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How To Save The Economy Without Really Trying: A Guide For Gideon Osborne


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This week 23-year-old chancellor Osborne Osborne will rise on his hooves in the House of Commons and unleash the most brutal series of cuts since the shower scene in Psycho. So what will actually happen? Gloomy predictions abound, but almost everyone agrees the results will be as palatable as a wax-and-cat-hair sandwich. It's frightening stuff. In fact, the preliminary coverage is filled with so much sadomasochistic language – "pain", "agony", "eye-watering measures", "tightening of the belt", and so on – that it sounds as if we really ought to establish a "safe word" now, before Prince Osborne pulls his leather mask on and sets about his business.
The problem: making kids clever is way too expensive. But failing to educate them at all will eventually lead to the entire nation resembling a giant chimps' tea party.Which it absolutely doesn't at the moment.

The solution: sell bespoke classroom time-slots to corporations. Your child's new timetable: 9am Geography. 10am French. 11.30am Yakult Studies. 12pm Lunchtime sponsored by Cheestrings. 1pm The Story of Rolos. 2pm Just Do It! (formerly PE). 3pm English Literature. 3.05pm GlaxoSmithKline Sing-a-Long Zone. 4pm Hometime (sponsored by Renault).

:lol:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/oct/18/charlie-brooker-nationwide-jumble-sale

Edited by Kyoto
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He also mentions that housing needs to be subsidised in order to be affordable.

I was going to add a comment to set him straight, but there were already 86 comments, so couldn't be bothered.

In all other respects, though, Brooker is a minor deity.

in all seriousness shouldnt we be going back to sandwich courses and industry/commerce funding students thro

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But failing to educate them at all will eventually lead to the entire nation resembling a giant chimps' tea party.Which it absolutely doesn't at the moment.

It doesnt?

Thats not what i see when i venture into the town centre, turn on the tv, go to asda, go out of a friday night etc etc.

Sarcasm bypass... oh yes, it would appear so!

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But failing to educate them at all will eventually lead to the entire nation resembling a giant chimps' tea party.Which it absolutely doesn't at the moment.

It doesnt?

Thats not what i see when i venture into the town centre, turn on the tv, go to asda, go out of a friday night etc etc.

Either you live very close to me or the whole country is infected with this Chav-Pandemic.In Asda the staff look like extras from a chimps tea party and the customers look like extras from 50000BC.I almost expect to turn into the next aisle and see clubs with a nail through BOGOF.

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Either you live very close to me or the whole country is infected with this Chav-Pandemic.In Asda the staff look like extras from a chimps tea party and the customers look like extras from 50000BC.

I almost expect to turn into the next aisle and see clubs with a nail through BOGOF.

Too late - others would have beaten you to it!

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  • 417 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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