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Tin Foil Hat

In The Gp's With A Bottom Probem

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Thought it may provide some amusement. woke up with pile pain, had a poo, some blood but my butt hurts so wife has sent me up here to assume the position. I had a thrombosed pile whilst working in Belgium 7 years ago and removing that involved lignocaine, large needles, a scalpel and a kidney bowl. oh and a lot of screams.

so i'm in the GP's contemplating my fate.

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Thought it may provide some amusement. woke up with pile pain, had a poo, some blood but my butt hurts so wife has sent me up here to assume the position. I had a thrombosed pile whilst working in Belgium 7 years ago and removing that involved lignocaine, large needles, a scalpel and a kidney bowl. oh and a lot of screams.

so i'm in the GP's contemplating my fate.

Good luck.

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Good Luck mate.

Piles are a pain in the **** but blood in poo might be a symptom of something more serious (rather than a burst pile), good luck again.

yeah earier this year I was here and a :ilitary style gp rammed a proctoscope up to check. was just a pile then but I think the chilli pizza on sunday has done some damage on exiting yesterday.

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yeah earier this year I was here and a :ilitary style gp rammed a proctoscope up to check. was just a pile then but I think the chilli pizza on sunday has done some damage on exiting yesterday.

You do realise your diet may have a lot to do with your condition?

Good luck, thanks for sharing. :blink:

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Also if you do have bowl cancer in your family (not saying you have), but a way to help minimise the risk of getting it is also to go out running.

I read somewhere that bowl cancer rates are a lot lower amongst runners than the normal (non running) populous.

One can only speculate on this, but, without being too graphic, it might be because food doesn't stay in the bowl for longer than necessary.

Anecdotally, having restarted running some months ago now, I have no problem with the bowl movement, or indeed any blood in stools (which I occasionally used to get).

Ah the famous runners runs !!

I read a bit about that and some believe it is due to the work of certain stomach muscles when you are running. They also are involved in moving certain stuff through your body !! Nice.

Been caught short a few times myself. Feels quite good to do a nice big un behind a tree actually. Long as there are some nice leaves around.

TFH - Why are you sitting on the internet in the Docs waiting room !? You sad man !! Anyway good luck with your ass.

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Thought it may provide some amusement. woke up with pile pain, had a poo, some blood but my butt hurts so wife has sent me up here to assume the position. I had a thrombosed pile whilst working in Belgium 7 years ago and removing that involved lignocaine, large needles, a scalpel and a kidney bowl. oh and a lot of screams.

so i'm in the GP's contemplating my fate.

If there's no obvious explanation for that blood it'll be your turn to do a Picolax thread soon, I should think.

Be brave, and good luck.

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Urrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :o

I always get this response from people when I tell this story. It is very strange. You see if you NEED to go and you are in the middle of some woods you have only 2 choices. Do it in your pants and walk home with shit dripping down you legs. Or do the natural thing, squat behind a tree, dig a wee hole, clean up behind yourself and cover the output.

I really don't understand why people find this so strange. We are SUPPOSED to shit behind trees FFS !!

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I always get this response from people when I tell this story. It is very strange. You see if you NEED to go and you are in the middle of some woods you have only 2 choices. Do it in your pants and walk home with shit dripping down you legs. Or do the natural thing, squat behind a tree, dig a wee hole, clean up behind yourself and cover the output.

I really don't understand why people find this so strange. We are SUPPOSED to shit behind trees FFS !!

Ah, the Great Outdoors! :)

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I always get this response from people when I tell this story. It is very strange. You see if you NEED to go and you are in the middle of some woods you have only 2 choices. Do it in your pants and walk home with shit dripping down you legs. Or do the natural thing, squat behind a tree, dig a wee hole, clean up behind yourself and cover the output.

I really don't understand why people find this so strange. We are SUPPOSED to shit behind trees FFS !!

No excuses - neolithic Scots invented the flushing toilet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scara_Brae

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Ah well, turns out it is a pile as expected, not thrombosed, and I have some bum cream (lidocaine and prednisolone). GP said I've paid the price for a chilli pizza.

It was only one of the Vesuvio ones from Prezzo, with a bit of extra chilli oil on it for good luck. I hadn't had one for 5 months since our son was born so we seized the opportunity when my parents came down for the weekend. I don't think I'll be having any more of them ever now. Life moves on and it isn't worth this kind of discomfort.

As for why I was posting whilst in the GP surgery, well it was full of ill people and bums are funny, especially farmer giles, and as a health professional myself it's good to talk especially when I'm getting a taste of my own medicine so to speak (although bums aren't my specialty). Not discussing stuff causes more problems than discussing stuff etc.

Anyway, back at work now and god my **** hurts - walking like John Wayne and sitting at a jaunty angle on my chair to not pressurise the 'roid.

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Ah well, turns out it is a pile as expected, not thrombosed, and I have some bum cream (lidocaine and prednisolone). GP said I've paid the price for a chilli pizza.

It was only one of the Vesuvio ones from Prezzo, with a bit of extra chilli oil on it for good luck. I hadn't had one for 5 months since our son was born so we seized the opportunity when my parents came down for the weekend. I don't think I'll be having any more of them ever now. Life moves on and it isn't worth this kind of discomfort.

As for why I was posting whilst in the GP surgery, well it was full of ill people and bums are funny, especially farmer giles, and as a health professional myself it's good to talk especially when I'm getting a taste of my own medicine so to speak (although bums aren't my specialty). Not discussing stuff causes more problems than discussing stuff etc.

Anyway, back at work now and god my **** hurts - walking like John Wayne and sitting at a jaunty angle on my chair to not pressurise the 'roid.

Was this honestly caused by a spicy pizza ?!

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Was this honestly caused by a spicy pizza ?!

not on its own. crap diet generally more likely to blame.

mild cases of piles are thankfully usually reversible.

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Was this honestly caused by a spicy pizza ?!

Well, yes I think so. I did have two very spicy poos as a result. I have family history of not reacting well to peppers so I would assume the pathway to be chillies and pepperoni ferment their fiery goodness as they move round to the exit hatch, burn their way out, irritate a latent but not erupting pile, pile gets all uppity as a result of bum-burns. I must have added a bit of strain there as well whilst the chilli poo came out.

Rest of my diet isn't too bad since the last time I went there - high fibre cereal every day, lots of fruits, soups etc. but I have lapsed into worse food over the last 2 weeks again with having builders in causing chaos.

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Thought it may provide some amusement. woke up with pile pain, had a poo, some blood but my butt hurts so wife has sent me up here to assume the position. I had a thrombosed pile whilst working in Belgium 7 years ago and removing that involved lignocaine, large needles, a scalpel and a kidney bowl. oh and a lot of screams.

so i'm in the GP's contemplating my fate.

When you're bent over butt-naked in front of the doctor, relax and don't worry about any cold instruments being inserted because...

...only house prices ever go up!

(I'll get me coat.)

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Well, yes I think so. I did have two very spicy poos as a result. I have family history of not reacting well to peppers so I would assume the pathway to be chillies and pepperoni ferment their fiery goodness as they move round to the exit hatch, burn their way out, irritate a latent but not erupting pile, pile gets all uppity as a result of bum-burns. I must have added a bit of strain there as well whilst the chilli poo came out.

Rest of my diet isn't too bad since the last time I went there - high fibre cereal every day, lots of fruits, soups etc.

Well I never knew chillis could do that to your ass. Something new every day.

On another note - do you not find it strange that Eric Blair is answering questions about your asshole ?

Is there something we should know...

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Guest happy?

Also if you do have bowl cancer in your family (not saying you have), but a way to help minimise the risk of getting it is also to go out running.

I read somewhere that bowl cancer rates are a lot lower amongst runners than the normal (non running) populous.

One can only speculate on this, but, without being too graphic, it might be because food doesn't stay in the bowl for longer than necessary.

Anecdotally, having restarted running some months ago now, I have no problem with the bowl movement, or indeed any blood in stools (which I occasionally used to get).

No-one should lightly dismiss the effects of bowl cancer, nor indeed cancerous cutlery, or oncological ovenware.

Is this another example of your Humpty Dumpty use of English?

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No-one should lightly dismiss the effects of bowl cancer, nor indeed cancerous cutlery, or oncological ovenware.

Is this another example of your Humpty Dumpty use of English?

No, Happy, you're wrong. His use of English is both excellent and superior to mine, he explained this to me already, ironically in a thread where he was insisting that UK immigrants should have a good standard of English on arrival.

D'you think the populace of this populous country would agree?

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Wow thats quite a good camping invention I gotta say. Would definitely take one of those to a festival if I was right on the perimeter and had access to cover.

As for runners runs, I heard it is due to the colon moving about. Next thing you know, you're bubbling up.......

I stopped running in the morning for this very reason. Who wants the sh1ts every morning?

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Guest theboltonfury

Thought it may provide some amusement. woke up with pile pain, had a poo, some blood but my butt hurts so wife has sent me up here to assume the position. I had a thrombosed pile whilst working in Belgium 7 years ago and removing that involved lignocaine, large needles, a scalpel and a kidney bowl. oh and a lot of screams.

so i'm in the GP's contemplating my fate.

I'm proud to say I have had the exact same thing.

The blood is the thing to take care with. Just because it's bright red doesn't mean anything other than it's coming from the low point of your anus. If when you unload you strain you may tear a pile which will cause a streak or two on the shit, maybe a drop of blood in the water, which will look like a pint, or some on the paper. People say if it's dark you shoudl be worried, but that's just not true.

In people under 40 it's nearly always a pile or an ******** fissure (tearing your arsehole during a big one). It's well worth gettiing an endoscopy though to confirm as it could be a polyp. Little benign lumps but they are thought to be the agents that turn into bowel or colonic cancer.

When you see red in the toilet it's a staggeringly frightening thing. But if you have a roid and this happens, it'll almost certainly that. Did you know 50% of people have roids, they can be internal as well as hanging out.

Hope this helps.

Edit, just seen your update. Pleased it was a smaller Farmer but It was not caused by a chilli in the pizza. If the doctor said that he should be shot on the spot.

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Er no, I explained that your immigrant wife (Swiss isn't she) should already have an understanding of English and should be able to converse on a basic level, before entering. I'm not going through it again with you, as other posters explained the article to you.

Sorry you still feel miffed at this proposal (I think it was), but 5h1t happens, get over it.

Quite right, we won't go over it again.

However I feel your position would be stronger on this point if you had a more complete mastery of your own native language.

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I'm proud to say I have had the exact same thing.

The blood is the thing to take care with. Just because it's bright red doesn't mean anything other than it's coming from the low point of your anus. If when you unload you strain you may tear a pile which will cause a streak or two on the shit, maybe a drop of blood in the water, which will look like a pint, or some on the paper. People say if it's dark you shoudl be worried, but that's just not true.

In people under 40 it's nearly always a pile or an ******** fissure (tearing your arsehole during a big one). It's well worth gettiing an endoscopy though to confirm as it could be a polyp. Little benign lumps but they are thought to be the agents that turn into bowel or colonic cancer.

When you see red in the toilet it's a staggeringly frightening thing. But if you have a roid and this happens, it'll almost certainly that. Did you know 50% of people have roids, they can be internal as well as hanging out.

Hope this helps.

Edit, just seen your update. Pleased it was a smaller Farmer but It was not caused by a chilli in the pizza. If the doctor said that he should be shot on the spot.

Thanks - the way it goes is like this - Farmer is present and dormant. Large chilli pizza ingested. Chilli aggravates digestion (family history of not being good with spicy stuff). Large poos ensue with straining, and Farmer erupts.

So the chilli wasn't the cause of the pile but it was likely to be the significant trigger in this episode as it caused some involuntary straining, if you see what I mean.

This here bum cream I am suspicious of though - when this happened years ago I was in Belgium and the pharmacist pretended to speak no English, and the only word I could remember was "cul" meaning "****." She gave me some steroid cream like the GP did and 6 hours after applying it the Farmer was thrombosed and I was in a Belgian A&E getting sliced. So I'm in two minds about the benefits of steroid cream - paracetamol seems to do more to remove the discomfort.

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Guest theboltonfury

Thanks - the way it goes is like this - Farmer is present and dormant. Large chilli pizza ingested. Chilli aggravates digestion (family history of not being good with spicy stuff). Large poos ensue with straining, and Farmer erupts.

So the chilli wasn't the cause of the pile but it was likely to be the significant trigger in this episode as it caused some involuntary straining, if you see what I mean.

This here bum cream I am suspicious of though - when this happened years ago I was in Belgium and the pharmacist pretended to speak no English, and the only word I could remember was "cul" meaning "****." She gave me some steroid cream like the GP did and 6 hours after applying it the Farmer was thrombosed and I was in a Belgian A&E getting sliced. So I'm in two minds about the benefits of steroid cream - paracetamol seems to do more to remove the discomfort.

drink plenty of water. It will keep everything soft.

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  • 261 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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