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Bizarre Story - But Ultimately An Idiot..

Dave Beans

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Of course you don't want the cat to die, but he could have easily mowed ppl down, or caused a fatal accident..


England cricketer Graeme Swann was on his way to buy screwdrivers to help rescue his cat when he was arrested for drink-driving, a court has heard.

The off-spinner told police he had been out with friends when he returned to his West Bridgford home to find the animal trapped under floorboards.

He got in his Porsche Cayenne and drove towards Asda in Loughborough Road when he was pulled over by police.

The 31-year-old pleaded not guilty at Nottingham Magistrates' Court.

Two officers, Pc Steven Denniss and Pc Caroline Voce, were travelling in a marked Volvo in the early hours of 2 April when they spotted Mr Swann's Porsche.

They decided to pull him over because he was driving a high-performance car in an area where there had been a spate of burglaries.

He was waving the screwdrivers, saying, 'It's not for what you think, the screwdrivers aren't for what you think'”

Mr Swann, of Seymour Road, got out of the driver's seat with something glinting in his right hand, the officer said.

She added: "As he approached us, from the manner of driving I thought we had a burglar or a stolen vehicle.

"He was waving the screwdrivers, saying, 'It's not for what you think, the screwdrivers aren't for what you think'.

"He stated the cat was trapped under floorboards and he continually asked us to contact (his wife Sarah) and a call was made to a sergeant to attend the address and make sure the cat was okay.

"Mr Swann was very chatty and said he had been out celebrating his birthday weekend with his partner. Because he had been drinking he took a taxi home.

"He had had the builders in and the cat was trapped under the floorboards but he couldn't find the screwdrivers in the house so he went to Asda."

After arresting the cricketer and escorting him to the police car, Pc Voice said she had to wind down the driver's side window because he smelled so strongly of alcohol.

"I would say he was drunk from his manner and his actions. He eyes looked very red," she said.

Pc Denniss said Mr Swann's speech was slurred and that he admitted he "shouldn't have probably been driving".

A breath test recorded a reading of 45 micrograms of alcohol in 100 millilitres of breath, the legal limit being 35 micrograms.

Because he was just over the limit, he was offered a blood test which recorded 83mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood. The legal limit is 80mg.

The hearing was adjourned and will not resume until 7 October because of Mr Swann's cricketing commitments.

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Oh I love this:

The hearing was adjourned and will not resume until 7 October because of Mr Swann's cricketing commitments

Are you fecking serious?

"Sorry m'lud can't make the hearing, got an aromatherapy session booked in, maybe pencil in Friday?"

Definate different set of rules for us plebs. <_<

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Bit pointless pleading NG the readings which will be presented in evidence say he is over the limit (although just over).

The cat and screwdriver story (if true) are simply mitigating factors to be presented after he had pleaded guilty and before the Mags sentence him.

I can't work out what he is trying to achieve, he is bang to rights and will be pi$$ing the Magisrates off with the cat story.

You would think that with his education and money he can spend on expert legal advice he would know better.

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Nice to know the court is taking his cricketing career into account. I would have thought a drunk driver would be given no privileges.

Drivers are given all manner of priviliges.

"M'lud, I'm very sorry I killed that boy outside the school gate, but I need the 4x4 to deliver little Felicity, and those roads aren't safe!"

"In view of your contrition and your need, I shall not ban you this time, but mind you don't do it again. Two hundred pounds and six points on your license."

"M'lud, that is a ban, six points on top of the nine I have already".

"Oh, right. In that case the court suspends your points."

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As a boy, I was waiting for a particular wicket to fall and it happened;

Lillee ct Willey b Dilley. Ho ho, well I was young.

Agree with the above that with the evidence presented, a not guilty plea is ill-advised. His ban will most likely be 18 months instead of the minimum 12. Kaibosh his driving to matches, I wonder if a central contract will pay for a driver?

He may be trying for the bit in bold below (from 80mg.org.uk):

For any offence of driving or attempting to drive while over the prescribed alcohol limit, there is a mandatory minimum sentence of one year's disqualification. This can only be waived in very exceptional circumstances, such as if the offence was committed in response to a medical emergency, or if the offender would be completely unable to earn a living. A first offender will also receive a fine, typically around £300 - £400, although fines can be below £100 for offenders of limited means.

Magistrates have the power to impose longer periods of disqualification and are increasingly making use of this - in some cases 18-month bans have been imposed for BACs below 120 mg. The maximum sentence that can be imposed for driving with excess alcohol is a fine of £5,000, and a 6-month prison sentence, something that is not as widely appreciated as it should be.

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Hey, I know "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

Ack. One of the arresting plods was called Voce which is a fairly unusual name.

Bill Voce on the other hand played cricket for England:

He did not do particularly well as a pace bowler in 1930, but following Australia's tour of England in that summer, when Don Bradman scored freely against the English bowling, Voce was part of a meeting convened between future English captain Douglas Jardine and Nottinghamshire captain Arthur Carr to come up with a tactic to defeat Bradman and the Australians. Voce and his fellow Nottinghamshire fast bowler Harold Larwood agreed to a suggestion by Jardine that bowling fast rising balls into the batsmen's bodies, with several catching fielders on the leg side would be an effective tactic.
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