shedfish Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 £200k in my case and that doesn't include all of the stuff that men have to pay out during the marriage itself e.g. ludicrously over priced furniture, continual home "improvements" cars that look nice rather than being merely adequate for the job etc. And then theres the mental cost of putting up with all the irrational shit like having to keep kitchen worktops spotless all the time (I mean WTF is a kitchen actually suppose to be for ?), having to eat vast quantities of rabbit food and diabetes-inducing quantities of high carb sh*t like pasta and rice because its "healthy", having to listen to chick music like "R&B" instead of say led zep ... yes, 'R&B' is just organised nagging Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Noodle Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 As the saying goes, "if it flies, floats or f**ks, it's cheaper to rent" I don't want this to become an anti-woman thread. It's applies equally both ways. Lots and lots of women marry into abusive relationships they are stuck in. To be honest, I'd rather be a nice guy that loses it all than be a woman getting beaten, sometimes to within an inch of her life. All of you, man, woman and ladyboy on this forum. If you are going to commit to marriage, please choose wisely and don't rush anything. Spend at least 50 years together first, best advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 All of you, man, woman and ladyboy on this forum. If you are going to commit to marriage, please choose wisely and don't rush anything. Spend at least 50 years together first, best advice. Thus avoiding those "difficult" years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tahoma Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 A Woman's role in society has changed massively in the last 50 years. Problem is, they want the role of men to remain static. Sorry ladies - you really, really need to understand that we do not exist for your sake. When you are in mid-whine about how he does not meet your every want and need, try stopping and asking yourselves if you honestly give a damn about his. Time and time again I see male friends in miserable relationships, constantly on the treadmill of pleasing their little princess with nothing but barbed anxiety as their reward. I've been under pressure to get married and have kids recently. It is painful to resist such entrenched expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cogs Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 yes, 'R&B' is just organised nagging Nagging you can dance to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cogs Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 A Woman's role in society has changed massively in the last 50 years. Problem is, they want the role of men to remain static. To be honest I don't think they even know what they want to that degree of clarity. Sorry folks, calling it as I see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 I don't want this to become an anti-woman thread. It's applies equally both ways. Lots and lots of women marry into abusive relationships they are stuck in. To be honest, I'd rather be a nice guy that loses it all than be a woman getting beaten, sometimes to within an inch of her life. All of you, man, woman and ladyboy on this forum. If you are going to commit to marriage, please choose wisely and don't rush anything. Spend at least 50 years together first, best advice. So what I would like to know is what changes after 50 years, 10 years, or 10 months......how does getting married change anything....sorry but I am baffled.....enlighten me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 I would also like to be englightend (sorry, have not read the whlole thread), but I do have a diamond ring on my finger, but more because he wanted to as a sign of committment, than any inference to marriage. I've probably got more money than any man will ever have, so I'd raher stick pins in my eyes than ever get married!! But yet I still qiuite happily take on the role of 'wife'. Perhaps it is our social condtioning.....*shrugs*. This is not a money thing as far as I am concerned.......making joint wills will always sort out any misunderstandings.....role of 'wife' what is that?......a partnership, long term comfortable happy relationship has the so called "husband/wife" role built into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jester Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Here's a post today on another forum from 'Ian' (about 60) who I chat to now and again. Let me make some comparisons and tell me if I didn't pay for a woman's company when I was married. When Maria came into my life it was second marriage for both of us. She had a job when we first met, but the government shut it down a short time later. After that she did not work except for a dozen small businesses that I financed for her. Before any of the businesses became successful she quit and started another. They varied from hair stylist, to doing nails, to selling jewelry, to selling Amway goods, and then running a day care for children. In each case I paid for the start up costs and kept things going, including doing the accounting. I know what the costs were. I put up with the constant career changes because I understand that not all careers suit everyong equally. One of her friends had a successful day care business and Maria though she would like that. It looked like a smart idea because I knew her friend was making a good income from her day care business. But, we needed a larger home than the nice little one I already owned and that was perfect for just two people. So, I sold the small home and took out a big morthgage for a larger home in a better location, specifically so she could run the day care. The business was a success from the start and the location was great. But, Just before the day care started making money she turned it over to her daughter who only lasted another year with it before she also quit. Then, I was stuck with a big house we didn't need with a mortgage I didn't want and no income to pay for it. The whole thing cost me a lot of money. During that time, I also helped out her two adult children in trying to get them careers. I also bought Maria two new cars that her son prompted destroyed. Fortunately, the insurance (which I paid for) covered most of the damage costs. When her adult son got into the drug scene I was naive in thinking I could help. I had to buy him out of a rental home that he destroyed, and he moved in with us. !0 months after he moved in she moved out and left her son with me. A short time after that I had to get the police to get her son out of my home because he was smashing it in fits of rage. A couple months after that she filed for divorce and wanted half of everything. Over the 7 years we were together she had contributed nothing other than her body and her company. When we finally parted she walked away with half of what I had worked all my life for. We probably had sex about 3 or 4 times a week... about what I get now when I'm in Thailand. I don't want to hear all the usual feminazi claptrap about looking after the home for me. I did all the cooking and the clean up afterwards when we were together, and I did all the yard work. She contributed by doing the laundry and the lnterior house cleaning. I could have paid Molly-Maid house cleaning for that. I put up with all that because I truly was in love with the lady and would have done anything for her. Ienjoyed her company and we had some great times together, but If I were to divide all the times we made love together into what it cost me financially it would come to far more than I've ever paid for prostitutes. Yes, the sex was mostly better (but not always) and for the good times we had together it was worth it to me. But, don't tell me I didn't pay for her company. And, it wasn't a lot different than the few special ladies that visit me now on a regular basis. Sad story I'm sorry to have read that. Not all women are the same but it sounds like you're doing ok now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reluctant Heretic Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 (edited) That's from Thomas Hardy (specifically the Mayor of Casterbridge). In the documentary the scholar said that they would lead the woman on a halter through the village/town with a 'for sale' sign around her neck before the fair. In M of C it is presented as a drunk having a moment of insanity. Today's attitudes to sex and illegitimacy render that obsolete. Unless perhaps you're a young couple booking a B&B in a comedy sketch. Aren't there issues today about establishing whether or not people are common-law partners or just girlfriends/boyfriends? Is it still judged on the number of years you live together? If so, it means that if you live with someone for two years you had better do some focused thinking before the second anniversary. What's wrong with relationships at different levels? A child is a long-term commitment, but a hug and a kiss (even a shared bed) don't have to be. Just so long as you don't have incompatible ideas. Aye there's the rub - how do you know until it affects your pocket/bank account/property ownership? I think people know exactly how they see a relationship panning out from the beginning Just how does one go about saying "Just so that we are clear - I'm only interested in using you for sex - if you need anything anytime remember to look elsewhere"? I was basing this view on a number of conversations with male acquaintances - "I want to get married and have kids but not with the girl I'm shacked up with - what do I do?" Edited July 24, 2010 by Reluctant Heretic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Aren't there issues today about establishing whether or not people are common-law partners or just girlfriends/boyfriends? Is it still judged on the number of years you live together? If so, it means that if you live with someone for two years you had better do some focused thinking before the second anniversary. ....does it matter? Aye there's the rub - how do you know until it affects your pocket/bank account/property ownership? I think people know exactly how they see a relationship panning out from the beginning Just how does one go about saying "Just so that we are clear - I'm only interested in using you for sex - if you need anything anytime remember to look elsewhere"? I was basing this view on a number of conversations with male acquaintances - "I want to get married and have kids but not with the girl I'm shacked up with - what do I do?" Why do you live with someone you don't want to be with?.....are you using them?.....you are wasting her life and your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Hovis Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 What a depressing thread Where's The Masked Tulip - on his hols? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porca misèria Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Aye there's the rub - how do you know until it affects your pocket/bank account/property ownership? I think people know exactly how they see a relationship panning out from the beginning Just how does one go about saying "Just so that we are clear - I'm only interested in using you for sex - if you need anything anytime remember to look elsewhere"? I was basing this view on a number of conversations with male acquaintances - "I want to get married and have kids but not with the girl I'm shacked up with - what do I do?" Probably works better as you mature: a teenage or twentysomething couple won't have the life experience to judge each other. But it can work. I have a "special friend" with whom I share many things including those associated with a spouse, but when we tried living together it didn't work, so we backed off to where we are now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Noodle Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 So what I would like to know is what changes after 50 years, 10 years, or 10 months......how does getting married change anything....sorry but I am baffled.....enlighten me Okay, make the number 95 years and you get the idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 250K is a small price to pay for the joys of being single. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reluctant Heretic Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Probably works better as you mature: a teenage or twentysomething couple won't have the life experience to judge each other. But it can work. I have a "special friend" with whom I share many things including those associated with a spouse, but when we tried living together it didn't work, so we backed off to where we are now. I was expecting you to tear me apart - I know how 'heavy' all this stuff might sound to a young person driven by emotional needs and hormones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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