paid job, 3 – buy and sell shares, 4 – open your own coal mine, 5 – invest in a high risk fund, 6 – rent a room, 8 – trade on the side, 9 – antique furniture, 10 – clinical trials and 11 – sperm and opinions.

Number 7 is gone!!! HAHAHAHA. I guess the original list must be from an editor with a huge portfoilio... ramp ramp... but someone new at the rag must have thought.. 'property' investiment... hmm that was soo 2000..GAME OVER :)

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How much sperm would I need to be'come' a millionaire?

Just one squirt, dilute* it out with milky water and methylcellulose. No one will know!

*Copied from supermarket tricks e.g. economy baked beans, just more diluted.

Edited by Money Spinner

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For those who donate sperm, how do you deal with not knowing if you have children growing up

somewhere which in the UK is probably fairly close by. The sperm donation bit isn't weird but

the having unknown numbers of children is.

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Well - by my own calculations the going rate used to be about £10 per 'donation' (or 'w4nk' to you or me).

That represents 100,000 w4nks to become a millionaire - assuming no other costs like bus fares. And in any case, to undertake 100,000 w4nks in your life you probably need to be at it full on on the bus.

And how many sperm are there per donation and therefore what is the value of a potential half a life?

I think the moral of this story is not to read the Gaurdion Business sexion.

so you are saying i could have been a multimillionnaire by the time i was 14, if only id known

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I think sperm donation was mentioned to deflect attention from suggesting property speculation, only then to remove it from copies of the same list. I still can't believe they have done this as its so glaring number 7 is gone, at least they could have ensured numbering ordering compliance :) It must mean that the Guardian has turned uber bear!

Edited by Daz

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Just one squirt, dilute* it out with milky water and methylcellulose. No one will know!

*Copied from supermarket tricks e.g. economy baked beans, just more diluted.

For one horrible moment my flu-ridden brain pictured the image of baked beans having chef's special sauce added. Whoah that night nurse remedy is strong stuff...

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"On the subject of buyers, forget the literally "poor" first-time buyers. Let the government worry about building for them (which they won't). No one wants to lend to them and they struggle to save the £35k deposit out of taxed income now that they have to repay their student loans. People downsizing have cash and they don't need to borrow.

Abroad, follow Ryanair. Where can you fly for a fiver? Look to buy or rent a second home there. As with the UK, follow the smell of rotting meat and make derisory offers."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/jan/01/make-money-2011-speculate-on-property

So his idea is that prices will fall and so this is an "ideal time" to buy

Sounds to me like you could make a small fortune in property in 2011 but only by starting out with a large one :)

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"On the subject of buyers, forget the literally "poor" first-time buyers. Let the government worry about building for them (which they won't). No one wants to lend to them and they struggle to save the £35k deposit out of taxed income now that they have to repay their student loans. People downsizing have cash and they don't need to borrow.

Abroad, follow Ryanair. Where can you fly for a fiver? Look to buy or rent a second home there. As with the UK, follow the smell of rotting meat and make derisory offers."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/jan/01/make-money-2011-speculate-on-property

So his idea is that prices will fall and so this is an "ideal time" to buy

Sounds to me like you could make a small fortune in property in 2011 but only by starting out with a large one :)

Yes readers, fu ck the FTBs - you read the Guardian so you can pretend you have a conscience, right? You may have children who fall into this category but hey ho, you didn't create the system, you're just playing it right? And you'll probably chuck 'em a couple of grand towards a deposit on an ex-council flat (we all have to start somewhere!), can't say fairer than that can you. Let's just hope that when you've downsized to your retirement dream home you keep clear of any sniffles or you may find that your offspring have clubbed together and bought you a one-way ticket to Switzerland for Christmas..... :ph34r:

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11 – sperm and opinions.

What? You mean I have to give my opinion as *well* as my sperm? After that physical effort I might not be in the mood to give my opinion.

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Well - by my own calculations the going rate used to be about £10 per 'donation' (or 'w4nk' to you or me).

That represents 100,000 w4nks to become a millionaire - assuming no other costs like bus fares. And in any case, to undertake 100,000 w4nks in your life you probably need to be at it full on on the bus.

But 5 *****s a day and you won't even need a job, that's a livable income!

Sadly unless you're Brad Pitt or a rocket scientist I don't think they will be willing to accept such copious amounts of sperm from you.

Edited by Saberu

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Open your own coal mine?

Very plausible if we were living in...China and you also owned the land the coal mine was on. But neither of those aspects apply here so it's even dumber than the sperm donation option. I would say the Gruaniad are just giving rubbish options so more people consider speculating on property.

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Over here you don't even get paid for donating sperm and the kid gets to find out your details when they turn 18 so it will end up costing you big bucks in the long term.

If you got paid 250 pounds for one 'load' of sperm which could be used for reproduction once and the baby could not find out who you are it might be worth it if you were desperate but the system they've got in now is just a joke.

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Yes readers, fu ck the FTBs - you read the Guardian so you can pretend you have a conscience, right? You may have children who fall into this category but hey ho, you didn't create the system, you're just playing it right? And you'll probably chuck 'em a couple of grand towards a deposit on an ex-council flat (we all have to start somewhere!), can't say fairer than that can you. Let's just hope that when you've downsized to your retirement dream home you keep clear of any sniffles or you may find that your offspring have clubbed together and bought you a one-way ticket to Switzerland for Christmas..... :ph34r:

Has it occurred to you that its a tongue in cheek piss take of property speculators?

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The list has just been copied from the speculate on property page - nothing to do with editors and property portfolios. In the original article, if you go to the page dedicated to one of the suggestions, the rest of the suggestions are correctly listed. All it shows is that the lazy writer copied it verbatim from the speculate on property page.

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Over here you don't even get paid for donating sperm and the kid gets to find out your details when they turn 18 so it will end up costing you big bucks in the long term.

How does it end up costing you?

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A lot - so better find some top quality porn quick.

Not so fast...I think you have to refrain from bashing the bishop for quite a while before making the donation (couple of weeks?). The jazz mags would just frustrate you!

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  • 284 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

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      • down 5% +
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