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What Were Your Naivetés In Your Twenties / Thirties?

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I'm pinching this thread from another forum because it's a really interesting question!

Though the guy below was specifically talking about his 20s, I might extend it to thirties / fourties for the benefit of our more mature members!

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I'd like to cheat in life and instead of learning my life lessons the hard way, I'd like to skip ahead and read the ending of the current chapter that I'm currently on.

When I was in middle school, my biggest worry was getting the latest Abercrombie & Fitch cargo pants to fit in on the school hallway, whether this girl on my school bus liked me, and if the size of my gentalia was on par with my peers back then.

When I was in high school, my biggest worry was doing well in school so that I could get into an ivy league school; tacking on a bunch of AP courses and extracurricular activities, not necessarily because I enjoyed AP Chemistry or the track team, but I had to, to get into a ivy league school; and trying to look "cool," "edgy," & "artsy" while caring to stay within the boundaries of MTV's and my high school's social conventions.

When I was in college, my biggest worry was doing well in school so I could go onto a top graduate/medical school or grab a six-figure salary at an i-bank upon graduation. Befriended certain people, chased certain girls (and botched things up royally after the chasing phase is over), got involved in some unsavory debauchery not necessarily because I wanted to live out the lives that "burn, burn, burn" but rather out of my fear of missing out on the "college experience."

Of course, it didn't all seem that way when I was in the moment - and certainly I don't regret the things I did in the past (because I can't change the past) and I'll be certain to make lots of mistakes in the future too. And even if an older version of me, traveled back in time to my middle school, told me how stupid of me it was to spend $70 of my parents' money on a pair of Abercrombie & Fitch cargo pants, I know that my middle school self would respond, "are you crazy, I need to get these pants to impress this chick on my school bus!"

I only beseech your wisdom about what mistakes/naivetes I'll incur in my twenties, oh the elders of the Hacker News, so that when I realize later how right you were after my twenties, I could slap myself silly and say to myself, in the place of your absence, "see? I told you so!"

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Any comments on what you would do differently at different phases of your life with the benefit of hindsight?

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Any comments on what you would do differently at different phases of your life with the benefit of hindsight?

Some questions are too hypothetical to be taken seriously.

I'd have borrowed as much money as possible in 1995 and bought loads of houses.

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The idea that there was "plenty of time....." to start a career, go travelling, bum around a bit..... there isn't. Before you know it you're 30 no direction, nothing to show for the last ten years but some hazy memories of beach parties in Goa. I was saved from this particular trajectory by my wife.

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Would have gone and done an apprenticeship or vocational course rather than go to Uni.

I also let some people get away with some major slights against myself, if I went back now this would'nt have been allowed to happen.

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Maybe I'm just lucky but my life has turned out just fine. I wouldn't change a single thing, when I look back at all the negatives they were in fact positives when it all came out in the wash.

For example, I left school half way through 6th form to work in a super market. It might seem that this was a terrible decision as I spent 8 terrible years there being treated like crap for peanuts. But... I took the decision to get out of that job, went back to college and got an education, now I'm a really successful software developer, had some seriously great jobs, been at the leading edge in a number of technologies and been the recognised world expert on a particular technology for a few years.

Had I left school and got a proper, but more mundane job, I would imagine I'd still be there plodding away, the fact I have seen the other side means I never want to go back. There are plenty of other examples of situations I have been in that on the surface look like things you would instantly avoid if you had the chance again, but all ultimately pushed me along a better path in the end.

Perhaps the difference between me and the person posing the question is that when there was a decision to be made I ultimately made the right one, even if it was delayed by a few years. I certainly wasn't wearing $70 trousers.

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I'd have realised that people never change their spots & got out of a couple of dodgy relationships much, much faster

Fixed for you, sweetheart.

I have learnt that no relationship is perfect, and all relationships are roughly the same. Indeed, it is usually those couples who appear - in public - to have the most perfect relationship that usually have the most problems.

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The idea that there was "plenty of time....." to start a career, go travelling, bum around a bit..... there isn't. Before you know it you're 30 no direction, nothing to show for the last ten years but some hazy memories of beach parties in Goa. I was saved from this particular trajectory by my wife.

I've personally always thought that a "career" is a load of cobblers..

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For example, I left school half way through 6th form to work in a super market.

...

now I'm a really successful software developer, had some seriously great jobs, been at the leading edge in a number of technologies and been the recognised world expert on a particular technology for a few years.

Had I left school and got a proper, but more mundane job, I would imagine I'd still be there plodding away, the fact I have seen the other side means I never want to go back. There are plenty of other examples of situations I have been in that on the surface look like things you would instantly avoid if you had the chance again, but all ultimately pushed me along a better path in the end.

That's an extraordinary story, well played. Your avatar is class too.

As to the OP, my one advice would be "Ask that girl out." You'll never regret the rejections but you will regret the "what ifs".

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Learned to be a pushy arshole 13 years ago instead of trusting the authority of doctors and adopting a 'grin and bear it'.

Had I done that I would currently be able to walk without crutches.

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That's an extraordinary story, well played. Your avatar is class too.

As to the OP, my one advice would be "Ask that girl out." You'll never regret the rejections but you will regret the "what ifs".

Agree with that. Also decide what you want from life and pursue it. A lot of people follow what others believe is a good life. Life is simple - just find the courage to follow your dreams and the strength to endure the setbacks.

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Maybe I'm just lucky but my life has turned out just fine. I wouldn't change a single thing, when I look back at all the negatives they were in fact positives when it all came out in the wash.

For example, I left school half way through 6th form to work in a super market. It might seem that this was a terrible decision as I spent 8 terrible years there being treated like crap for peanuts. But... I took the decision to get out of that job, went back to college and got an education, now I'm a really successful software developer, had some seriously great jobs, been at the leading edge in a number of technologies and been the recognised world expert on a particular technology for a few years.

Had I left school and got a proper, but more mundane job, I would imagine I'd still be there plodding away, the fact I have seen the other side means I never want to go back. There are plenty of other examples of situations I have been in that on the surface look like things you would instantly avoid if you had the chance again, but all ultimately pushed me along a better path in the end.

Perhaps the difference between me and the person posing the question is that when there was a decision to be made I ultimately made the right one, even if it was delayed by a few years. I certainly wasn't wearing $70 trousers.

Let me guess.

Tin foil hat manufacturing ?

Only joking.

I left school at 16 too when everyone advised me to study A levels. Started work incredibly naive but you learn quickly. It was only a few years later when I realised I could have had the pick of 4 girls in the office but only knobbed 1 of them - the ugly one as well.

:blink:

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I will be sure to update this thread when I get to my thirties. For my 20's I would say being naive and trusting been fcuked over a few times, leading to me being the cynic I am today.

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Learned to be a pushy arshole 13 years ago instead of trusting the authority of doctors and adopting a 'grin and bear it'.

Had I done that I would currently be able to walk without crutches.

:blink:

:(

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I'd have gone to the City after school and got some of the ill-gotten loot that's been splashing around there.

Good looks back then, good at the "posh" sports, good arithmetic skills, reasonable at languages, can talk a good game if required.

Naive country boy, knew how to kill a chicken but didn't know to follow the money.

Just think how proud of myself I could have been for partaking in the rape of the nation. :rolleyes:

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Tricky one. I am only just in my 30's so will have to think of twenties.

My 20's were just having a laugh. I suppose my naivety could be thinking 'Who gives a shit just enjoy yourself - only young once'. Which in hindsight was a great thing. I spent more than 5 years with little more to worry about that 'Which country should I go to next'.

Some would say that is naive in thinking I would not live to regret it. I would argue they were wrong. As far as I can see I have not fallen behind many similar people my age in terms of money, outlook in life or whatever. When at the time that is what most people told me. With the exception of the elderly - who almost without question had the same attitude as myself. I trusted their judgement.

I am glad I was 'naive'. I had a 20's that most people only dream of, even though most people (In this country at least) are perfectly capable of doing exactly what I did. Being naive about 'getting old' is a great thing. It will happen to everyone, may as well be one of those who don't give a shit.

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My 20's were just having a laugh. I suppose my naivety could be thinking 'Who gives a shit just enjoy yourself - only young once'.

...

Being naive about 'getting old' is a great thing. It will happen to everyone, may as well be one of those who don't give a shit.

I've been following your posts for the last few months and have come to the conclusion that you are a zen master.

Could you do a thread to nudge others towards enlightenment?

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I've been following your posts for the last few months and have come to the conclusion that you are a zen master.

Could you do a thread to nudge others towards enlightenment?

I sense sarcasm in your post. :)

Anyway - not much to my Zen masterism. I just don't give a ****** about things other people tend to. I seem to have a far less stressful and enjoyable life than most other people as a result.

Old people do this. They have got to the stage where they have realised there really is not point in stressing about so many things. So they don't give a ****** about what they wear, what they say, if anyone will be 'offended', if they will sound 'stupid'. They basically do what they want and enjoy themselves.

So I have done this from a much younger age and do not plan to change. I would advise anyone else to give it a go. Why not.

The Zen lesson endeth. I am off to think about the Universe. And birds.

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I sense sarcasm in your post. :)

Anyway - not much to my Zen masterism. I just don't give a ****** about things other people tend to. I seem to have a far less stressful and enjoyable life than most other people as a result.

Old people do this. They have got to the stage where they have realised there really is not point in stressing about so many things. So they don't give a ****** about what they wear, what they say, if anyone will be 'offended', if they will sound 'stupid'. They basically do what they want and enjoy themselves.

So I have done this from a much younger age and do not plan to change. I would advise anyone else to give it a go. Why not.

The Zen lesson endeth. I am off to think about the Universe. And birds.

Can you change your avatar back please?

Those two faces are offensive, don't know why.

Miss Aguilera is a tad skinny(could do with some of what DCs avatar has), but nice and supple and sluttish. All in all much better.

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I sense sarcasm in your post. :)

Anyway - not much to my Zen masterism. I just don't give a ****** about things other people tend to. I seem to have a far less stressful and enjoyable life than most other people as a result.

Old people do this. They have got to the stage where they have realised there really is not point in stressing about so many things. So they don't give a ****** about what they wear, what they say, if anyone will be 'offended', if they will sound 'stupid'. They basically do what they want and enjoy themselves.

So I have done this from a much younger age and do not plan to change. I would advise anyone else to give it a go. Why not.

The Zen lesson endeth. I am off to think about the Universe. And birds.

All well and good, but I find people who don't give a f**k about anyone or anything else are generally *****s.

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All well and good, but I find people who don't give a f**k about anyone or anything else are generally *****s.

Yup, as long as your not giving a f(_)ck doesn't extend to antisocial behaviour. It could also lead to you getting beaten up .

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Can you change your avatar back please?

Those two faces are offensive, don't know why.

Miss Aguilera is a tad skinny(could do with some of what DCs avatar has), but nice and supple and sluttish. All in all much better.

I will change her back sometime but I rather like the Chuckles.

All well and good, but I find people who don't give a f**k about anyone or anything else are generally *****s.

You are taking the 'Don't give a ******' comment the wrong way. I do not mean this in I barge past people and smack people in the face for no reason. Or I ****** someone over and laugh about it coz 'I don't give a ******'. I am a very polite and respectful person - as long as the other person deserves it.

I mean it as in the way you live you life and the way you make decisions. Take a classic situation we have all been in.

You are all sitting around, say in a meeting or with a group of friends or whatever. One person makes a comment. Everyone else is thinking the same thing as a result of the comment, however they dare not make a comment themselves they are worried 'what others may think'. I am one of those people who just says what everyone else is thinking and gets it out of the way. The most surprising thing you find out when you act like this ? Nearly everyone else could not give a ****** either !!

It is VERY liberating and does you very little harm at all, if in fact at all. Most of the time quite the opposite. People respect you for your honesty and the fact they know where they stand with you.

Of course there are limits to this and you have to read the situation and all. But generally you can say what you want when you want and nobody really gets bothered by it. About 10 years of experience of this makes me an expert on the subject. People REALLY do not give a flying ******. They just pretend they do as that is the way they are SUPPOSED to act. When you push most people their real side comes out. If I had a pouind for every time I ahve been told 'Oh - you can't say that !!'. Honestly I reckon I would have at least a thousand quid. Not exagerating. And very little negative has come out of it, but a huge amount of positive has.

Think of how many times people are about to walk out their front door to head round the corner to the shops. They suddenly think 'Oh no I can't go out with these socks on what will people think !!'

I just find that such a lame and pointless attitude. Who gives a ******. The people walking past you in the street certainly don't.

People worry too much. They should just relax and think '****** it - I am here for fun'

As I have said - nearly every old person I have met has this attitude. Although some of them do it along with a certain rudeness ! I try to avoid that aspect.

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I will change her back sometime but I rather like the Chuckles.

You are taking the 'Don't give a ******' comment the wrong way. I do not mean this in I barge past people and smack people in the face for no reason. Or I ****** someone over and laugh about it coz 'I don't give a ******'. I am a very polite and respectful person - as long as the other person deserves it.

I mean it as in the way you live you life and the way you make decisions. Take a classic situation we have all been in.

You are all sitting around, say in a meeting or with a group of friends or whatever. One person makes a comment. Everyone else is thinking the same thing as a result of the comment, however they dare not make a comment themselves they are worried 'what others may think'. I am one of those people who just says what everyone else is thinking and gets it out of the way. The most surprising thing you find out when you act like this ? Nearly everyone else could not give a ****** either !!

It is VERY liberating and does you very little harm at all, if in fact at all. Most of the time quite the opposite. People respect you for your honesty and the fact they know where they stand with you.

Of course there are limits to this and you have to read the situation and all. But generally you can say what you want when you want and nobody really gets bothered by it. About 10 years of experience of this makes me an expert on the subject. People REALLY do not give a flying ******. They just pretend they do as that is the way they are SUPPOSED to act. When you push most people their real side comes out. If I had a pouind for every time I ahve been told 'Oh - you can't say that !!'. Honestly I reckon I would have at least a thousand quid. Not exagerating. And very little negative has come out of it, but a huge amount of positive has.

Think of how many times people are about to walk out their front door to head round the corner to the shops. They suddenly think 'Oh no I can't go out with these socks on what will people think !!'

I just find that such a lame and pointless attitude. Who gives a ******. The people walking past you in the street certainly don't.

People worry too much. They should just relax and think '****** it - I am here for fun'

As I have said - nearly every old person I have met has this attitude. Although some of them do it along with a certain rudeness ! I try to avoid that aspect.

Good luck to you if you find it works, but I suspect some of those around you might think you're just rude and innappropriate, yet don't say anything for fear of offending (oh the irony).

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  • 259 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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