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DonnieDarker

Strategies To Deal With Parental Nagging.

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Can anyone help?

Parents are beginning to nag me about buying somewhere. Here are the emotionally loaded guns they are pointing in my drection:

"We just want to see you settled."

"There's never a good time to buy."

"Why pay someone else's mortgage."

Now, I know the answers to such hogwash but for some reason the parents will not relent. It gets to a point where I duel with them for a brief period and then I just sit there in silence because I cannot be bothered trying to convince them otherwise.

I dont know what I'm asking really, just needed to get it off my chest!

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Their points are very Valid, however if you cannot afford it then there is not much that can be done other than keep hoping that prices do drop within your working lifetime.

The alternative is of course to emigrate to Europe, however the wages are crap and their ratios of earnings to prices are just the same.

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Can anyone help?

Parents are beginning to nag me about buying somewhere. Here are the emotionally loaded guns they are pointing in my drection:

"We just want to see you settled."

"There's never a good time to buy."

"Why pay someone else's mortgage."

Now, I know the answers to such hogwash but for some reason the parents will not relent.  It gets to a point where I duel with them for a brief period and then I just sit there in silence because I cannot be bothered trying to convince them otherwise.

I dont know what I'm asking really, just needed to get it off my chest!

Perhaps you could ask them what is the maximum amount of debt they ever took on. And then how much their salaries increased (in nominal terms) over the time they paid off their mortgage. Also ask them what they could have expected for a FTB type home back in the day. Then you could point out that with yields where they are, the LL is subsidising you not the other way round. Finally it helps if you are happy and confident in your position and "ownership" is not hanging over you day in day out and you are getting on with your life despite not owning a home.

JY

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I got a lot of that from my parents too - we can more than afford to buy and they can't understand why we are still renting.

Try suggesting that if your parents are so confident that "house prices ONLY go up", they should put their money where their mouth is and BUY a house for you, and you'll pay them the increase in value over the next (say) 3 years. My parents inexplicably declined this offer <_<

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one of my friends is getting this now,

She cannot afford to buy but parents think that kids should move out at 21, just as they did.

They have no idea on the current economics they only see how much their property has gone up

although in this case I don't understand why, the parents themselves have just moved and overstretched themselves with upping mortgage and struggling to pay, my friend pays a good level of rent towards the costs, but instead of using it to pay bills and mortgage they use her 'rent' to get take-aways and 3 holidays a year. its a joke.

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Perhaps you could ask them what is the maximum amount of debt they ever took on.  And then how much their salaries increased (in nominal terms) over the time they paid off their mortgage.  Also ask them what they could have expected for a FTB type home back in the day.  Then you could point out that with yields where they are, the LL is subsidising you not the other way round.  Finally it helps if you are happy and confident in your position and "ownership" is not hanging over you day in day out and you are getting on with your life despite not owning a home.

JY

Nice. It's not hanging over me. I'm simply saving as much as I can whilst the market is stagnant/going down.

The next time it is raised I will ask them what their first home cost and what their salaries were.

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I just say "if you don't want to see me living in a sh#thole with negative equity for the next 10 years lend me £200,000."

That normally does the trick to be honest.

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Can anyone help?

Parents are beginning to nag me about buying somewhere. Here are the emotionally loaded guns they are pointing in my drection:

"We just want to see you settled."

"There's never a good time to buy."

"Why pay someone else's mortgage."

Now, I know the answers to such hogwash but for some reason the parents will not relent.  It gets to a point where I duel with them for a brief period and then I just sit there in silence because I cannot be bothered trying to convince them otherwise.

I dont know what I'm asking really, just needed to get it off my chest!

Hi DD

Sympathies - I know exactly how you feel - my mother in law regulary give hubby & I lectures on renting being money down the drain & how she would like to see us settled. We have explained to her time & time again that now is the worst time to buy & that we could only afford a shoebox, she does relent eventually when faced with the arguments against but only after she has made her wishes known.

Funnily enough my parents agree with us renting so at least I am not getting it on both sides.

All you can do is try & let it go in one ear & out the other & not rise to the bait, its really not worth you getting stressed further. :rolleyes:

scheherazade

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Can anyone help?

Parents are beginning to nag me about buying somewhere.

Join the club. :angry:

I have simply settled for the idea that as news reports slowly start to process the reality of the housing market all those parents who minds are set on property regardless of the consequences will start to realise that now might not be a good time.

Sending them proof of falling prices / falling asking prices in your area is a good one though.

My favourite from my parents was "you shouldn't be afraid to take on debt" in reference to a mortgage, and they say this to me knowing that I have been paying off debts from university for the last few years. :unsure:

What can you do?

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Hi DD

Sympathies - I know exactly how you feel - my mother in law regulary give hubby & I lectures on renting being money down the drain & how she would like to see us settled.  We have explained to her time & time again that now is the worst time to buy & that we could only afford a shoebox,  she does relent eventually when faced with the arguments against but only after she has made her wishes known.

Funnily enough my parents agree with us renting so at least I am not getting it on both sides.

All you can do is try & let it go in one ear & out the other & not rise to the bait, its really not worth you getting stressed further.  :rolleyes:

scheherazade

You are SO right. When I said parents, it's actually my GF's parents. Same difference.

"Families are like loaded guns. Point them in the wrong direction and someone gets hurt."

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Can anyone help?

Parents are beginning to nag me about buying somewhere. Here are the emotionally loaded guns they are pointing in my drection:

"We just want to see you settled."

"There's never a good time to buy."

"Why pay someone else's mortgage."

Now, I know the answers to such hogwash but for some reason the parents will not relent.  It gets to a point where I duel with them for a brief period and then I just sit there in silence because I cannot be bothered trying to convince them otherwise.

I dont know what I'm asking really, just needed to get it off my chest!

Pick a property for sale and to rent.

Work out what the rent is.

Work out what the interest only mortgage is

work out what the repayment mortgage is

Show them how much each one costs and how much the purchaser of that property is subsidising you.

Then follow bushboy's advice for a second point. Of course if you would be willing to pay off any negative equity I may end up in we'll love to buy please sign this watetight legally binding deed.

Edited by eek

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Join the club.  :angry:

I have simply settled for the idea that as news reports slowly start to process the reality of the housing market all those parents who minds are set on property regardless of the consequences will start to realise that now might not be a good time.

Sending them proof of falling prices / falling asking prices in your area is a good one though.

My favourite from my parents was "you shouldn't be afraid to take on debt" in reference to a mortgage, and they say this to me knowing that I have been paying off debts from university for the last few years.  :unsure:

What can you do?

The thing I am wary of is that I don't think news will be THAT negative. Look at some of the reporting from the 89-96 crash and you see very little doom-mongering but a lot of "its stabilising"/"the market has turned" wishful thinking.

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Here's an answer almost guaranteed to shut them up. :lol:

Edit - I see "backtoparents", beat me to it!

Edit again - shar46y, that would be my second pitch, they worrying thing is that maybe some parents may actually think that is a good idea!

.........

"Do you know what I have been considering what you have been saying and I think you are right, my life just isn't complete without a house and a mortgage and I really do need to settle down somewhere so that I can be happy.

As it happens I have been comparing all options and (insert country here) seems to offer not only a better quality of life (insert climate/cost of living/space/congestion/life-work balance/recreation/health service/whatever here) and I would only need to borrow (insert XX%) of what I would have to here.

If I don't do this move soon I will never have a wife/life/children (delete as approriate).

What do you think?"

Edited by OnlyMe

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My partner has had the same problem with his dad, which is made worse by his younger sister being willing to take out a 105% mortgage and move to an 'up and coming' area miles away in order to be able to get on the ladder.

We could just about afford it somewhere half way decent at the moment, but are waiting.

Reassurances that the you are saving money somewhere fairly low risk might help.

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The thing I am wary of is that I don't think news will be THAT negative. Look at some of the reporting from the 89-96 crash and you see very little doom-mongering but a lot of "its stabilising"/"the market has turned" wishful thinking.

It will take a long time yet but I'm sure there will come a point when there will be lots of stories about how the government should be helping families in negative equity. But that is a long way off yet I admit.

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You are SO right. When I said parents, it's actually my GF's parents. Same difference.

"Families are like loaded guns. Point them in the wrong direction and someone gets hurt."

This could also be used as a good excuse not to go round there too often! :D:D:D Say you've got a "headache". :P

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"Mmm, yes mum, I really hear what you're saying, and I am grateful for your contribution. I really value your comments, and I totally recognise that you have my best interests at heart.

"Sadly, mum, it has to be said you're busting my balls. I would perfectly trust you to iron my shirt, wash my boxer shorts, and look after our children. But the reality is that what you know about the housing market could be written on one side of a postage stamp. Quit living your life through mine, and butt off.

"[Pointing at self] P-H-D [pointing at mum] C-S-E. Sad but true, mum, sad but true. I am not about to piss away the next 20 years of earnings on an over-priced 2-bed flat in the arsehole of the south-east of England, and you have to accept that. Now go and knock up some dinner for me and the wife."

Do let me know how you get on.

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It will take a long time yet but I'm sure there will come a point when there will be lots of stories about how the government should be helping families in negative equity. But that is a long way off yet I admit.

We shall see. A spate of TV programs looking at the rising rate of repossessions is heading our way...

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Edit  again - shar46y, that would be my second pitch, they worrying thing is that maybe some parents may actually think that is a good idea!

Well, the way I see it, it's THEIR money then! Funny how they suddenly weren't so confident in the bouyancy of the property market when it was their money on the line.

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"Mmm, yes mum, I really hear what you're saying, and I am grateful for your contribution. I really value your comments, and I totally recognise that you have my best interests at heart.

"Sadly, mum, it has to be said you're busting my balls. I would perfectly trust you to iron my shirt, wash my boxer shorts, and look after our children. But the reality is that what you know about the housing market could be written on one side of a postage stamp. Quit living your life through mine, and butt off.

"[Pointing at self] P-H-D [pointing at mum] C-S-E. Sad but true, mum, sad but true. I am not about to piss away the next 20 years of earnings on an over-priced 2-bed flat in the arsehole of the south-east of England, and you have to accept that. Now go and knock up some dinner for me and the wife."

Do let me know how you get on.

ROFLMAO :lol:

I'd still get a clip round the ear for saying that, even if it is true.

they wanted us to get a better education, we did, now you question our educated economic outlook , lol

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Can anyone help?

Parents are beginning to nag me about buying somewhere. Here are the emotionally loaded guns they are pointing in my drection:

"We just want to see you settled."

"There's never a good time to buy."

"Why pay someone else's mortgage."

Now, I know the answers to such hogwash but for some reason the parents will not relent.  It gets to a point where I duel with them for a brief period and then I just sit there in silence because I cannot be bothered trying to convince them otherwise.

I dont know what I'm asking really, just needed to get it off my chest!

Dude I feel sorry for you as didnt you have this pressure recently from a girl.

Edit: Just read CIUW and realised I should have said 'boy' and not 'girl'. Sorry no offence meant. B)

Edited by shakerbaby

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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