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How Clueless Are You?

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I've spent the afternoon massaging dressing into the leather furniture in our sitting room - it was a bit dry so needed a feed. So now I'm sitting on a space hopper for the evening! Bit like painting self into a corner... duh :rolleyes:

Please tell me I'm not the only dopey bu88er on the forum!

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Guest theboltonfury

I've spent the afternoon massaging dressing into the leather furniture in our sitting room - it was a bit dry so needed a feed. So now I'm sitting on a space hopper for the evening! Bit like painting self into a corner... duh :rolleyes:

Please tell me I'm not the only dopey bu88er on the forum!

Mods??

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I was thinking today about some of the daftest things I've ever done.

One of the stupidest seemed like a good idea at the time, as they always do. I bought a exhaust pipe cover for my Ford Granada. The body was in good shape, but the exhaust was rusty as hell. I planned to spruce it up a bit. So I fitted it on and forgot about it.

Well as soon as a friend saw it he burst out laughing. Thought it was hilarious. It's only then that I realised it looked utterly ridiculous.

Like a turd with a little hat put on the end :ph34r:

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Guest theboltonfury

I was thinking today about some of the daftest things I've ever done.

One of the stupidest seemed like a good idea at the time, as they always do. I bought a exhaust pipe cover for my Ford Granada. The body was in good shape, but the exhaust was rusty as hell. I planned to spruce it up a bit. So I fitted it on and forgot about it.

Well as soon as a friend saw it he burst out laughing. Thought it was hilarious. It's only then that I realised it looked utterly ridiculous.

Like a turd with a little hat put on the end :ph34r:

I once cooked a lasagne from scratch. Took it out the oven and poured it straight in to the sink. No idea.

Top tip. Never visit a cashpoint whilst on your mobile. I was so caught up in the connversation the other day that I took the card and walked off, leaving £100 sticking out of the machine. My mind was not on the job in hand.

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Guest Noodle

I spent this morning threatening a nonce with death (actual death), in broken Thai and with hand gestures.

This nutter is hanging round outside the old womans house waiting for my 6 year old daughter, the old woman locked inside with the kids worried. Also noticed it being a Saturday and no kids on the street playing, it's normal here for the street to be rowdy on a Saturday morning.

I mean this thing is mentally ill but I couldn't give a shit because 1. I ain't Buddhist and 2. I'm pretty fvckin' far from liberal when it comes to capital punishment for nonces. So much easier just to do the kind thing and cut it's head off.

Tough world out there.

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I have done many dumb things. Anyone who has not is gay.

No offence - gay men. I like you too.

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Guest theboltonfury

I spent this morning threatening a nonce with death (actual death), in broken Thai and with hand gestures.

This nutter is hanging round outside the old womans house waiting for my 6 year old daughter, the old woman locked inside with the kids worried. Also noticed it being a Saturday and no kids on the street playing, it's normal here for the street to be rowdy on a Saturday morning.

I mean this thing is mentally ill but I couldn't give a shit because 1. I ain't Buddhis

t and 2. I'm pretty fvckin' far from liberal when it comes to capital punishment for nonces. So much easier just to do the kind thing and cut it's head off.

Tough world out there.

That's pretty far from your usual pile of gibberish post!

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Guest Ian Chesterton

Mods??

The mods are the other dopey buggers on the forum? Wow, that a controversial thing to say.

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I spent this morning threatening a nonce with death (actual death), in broken Thai and with hand gestures.

This nutter is hanging round outside the old womans house waiting for my 6 year old daughter, the old woman locked inside with the kids worried. Also noticed it being a Saturday and no kids on the street playing, it's normal here for the street to be rowdy on a Saturday morning.

I mean this thing is mentally ill but I couldn't give a shit because 1. I ain't Buddhist and 2. I'm pretty fvckin' far from liberal when it comes to capital punishment for nonces. So much easier just to do the kind thing and cut it's head off.

Tough world out there.

Mr Parry. Send the ***** to Dundee. I am not kidding. These nonces deserve Dundee. Dundee Deserves them.

*****.

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Mr Parry. Send the ***** to Dundee. I am not kidding. These nonces deserve Dundee. Dundee Deserves them.

*****.

Albert Kidd really fekked u off didnt he !

as for a really stupid thing I've done was to put

my celtic scarf into a bag with a leaky car battery

musta had the only blue celtic scarf in the world

wioot Dundee we wouldnt have ,Oor Wullie,the Broons or the Average White Band

its naw aw bad ken

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First week in new house i didn't have an electric kettle so was boiling water in a pan on the stove. When i got an electric kettle i marvelled at how much quicker and simpler it was then second time i used it, onto the stove and melted the bottom right off it. I have to put it down to age as i've lost the booze excuse.

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Guest Noodle

That's pretty far from your usual pile of gibberish post!

This is worrying me to death. I only found out about this predator this morning and immediately saw red. Rather than hide behind smiles and 'never mind', I have to deal with this hence immediate confrontation and then went round to see a friend about it. He's aware of this animal and was very concerned.

Everyday a new challenge.

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I spent this morning threatening a nonce with death (actual death), in broken Thai and with hand gestures.

This nutter is hanging round outside the old womans house waiting for my 6 year old daughter, the old woman locked inside with the kids worried. Also noticed it being a Saturday and no kids on the street playing, it's normal here for the street to be rowdy on a Saturday morning.

I mean this thing is mentally ill but I couldn't give a shit because 1. I ain't Buddhist and 2. I'm pretty fvckin' far from liberal when it comes to capital punishment for nonces. So much easier just to do the kind thing and cut it's head off.

Tough world out there.

That's not clueless Noodle, it's a whole range of other things... I too have a 6 year old daughter and I'd do the same (although I suspect I'd be rather less good at it!). Different world over there though.

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Albert Kidd really fekked u off didnt he !

as for a really stupid thing I've done was to put

my celtic scarf into a bag with a leaky car battery

musta had the only blue celtic scarf in the world

wioot Dundee we wouldnt have ,Oor Wullie,the Broons or the Average White Band

its naw aw bad ken

Don't you dare mention that BTL **** !!

Anyway, I don't care. Just doing his job.

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Guest Noodle

That's not clueless Noodle, it's a whole range of other things... I too have a 6 year old daughter and I'd do the same (although I suspect I'd be rather less good at it!). Different world over there though.

I was clueless beforehand.

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1888 - I loved Oor Wullie when I was a kid. Is it still going?

Coincidentally, an ex member of AWB has been running a pub up the road from me (South East) for a few years. As a big fan I couldn't believe it when I first saw him behind the bar. It's a great place as well.

Back to subject - my dog had the shIts today in the garden on the concrete side area. I thought I would 'wash' it away using boiling water from the kettle so poured liberally over the offending area. I was pouring from too high up and the whole pile of diarrohea splashed all over my bare legs and feet. I have now got scalded, poopy bottom half. The smell was absolutely terrible.

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1888 - I loved Oor Wullie when I was a kid. Is it still going?

Coincidentally, an ex member of AWB has been running a pub up the road from me (South East) for a few years. As a big fan I couldn't believe it when I first saw him behind the bar. It's a great place as well.

Back to subject - my dog had the shIts today in the garden on the concrete side area. I thought I would 'wash' it away using boiling water from the kettle so poured liberally over the offending area. I was pouring from too high up and the whole pile of diarrohea splashed all over my bare legs and feet. I have now got scalded, poopy bottom half. The smell was absolutely terrible.

Love that :lol: Thanks for sharing! Hope you're not really scalded though. :o

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Thanks for your concern Dragon. Legs and feet still feel alien but the scalding has subsided.

The whole process was a really horrendous 'pebbledashing' which will not be repeated.

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Guest Steve Cook

I once decided to make a Greek type bust of my head and shoulder to place in the hallway of the first house I had renovated. An 1851 Victorian house in Whitby, North Yorkshire. I lacked the necessary artistic acumen and so asked a potter friend of mine for advice. He gave me a sack of pottery plaster that they use to take moulds of the initial thrown pot and then mass produce cast copies. Pottery plaster is essentially plaster of Paris with all of the retarding agent removed. This means that it has a very fast setting time. Very fast indeed. About 60 seconds in fact. I stripped down to my underpants, greased my hair with stork margarine, lay on my back and stuck a couple of straws up my nose. My mate proceeded to lather this pottery plaster all over my face, chest and front shoulders. Needless to say, the fast setting time involved a massive chemical reaction involving searing amounts of heat. Nonetheless, I gritted my teeth and stuck it out until the heat subsided. We then proceeded to prise the thing off me.

Now I should have realised there were going to be problems at this point given that all of my eyelashes and eyebrows came of with the mould. But, this didn't seem to perturb me too much at the time.

We then set about lathering the back of my head, back and upper rear shoulders. Unfortunately, in addition to the searing heat, this time every single follicle of my hair became firmly embedded in the mould. No amount of pulling would remove it. And so we had to get the hammer and chisel out. It took my mate about two hours of hammering away, breaking the mould up into ever smaller lumps of plaster that were still attached to my head via my hair, to finally get the bugger off. The final and excruciating part of the removal process involved my mate having to grasp a given lump of plaster and simply pull it off with a great wrench. This pulled all of my hair out by the roots leaving my head a bloody mess of red dots where my hair had been.

Did I also mention that I passed out several times during the procedure as occasionally the chisel slipped and put bloody great dents in my head?

Now you may well be asking at this point why I did not go to A&E to get it removed. This thing is, I was a hospital porter at the local hospital at the time and the shame would have been intolerable. Consequently, I took a week off to give the scars time to heal and allow some growth of my hair to occur.

I told them I had flu.

I don't think they believed me.

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Guest Noodle

I once decided to make a Greek type bust of my head and shoulder to place in the hallway of the first house I had renovated. An 1851 Victorian house in Whitby, North Yorkshire. I lacked the necessary artistic acumen and so asked a potter friend of mine for advice. He gave me a sack of pottery plaster that they use to take moulds of the initial thrown pot and then mass produce cast copies. Pottery plaster is essentially plaster of Paris with all of the retarding agent removed. This means that it has a very fast setting time. Very fast indeed. About 60 seconds in fact. I stripped down to my underpants, greased my hair with stork margarine, lay on my back and stuck a couple of straws up my nose. My mate proceeded to lather this pottery plaster all over my face, chest and front shoulders. Needless to say, the fast setting time involved a massive chemical reaction involving searing amounts of heat. Nonetheless, I gritted my teeth and stuck it out until the heat subsided. We then proceeded to prise the thing off me.

Now I should have realised there were going to be problems at this point given that all of my eyelashes and eyebrows came of with the mould. But, this didn't seem to perturb me too much at the time.

We then set about lathering the back of my head, back and upper rear shoulders. Unfortunately, in addition to the searing heat, this time every single follicle of my hair became firmly embedded in the mould. No amount of pulling would remove it. And so we had to get the hammer and chisel out. It took my mate about two hours of hammering away, breaking the mould up into ever smaller lumps of plaster that were still attached to my head via my hair, to finally get the bugger off. The final and excruciating part of the removal process involved my mate having to grasp a given lump of plaster and simply pull it off with a great wrench. This pulled all of my hair out by the roots leaving my head a bloody mess of red dots where my hair had been.

Did I also mention that I passed out several times during the procedure as occasionally the chisel slipped and put bloody great dents in my head?

Now you may well be asking at this point why I did not go to A&E to get it removed. This thing is, I was a hospital porter at the local hospital at the time and the shame would have been intolerable. Consequently, I took a week off to give the scars time to heal and allow some growth of my hair to occur.

I told them I had flu.

I don't think they believed me.

It was funny at first Steve, but on reflection rather disturbing.

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Guest Steve Cook

It was funny at first Steve, but on reflection rather disturbing.

:lol:

I've done worse...

Much worse

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I've spent the afternoon massaging dressing into the leather furniture in our sitting room - it was a bit dry so needed a feed. So now I'm sitting on a space hopper for the evening! Bit like painting self into a corner... duh :rolleyes:

Please tell me I'm not the only dopey bu88er on the forum!

No leather furniture. Problem solved.

But I did once do something entirely comparable :wacko:

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  • 150 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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