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Guest theboltonfury

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Guest theboltonfury

Ha ha!

Man discovers the secret of defying one of the weakest forces in the Universe ...... using magnets.

BURN THE WITCH

The taxpayer footed the bill for a crew and reporter to visit an old man's shed so he could show us that.

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Victor Lewis-Smith did a brilliant spoof on local news many years ago.

The "story" was "Man loses 50p in phone box, we have pictures".

Always gives me a chuckle.

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The taxpayer footed the bill for a crew and reporter to visit an old man's shed so he could show us that.

Estimated:

Reporter £300 a day (May get another report in for this cost)

Camera Operator £150-200 a day

Sound/Runner £100 a day

Rental of DV camera/Audio/Lighting/Sound £200 a day (Possibly £400, depending on what format) Looked mini DV to me..

Fuel/expenses £100

You will need to add on Broadcasting costs, Editing, Titles etc.....Possible drivers and couriers....

Bargain !!

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Just take this classic piece of absolute 'non news' that has received licence fee funding so we can all be told about it.

Why?

Pretty pointless IMO. OTOH local free newspapers do similar.

Freesheets are funded by a slice of the price you pay for goods being channelled, via a marketing budget, to the newspaper. You and I have no choice but to pay this 'tax' despite not wishing to read the local freesheet.

It would appear there is an audience for local news. Freesheets wouldn't exist otherwise.

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Why?

There used to be a news magazine called "Look North" or something of the sort which tended to the guid folk of Grampian and the Moray Firth area, I think.

It gave me and Peach a lot of joy, as it was on after we'd rolled in to her gaff from the old battle-cruiser (in the days when she'd only an arrogant and disdainful cat to be responsible for).

It has since vanished, Brigadoon-style, but one of my fave all-time telly moments ( I don't see a lot of it) was a special report on the mysterious disappearing cows, somewhere like the Garioch or Buchan.

First a few rustic witnesses yabbering away to camera in the Doric, we could pick out the odd english word like "coo" and "gaen".

One splendid wummin fermer complete with raggy dosser's mac, looking like John Prescott as a refugee, re-enacting her incident in front of the wire fence at the spot where her precious ruminant had vanished before her eyes.

Lots of gesticulation but we could only make out the basic gist of it in the machine-gun hail of consonants, "and she jist .... faaanisht!!"

Cut to reporter signing off from selfsame spot a bittie later, big spongy mike to chin and city slicker suit on, in front of the bright green summer scrubland over the fence. The mystery remains unsolved, etc.

A nice-looking browsing coo daunders into shot from the right, and as its munching head starts to pass behind his left shoulder, it ... disappears! Just blinked out of existence.

I wish we'd taped it, as we couldn't work out for the life of us how the naughty editors had managed to avoid any jump in continuity as your man burbled on during the whole thing. Maybe it simply fell down a hole or something, but the reporter was oblivious to it all the while, and handed over to the suitably po-faced studio loon and quinie, pursing their lips and shaking their heads at the dreadful, expensive happenings.

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Just watched the local news here in Oz where someone was getting a bollocking for spearfishing. Nothing particularly exciting about that but then they interviewed the local bunny-hugger who came out with:

"Anyone who spears fish has the same mindset as a peadophile..."

Nobody blinked an eye. :blink:

The news is beyond crap here but the interviewees are arrestingly mental.

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Guest theboltonfury

Just watched the local news here in Oz where someone was getting a bollocking for spearfishing. Nothing particularly exciting about that but then they interviewed the local bunny-hugger who came out with:

"Anyone who spears fish has the same mindset as a peadophile..."

Nobody blinked an eye. :blink:

The news is beyond crap here but the interviewees are arrestingly mental.

There was once a headline in the Sale and Altrincham Messenger which stated simply 'Denise enjoys new job'

It was page 5 - so one of their lead pieces. It just explained how Denise, 32, from Stockport had recently move from one deisgn studio to another, and had settled in ok so far.

Talk about slow news day.

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Guest X-QUORK

Talk about slow news day.

This has the potential for a dreary new thread called "Shit scoops" or some such. I'm game.

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This has the potential for a dreary new thread called "Shit scoops" or some such. I'm game.

I think "Woman, 84, dies" is probably one of the best I have heard. :huh:

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Guest X-QUORK

Local Scoops thread started. A depository for the deathly boring.

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Guest theboltonfury

Allows you to check out hot up and coming newsreader totty.

You've obviously never seen North West Tonight then?

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  • 149 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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