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Guest theboltonfury

Kelly Brook Is Single!

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Guest theboltonfury

What do you think would be the best way to bed this stunner?

She has a history of liking film stars or pro rugby players and I am some way off being either. However, I can do quite a good impression of Boycey from Only Fools and Horses. Will that be enough?

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What do you think would be the best way to bed this stunner?

She has a history of liking film stars or pro rugby players and I am some way off being either. However, I can do quite a good impression of Boycey from Only Fools and Horses. Will that be enough?

rohypnol and a big bag :lol:

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You need to go and read the very long showbiz/celeb gossip thread over on the digitalspy forum.

No I don't!

Fit and funny. You would have to go a long way to beat Kelly Brook.

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What do you think would be the best way to bed this stunner?

She has a history of liking film stars or pro rugby players and I am some way off being either. However, I can do quite a good impression of Boycey from Only Fools and Horses. Will that be enough?

She does have history of liking baldies, so you could take steps in that direction...

edit for gratuitous pic links

http://blogs.sundaymercury.net/anorak-city/kelly-brook.jpg

and the amount of talc we had to use to get her into this little outfit, well:

http://www.swotti.com/tmp/swotti/cacheA2VSBHKGYNJVB2S=UGVVCGXLLVBLB3BSZQ==/imgKelly%20Brook1.jpg

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Guest theboltonfury

She does have history of liking baldies, so you could take steps in that direction...

edit for gratuitous pic links

http://blogs.sundaymercury.net/anorak-city/kelly-brook.jpg

and the amount of talc we had to use to get her into this little outfit, well:

http://www.swotti.com/tmp/swotti/cacheA2VSBHKGYNJVB2S=UGVVCGXLLVBLB3BSZQ==/imgKelly%20Brook1.jpg

I'd crawl over broken glass for a w@nk on her shadow.

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What do you think would be the best way to bed this stunner?

She has a history of liking film stars or pro rugby players and I am some way off being either. However, I can do quite a good impression of Boycey from Only Fools and Horses. Will that be enough?

Pretend to really fancy one of her friends and completely ignore her every time she's with her friend. When you notice her adjusting her cleavage in a window reflection or she's come back from the ladies with make-up more aggressively applied - it's time to pounce.

I'd normally say pretend to not remember her name properly as well but could be harder to pull off convincingly with a celeb.

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Guest theboltonfury

Pretend to really fancy one of her friends and completely ignore her every time she's with her friend. When you notice her adjusting her cleavage in a window reflection or ahe's come back from the ladies with make-up more aggressively applied - it's time to pounce.

By that time, I'd have spoinked in my trousers and I'd feel satisfied. Leaving me to concentrate on drinking with my mates, without the interruption of a desperate slapper trying to muscle in on my night out.

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Guest theboltonfury

Pretend to really fancy one of her friends and completely ignore her every time she's with her friend. When you notice her adjusting her cleavage in a window reflection or she's come back from the ladies with make-up more aggressively applied - it's time to pounce.

I'd normally say pretend to not remember her name properly as well but could be harder to pull off convincingly with a celeb.

Calling her Jordan might work....

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Calling her Jordan might work....

That might actually work. I've often listened to women in the office gossiping about how some guy in the office really, really annoys them because of whatever, only to watch them turn up to work in the same car in the morning some time later.

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Dress up as Billy Zane, turn up at her front door - spit in her face. You will probably get some rough angry 'ex-sex'.

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What do you think would be the best way to bed this stunner?

She has a history of liking film stars or pro rugby players and I am some way off being either. However, I can do quite a good impression of Boycey from Only Fools and Horses. Will that be enough?

Well, she has a place in Lenham, which is only a few miles from both the Wilson's and Sibley.

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Guest theboltonfury

Dress up as Billy Zane, turn up at her front door - spit in her face. You will probably get some rough angry 'ex-sex'.

Got any other suggestions?

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Got any other suggestions?

Em............. get friendly with her ma - weasel your way into her pants, then Kelly will be jealous as ****** and bang you as well ?

Anyway - don't you have a fit bird anyway................;)

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Guest theboltonfury

Em............. get friendly with her ma - weasel your way into her pants, then Kelly will be jealous as ****** and bang you as well ?

Anyway - don't you have a fit bird anyway................;)

Aye. You've seen her!

I'm quite happy but it doesn't hurt to dream.

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Guest theboltonfury

I think the stalk her and then when you do find an opportunity to talk to her pretend you don't know who she is and that you don't fancy her is the best option. A conversation like this would be your best bet:

Chat to her about random crap - something incidental like how rubbish the barman is or something - just find an excuse to say something to her and then try and get into a conversation (like you would with any other girl). If this succeeds then just chat to her for a bit and then introduce yourself. If she doesn't introduce herself back say "sorry, I didn't catch your name". If she says Kelly then keep talking to her like a normal human being e.g. ask her where she's from but try and avoid any question that would lead her to mention the fact that she's a celeb - if she's the down to earth type (which she probably will be if she hasn't told you her full name) then she'll love that you have no idea who she is. If she says Kelly Brook then confuse her with someone else so something like "oh - weren't you in the blue lagoon?". If she's the diva type (which she probably is if she's given you her full name) then she'll get annoyed that you don't know who she is and probably keep engaging you in conversation until you go "oh yeah" and then name something that she is actually known for - string this out for as long as possible and when you have the eureka moment make it be over something really crap that she's done. This is my adaptation of "the game" which I'd like to think only works on insecure women which if she's the diva type she probably will be.

This is invaluable! I almost think she's as good as mine now.

Should I ever find myself in a bar with Miss Brook and we just get chatting because we're both at a loose end, I will use this almost ad verbatim. I'll let you know how I get on.

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This is invaluable! I almost think she's as good as mine now.

Should I ever find myself in a bar with Miss Brook and we just get chatting because we're both at a loose end, I will use this almost ad verbatim. I'll let you know how I get on.

Thwe key is to genuinely not care whether you get anywhere or not. Women can sense when you're after something and will always try harder if they think that they have to make the effort rather then the bloke.

Edit; I'm gonna bneat you to her though.

Another edit; I've just seen that Rachael Riley is single - Kelly's all yours.

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If she says Kelly Brook then confuse her with someone else so something like

Like " You're not that Australian robber bloke with the bucket on his head, are you?"

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Guest theboltonfury

I was thinking of more easily made mistakes such as confusing her with Brook Shields (name) or someone who is a bit similar to her in terms of who she is and what she does.

Jo Guest.

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If you could figure out a way of convincing her you would not blab to the gutter press, I reckon she'd take money. One paid for deed would probably be enough to get her out of your system.

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It's not that we try harder when a man seems disinterested, it's that it's a refreshing break from men obviously wanting to get into your pants. Given a choice between talking to a man who is clearly just wanting to get in your pants and a man who seems to just be interested in having a conversation you, any woman who isn't just out on the pull or out to get as many free drinks as possible is going to talk to the second guy. Since women aren't as visual as men (95% of men look pretty much the same as each other as far as I'm concerned with a few outliers who are either mingers or gods) the only way to really get a woman's attention (unless you're in the lucky 1-2% that is an obvious god) is to have a good personality - something she won't find out if you don't get the chance to talk to her. So, to summarise: if a man obviously just wants to get in my pants then I won't give him the time of day, but if a man actually has a conversation with me then it gives me the chance to decide if I like him or not and therefore he might actually get somewhere with me.

does 'beer aftershave' have a beneficial effect?

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It's not that we try harder when a man seems disinterested, it's that it's a refreshing break from men obviously wanting to get into your pants.

Uninterested.

If correcting people's grammar, spelling and punctuation was alluring, I'd be such a hottie.

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  • 200 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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