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the_dork

Anyone Used Guardian Soulmates?

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I broke up with my partner of 4 years a few months ago and was happy to return to single life. I had a one night stand a couple of weeks ago after meeting a girl in a club and it really didn't do anything for me amd got me thinking...I'm not desperate for a relationship but would like to meet someone who I genuinely click with

I'm doubtful that I can meet a girl who I'd be happy in a long term relationship with in a club/bar and so am toying with the Guardian Soulmates. I'm not some great thinker and don't have a cool job in web design/film production but if I'm honest I do think of myself as slightly untypical in my interests and want to meet someone who is reasonably educated, interested in politics or culture etc.The higher price tag of the Guardian seems to put off some of the 'riff raff' and most of the ladies seem in fact too cool/hip for me but there seem to be plenty of nice normal ones. I'm sure lots of the people on there don't pay and just keep their profiles on there.

Has anyone had any joy with these sites? A couple of years ago I thought it was for inept losers but in our time poor world I get the impression it's got much less stigma now-I would just treat it as a way of meeting people rather than some Napoleon Dynamite style long online chats.

Anyone had any joy?

ETA: And what do you say in a first message? Same rules as a date-Try to ask a few questions and make jokes? Ask them if they'd like to meet? Say you like the look of them??

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I broke up with my partner of 4 years a few months ago and was happy to return to single life. I had a one night stand a couple of weeks ago after meeting a girl in a club and it really didn't do anything for me amd got me thinking...I'm not desperate for a relationship but would like to meet someone who I genuinely click with

I'm doubtful that I can meet a girl who I'd be happy in a long term relationship with in a club/bar and so am toying with the Guardian Soulmates. I'm not some great thinker and don't have a cool job in web design/film production but if I'm honest I do think of myself as slightly untypical in my interests and want to meet someone who is reasonably educated, interested in politics or culture etc.The higher price tag of the Guardian seems to put off some of the 'riff raff' and most of the ladies seem in fact too cool/hip for me but there seem to be plenty of nice normal ones. I'm sure lots of the people on there don't pay and just keep their profiles on there.

Has anyone had any joy with these sites? A couple of years ago I thought it was for inept losers but in our time poor world I get the impression it's got much less stigma now-I would just treat it as a way of meeting people rather than some Napoleon Dynamite style long online chats.

Anyone had any joy?

ETA: And what do you say in a first message? Same rules as a date-Try to ask a few questions and make jokes? Ask them if they'd like to meet? Say you like the look of them??

Don't waste your money - as a guess about 90 percent end up on plentyoffish.

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dating sites are scams. They use the late bus psychology on you.

When I was younger you wait for a bus normally it comes a few minutes late. But sometimes it comes really really late, but you are convinced if you wait just another minute the bus will actually come. And you end up waiting for absolutely ages getting cold and wet (but in this case you keep on losing more and more money on false hope)

Sites will milk this and give you an extra couple of weeks if you decide to leave. They may be even more insidious and actually have one of their shills who are fakes employed by the company to suddenly send you a hello I'm interested in meeting you kind of email. You plop your credit card subscription on for another 6 months and wham they've got you! 6 months passes with no interest (note the incredible ratio of men to women free ones are obsene 25-1 men to women ratio) If you include gold diggers it gets worse as you get 50-100-1 ratios.

So after 1 year or so you've paid £1000 and had nowt other than a few chavvettes who want to try their luck.

E Harmony is worse, it has a 2-1 women to men ratio, unfortunately it does not take into account that women tend to lie on websites meaning 100% of the women you will meet on such websites will be psychos or gold diggers.

I mean think about it a woman can get a man any man they want going to a bar.... why would sane women use internet dating?

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The higher price tag of the Guardian seems to put off some of the 'riff raff'...

So if you want to meet an overpaid, loony left public sector equality and diversity manager, or a Sharon Shoesmith type, it might be worth a try.

I take your point about the dating site of a broadsheet newspaper probably self-selecting out the Vicky Pollards of this world, but The Guardian?! If I were in your situation I might give The Times's or the Telegraph's sites a try, but not that one.

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I have to confess I have no experience of dating sites / lonely hearts ads, but I think they could be useful. I recently went out to a bar with a single friend. She is semi-looking for someone. For an old married person like me it was a chance to observe the 'dating' scene. Really, it was dire. It was a trendy bar in a relatively affluent area, full of attractive 20-40 somethings. No one seemed to talk to anyone else. Of course, there were plenty of furtive looks but that isn't going to et anyone a date, is it? Also, you know what it's like in these places. The lighting is really dim, the music is loud and after a couple of drink, your senses are probably rather confused. Hardly the best environment to select a potential life partner.

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No one seemed to talk to anyone else.

Few people talk to each other mainly because very few people have anything interesting to say. Society has some incredibly irational norms which mean that people are forced to conform to whateverybody else does too. For instance nobody in the office can figure out why I up sticks and went travelling for a bit and why I want to go out again. They seem to want the comfy heavy mortgage food in the fridge security of mundane life. THough I suppose it is different strokes for different folks I feel life is too short for this.

For me this is especially true as Chinese people are forced to fit into holes. I do not fit at all and choose my own way. People give me strange looks when they say "think of your career!"

I can't help but think you want to do this for the rest of your life? Maybe its the way I've seen so many people die horribly that makes me think Momento Mori?

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I have to confess I have no experience of dating sites / lonely hearts ads, but I think they could be useful. I recently went out to a bar with a single friend. She is semi-looking for someone. For an old married person like me it was a chance to observe the 'dating' scene. Really, it was dire. It was a trendy bar in a relatively affluent area, full of attractive 20-40 somethings. No one seemed to talk to anyone else. Of course, there were plenty of furtive looks but that isn't going to et anyone a date, is it? Also, you know what it's like in these places. The lighting is really dim, the music is loud and after a couple of drink, your senses are probably rather confused. Hardly the best environment to select a potential life partner.

The only reason to go on the pull in a loud bar is in case the opposite sex are wasted and you will get an easy shag. No point otherwise.

Few people talk to each other mainly because very few people have anything interesting to say. Society has some incredibly irational norms which mean that people are forced to conform to whateverybody else does too. For instance nobody in the office can figure out why I up sticks and went travelling for a bit and why I want to go out again. They seem to want the comfy heavy mortgage food in the fridge security of mundane life. THough I suppose it is different strokes for different folks I feel life is too short for this.

For me this is especially true as Chinese people are forced to fit into holes. I do not fit at all and choose my own way. People give me strange looks when they say "think of your career!"

I can't help but think you want to do this for the rest of your life? Maybe its the way I've seen so many people die horribly that makes me think Momento Mori?

You thinking about your overnight buses again Ken. :lol:

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You thinking about your overnight buses again Ken. :lol:

Nah the overnight buses have plenty of wiggle room but society's demands are horrible and overbearing. Whenever my dad phones me (since I sent him packing a few weeks ago after I got him a flight out) he constantly says I should get married and settle down..

Oh why don't I take some finance to buy a new car, or a new bike...

Aren't you scared of losing face?...

Best thing I did was simply to never have any face at all.... we no longer live in farming villages etc so while people may laugh now I can pretty much die now and think I've done many of the things I've wanted to in life... so wouldn't be so bummed about it.

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Nah the overnight buses have plenty of wiggle room but society's demands are horrible and overbearing. Whenever my dad phones me (since I sent him packing a few weeks ago after I got him a flight out) he constantly says I should get married and settle down..

Oh why don't I take some finance to buy a new car, or a new bike...

Aren't you scared of losing face?...

Best thing I did was simply to never have any face at all.... we no longer live in farming villages etc so while people may laugh now I can pretty much die now and think I've done many of the things I've wanted to in life... so wouldn't be so bummed about it.

Yep same here. Who gives a ****** what people think.

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Friend of mine is in a relationship with a lovely woman, sensible, attractive, affluent etc..he met from that site. He told me it seems the best site for percentage of women to men, in men's favour.

There was a housepricecrash dating thread going for a while - tongue in cheek but what better way to meet a like minded laydee than on here?!

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There was a housepricecrash dating thread going for a while - tongue in cheek but what better way to meet a like minded laydee than on here?!

The flip side of that equation is you might end up on a date with Injin or <shudder> Bruno :lol::o:ph34r:

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So if you want to meet an overpaid, loony left public sector equality and diversity manager, or a Sharon Shoesmith type, it might be worth a try.

I take your point about the dating site of a broadsheet newspaper probably self-selecting out the Vicky Pollards of this world, but The Guardian?! If I were in your situation I might give The Times's or the Telegraph's sites a try, but not that one.

I was on dating sites on and off for about ten years. I wouldn't really recommend them.

The broadsheet sites (Guardian, Times, Telegraph etc) seem to share the same people - one or two women I dated said they were on the Guardian site though their profile appeared on the Telegraph site.

My view is that people, especially women, get used to being bombarded with messages, and this drives their egos sky high. This cranks up the 'because I'm worth it' idea already prevalent in modern society to dangerous levels. They develop a check list mentality and nobody is good enough for them - the bigger better deal is always just a click away. I met lots of girls that seemed nice but never seemed to want to progress beyond the second or third date. I got initial high levels of interest but then it tailed off, which suggested to me that they'd just moved on to someone else.

My view is you need to meet people in real life because attraction is so much about chemistry, not so much about shared checklists. The best way to meet people is through other people (this way you don't meet random nutters in bars) so you should get involved as much as possible in groups, societies, networking etc.

I would only use the free dating sites and I would only use them as an adjunct to meeting women in real life.

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I also think the dating game in the UK is highly dysfunctional anyway.

On the one hand you get entirely mediocre women with princess complexes constantly putting down men; on the other you have infantilised boy-men incapable of leading or committing, who dress like toddlers and slouch in front of computer games.

Fortunately I have a nice (foreign) girlfriend, but it took a long time to find her.

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My view is that people, especially women, get used to being bombarded with messages, and this drives their egos sky high. This cranks up the 'because I'm worth it' idea already prevalent in modern society to dangerous levels. They develop a check list mentality and nobody is good enough for them - the bigger better deal is always just a click away. I met lots of girls that seemed nice but never seemed to want to progress beyond the second or third date. I got initial high levels of interest but then it tailed off, which suggested to me that they'd just moved on to someone else.

I don't think it's especially women, I think it's men too. That's the problem with net dating , all too easy to think, oh well, don't have to try too hard, there's another around the corner. Eventually you come to realise that you will never get through all the sweets in the sweet shop so you need to meet someone who has come to the same realisation.

Agree overall that "social" type, activity clubs are much better for getting to know someone, and importantly, seeing how they interact with all sorts of people. If someone is spinnng a fantasy line on their dating profile, it's unlikely to hold up to scrutiny in a group.

A few people I know have met compatible partners on holidays run by companies such as Explore and Exodus, sort of things you can do as a single with no expectation that you are there to partner up so get to know people with little pressure.

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I met my wife on a dating site about 13 years ago now.

However the scene then and the scene now are totally, utterly different. Back then the only people really on the net were nerds and academics. Chavs barely knew what the internet was.

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Soulmates was used by one of the most psychologically damaged women I've ever had the misfortune to meet. Within weeks she'd met some guy. He seemed a nice bloke but totally out of his depth with such a poisonous gorgon. Within a couple of months she was pregnant - all unplanned by him but, to my mind, cynically planned by her. I remember the awkward silence that greeted her announcement and especially the looks on the faces of the other women. He stuck by her but, with his part played, she quickly got him out of the picture. He'd walked unwittingly into a cold-blooded trap and his life will never be the same as a result. There are plenty of unscrupulous people out there without a decent bone in their body. You can encounter these people in lots of different situation but many are attracted to dating websites and if you encounter them that way then you've got no context, no social network, no third-party objectivity to help protect you.

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Soulmates was used by one of the most psychologically damaged women I've ever had the misfortune to meet. Within weeks she'd met some guy. He seemed a nice bloke but totally out of his depth with such a poisonous gorgon. Within a couple of months she was pregnant - all unplanned by him but, to my mind, cynically planned by her. I remember the awkward silence that greeted her announcement and especially the looks on the faces of the other women. He stuck by her but, with his part played, she quickly got him out of the picture. He'd walked unwittingly into a cold-blooded trap and his life will never be the same as a result. There are plenty of unscrupulous people out there without a decent bone in their body. You can encounter these people in lots of different situation but many are attracted to dating websites and if you encounter them that way then you've got no context, no social network, no third-party objectivity to help protect you.

Yes, I had a rather disturbing incident involving a woman standing me up at a venue but then emailing me to tell me that she had been watching me and had in fact met me (it was at an art gallery opening) but had used a false name and not told me it was her. :o

I think there was a point to the old middle class rule that you didn't speak to someone without being introduced by a third party. It's a safety mechanism to stop you meeting too many nutters.

Singles hols can be ok. I went on two, and the people were all fine, though the trouble is you end up being stuck with them for two weeks, so make sure you go on one with an activity you enjoy - eg diving, sailing - so that you have something to do and something to talk about.

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A friend of mine met her boyfriend through soulmates, its been going really well. They are both really nice normal people as far as I know. No doubt they have their slightly odd characteristics, but no more than some of the couples I know that didn't meet through the internet

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Yes, I had a rather disturbing incident involving a woman standing me up at a venue but then emailing me to tell me that she had been watching me and had in fact met me (it was at an art gallery opening) but had used a false name and not told me it was her. :o

How strange, did she think that you would think this was acceptable? Did she not introduce herself because she thought you looked a bit weird, or was it always her plan just to watch you for a while.

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How strange, did she think that you would think this was acceptable? Did she not introduce herself because she thought you looked a bit weird, or was it always her plan just to watch you for a while.

Thanks for the responses everyone. I shamefully admit that having asked 'the Internet', I'm not actually going to take much notice but it's interesting to hear some experiences. I've paid for a month and am going to message 6 tonight, have another 2 or 3 in reserve but really it's hard to judge until you meet (which I'm aiming to do as soon as anyone responds)

You meet mentalists in all areas-at work, in the pub, on the bus so unsurprising that some of these use the Net. I'm quite good at spotting them and as long as you're careful and take things slow, as I would with girls met in the normal way, then there's no real risk.

As for the risks of diverity co-ordinators and the like, TBH if they were fit and decent people I could cope with that. Far better than either the rahs or chavs who are most likely to be met in bars/clubs or on some of the other sites. I suggested the Guardian as it seems to be one of the bigger sites, not sure many people use the Times or Telegraph (I couldn't stomach typical Tele readers anyway!) There's quite a few people who call themselves conservative on soulmates (I'm a leftie myself-just not NuLab) so I'm not particularly sure that it's just for Guardianistas anyway.

I'll let you know what happens. If I don't post within a couple of weeks then assume I met a mad kidnapper who made me impregnate her before dumping my body in the Thames.

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I'll let you know what happens. If I don't post within a couple of weeks then assume I met a mad kidnapper who made me impregnate her before dumping my body in the Thames.

Or you are too busy having gymnastic left wing sex

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I met lots of girls that seemed nice but never seemed to want to progress beyond the second or third date. I got initial high levels of interest but then it tailed off, which suggested to me that they'd just moved on to someone else.

It could be that you come across differently in person than you do online or they imagined you were in some way different from what you actually are. It's not that you've been lying about yourself or anything, maybe that you don't see yourself the way that other people do and you miss mentioning qualities, or things about yourself that are quite apparent to some other person, in person.

In addition you could come across as not keen enough, uncommunicative, or overkeen.

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  • 150 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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